Are You Scared Yet?

by J J Janicki

Chapter 29

If you can discount some loose ends, then our happily-ever-after was reached in the last chapter. Only, there were still some loose ends, some of which seemed to be a little more worrisome than others, so let's see here...

Well, starting with the not so worrisome, the rest of our road trip went well. Dan and Elliott were still acting like newlyweds and Stephan and I were able to act that way often enough. We'd more or less told Seth that circle jerks would still be all right, but after we mentioned how hung up Dalton and the twins seemed to be on him... and also after he read Chapter Eleven, which starts out with the bit about not opening your presents early, he decided it would be better to wait. So for the most part we just talked about almost everything under the sun. Seth loves to talk, and some of his ideas were pretty interesting. All about the meaning of life and our place in the Universe and where we might be headed. Overall, he's fairly pessimistic, but still, there's no sense in getting all bent out of shape over it. Not yet.

Obviously, though, sex was still discussed. If we were talking about Dalton and the twins, then we were discussing it being a strong possibility for him in the near future, and if we were discussing my story, then it was at least mentioned, even though Seth thought it was often in the form of a tease. He said I was being purposely coy.

I wasn't, though, I just didn't want it to become numbingly repetitive. Doing it over and over is wonderful, but once past the first time or so, writing about it becomes very difficult.

But even though he was often repetitive, we still had some interesting discussions. For example: In a way, wasn't writing about it almost the equivalent of group sex? True, in my case the reader had to be very patient, but every once in awhile I got to the good stuff. So if you really thought about it, it was almost the same as webcamming.... Or even going at it right in front of him. If we were to do that, he'd get an erection, so inevitably he'd end up jerking off. So even if he was only doing it by himself later on, he'd still be having sex. Only if we were going at it in front of him, then there would hardly be any reason for him not to show his appreciation right then and there.

So we explained once again how we were trying to be monogamous and, because of that, we had to set some boundaries. Somewhere. Just because.

Only that led to him wondering why. Just for the sake of argument, you know. Because, after all, when it came to social interaction, boundaries are artificial and they're constantly changing. So as long as no one was harmed...

And so on and so on until finally, the night before we left Olympic National Park for Seattle, he could stand it no longer. This was mostly because our definition of monogamy didn't include suddenly being modest. Once school started we'd have no choice, but until then, we thought going commando all the time was great! And not surprisingly, Seth agreed with us, but...

Well, actually, he'd dropped some hints already. It was awhile until we finally caught on because at first he was being fairly oblique about it, but in one form or another, he'd mentioned several times how embarrassed he'd be if he ever had to masturbate himself while we were watching. Or if Dalton and the twins were. He would be soo embarrassed...

But then on the other hand, maybe it would be kind of a trip. So finally, two nights before leaving, Stephan took the bait. We were in our tent, sitting across from him, and he was looking up our shorts. And we didn't care. In fact, we felt honoured by it, because Seth was cool. Almost always, he was, but Stephan decided to act as though we weren't. Or at least, not entirely, because after all, none of us were bothered when it came to being seen naked in the shower, but trying to sound as though he didn't think it was cool, Stephan feigned a disapproving double-take and asked, "See anything you like?"

And almost immediately Seth started blushing, so that worked really well. You always want that element of surprise. You want the other person to think that in spite of all the signs to the contrary, you're not pretending, but finally he managed, "Um... well, you could wear something underneath, you know."

So I pointed out that he'd been going commando almost the entire road trip as well.

"Yeah, well, at least I'm not always wearing shorts, " said Seth.

But Stephan came back with, "So? You're always looking, so you must like it.... Admit it. You like looking up our shorts!"

Seth shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But I promise not to again.... Because I shouldn't. That's not cool. Not at all. So how's this? If you ever catch me peeking again... well, then I guess you'll probably tell everybody... and I've already mentioned how embarrassed I'd be if I had to... jerk off in front of you... but if I look again, then I guess I'll have to.... Because otherwise, you'll tell everybody."

Then he trailed off and looked uncertain. For all the world, he did, only there was that "if" clause. If he tried to look up our shorts again. Due to a noticeable tent-like formation, we were sure he'd try sneaking another peek before long... that he was just going for a little more drama first...

Only he studiously avoided it for the rest of that night. And because another thing we hadn't sworn off was looking at other boys, we were disappointed. We didn't let on, but we were.

But we shouldn't have been, because the next night he did it again. Quite openly, I'd say, even if in all fairness we were being pretty open about it as well. But we had the distinct impression that was how it was supposed to go anyway. So it was embarrassing, but we made him strip naked and jerk off in front of us. If he didn't, we'd tell. I'm not sure who we were supposed to tell, but obviously, that wasn't the point.

And he really was embarrassed, because he'd shaved the rest of his bush off.

"Why'd you do that?" I asked. "I liked it the way it was. And I was hoping we'd see it grown back pretty soon... you know, on web cam, but if you keep shaving it off..."

"Well, I guess then we won't be seeing it after all, " finished Stephan.

So even though he was still blushing, Seth explained, "I was abducted by space aliens last night."

I think we were supposed to laugh at him, but in a crunch, giggling probably worked almost as well, and to that end, Stephan giggled, "Sex-crazed Scouts would probably work even better."

So. My name is Seth Jenkins and this is my story. It all started when I was abducted by a troop of sex-crazed Boy Scouts in Bakersfield, California. Little did I know, but ...

But actually, that's the next story. Maybe, but as far as this story is concerned, I don't think it serves much purpose to go very much further with it. I mean, seriously, we'd moved past simply jerking ourselves off, even if except for when Carlie and Earl watched one of our web cam sessions, we'd never performed in front of an audience before. They said it was a deeply moving experience, though.

Or, at least in so many words, they did, and Seth also put on quite a show. I have it on my camcorder and as usual, he was giving us a running commentary almost to the very end. It ended with, "Oh! Oh! I'm about to... Ohh! Here it... comes!"

Then there it went. Then after he caught his breath, he said, "Well, now, that was interesting." Then he added, "And thanks very much for your attention, but if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get cleaned up. I'll be back in just a few, okay?"

So while he was gone, we were thinking that one last non-monogamous night probably wouldn't hurt anything. We were going to let him sleep between us, and at some point, assuming that he'd go to sleep eventually, we were going to blindfold him and then we were going to take turns giving him one hell of a wet dream. But when he returned, he was back to being resolute about not opening his presents early, so that took care of that and now I can get on to Seattle.

We finally arrived Saturday afternoon, August 22^nd,, a week before my mom was to arrive. We were there early because Bakersfield schools started back on August 24^th, but fortunately, my mom had already made a trip to Seattle in early August so she could get everything arranged, and included in her arrangements was a house in the Capitol Hill neighbourhood. Two bedrooms, one and a half baths, hardwood floors, covered porch, fireplace, sun-filled kitchen with granite counters, fantastic views of Lake Washington... and so on and so on... to the most important feature, it was almost fully furnished by then. And in Seattle, Capitol Hill is the neighbourhoodto live in. It's the center of LGBT life and also pretty much the counter-cultural center.

So I'd called her a couple of days before and she said she'd get in touch with the lady who had a key in her absence... and since I hadn't seen Stephan since we were in New York, she guessed it was all right if he stayed there with me for a night or so, just as long as we behaved ourselves. And then she added that she was assuming that I knew what she meant.

So in reply, I said if she was talking about... um... sex, we'd never really reached that point in New York, and even though we'd discussed it since then, while we were IMing, we'd both agreed that there was no rush, so she didn't need to worry.

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."

If you'll look closely, you'll see that there was nothing in my reply that was entirely false, but at the same time, you'll probably notice that now there's a possibility of some guilt on my part. I'd prefer being honest, but thinking that she wasn't likely to understand... or that she'd say absolutely not...

Well, I misled her. Just a teeny weeny bit, but I told myself that as soon as possible I'd be completely honest with her. As soon as I thought she'd be able to accept it, I would.

But if you think about it, being completely honest was off the table from the time Stephan got off the bus in Dickinson. We'd been with each other almost constantly for more than six weeks without any adult supervision to speak of, so we should have been thankful for that much. And we were thankful that we'd actually gotten away with it, but with school just barely over two weeks off, we started plotting again. See, Stephan's sister lived in a trailer park in Rainier Beach. We caught a city bus and made a quick reconnaissancerun Sunday morning, and while there aren't really any slums in Seattle, Rainier Beach still isn't on most people's lists of highly desirable neighborhoods. We could have accepted living there if we'd just been in the same school district, though. We might have even come to like it, because we would have felt a little more street tough that way. Sort of like being from Brooklyn or Queens, you know?

Only, we weren't going to be in the same school district, so I would have always been worrying about him being mugged, and we'd both be worried about the other breaking some zero-tolerance rule and maybe being cuffed and hauled off to juvenile. Google "idiotic zero-tolerance abuses" and it isn't long until you'll find yourself imagining all sorts of things.

Problem was, though, we hadn't really thought about asking my mom if she minded adopting Stephan, or even having him living with us permanently. Very frequent overnight house guest, of course, but beyond that, not really. Because, realistically, we didn't think she'd ever go for it, unless maybe life was absolutely intolerable at his sister's. Irreconcilable differences, that's what we were looking for. So, step one, Sunday afternoon, Stephan called his sister and with all the nonchalance he could muster, he said, "Hey, it's me."

Then it was her on the other end, and then he said, "Oh." He looked to be in shock... or at least surprised, but before much longer, there was: "Well, maybe. I'm not sure right now, but you want to talk to Natty about it?... You know, Nathaniel.... You do? Well, hold on a second, " and with that, he handed the phone to me with, "Ashley wants to ask you something."

So of course I was giving him a look...

Well, he said later it was a deer-in-the-headlights look, but I'm thinking it was probably a cross between that and a WTF, but I took the phone and after a second or so, I managed, "Hel..lo?"

And I never would have believed it. Not in a million years. but she was actually nice.

Even if she had a good reason for it. They didn't have room for Stephan. They'd been having some trouble meeting expenses, so they'd decided to share expenses with another couple for awhile. Then another friend of theirs... some guy named Shane... had just recently been laid off, so until he could find something else, he was sleeping on their couch. Five irresponsible young adults were now living in that trailer. Five!

We weren't going to be judgemental about it, though. One should never cast stones, especially if it's at a co-conspirator.

Although I did mention that, for appearance's sake, Stephan and I would have to act as though we were a little put out when we brought it up with my mom. All along, we'd been thinking Stephan was going to be staying with them, only now if he couldn't stay with us, he'd be out on the street... (Sudden, disquieting thought.)

So very carefully: "Well, okay, but I've just now thought of something. I'm sure you know me and Stephan... well, we're good friends. So we'd like to be going to the same school, and I don't mind him staying with us if we can work it out with my mom, but see, I'm sure she's going to bring this up, so I'll just ask you first, all right? What if she asks, 'Well, why can't he just go back to New York and live with his mom?"

So after a pause, "Well, in the first place, she's probably not going to be living in New York much longer, because the way it looks, dad's going to get at least two years and they're thinking it'll be in North Carolina. Probably Butner. Federal Pen somewhere near Raleigh. So soon as it goes down, mom's going to be moving down there too, so she can be near him. So Stephan would be better off here. That's the..." (short laugh) "considerate me talking. The part who's interested in his welfare and him not having to change schools too many times.... And you can tell the little twerp that I really do care about him, all right?

"But the part of me that thinks we should cover our asses, that part says mom doesn't need to know any more than I can help. Not about my life, and she also doesn't need to know that Stephan hasn't been in Seattle all summer and she doesn't need to know that I was covering for him. You agree?"

And I certainly did, so...

One: Ashley would continue telling their mom that Stephan was living with them.

Because two: Stephan's mom still wouldn't think highly of him living with my mom.

So three: We had to make sure my mom didn't talk to his mom and we finally decided she probably wouldn't want to because I'd already told my mom that Stephan's mom... O, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive...

Well, it didn't come out all at once, but I admitted that I'd already told my mom that Stephan's mom had pretty much given her (Ashley) full custody anyway. Because she couldn't afford to keep Stephan at home any more. But since my mom was supposed to think that Ashley wasn't very responsible... (deep breath), I'd sort of implied that as well. Just sort of. But the only reason I said that was because Stephan would have trouble studying.

So I didn't know how well that bit of information would go over, but... "Yeah, I guess he would have some at that, " she laughed, "and since the idea's supposed to be that I'm not responsible enough to take care of him... I guess we have that much covered now. Just don't go spreading it all over town, all right?"

And so on. Really, it's fun plotting with a young adult, even if she's irresponsible. We had no way of knowing if our plans would actually work, but at least there was some hope.

So that finally brings me to the day my mom arrived. Not at the airport, but by car. She'd driven herself all the way across the country in a '98 Mercedes my grandparents signed over to her. I knew she had a license, but her driving across country came as a surprise. She's not a particularly good driver. Fortunately, though, she called first. As in, "Hi. I should be there in about ten minutes."

So we hurriedly made the house presentable... along with ourselves, of course... opened the windows in what I hoped would be our bedroom, and remembered that now we probably shouldn't be going commando. Or, at least, not as often as before.

We'd decided it would be nice if we were to take her out to eat and there was a good Italian restaurant not too far away, almost within walking distance. And all right, I was really taking my mom out on her money, but I still had quite a bit left from what she'd sent for our road trip.

So. Where to start, where to start. Should we drop a hint first? Sort of let it slip out that Stephan's home situation was less than ideal? Dire, in fact?

Finally we decided we'd probably wait until a little later on. Once we were absolutely sure we could sound convincing.

Neither of us had much of an appetite at the restaurant and it had nothing to do with her driving, which was actually better than expected.

But anyway. Back to the big question because, after all, there was no way it could be avoided. So under the heading of first things first, once back home, I started, "Mom, right now, Stephan's sister has some extra people staying at their place.... 'Cause, see, they're having trouble meeting expenses.... So first it was just another couple and then it was another guy who's out of work right now, and he's sleeping on their couch. And, see, that's where Stephan was sleeping. On their couch."

Then she interrupted with, "Oh dear." I wasn't sure if that was encouraging or not. So I shrugged sort of hopelessly. Even if I was still trying to look hopeful. Apologetically so, though.

So I have no idea what I was looking like, but I finished with, "So if it's okay, Stephan's staying here for awhile." Except, I wasn't really finished, of course. I was just barely started, in fact, but...

My mom looked at Stephan and asked, "So what does your mom think about all this? She can't be happy, I know I wouldn't be, because honestly, if this situation continues, once school starts, I don't see how you can possibly study the way you should. So does your mom even know about this?"

And that didn't sound good at all. because it occurred to me that whether he had to change schools or not, living with his mom was starting to make a lot more sense than staying with his sister. And I knew that was the direction my mom was headed. I just knew it! Unless...

Stephan cleared his throat."Well, I haven't mentioned it to her, because she has enough to worry about as it is... because it looks like she'll be going to prison too. Probably only for a year or so... and maybe not until late this Fall, but... well, it's just not possible for me to live with her now."

"Um, excuse me, but I have to use the bathroom real quick, " I said hurriedly. If you're in a big hurry to go, of course you'd say it hurriedly, but the real reason was that I was afraid I was going to start laughing. That came out of nowhere! Prison? Jeez!

But it didn't take long to straighten myself out. It might have been irrational, but it seemed to me that at the rate things were going, we might soon find ourselves behind bars. And, fortunately, it also occurred to me that I needed to ring Ashley up real quick.

"Hey, Ashley, Stephan just told my mom your mom's going to be in prison soon, so um..."

"He what?"

"Well, as long as she doesn't know about it... I mean, it's a good excuse for him not being able to go back and live with her... you know..."

"Oh, my God!" Then she started laughing her butt off, but she managed, "Okay, I got it. Not a... problem! Hey, guys... you're not going to believe this, but... oh my God!"

My mom said she'd have to think about it, so I was pretty sure she end up letting him stay. And sure enough, Sunday morning she said he could.

Only, she still thought we were way too young to be thinking about having sex. So she wanted us to promise we'd wait until later. But she saw no harm in us sharing the same room. She'd get some bunk beds Monday. So...

Well, she didn't say how much later, now did she? But at least we decided we'd fuck only on very special occasions. Just whenever we knew she'd be gone for awhile. And sometimes, we restrained ourselves even when the opportunity was there, because the truth is, we often felt some guilt. There was hardly any way we weren't going to be feeling some, because of our not being entirely truthful about it all. So in an attempt to make up for it, we helped all we could around the house, and we also helped out with several charitable causes. My mom is a chronic do-gooder, but honestly, she means well.

As for school, Stephan still couldn't attend one in my district because Ashley couldn't just sign him over, so of course, my mom didn't have legal custody. But then, I wasn't too keen on public school either. I'd never attended one before, after all, and with all those zero-tolerance policies...

Only, my mom had read quite a few horror stories too. But while there are several very good private schools in Seattle, in every case, you need to apply for admission almost a year before.

So that just left home-schooling, and after a little investigation, we discovered Mr. Lafferty's home school, only a few blocks away. In Washington, home schooling is a great alternative. For one thing, you don't have to worry about living in the wrong school district, and for another, you can progress at your own speed. Way cool. So Ashley told their mom that most of the schools in their district lagged behind when it came to academics, but she'd found a very good home school for Stephan that wasn't really all that expensive and everything was wonderful.

And actually, Mr. Lafferty's school isn't nearly as expensive as Seattle Prep would have been. So we're not going to worry any at all about going to another Catholic school.

Mr. Lafferty is a gay activist, by the way. This wasn't brought up until about two weeks later... and then only in passing... so it wasn't like charge the ramparts or anything like that, but if we ever needed any help in coming to terms with our gayness...

Um, well, we'd already come to terms with it. Two of the others were still struggling some, but not us. But it was still nice that we could be open about it. Because after all, all seven of us were gay. Small class size. That's another good thing about home schooling.

Then once we were all open about it, we had lots and lots of orgies. So that's another advantage over regular schools...

And I hope you realize that I'm kidding about the orgies. We didn't have any, all right? Not one! Mr. Lafferty kept stressing that our sexuality shouldn't define who we were and that we needed to be able to interact successfully with society. And Stephan and I were in complete agreement. That's why we're enrolled at Mr. Oiwa's Academy of Martial Arts.

So I guess that ties up most of the loose ends except for this. We finally admitted the truth to my mom in early February. We still felt some guilt about it, though, because one of our biggest reasons for admitting the truth was that we were sort of hoping she'd buy a hot tub.

But even though she didn't buy one, we both feel better now we've told her most of the truth. And seriously, she didn't want to know all of the truth anyway. But you know, at our age, sometimes it's hard to resist the urges we're constantly having, so we admitted that we'd given into some of them. A few times.

Only, my mom said she'd already assumed as much, but there was no sense in her looking a gift horse in the mouth. Charity work, remember?

But oh well, we feel pretty good about that as well. And I guess it also helps negate the small amount of guilt we still feel over Stephan's mom. Her facing the possibility of prison, I mean. We thought that was one untruth we didn't need to correct any more than we already had. (Just before Christmas, Stephan had announced that she was going to get off with a suspended sentence.)

So in conclusion to this story... the one that's mostly about me and Stephan... except for Carlie, Earl, Elliott, Dan, Seth and the Boy Scouts...

Oh, yeah, the Scouts. How could I forget them?

I didn't, I just decided to stop mentioning them for awhile. But we were still keeping in touch with them and one thing simply led to another. We certainly enjoy sharing our experiences.

I guess I can get to that in the next story, though. The one that I might write in the not-too-distant future. Because by now, I've accepted that in one way or another, we all rationalize. Only, in many cases, I think this rationalization is in the form of giving in to what's expected. Well, next time, maybe we won't.

But anyway, as far as this story is concerned, I guess that's all there is. In fairy tales, happily-ever-after lasts forever. Well, we can accept that we're not in one of those fairy tales, because we're very happy with the here and now and we see no end in sight. And that's really all I can ask for.

I'm still learning, but I can promise that next time I start something that's to be more than just a one-chapter getting-there-type story, I'm going to finish all of it before I start posting it.

But I'd like to say thanks to my number one proofreader, David Clarke for his help in making this story much better than it would have been if left to my own devices. I'm often susceptible to streams-of-consciousness that if left unchecked, could end up God only knows where...

Or, at the very least, it could end in a place other than where I honestly want the story to go, even if it seemed like a good idea at the start.

So I'm also very thankful for his patience.

I would also like to thank Tracy Nagurski for finding all the words I somehow missed. Words that should have been included, but weren't. Even though I sometimes made up for them with some double words. For example: "to to". Tracy is very good at details like that and often, I'm not. Obviously. "The the"? It coulda happened.

And finally... just be patient, all right?... (And I thank you for being so.)...

And finally. thanks to everyone who continued reading this story in spite of all the delays from Twenty on out and I hope in the end, it was worth the waiting.

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