Are You Scared Yet?
by J J Janicki
Chapter 28
I had some second thoughts, but I guessed until I could figure out some way of weaseling out of it, I didn't mind them reading Chapters Four and Five. Only those two chapters were received better than I expected. They could have left me sitting there watching them read, fidgeting and wondering if they really liked it or not, but as they were reading, Seth was also providing a running commentary, so I knew almost exactly where they were the entire time. So, "Oh shit! The boat's sinking!" meant they were on page two.
And then shortly afterwards, "Yeah, I know about popping one when you don't want it to happen. We all do that, Natty." So now they were on page three, and better yet, he was acting supportive about it.
Then: "A rub down? That's a good idea!" Near the bottom of page three.
And so on and so on through most of Chapter Nine. Occasionally, his comments weren't entirely positive... like for example: "Oh, good. Now we're in fucking Bulgaria!", but even then I was sure he was just kidding around. The thing was, though, the more he commented, the more I was starting to think that he might be a little more experienced than he'd been letting on.
For example: right after he reached the part about me trying to poke my thumb up Earl's butt, he blurted, "So you're the one! Last night!"
So of course I had to explain that to the best of my knowledge, it wasn't me... even if could have been. But that was only after somebody started poking his finger up my butt.
And then honest Dan admitted that even though he could blame most of it on being heavily under the influence, right after someonetried sticking a finger up his. he'd decided to reciprocate... although he wasn't sure whohe'd poked...
But if it was Seth, then he was sorry.
"Oh, it wasn't awful, it just came as a surprise, " said Seth nonchalantly.
Then Dan blushed and Seth apparently took that as a cue, because: "Okay, we'll just blame it on Carlie and Earl, then. They're not here, so they started it. So... returning to our story..." and with that they started reading again.
So it wasn't much longer until, I scooted up, grasped Earl's erection with one hand, took a deep breath, opened wide and all at once, I had his velvety soft mushroom shaped head in my mouth! And just like almost every boy/boy story I'd read said, it didn't taste bad at all.
That's the condensed version, but Seth glanced up, shrugged and said, "No, I don't guess it does."
So I started, "I thought you said that you hadn't-"
Then he cut me off with, "Soon as we finish.... How many chapters did you say?"
Sometimes, I'm tempted to re-release this story with Seth's comments included, because then it would evolve into almost an entirely different story. I'm not about to attempt it now, though. I'm fairly sure it's not a good idea, so with that in mind, I'll move on to where the reading session ended, which was close to the end of Chapter Nine after my "this is me" file was mentioned. The one with two pictures positioned side by side: one, my school picture, the other, me tied naked to a chair with my camcorder duct-taped on top of my head. Right then, they wanted to see those pictures.
And it wasn't like they hadn't ever seen me naked and with a hard-on, but in spite of that, I was hesitant. "Um...maybe, " I said.
"What do you mean, 'maybe'?" asked Seth, "We'll just find the folder, and-"
"It's password-protected.... And it's kind of embarrassing, you know?"
"What?" wondered Seth, "Your school picture or the other one?"
"School picture, of course. I look like a dork."
"Well, that's not what you said. You said... let's see here... 'Smartly dressed, without a hair out of place. Looking at it, I like to think that I project a certain effortless savoir-faire.' So you think you looked sophisticated, right?"
"Well, not really. I mean, I look... um... well, I said I didn't want to be a twit, didn't I? But I could be one. If I tried."
"So stop being one and let us see the pictures, then!"
So I thought about it for a few seconds. To be honest, that picture of me naked is a little embarrassing, especially if the wrong people ever see it, but finally I sighed and said, "All right, but only after you finish with your story."
"All right, I will. Soon as we finish this section, I'm going to take a shower and then... away I will go. With my shocking story. All right?... Long as we get to see your pictures. Deal?"
"Well, I think Dan and Elliott should tell their story too, " said Stephan. "They know most of our secrets, so..."
Then he glanced over at them meaningfully.
So Dan looked over at Elliott and said, "They've been almost dying from curiosity from the time they almost walked up on us that first night."
Then he blushed only slightly, looked directly at me and added, "And from what we've read about Carlie and Earl... when you guys were mudding and they ended up climbing out of the side window in front of you, I think they already know. Was it really that obvious?"
So I allowed that it was. Not glaringly. but... sort of.
Only, Elliott asked, "So later on tonight, will we be reading about you two getting it on for the first time?"
"We decided to go slow at first. I mean, eventually, we got to the good stuff, but I haven't reached that in the story yet."
Dan giggled... almost... and asked, "So you haven't got to the part about Stephan trying to sing Christmas carols? Elliott told me about that. He said it was hilarious!"
"No, so far, we've just managed to get our butts back in Oxmar again. In the story, I mean. And like I said, I still think those chapters need some more work."
"Oh, " said Elliott. "So we're talking about after our first meeting? At the fertilizer plant?"
So I got as far as "Um..."
Then it was Stephan to the rescue. "Just so you know, Elliott, we didn't know what to make of you at first. And then when we thought you were blowing your horn... when we were just trying to get our butts out of there, we thought you were totally insane!... 'Course, eventually we decided you weren't any crazier than we were, but story-wise, he still couldn't leave the part about us discovering you out, right? He started to, but I said, 'You have to tell it the way it happened." He is such a good liar...
"I already know about it, " said Dan, "and I think it's like Earl said. Lemonade out of lemons, right? So it's up to Elliott, but if I was in his place, I wouldn't be too bothered."
"God!" cut in Seth, "This sounds even better than Jerry Springer!"
"Yeah, well, you're first, " said Elliott pointedly.
"So okay, " started Seth, "Before getting to the rest of my story, I have to ask you something, Natty. Okay?"
"K."
"When you were flying around the countryside with Carlie, what if when you were trying to get him to turn his lights back on, what if he'd said something like, 'Okay, but only if you suck my dick.' Did you ever think about that?"
"No, it never occurred to me. I trusted him. Not his driving... not entirely, but I don't know, I just didn't think about it."
"If he'd put it that way, though, would you have considered it?"
"Oh, definitely. Anything.... But after that, I probably would have been wanting to go back home, too. Soon as possible."
"I was thinking about offering to do that myself, " said Elliott. "Before he mentioned doing it to me, I mean."
"But later on that night, Carlie took us for a ride, and that's what he did say, " said Stephan. "He said he'd slow down, but only if we wanted to give him, Earl and you... Elliott, we had to give all of you blow jobs, and we were blindfolded with our hands tied behind our backs and it took us almost forever!... Why was that, Elliott?"
So for Dan and Seth's benefit: "We were play-acting by then, " explained Elliott.
"Some people are just plain lucky, " said Seth. Then after a short pause, "God damn! I wish... well, I wish I'd been so lucky.... But anyway, if I'm going to make lemonade, I guess I need to start with the lemons.
"So okay. Luke didn't say why, but it wasn't long until he decided we weren't supposed to be playing games that involved us getting naked, so for awhile, we didn't.
"Only, I was still fairly clueless when I was eleven, so I kept bugging him about it. I thought it was fun, so why not?
"So a week before school started back, he finally gave in. I'd be the slave and he'd be the master. So it sounded like fun, but it wasn't for long because he changed into his bathrobe, only I had to stand facing a tree while he was changing. See, he was the master, so it was improper for me to ever see him naked. But I had to be naked the whole time because I was his slave. So basically I thought that sucked.
"But on the other hand, I was guessing that robe was all he had on, so if I was disobedient enough, eventually he'd have to punish me and he wouldn't want to get blood on his robe, so I would see him naked. And what's sad is..." (snicker) "Even though I thought some boys were good looking, he wasn't in that category.... Well, maybe a little. Just barely, though."
Then after a brief pause, "I still haven't figured it all out. Being naked was a thrill. We were being bad. But that meant both of us had to be that way. And he was always on some all-star team... baseball, football, you name it... so at the time, maybe it was like some of his popularity would rub off on me.... Yeah, a shrink might buy that, and who knows, maybe I'm right.
"But, whatever, I was his slave and he was the master. He's sitting on his throne. A lawn chair. And also on my clothes. And I'm chopping down little trees and bushes with a hatchet. And he keeps telling me to put everything I had into it, that I wasn't working hard enough. So it began to dawn on me that he was enjoying watching me, because even if I had a little dick at the time, it still moved around. So I put everything I had into it and it was jiggling and bouncing some and it felt interesting, so it wasn't long until it wasn't jiggling around so much because now it was hard. And that felt good too.
"So anyway. In your story, you said when Stephan brought up the idea of sharing the same sleeping bag-"
"Because we'd be warmer that way, " Stephan giggled.
"Yeah, right. That was good, Stephan.
"But you" (so now he was talking to me again) "said his voice sounded funny. And you said the same thing about Earl just before your stupendous cliffhanger ending, and you also said you thought it was that way with everybody, and it probably is. Except for maybe a few, because almost all of us discover sex before most of the adults think we should, so it's naughty but ever so interesting, and...
"And this isn't really worth a ta-da, but I was working as hard as I could... no pun intended... much... but then Luke said I'd just cut down a sacred tree and he had to teach me a lesson... and his voice sounded funny and, clueless or not, I picked up on it right away. You suppose it's like some kind of an instinctual mating call? Not for mating, but your hormones start up because in a few years, most of us will be, because it has to do with our survival as a species, so it serves a purpose... What do you think? Sound like a good theory?"
So after a moment I allowed that it seemed sound enough.
Then Elliott mused, "I wonder if that's ever come up in anthropology or something? If it hasn't, it should.... Shit. You could get a government grant to study it.... It's kind of mind-boggling, really, but... I think we also just detoured. Or you did."
"I agree, " said Dan. "I don't think it helps to discuss theory too much."
"Yeah, you're right, " agreed Seth. "So specifically. he ordered me to approach his throne. And then I had to stand at attention with my hands at my sides and of course my dick was still at attention. I was thinking he was going to do something about my boner and I was pretty sure I'd enjoy it. Even if I was going to pretend like I didn't.
"But he said, 'You think you're smart, don't you? You're being disrespectful.'
"So I said I wasn't, but I couldn't help it.
"Then he asked me if I was going to swear allegiance to him, so I said 'Yes sir.' So... ta da...
Then after a pause, "You know what? It was five years ago, I'm not there any more, I never will be there again, so let's just go with a ta da! and the hell with it!"
"Okay, the hell with it, then, " said Elliott. "Damn right. But... exactly what are we ta-da-ing about?"
And Dan asked, "Have you recently been ingesting some illegal substances?"
"Nah, drugs don't agree with me, " said Seth. "They can lead to some bad results. But anyway, ta da. He pulled his robe open. And he was naked underneath his robe, and he had a boner. It seemed to be a little bigger around than it had been the last time I'd seen it. And he had more hair."
Then Seth heaved a sigh and finished with, "He said I had to get down on my knees and kiss it. So at first I was like, 'No way!' but he said he wasn't going to give my clothes back unless I did. So I was about to start walking back home naked, but I was having some trouble convincing myself to do that. And then he said he wouldn't tell anyone else about it and I only had to do it once. And we'd be friends.
"So I thought we already were friends, but I said okay, just once.... And besides, I was hoping maybe I'd get to be the master... eventually... but...
"I told Natty and Stephan that I'd never done anything except fantasize. Well, I lied. I know what it smells like and I know what it tastes like, because I ended up sucking him off. I mean, I kissed it. Then he said, 'Okay, now put it in your mouth.' And after that, I didn't have a choice, because he was holding my head down. When he shot off, I didn't even know what he'd done and he didn't explain it, 'cause soon as he was done, he got dressed as fast as he could and he told me to get dressed too... 'cept he took my underwear home with him. Said he'd give it back to me next time.
"Only, there wasn't a next time. From then on I avoided him. He went to public school, I was in that private school, so aside from seeing him at church, we had nothing more to do with each other. But the way he looked at me sometimes, it was like he was blaming me.
"I wasn't going to tell anybody, though. There was no way. And another thing I was afraid of was that he'd say it was my idea. I mean, I didn't work it all out at first, but the way things are now, I'm not sure if I couldn't have been in as much trouble as he could have been in. It would have been his word against mine. Think I could go to the library and google 'sex crimes'? I never tried, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's blocked. Key word: 'sex'. Not allowed. Think I could do it at home? They had Net Nanny installed. And when you read about little kids being charged with sex crimes just because they were caught playing doctor... well, I wasn't going to report it because I had no idea how they might twist things around."
"I don't think it's like that in California, " said Dan.
Seth shrugged. "Not yet.... But anyway, here comes the lemonade part. I started making up fantasies. Seriously lacking in terms of character development and often not much of an explanation as to how he ended up on the other side of the Bay Bridge naked... or up at the top of the Washington Monument, or in West Virginia where they probably don't cotton to boys running around without their clothes on... but even if you can get some misinformation in the school yard, it wasn't long until I knew about jail house rapes and all that, and sometimes, I almost felt bad about everything I putting him through."
Then Stephan interrupted with, "You didn't have to tell us... I mean, if we'd known... well, you know what I mean... I hope... but I have one question, all right? Did he ever... oh, forget about it. It doesn't matter anyway."
Only, "What?" asked Seth, "I've already admitted the worst... as far as Luke's concerned, so... what's the question?"
Stephan giggled. "Well, it's a stupid question, because I'm sure you had more than one pair, but did you ever get your underwear back?"
"Well... Yeah, that's dumb, Stephan, but about a week later, I found them in the mail box. And what's interesting about it is, we'd just got in. From Silver Spring. But luckily they stopped, let me out and told me to get the mail and they went on to the house. So I just left them there until I could sneak back out later, and then I put them at the bottom of the trash. But they looked kind of messed up. So I'm not positive, because I didn't know anything about the properties of cum then, but I have a feeling..."
"Well, that is just wrong!" exclaimed Elliott.
"I'd say it was symbolic, " mused Dan.
"Well, I fucking well hope so!" Then Seth grinned and added, "Yeah, it was probably symbolic..."
Then after clearing his throat, "But moving on to... something else... I wanted to make my fantasies as real as I could, so I was trying to imagine how he'd feel. Only, all I had to go on was how I'd feel, and after awhile I wasn't always sure if I was making up a fantasy about myself or him. Especially when I was trying to figure out how it felt to be fucked. One of those Tampax applicators looked like a good candidate... after I washed it... and once I figured out the part about how it works better with lubrication, I discovered my magic button. So that's when my fantasies really started getting interesting.... But, um... am I giving a little too much information now?"
I think it's cute when Dan starts blushing, but without much hesitation he said, "By now I'm aware of my button, Seth."
"And we're fairly sure we've reached ours, too, " added Stephan. "I mean, it's not easy to find the right information, so we don't know if it gets better if you're in deeper, but we're doing the best we can under the circumstances."
So after a few more moments, Seth finally said, "O...kay... Well, okay. Yeah. Right."
So I guess I should have said after a few moments, he started, but finally..."But anyway, here's the rest of the story. By the next summer... so I'm twelve now... I was too old for day care, so Monday through Friday while my rents were at work, I'm at home. I pretty much stayed in the house or in the back yard. I'm sure you can guess why. But I said being naked was a thrill, right? Well, it still was. More than ever. It just felt good to be that way. But late that summer, they decided to install a surveillance system inside the house. And they did not tell me about this because... well, maybe I was doing drugs. Or maybe I was looking at Playboys or something that wasn't age-appropriate or drinking beer... which I had been, actually. So you know how it works, pop had twenty-four in the fridge when he left for work and when he got back, there were only twenty-two... so they put a surveillance system in and one evening... he wanted to have a talk with me. Man-to-man.
"Except it was kind of one-sided. First, he let me watch the video. Not all of it, just the part where I walked into the kitchen naked with my morning boner leading the way. It was bigger by then. Decently impressive, I thought... at least until I saw it on tape... but anyway, I just diddled with it while I was eating my Frosted Flakes, but once through with breakfast, it was showtime!
"Except he didn't let it play though the most interesting part. Uh-uh. I mean, right then, I was humiliated. God, I felt horrible! But Natty, I really liked the part in your story where you were talking about taking pictures of yourself while you were jerking off and poking yourself. I've accepted that boys do stuff like that by now... that's it's normal enough, but it was still mostly a theory, no one I knew had ever admitted doing it. So I hope I'm not embarrassing you... but I liked it. It was a big relief. Honest."
"Yeah, well... um... well, I'm glad, " I managed. "I guess... well, before this summer, I would have mortified... and you mentioning it is still a little embarrassing... but after being around Carlie and Earl and everybody else all summer... it's easier to admit... stuff like that."
"So... cool, " Seth said. Then we all started giggling, but...
Well, maybe it's time to summarize. His step-father didn't play the entire video for his benefit. A great deal of it was fairly boring anyway because like lots of boys - including myself before Stephan reentered the picture - once past orgasm, he put his clothes back on. But his step-father did play it up to the point he found a large carrot in the fridge. That's when he asked if they needed to see any more. Seth said they didn't.
Thankfully, he didn't dwell on the shame and self-recrimination that followed. And he never really wallowed in it anyway. No, he just started doing it in the back yard. For example: behind one of the bushes once he was sure there weren't any surveillance cameras. And he also said that, in a way, it made his fantasies more realistic. If he was pretending he was Luke, well, he was supposed to be ashamed. Some of us... not all of us, but at least some of us... we're very resilient.
But for the record, his step-father didn't beat the living shit out of him. They didn't have him sent off to one of those behavior-modification camps. The humiliation was punishment enough.
So moving along, a couple of times a year, Seth would visit his dad in California. By the time he was approaching thirteen, his dad had been laid off from his high tech job due to the economy, so he decided to start over. And guess what, his auto repair and towing service was working out very well and, besides that, he wasn't always on the road, he was at home. So Seth was welcome to live with him if it could be worked out with his mom.
Only his mom was a control freak, so she wouldn't hear of it. In her opinion, his dad was irresponsible.
So here's where it really gets interesting. I mean, it would make a great story, full of tension and conflict, because his folks decided it was time he learned what real life was all about, so starting in the Eighth grade he'd be going to middle school like all the others. And included in all the others was Luke. They'd be in the same grade because Luke had been held back a year. This was partly due to him not being a model student, but mostly it was so he could grow bigger and stronger and thus have a better chance of becoming a five-star athlete. Nineteen or twenty-year-old high school students aren't that uncommon, not if they're athletes. Not to besmirch all high school athletes, mind you...
But returning once again to the primary issue, Seth wasn't looking forward to middle school. In fact, he was horrified at the prospect, because he knew by then Luke had labeled him a pervert. Boys he barely knew would sometimes ride by on their bikes and they'd give him the finger and clutch at their crotches, so he knew middle school was going to be hell on earth. And it wasn't much better at home. Distrust. Lingering revulsion. Not good.
But having been labeled a pervert at home he'd been investigating the subject. Not with foreign objects... although that part of his investigation was continuing because it felt good... but no, he'd been finding out as much as he could about all the various ways there were to commit a sex crime. Lots of ways of doing this. Read the papers. Watch the local news. Although of course details are always kept at a minimum, because if provided by anyone not connected with the state, then that reporter could be guilty of a sex crime... because children would be exposed to information you can't look up on a computer at the library...
But Seth spent a lot of time on the computer while visiting his dad in California. His dad thought programs like Net Nanny were highly intrusive and he wasn't going to be a part of that hysteria.
So one crime that has been around for quite some time involves hidden cameras. In dorm rooms. Dressing rooms at a store. Public rest rooms. Tanning salons. And it should be a crime... unless maybe I can figure out how to make myself invisible whenever I want to...
But that's unlikely, so forget I mentioned it. Let's get back to the primary issue.
So okay. He started connecting the dots. Or, at least, some of them, because all of the dots are on the verge of spinning off almost into infinity, but there's this. It is illegal to so much as view a video of an underage boy masturbating. Unless you're connected with the state, of course. So could his parents have a hidden camera in his room? Of course not!
Or, maybe they could too. It gets confusing, but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed that his mom and his step-father had placed themselves in a classic Catch-22. Was it illegal to masturbate in the privacy of his own home? Not yet. Although he wasn't completely sure about that either. I mean, he didn't know about the surveillance camera, so it wasn't like he was taping himself... except he was...
And besides, they'd probably burned the tape. And maybe they'd purchased a used system that didn't have built-in chips that keep a record of everything taped forever. He had no idea.
So fine. He'd just get naked in the house again. Not with an erection, just naked.
But no, damn it, that wouldn't work either, because if he was aware of the cameras, then he was knowingly exposing himself... supposedly to himself...
This is confusing. But wait! There wasn't a camera in the bush in the back yard!
And he lost me at that point, because I thought the idea was to trick his parents into watching some more kiddy porn.
So he said, "You think they'd approve of me being naked in the back yard?"
"Well, no, " I started, "but how are they supposed to know in the first place?"
Well, it was simple. He waited until his folks were off to a party. At night, of course. Then, about fifteen minutes before they were to return, he went out on the back porch and removed his clothes. It wasn't public indecency because it was his back porch and the lights were off. Then he tossed all of his clothes inside. In the middle of the kitchen floor. And then he dived off the porch and into the bush. And then he waited and wished he'd remembered to spray himself with something for the mosquitoes.
But finally, his folks arrived. The lights went on inside the house. He could hear them talking, then suddenly... "Son of a bitch! That does it!"
Yes, they'd spotted his clothes in the kitchen floor and assumed the worst. So...
His step-father went to the back door, looked outside, then after snorting derisively, he locked it.
So it wasn't going exactly as Seth planned. Not with those goddamn mosquitoes, it wasn't, but after about half an hour, after all the lights had gone off in the house except for the flickering light of the TV which he could see just beyond the kitchen...
He resolutely... well, timidly... started ringing the doorbell. For about ten minutes. Until finally, he was just holding it down. That has to be aggravating. Ringgggggg... Hard to hear the TV that way.
So finally, his step-father stormed to the back door, jerked it open, yanked Seth roughly inside and... well, he had a belt doubled up and and he started whaling away. "You... get... your... ass... what is... wrong... with... you?!!?" And so on. (In this case, "..." is indicative of WHAP.)
So. It was iffy. Potentially, it could go either way. But is it illegal to lock your step-son outside naked? Yep. Is it illegal to whip his bare ass? Most likely. Oh, and is it legal to be recording this on your home surveillance system? I don't think so...
Seth said he was sure he was putting on quite a show, except it wasn't for show, because that belt hurt! So he'd heard of some people who got a kick out of being whipped bare-assed (and Stephan quickly assured him that he'd grown out that early fantasy), but...
As far as Seth was concerned, enough was enough, so he blurted out, "You getting all this on camera? I hope so, because your fat ass is going to jail! You pervert!"
So okay, whap whap some more, but finally his mom intervened. As in, "Frank! Frank! Have you lost your mind?"
And obviously for awhile he had, but anyway, a stormy session ensued, although now it was limited to name-calling and threats. And counter-threats. And so on, for at least an hour, but finally his mom said, "I want him out of our house as soon as you can get him on a plane! If Rob wants him, he can have him!"
And that took care of that.
Or, at least, that took care of Maryland. It didn't take care of his sex drive, though. Only he hadn't had any luck in finding any girls he liked who were willing to do much of anything. And to make matters worse, even though he'd admitted his bisexuality to himself, he'd never been able to be open about it. Until he met us.
But he understood. If he'd only met us earlier. Because apparently we hadn't always been monogamous. Earlier that summer, we hadn't been... apparently... but (sigh) he'd have to keep looking. And he'd probably still be looking when he was past eighteen. Until then, he'd remain a solitary man... pretty much all alone... so while most would think he was cool, we were probably the only ones who would ever know the truth. (Sigh.)
Or, at least that seemed to be the gist of it. So I was trying to think of a good way of reminding him of Dalton and the twins. Because they thought he was wa-ay cool. Wasn't Dalton trying to be a Goth boy now?
But then Dan cleared his throat, and said, "Well, you know, I was almost in the same position, but..."
And then proceeded to tell Seth how he'd unwittingly instigated his Scout Troop's rebellion. It was only because he wanted to do the right thing, but one thing led to another, and in no time at all they were engaging in circle jerks. And most would consider just that alone to be homosexual behavior. And so on... because, after all, the story's already been told... in this story...
But since Stephan and I had already blabbed the bit about the circle jerks to Seth, I was certainly relieved to hear Dan telling him almost the same thing. And to Seth's credit, he never mentioned that we'd already told him about it.
So that worked out well. "But you see, " continued Dan, "I'd already accepted that I was gay. I'd not come out the closet yet, I didn't dare, but knowing inside who I was... well, once those circle jerks started, I started feeling guilty.... You said it yourself, if we're honest with ourselves, then to a certain extent, almost all of us are bisexual, but I also knew that for most of the Scouts it was nothing more than a phase that they'll soon grow out of. So whether I should have felt that way or not, I felt like I was taking advantage of them.
"So I had a lot of guilt to work through, and then, to make matters worse... well, I'm not going to mention any names, but... not long ago... let's just say that I soon had a reason to feel a lot more guilty than before, and leave it at that."
And to his credit, he didn't glance over at me and Stephan, because I'm not too sure how innocent we could have looked. Mostly because we still haven't figured out how we were supposed to look in the first place. Shocked, perhaps? If we had no prior knowledge of what we thought he was talking about... the oral bit involving us, Chase and Todd, then trying to act as though we weren't at least interested. wouldn't have been too convincing... either...
But fortunately, (and very much to his credit), that's when Elliott took over.
Only, it's still not going to lead to my retelling his whole entire story. No, I'll just leave it at the fact that he shared it with Seth. Because, after all, even though he seemed to be bearing up awfully well five years after the fact, he'd still been through a traumatizing experience, and Elliott had been through a similar experience with the junior Googly Gooks, even if his was even more traumatizing.
Elliott meandered a lot. I mean, they were all over the place, so that's another good reason for me not trying to retell his retelling, but there were times when me and Stephan were feeling left out, because we hadn't had any experiences like that.
Although Stephan's Tulpelhocken Creek experience could have been traumatizing and we could both say that being chased down the highway by the Googly Gooks wasn't a lot of fun either. And being shot at...
Well, potentially, that's about as traumatizing as it can possibly be.
But there's no sense in being petulant because we'd missed out, because there's always tomorrow. You just can't ever tell and even if everything kept turning up roses, we could still feel guilty about it. I mean, was it our fault that Dan decided to come out to us? Of course not. We should feel good about that. Taking him up on his offer to go down on us... well, at the time it seemed like a good idea... because we didn't want him to feel even more guilty...
But as it turned out, he did anyway. Only he happened to notice Elliott alone in his station wagon, so he decided to keep him company for awhile, and... we are now getting to what happened in that station wagon.
So okay. At first, Dan wasn't thinking in terms of them having sex, because at that time he didn't know that Elliott was just as gay as we were. And not only that, he was plagued with guilt.
Except maybe subconsciously he really was thinking about sex, because it wasn't long until he was wondering if Elliott thought things were getting out of hand.
And of course, he was talking about all the initiating, so it should come as no surprise to learn that Elliott didn't think things were totally out of hand. But now they were talking about sex, and one thing led to another until Dan made his big confession again. Just about him being gay, though, not about him going down on me, Stephan, Chase and Todd and then having the favour returned.
So... Elliott confessed that he was gay too, and not long after that he unzipped Dan's pants and reached inside. Then Dan reached inside Elliott's pants, and from then on one thing simply led to another.
Only, we were wondering what it led to. Me, Stephan and Seth. Details, that's what we were after, so finally they admitted that one thing led to another until they ended up in a sixty-nine, which was a first for both of them.
Only they weren't satisfied yet. It was awhile before either could get it back up again, but they continued talking and cuddling and confessing. And included in those confessions was Elliott's experience at the abandoned fertilizer plant. Even though it was humiliating and he hoped he never had to go through anything like that again, there were times when it felt good. Like twice when he came, for example.
That's something he hadn't mentioned before. I guess because he felt guilty about it, but of course Dan was still feeling some guilt, so all at once he thought he deserved to be fucked.
Only it took a lot of foreplay, so that's why they didn't get started until 5:30.
So after a few seconds Stephan asked, "Well, did it hurt?... I mean, I'm sure it hurt some... at first, but-"
"Did it ever!"
"Yeah, " added Elliott, "The way he was hissing, I asked him if he wanted to give up on it, but he said... well, it was like this: 'No... damn it!... I... oh shit!!... do... not!...Just... keep... push... ing!'"
Dan snickered. It was the first time I could recall him doing that. "I'd have to say that's fairly accurate." Then he added, "But, how open do you want me to be about this?"
"Oh... whatever you're comfortable with, " replied Seth.
"It felt like I was more open than I had ever been in my entire life. I didn't think I could possibly be any more open than I was, Seth, but as it turned out, I was wrong."
So we were sitting there with our mouths hanging open. This was Dan talking about being fucked. An Eagle! If any of the Scouts were to hear him talking like that, they would be shocked! Even more than we were.
But finally, Seth regained some of his cool and sniggered, "I wasn't expecting you to be quite that open, Dan..." snigger snigger... "but what you have to remember is, I'm still a... oh, what word am I looking for here... I'm a neophyte! Sad but true." (Sigh.)
But then he squared his shoulders and finished, "So... since I've yet to experience it, did the pain fade into the background? Did it turn into sweet pain? Was worth it?"
"It was then and it still is, " said Dan.
Then after another pause he looked at me and said, "So now we've told our stories. Seth told his, and we told ours. With most of the details. Not all, but most. So... after you give us your password, we'll take a look at your school picture... and the other one too... and then we'll resume reading your story. That okay?" Only...
"Last time I checked, his battery was down to 37%" reported Elliott. "From what you've said, though, your most recent sexcapade wouldn't be in there anyway. I'd still love to hear about it, though. I bet all of us would. So..."
"I'm not sure what you mean, " I managed.
"Camping out with Dalton and the twins, " said Dan. "It seemed like they were awfully excited. So we're assuming they had a reason."
So now it was my turn to take a deep breath. "Well..."
"We let it slip out that we were together, " I started. "Me and Stephan, and they'd never met anyone their age who would admit that. Not 'sort of' like Earl put it, really gay.
"Because, you know, by now, you can put everybody in the Troop in that 'sort of' category. And as far as Dalton and the twins are concerned, bisexual's better than nothing, only they're still hoping things end up going further than just circle jerks.... And with some, it might. They're cute, they're fun to be around and I don't think anybody in the Troop is bothered because they're gay, so it could happen."
Then after a shrug, "But when they asked if we wanted to camp out with them, Dalton put it this way: he said, at our age, we're not very monogamous. And me and Stephan sure weren't acting like we were. We will be in Seattle. And not only that, once we're there we're... um... well, until we know how things are, we're going to be as punctilious as we can possibly be."
"He means we're going to be careful, " Stephan explained.
"And personally, I wish they'd just kept his damn Thesaurus, " groused Seth. Only that was followed by, "Kidding, all right? I might even know some words you don't know, but I think you should explain why you weren't monogamous... that along with why you apparently decided to start being that way before you're even in Seattle... but forget I said that. We're all ears. So why were you not monogamous?"
"Um... well, once we're in Seattle, mutual masturbation is going to be out too, but until then, there's at least that much, Seth... and overall, punctilious is very twitty word and I probably won't ever use it again."
"I think he means he was acting like a twit, " explained Stephan.
"Like a supercilious twit, " Seth corrected.
So after informing him that I knew exactly what supercilious meant so he'd just have to keep trying, he said, "Okay, that does it. Your pics. What's the password?"
"He's also got them separate from each other, " said Stephan, "you want to see them like that?... If you do, the password for his school pic is 'moi'.... That's not a very good password, is it?"
"Not really, " said Seth. "So..." (and after entering the password, which really might be a good one simply because the obvious is so easily overlooked)... "Well, I don't guess you look haughty or condescending, but... well, you look fairly normal to be honest... very nice... so okay, let's have the password for the other.... Let me guess. Is it 'moi' again?"
"Yeah, except this time it's all caps, then an exclamation point 'MOI!'" said Stephan.
"Tricky, " said Seth. Then, moments later, they all started laughing and in spite of everything, I started blushing.
But yeah, I guess I'm an exhibitionist at that. That's why I wasn't particularly bothered by Stephan's betrayal, because I knew he wasn't really, he was simply exposing me and deep down, we love being exposed.
Finally, though, the shock value wore off and I was able to resume our story with... "But anyway, why we weren't monogamous in the first place. We weren't because of the circumstances. Later on, Carlie and Earl said that if they'd been together before I showed up... well, Carlie said we wouldn't even have been sleeping in the same bed, one of us would have been on the floor in a sleeping bag.... I mean, he wouldn't have been unfriendly about it, and we probably would have taken turns sleeping on the floor, but whatever, there would have been no sex games. Period.
"But what you also have to understand is, I would have settled for just some casual nudity. Looking up Carlie's shorts or seeing Earl in his rabbit suit without him bothering with underwear... if that was all there was to it, I still would have thought it was really really interesting.
"Only, that wasn't how it was. No point in repeating all the circumstances. Carlie being horny and frustrated and Earl being jealous and frustrated and all that. But Earl didn't mention being hung up on Carlie until after we'd already blown each other, so when he started trying to set some boundaries as to what was permissible from then on... well, later on, he said oral would have been another no-no, except he had no idea I was going to go nuclear on him as quick as I did. But once I was doing it, I guess it's hard to say no."
"I'd say it's almost impossible, " said Seth.
"Yeah, me too, " said Dan.
"Me too, " I agreed. "But anyway-"
"Of course I haven't had any actual experience on resisting, " interrupted Seth, "but as you were saying..."
"Shit. You wouldn't even try to resist, " said Elliott.
"Yeah, well, I can always pretend, but anyway..." and with that, Seth looked at me and Stephan... meaningfully? Hopefully, perhaps? I wasn't sure...
But for now, let's just go with expectantly, because I don't think one-trackedly is an actual word. Even if it should be.
I sighed. "So anyway."
Then after a second or so, I remembered where I was, and continued, "So now you know why even after Carlie and Earl were together, the line that I couldn't cross with them was pushed back a lot further than one would normally expect."
Elliott sniggered. "Especially after you went down on Carlie before mentioning Earl."
"Well, one, I really didn't think of doing it until I was about to do it... you know how that works, and two, Earl was supposed to tell him, not me. Only, there's no telling how long it would have taken him. So I just speeded things up for both of them. Not a problem.... Except for the aftermath, of course. That was briefly a problem, but see, I wasn't even close to being monogamous then. I mean, I said I was in love with Carlie, Stephan and Earl... and that there were lots of other boys I could have been in love with, so that's anything but monogamous. And Stephan was the same way. We'd both been operating on the assumption that we weren't going to find that one boy until we were older, and in the meantime, just finding someone to play sex games with would be more than acceptable... and even after we said we were in love with each other..."
"At first, we were in love with the idea of being in love, " finished Stephan.
"Yeah, that. I mean, we really were more in love with each other...well, more than we were with Carlie and Earl... but still, I guess we wanted it both ways."
Then after a fairly deep breath, "But after Elliott entered the picture... well, up until then, even though we'd agreed that swapping blow jobs every now and then was okay, we hadn't. Not until Elliott, and then it was like we were trying to demonstrate just how bad we were. We were wild and crazy guys, you know?"
"And I want you to know that I truly appreciated it, " said Elliott.
Stephan snickered. "Yeah, we had that impression, Elliott."
"I would have appreciated it too, " said Dan. "I would have been shocked, but somehow, I think I would have gotten over it."
"I probably would have had a heart attack and died, " said Seth. "God!" Then after a pause, "So... what made you change your mind?"
"Well, we've talked about it since. Me and Stephan, but you know what I said about wanting it both ways? Well, we kept pushing at the envelope, but at the same time we were wishing more and more that it was just the two of us. Only I was still a little afraid to say that, because I thought that was the way Stephan wanted it to be. And it really wasn't gawd awful... the way things were..."
"And I was thinking almost the same thing about Natty. So I was afraid to say anything about it either. I mean, once in Seattle, then it would just be us, so why take a chance on messing it up before then?... But at least we finally reached the... well, the fucking stage. We set a date, and our first time was in Barstow. It was just us. We didn't say anything about it to anyone else, because it was only between us."
"Except for when we were bumping down that road, " said Elliott.
So Stephan fired back, "Well, Carlie and Earl had already gone at it in front of everybody else... But we thought we were going to do it without any of you knowing about it.... We got carried away, though."
Then it was Seth's turn again. "So... are you going to tell me about that?"
"I've already told Dan, so if you want to tell him later on tonight, we don't care, " said Elliott.
So Seth looked at us... hopefully again.
But we'd get to that later. Because...
Well, later. So returning to our explanation of why we kept pushing at the envelope until we finally decided we'd pushed it far enough, I continued...
"So when we stumbled across the Scouts... skinny dipping... there was no way we could pass on that. We thought that was all it was going to amount to, though, then we'd be on our way again. Only, we know how that turned out.
"It was fun, though, and it was starting to look like it could get even more so. It's not like I'm an expert, but I think once you have a group of boys thinking it's okay to be bisexual, then even if most of them are going to move on to girls before much longer, some are going to keep taking things further and further before they reach that stage.
"I guess it's like it used to be at all-boys boarding schools. It was the way things were, so if that was the case, then you might as well enjoy it. No regrets. That's the way I think it should be. Probably isn't going to happen in my lifetime, though... so never mind.
"Except for this: we'd both had our boarding school fantasies. We've read some that were very entertaining, and Stephan's made up some that might be even more entertaining... at least once you get past most of the conflict..."
"He's fibbing, " blushed Stephan, "because he said he almost always ended up with a boner.... Even if I didn't really want to get whipped naked in front of everybody in the first place."
"Yeah, well... okay. I get off on nice boys thinking about being humiliated. We probably all do that. But we weren't thinking about that fantasy being realized with the Scouts-"
"Even if we were starting to wonder a little when they tied us to a tree, " finished Stephan. Again. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to reach our good part.
But I'd keep trying anyway. "Yeah, we were wondering. Because it seemed that things were escalating. As in, to beyond circle jerks. Possibly, way beyond.
"But anyway, while we were waiting on Seth to show up with his ATV, Stephan asked me if sometimes I wished we were like almost everybody else our age. Then we could just go for it, without any limits. So I was going to be cool about it and say that I really liked us being different from everybody else, but before I could, he said..."
"I said that at first that's how I wanted it to be, " Stephan interrupted, "I said that at first, I was in love with the idea of being in love, but now, I really was in love. With him. That's the first time I said it exactly that way."
So I looked at him and asked, "You care if I say what else you said?"
"Not now, I don't."
"He said because he was in love with me, he'd go just as far as I would, but he didn't really want it to go any further than it already had. He-"
And then once again, Stephan finished. By repeating it to me as though no one else was there, the same way he said it that afternoon. "I want it to be just with you, Natty, that's all I want."
Then after a couple of moments, I forced a grin and added, "And that's all I want too.... With Stephan."
I 'forced' a grin, because I'm still working on letting some of my emotions through. If it's important, I still get a little uptight about letting it show. And to a certain extent, Stephan's like that too. I guess maybe all kids our age are that way.
So that's why we quickly went back to acting not so serious. How did we break the news to Dalton and the twins? Well, hell, we fibbed about it. We just told them we weren't ready to go that far yet.
How far? We shrugged and said even though we had an idea, we weren't sure. Although we were sure it would have been wild.
And it would have been. And one of these days, when we're with friends we're really close to, we might try the piggy-in-the-middle routine, because the idea is almost always boner-inducing. And, after all, I've read about happily-married couples trying different things. Like wife-swapping, for instance. I mean, if my parents had been into something like that, I would have been appalled! As in stopping up my ears and not wanting any details... as in 'yeech!' but...
Yeah, let's do change the subject. So okay. We like Dalton and the twins even more than before. So we plan to keep in touch with them. Because once we said we weren't quite ready... we hadn't even reached the oral bit yet... although we were sure we would eventually...
Well, then they were trying to prepare us for it. They understood. I'm sure they'd be loathe to hear it being put this way, but they were almost sweet and we were very touched... and sometimes we're still wishing that we'd just gone for it.
But it was still all right. Group cuddling was nice, because of course we were naked. We'd been that way practically the entire weekend, so there wasn't any reason not to be again. And we could hardly say no another circle jerk, only, this time, we tried to make it last as long as possible. So it was more like gently stroking along with some occasional quick groping, but it really was nice. Can't ever tell, but maybe they learned something from us.
Probably not, though. Unless you want to count going back to when almost everything was new...
But we didn't mention any of that to Dan and Elliott. It wasn't because we thought they'd object, it was just that we were saving the juicy details for Seth. Maybe he wouldn't have to wait until he was past eighteen after all.
But then, I guess that'll be a good place to start the next chapter.
Authors deserve your feedback. It's the only payment they get. If you go to the top of the page you will find the author's name. Click that and you can email the author easily.* Please take a few moments, if you liked the story, to say so.
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address (it goes directly to your clipboard without having the courtesy of mentioning that to you) to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. Note: If the email address pastes or arrives with %40 in the middle, replace that weird set of characters with an @ sign.]
* Some browsers may require a right click instead
