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You are here: Home > Story Shelf > All Authors > Zustara Orur > The First Son, Arc 2, Part 2

The First Son - Arc Two

by Zustara Orur

PART TWO: Finding Peace, Our Stories, Leaving.

Raphaél let my mother hold him as he was sitting down on the floor just inside the door to our house. He finally managed to stop crying, but was still very shaken and kept a firm grip on her - as did she on him too. I was kneeling nearby, but I did not intrude into their sphere. My angel needed a mother to hold him right then, to make him feel needed and loved and accepted as another part of his past was revealed to us, and it was a big and heavy one just like most of the stuff he lugged around on... He spoke slowly and quietly, as if he was talking to himself, having forgotten about the rest of us. It was almost as if he was in a trance, not speaking of his own volition, but because he'd been hypnotized to. I think he had sort of disconnected himself, to stop him from re-living that painful moment once more, but it didn't work completely of course.

John and Matt were sitting out on the front porch, keeping watch and protecting us all from the rest of the world, or that's what I imagined anyway. It really did feel like they kept us secure, and it was a comforting thought to know the big, strong agents were out there, guarding our home as my angel told us about his dark past. Maybe Raphaél thought the same, and that's why he found the courage and strength to do it.

My angel had written a letter before getting into the bathtub that evening about a year ago. He'd written down everything in it, all his thoughts about his short life. He told them how much he hated it, having virtually no friends at all (and ZERO close friends), nobody in his small circle of almost-friends whom he could fully trust or confide in without having to worry if that trust would be violated in some manner, taken advantage of because of what job his father happened to have. How much he hated being the son of the President, watched over constantly by everybody, studied like an animal at the zoo, having all this pressure on him to look and act 'properly' and not shame his father and therefore as an extension, the country. Nobody to tell he wasn't being able to cope with it any longer. All those things and more... He told them how he felt about them too, that they didn't listen to him or care about him when he needed their support, that he felt he was being treated as an object to be shown off. How much he disliked it, them being so preoccupied with their constant political maneuvers. He told them he felt ignored, unwanted, unloved. He also told them he was homosexual, it was total news to his mother but he gave me the impression his father somehow had known or suspected it since before.

Again, like his retelling about his experiences with the Livingston twins, this story wasn't very easy to follow either, and despite his attempts to distance himself emotionally from it all, it was punctuated by intermittent bouts of more crying, which my mother gently managed to stem with nothing more than her mere presence, her closeness and warmth. She would tell him with her body language he did not HAVE to put himself through all this, but he wanted to tell. Maybe NEEDED to tell. Needed to, just to see if we'd listen...

At first after finishing it was as if he woke up out of his trance, he got really scared and struggled at first to get away. I don't think he had anywhere in particular in mind, it was just a reflex action, a sudden need to run and hide. He was scared for opening himself up like that and thought he'd made a really big mistake and was about to get rejected all over again. He regretted taking the plunge to see if we would listen to him, he assumed we'd simply turn him aside outright. It took mom a good while to put that idea out of his head, using nothing but gentle words, her warm embrace and soft kisses, but then he actually did let himself calm down. I saw it, all his muscles went limp and he sank back into my mom's embrace, letting himself be cared for as she held him close to her bosom.

It was a deliberate decision on his part, to place his safety in our hands. If we pulled away, he would fall. He would be destroyed! He knew that, and yet he still chose to do it... My heart ached for him even while I felt such pride too, for the bravery he showed. That he dared to take that final step out into the void, not knowing if there would be firm ground under his feet or not.

Mom knew this too, more so than the rest of us I'm sure - Raphaél included. She was there in spirit, catching him when he stepped into that void and carefully lowered him down onto firm ground again. She was there in person too, still holding him in a motherly manner, keeping him wrapped up in her arms and making him feel thoroughly safe and loved by their close contact and her slow, careful motions as she gently rocked him and stroked his head and face. Right then there was NOTHING more important to her than to make sure he was safe! My angel didn't speak any more, I'd just hear a muted mumble as a reply when mom talked to him in a quiet voice about how precious he was to us all...

Da kneeled at his side too, and my angel first stretched out a hesitant arm in his direction, then stopped himself and looked uncertainly at him, still a bit concerned if it was okay or not; if he was behaving correctly perhaps. My dad's face merely smiled back in an inviting and friendly manner, and thus they embraced. They had hugged before of course, but not like this. Not with this level of closeness. Dad took my angel in his arms like he does with me, showing how much he cared, how important Raphaél was to him, and I heard my angel's quiet sigh as he relaxed in my dad's embrace... Then Da patted his back affectionately and said, "I think this calls for French toast", right out of the blue.

My angel looked up at him, his big eyes seemingly even larger than usual. "Uh, why?", he replied with total surprise, but with the hint of a smile on his lips too.

"Why, because when a boy is sad, French toast always makes him feel better again", Da said plainly. He was serious AND joking both at the same time, which my angel picked up on.

"You're being silly!", my angel teased in a quiet voice, and suddenly he really was smiling for real.

Da brushed his hand against Raphaél's cheek, just lightly. A small gesture to show appreciation. "No, I'm not. See, it's working already and I haven't even made any yet." Raphaél's smile widened (and now mom smiled too!), and then he was happy again all of a sudden, despite the fresh streaks of tears. "Come on, let's go make us some", Da said and got up while Raphaél was still holding on to him. He held his arm around Da's neck as he stood up, not wanting to let go. "Ooof!", Da protested. "I don't think I'm strong enough to carry you!", he then said in an amused voice. He was, I'm sure, but it was again him half teasing.

My angel let go however, still smiling. "If you sprain your back I guess we won't get us a snack so I'll let you off the hook this time" And he did sound like himself too for the first time in what felt like hours, when he said it. We all chuckled at hearing him speak like that again and Da then surprised us all by putting an arm under my angel's rump and easily lifting him off the floor. Raphaél smiled and put his thin arms around my dad's chest, holding on with a tight grip as they went off at a slow walk with me and mom following behind.

"The day I can't lift a thirteen-year-old anymore you can all roll me away to the retirement home!", Da said with a twinkle in his eye. The rest of us giggled, glad he was in such a good mood.

Dad guided us out into the kitchen, carrying my angel the whole way. When we got there, he carefully lowered Raphaél down to the floor. My angel sighed contentedly and held on to him for a bit longer, enjoying the experience I think. Dad patted his head and back softly, showing it was all right. Then Raphaél released him, they exchanged a small smile, and I was immediately there, putting my arms around him this time, and his arms went around me too right away like a reflex action. He wanted to kiss me, and I needed no persuasion. He started it off really shyly and hesitantly, as if it was the first time for us. He knew I liked that; it didn't work if we did it too often, but every once in a while he'd surprise me... So, I merely brushed my lips against his, and he pecked me quick and paused, as if gauging my reaction. It was part of the play. Then upon deciding I liked it - which I did of course! He was my angel after all - it came for real and we shared a deep, lovely, fantastic kiss. He gave me a bit of tongue too, and one of his hands grabbed my butt. I was more modest, I held my arms around his back and I squeezed him hard to convey to him how nice it felt...

It was true; as long as he was with me, and now my family, my angel was safe and whole... I could feel his heart beating in his chest as I held him close to me, and it made mine quicken its pace. It was fuelled by flames of passion, there was nothing I loved more than to hold him close, to live and breathe close to him, to love him... Forever.

I looked at his pretty face with those round, large, deep brown eyes of his. That cute little nose, the petulant mouth that was so used to get its way (but only because before meeting me he HAD to act that way to function at all)... I smoothed back his wonderful hair from his forehead, his page had become a bit tousled in the events that had passed during the morning but that wasn't important. Keeping him safe and happy was!

We plopped down on the floor in a corner and continued being extremely near each other, sharing a hug or a kiss every now and then. Touching constantly, in one way or another. Mom and dad looked at us in an amused manner while she helped him prepare the food by heating up a pan on the gas stove and getting stuff out of lockers or the fridge when he needed it. The kitchen was Da's domain, he knew everything about it, and went to work quickly and efficiently. Soon the room was filled with the most wonderful of aromas of what really is more like a dessert I think, but neither me nor my angel were about to complain of course!

Da made lots and lots of French toast, enough for all four of us and more. He actually started frying away in two pans to speed things along, keeping the ever-growing stacks of finished toast warm in the oven. Lucky us we had lots and lots of bread; breakfasts still required copious amounts even with just one agent staying over. My angel seemed to understand why he prepared so much food for us, and was apparently feeling impish again because he took out his panic button thingy once more and held it up. "Should I call them?", he asked, obviously referring to John and Matt. He wasn't serious - I HOPE! - because activating it would likely set off alarms all the way across the city and back to the White House and that was just about the last thing we needed right then! I gasped out of fear before figuring out he wasn't REALLY going to do it, and my angel smiled back at me, pleased that he managed to trick me. It was like he was silently telling me how gullible I was, but in a kind and loving manner of course!

"I think I'd better go get them instead", Da said with a laugh. "You guys can entertain yourselves by setting the table in the meanwhile." Raphaél gladly agreed to that. He'd learned where just about everything was in the few short days that had passed since the dinner with the President, while mom checked on the last pieces of bread still frying away in the pan.

I came with Da for some reason I can't explain. I think it was because I wanted some time alone with the agents, away from my angel. Me and my dad found them all sitting outside our front door. John and Matt, and Monica and Deke as well. I thought they would have left by now, but they were still there, talking to their colleagues. The limo was standing in front of the walkway, it had clearly seen better days with its shiny black paint scratched, mirrors missing, front bumper and lights mangled and smashed. They all got up on their feet as the front door opened.

"We're having some early lunch in the form of French toast, and you're all invited", Da said in a friendly manner, seemingly unsurprised to find all agents still present. "...If you'd like to join us, that is?"

"I haven't eaten that since I was a wee little girl", Monica said with a smile. "Count me in!"

Deke put on an overly exaggerated upset expression. "You? Little?! Impossible!" That was also part of the routine by the way, them joking about her being taller than him. It was so funny, Deke was good at faking to be really ticked off about being the shortest (if not smallest, since he was pretty sturdy otherwise) of the four agents. He didn't REALLY mind of course, it was all for show.

"All right, so I'm almost six foot five, I can't help it!" She playfully boxed Deke in the ribs, and he pretended to crumple into a heap from the force of the blow as if she was a giant. It was all for my benefit I'm sure, I could not stop myself laughing, and Da smiled too.

"Join us when you're quite finished", he said with a grin and withdrew himself back into the house again. I remained for a while longer, not really sure why but I sensed maybe they wanted to talk to me about something. ...Yes. There was something they needed to tell me... I sat down on the steps leading up to the door and prepared to take the bad news as best I could, hoping it would not crush me under the weight. Because it had to be bad, I knew it. It wasn't a day for anything else I noted to myself with a mental sigh.

Matt came and sat down next to me, a serious expression on his handsome face. "Hey kid", he started. He liked to call me that. "Sorry to have to say this, but they have decided. Once he's calmed down, we're to take him on to the - uh - facility. They think it would be best for him to get away from all the attention for a while, until the storm has settled... We're just waiting for the new limo to arrive... I'm sorry, I wish there was another way." My head drooped, and Matt patted me on a shoulder. "Don't tell him just yet, alright?"

I sighed. "Okay. I won't..." I looked at my feet for a while, pondering what he'd told me. I started thinking, and the conclusions I came to did not make me feel any better, quite the opposite in fact. "They didn't just want to talk to him this morning, right? They intended to ship him off straight away afterwards, didn't they? It's not for HIS benefit that they want to hide him away at all! They just want him gone so he won't embarrass them anymore..."

"I can't say if you're right or not", I heard John's deep voice rumble. He sounded very serious, yet concerned too. "But crazy as it sounds, the President does have the middle-east peace summit to think about and many other things too, having to deal with countries that do not look kindly upon, eh, the two of you... You know what I mean. His credibility would be seriously hampered..." The big man found himself unable to continue. He chose to simply shrug his broad shoulders and managed to look as embarrassed as a schoolboy caught in the middle of some silly prank. "I'm not defending his actions or his reasoning, I'm just explaining them to you", he concluded after a few moments of awkward silence. "To him, there's little else he CAN do. Try to understand..."

I sighed again, deeper this time. "Yes, I understand... I'm feeling guilty for even admitting it, but I do understand." There was one thing the President could do of course. Resign, and go back to only being a father again. But he'd never do it of course. Not only because he LIKED running the country; it really would be impossible. It would be the scandal of all time and make everything a total mess, even I understood that!

Monica kneeled at my side. "I know this isn't easy for you. For either of you. But you'll manage, I'm sure... I haven't ever seen him as happy as when he's with you! They will come to understand as well, they'll have to", she said, meaning the President and his wife. She put one of her arms around my shoulders and gave me support as I felt like I wanted to start crying a little. Her touch made me calm down, and I felt the scent of her, the light fragrance of the perfume and skin cream she used, and it reminded me of my mom in a way. I did feel calmer all of a sudden. I sat silent as she continued to speak to me. "And even though it may feel like life's not fair right now with the whole world ganging up against you like this, we still have a job to do. There's French toast to be eaten." She said it with a little smile, and how could I not smile back? It was not within my power to resist! Monica could be like that sometimes, joking even while pretending to be serious.

"Yeah. Let's go", Matt added. He always seemed to be hungry, I couldn't understand how he managed to keep in shape with his insatiable appetite! "They've probably started already...", he said glumly, then winked at me.

I grinned wide!

Yes, the French toast Da had made was delicious! He had to make even more now that we were eight people eating, and he fried up some ham and bacon too to put on top, and that made it even better in a way than with sugar and cinnamon on top. Matt wanted eggs (sunny side up) and cheese on some of his, and me and Raphaél looked on with weird smiles, wrinkled noses and what might, or might not have been genuine disgust. It didn't stop the agent though, he ate with great satisfaction despite our teasing looks.

Soon it was mid-day, and all traces of worry had disappeared from my angel's face. "We're cutting class", he said with a smile. "And nobody's mad about it, isn't it great!" We were the last ones left at the table, mom and dad had taken all the agents out into the living room after 'lunch', and now they were talking out there like they were old friends it seemed. I leaned over towards him and put my hand on his face, feeling one of his smooth cheeks with the palm of my hand, my fingers reaching up to his forehead. I slowly moved it back towards his ear and then put it back on his face again, marveling at how soft he was. As I caressed him, my angel's smile widened and his mouth started hunting for something to kiss. He settled for my wrist as it passed by. As it happened, it was my right wrist, and I shivered a little, a chilly sensation running down my spine. The significance of his actions seemed lost on my angel however as he gently, almost reverently put his lips to my white-scarred wrist again and again.

I kept my hand still, lightly touching his face and feeling his body heat seep into me, and he moved up his hands and took hold of my arm, keeping it firmly in his grasp just in case I'd try to move it away so that he could continue to taste my sensitive skin... I felt his fingers gripping me lightly through the sleeve of my shirt, and for once his fingers did feel warm... We both started breathing deeper, faster, and I felt my dick harden down in my pants (quite on its own accord), the shiver I had experienced before returned, but changed in character. It was a measurement of the exhilaration I felt, of the hormones that made my blood burn with desire. I shivered, out of pleasure this time. My mind was filled with passion, he was my angel, and he loved me! Us touching, it told me all that and more...

I didn't even consider if my parents might be back to check on us, I hurriedly got up out of my chair and sat down in his lap, facing him. I was so eager it almost made him, me and the chair fall over backwards, and we had to flail a bit with our arms to regain balance! We giggled together from that quick scary moment as I tried to get out of my shirt, thinking of nothing else than to allow him to touch me as much as possible. His hands (which were warmer than usual, yet not fully warmed up either), were on my face as he spoke to me, and somehow his words managed to break through.

"You know where this will end if we keep it up!", he teased. I could see he too was also pretty wound up, but he did have more sanity than me right then. "You sure you really want to do it right here on the dining-room floor?"

I stopped, considering his words. In a way, it sounded pretty darn tempting! But...no. It wouldn't be proper. Blushing, I half-heartedly tried to tuck my shirt back into my pants while smiling sheepishly at him in a slightly embarrassed manner, then stopped when I felt his hands on mine. "Sorry...", I muttered, still smiling. "Guess I wasn't thinking!"

He put his right hand on my face, his index finger over my lips. "I'd liked it too", he whispered sincerely. "But for the sake of your parents and the others..." He toyed a little with my lips, feeling them with his fingers. I gasped softly as his other hand suddenly clasped me at the waist. I felt its coolness against my skin, and then both hands were down there, his lips touching mine. My arms encircled him, holding him securely, touching his neck, his face, his hair... We were totally committing ourselves to each other, nothing else mattered to us. How can I describe it properly, the wonder of our intimate kissing?

I can't imagine it's ever possible to feel such strong emotions when making out with a girl. But that's probably just me, due to the way I'm wired I suppose. But it was almost totally overwhelming, me giving myself to him, him giving himself to me. Not holding back even the slightest, total commitment from both of us... It was the kind of commitment that would end really badly if one of us would pull away, but there was no reason for either of us to do so. We fit in with each other so completely, like two matching pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. It felt like we were made for each other.

It was raw power, furious energy those kisses! We'd do it really softly and carefully, yet it was like we were separate poles of a high-tension connection, it felt like thousands of volts of electricity coursing through us, giving us life, giving us strength... Nothing else mattered, we blanked out everything all around us.

My angel's hands wandered all over my upper body beneath my shirt, sometimes nearly tickling me, sometimes grasping me firmly. It was intensely satisfying, knowing he enjoyed feeling me and I was able to give myself fully to him. My eyes were closed, it didn't matter: I could 'see' him just fine anyway using my other senses. Touch; experiencing his incredible skin brushing against me, his velvety-soft lips on mine. Hearing; his muted gasps and sighs, signs of pleasure and appreciation. Even smell. The scent of him which I had gotten to know so well since the first time we became really close. I recognized it easily even through the faint aroma of my shower cream that he used every morning, loving it as strongly, as deeply as everything else about him! How was it possible, to meet someone by pure chance, and then discovering there was nothing you desired more than to be with that person for the rest of all eternity? It's something that only happens once in a lifetime I think...

We were slowly losing control of ourselves and we didn't even notice it. Despite Raphaél's warning, we would end up down on the floor in just a matter of moments! We were both smothering each other with wild, passionate kisses, our hands not caring about silly things such as modesty, they were instruments seeking pleasure wherever and however they could find it. We were barely able to speak, and what little we did say was little more than confirmation of how much love we felt for the other.

Suddenly I heard a loud sigh, a longing sigh signifying remembrance of times long gone now. It wasn't the voice of my angel! A distant, almost disconnected part of my brain identified it as probably belonging to Monica. It made me slow down a little, start to return to reality. Then there was a voice as well...

"That, I used to do too, but it was usually in the back seat of a Ford Mustang", Deke said. It was uttered in a serious tone, but I could picture the smile his face must have been showing.

We both jerked upon hearing his voice. My eyes flew open and we turned our heads in the direction of the sounds we'd heard. They were all standing there, crowded just beyond the doorway to the room.

"Sorry, we didn't mean to intrude!", mom said. "We just wanted to ask if there's anything you needed, but you were so busy we didn't want to disturb... That is, until Certain People couldn't keep their mouths shut any longer!" She waved a finger at Monica and playfully elbowed Deke in the ribs. They both responded with slightly embarrassed smiles. She then came closer. "This isn't easy to say, I hope you will understand", she started and turned to my angel.

He nodded. "I already know. They want to hide me away and now it's time to go. I've known it all day long I think, I've kept ignoring it..." I stroked one of his cheeks, worriedly looking into his deep, mysterious eyes and he turned to me and smiled. "Don't fret, Sebastian! I'm okay..."

Was he? I couldn't tell! I don't know what worried me more, the fact his parents wanted to take my angel away, or that he might try to trick me just to make me worry less... "You don't have to take him away right now do you?", I said to the agents. My voice was still upset, and I didn't know what to do. This was the constant threat I too had kept ignoring and now it was slowly becoming reality. I wished we'd never kissed at school, or even held hands! We should have kept it secret, not taken any risks or this would never have happened! Of course, everything's so easy looking in the rear-view mirror. We never set out to expose ourselves publicly, it all happened more or less by itself and there's not a thing I could have done different to prevent it, not without having knowledge of future events that is...

The agents all started fidgeting slightly at my question, uncomfortable with the situation I knew. "Not RIGHT now, no", John said slowly. "But we can't hold it off forever. Not even until tonight I think, as there will be the standard caravan of vehicles rolling up in front of the house in a while, and if either of you makes a scene then it would be just as much of a mess as earlier today. None of us would want that, I'm sure. A few hours more, that's it." I sat there looking downstruck.

"Well, let's make the most of the situation", my angel said and nudged me in the chest to make me rise up. When I did, he got up too and put an arm across my shoulders. "We'll be up in our room in case you want anything", he said curtly to nobody in particular and then led me past the group of people (who looked at us with curious faces), out of the room, through the house and over to the stairs and on to the upper floor.

When we entered what had indeed become OUR room, he closed the door and then we embraced again. I desperately needed to feel him close to me, not having him in my arms was pure agony! "I don't want you to leave!", I whined quietly. "They shouldn't make you do this!"

Raphaél held me close and comforted me as I again almost broke out in tears. Only feeling his presence managed to stop me, and even so my nose got blocked up and I had to sneeze into a paper napkin to clear it up... When I was finished with that, he held up my tight jeans shorts, an expectant expression on his face.

"Will you wear them for me?", he asked. I didn't even nod in return, I simply began stripping down and when fully naked pulled them on, him watching me with anticipation the whole time.

We were relaxing in my room after the first school week of us being together for real. It was nice, my angel was lying in my bed with his back propped up by every pillow in the room. I was leaning against him, only wearing my tight jeans-shorts and no shirt. I felt my angel's erection press into my naked lower back even through his woolen school pants (the fabric chafed just a little, despite being of a very high quality and thus actually rather soft for being wool. It wasn't really uncomfortable though; just felt a bit strange that's all). His hands caressed the front of my chest, my neck and shoulders, and sometimes down to my tummy too where he'd let his fingers play with my belly-button. Raphaél was good at that, he knew how I liked to be touched and that made me really relaxed and supple. We were talking nonsense, avoiding any important topic quite on purpose.

"Christ. I can't believe it...! You also like that show?"

I smiled slightly. "Why? I'd thought you would hate it!"

He bubbled with laughter. "No, it's my dad who hates it! It's almost enough for somebody to MENTION the words 'President Bartlet' in his presence for him to blow his top! He'd have Martin Sheen arrested if he could I think, it's so funny...!" He laughed more while continuing to absently let his hands caress my chest and neck. The touch of his fingers made my skin grow hot, even as it prickled with goosebumps... "I only watched it in the beginning because the show made him so angry, but then I found it was actually pretty good. They talk a bit too fast I think, nobody talks like that in real life, shooting words at each other! It's like they squeeze in twice as many lines in an episode as any other one-hour TV show, but it's still good for the most part. I like the characters, they're much more pleasant than their real-world correspondents."

I was lying down against him - totally relaxed - and let myself be petted. It was great... I was having a magnificent hard-on in my shorts, my stiff, hot organ pressed against my skin by the tight jeans fabric, which was extremely pleasant too in its own way. Raphaél didn't touch it, he didn't need to. It was enough to feel his hands all over my upper body and it made me arc my back a little out of pleasure! "Mmmmmmm...", was all I managed to utter in reply, and that's more because of his touches than what he said I think. Raphaél reacted to my signs of obvious excitement and continued to caress me at my most sensitive spots as he spoke, thus making me shiver and twitch in a rather pronounced manner.

"He really does hate that show, you know. He thinks it's so self-righteous, with all those good-guy Democrats fighting the honest battle with the evil, scheming Republicans. He hates it, that his party is always seen sort of like the Darth Vader of politics." Now it was my turn to giggle! "Yeah, you go ahead and laugh all you want!", he said and I could feel the mischievous expression on his face in his voice. "I've actually asked him why he doesn't do certain stuff that they do on the show, stuff that anybody would think of as a good thing, but when I do he just scowls at me and mutters something about 'wasting the taxpayers' money', or that he's a Republican, and they don't do such things and I'm only a kid and don't understand. And, that I shouldn't watch so damn much lousy TV anyway." We both giggled madly, my head almost bounced on his chest! My angel's mood suddenly sobered up real quick. "Then there's stuff that's not nearly as funny though... Suppose you're having a proper family dinner with both of your parents for the first time in a week and suddenly like ten agents bursts into the room. 'Sir, the house is not secure', one of them says." He makes his voice as deep as he can - which is not very deep at all - as he impersonates the Secret Service agent speaking. "'Keep away from the windows!' They ALWAYS say that even though we all know the drill, and they makes us all gather in the middle of the room and surrounds us. Then we have to stand there for like ten minutes as our food gets cold, while they keep their fingers pressed to their little earpieces, listening to how other agents catch some yahoo that's climbed the fence because my father's going to meet with the Chinese president the next day and he wants to protest the occupation of Tibet! And then they have to make sure nobody else snuck in too that they might have missed despite the gazillion dollars worth of security equipment they've installed and it just totally ruins our dinner! Then imagine the SAME THING happening twice more during that very same meal! So please, never ask me why I hate living there, alright?!" He laughed. It was a slightly resigned laugh, but not completely so. He COULD see the humor in that whole incident, and it made me feel at least a little hopeful.

"But it can't be ALL bad, can it?", I asked in a quiet voice.

"Not all bad? You don't know the half of it! Can you imagine Christmas at that place? It's the ultimate in fakery. People who under normal circumstances can't STAND each other giving each other strained smiles at the various receptions because it's expected of them and because it looks good to the cameras, stupid glittery knick-knacks everywhere, tons of Christmas trees, lights and decorations all over probably costing thousands and thousands of dollars while people freeze to death out on the city streets... 'Tis the season to be jolly', on penalty of death! No dissention allowed!" My angel lowered his voice. "...Pretty much meaning I was not allowed. Me, with my stitches almost still showing... Nobody daring to even talk to me for fear of...well, setting me off again." His hands had stopped moving a while ago, and my dick had wilted. My feelings of sexual excitement had faded away too, replaced by concern over my angel. I made quiet comforting puppy-like noises and gently squeezed his hands and arms to show sympathy with him. He hugged me close, holding me tight like I was a teddybear that could provide peace and safety, protecting him from all the scary things in his life. Well, I guess I actually COULD fill that role...! I was there, and it seemed enough for him as my angel continued to speak. "So what kind of good did that letter really do me? Nothing... My father is still the President, still as busy as ever and maybe more so now. On purpose I think, it's like he didn't know how to handle the situation so he just DIDN'T... We hardly ever speak now beyond the casual bullshit 'how was school' stuff - to which I reply 'it was okay' even though I usually hated every second of it and he hardly ever presses for more even though he knows I'm lying to him. Even the few times all three of us have dinner together we don't really talk. He and mom they might discuss some stuff, but it's never anything that interests me, just more politics... The only real thing he did was to put John and Matt as my permanent overseers, they hardly EVER let me out of sight before I met you. Just so I'd not try anything again... Sometimes I'd think they'd stand around in the dark in my room even while I was sleeping! It makes you a little edgy sometimes, you know? I wasn't always real nice to them but they still had to put up with me, it's their job." I remembered the scene that first time in the school restroom, I could well imagine it must have been really annoying to have them dogging his every step. It also felt a little scary that the reason they followed him everywhere had been as much to protect him from bad guys wanting to cause him harm, as protecting him from doing harm to himself! I snuggled in even tighter, or tried to anyway as he continued. "Mother, she can't stand gays, she never has, and that her own son is one of them galls her I know it, even though she never said anything out loud. She did tell me - not in so many words of course - that she'd find me a girl to go out with even if she'd have to chain us together. Nobody would EVER know my secret, the way she seemed to think I'd shamed her and her side of the family. I know father's not happy about it either but he keeps it more on the inside, he doesn't talk about it at all. He just distances himself from me instead. He wasn't good at showing emotions even before all this, it's like he doesn't know how to. He'd never even play with me when I was a little kid, he didn't want to. I think he felt embarrassed because he's forgotten how to do it or something..."

I stroked his hands and arms more as he held them still on my bared tummy. "My poor angel", I said quietly, and he hugged me tighter still for a moment or two. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's not your fault." He sounded so dry and unemotional. It hurt a little, hearing his voice like that.

I thought there might be a way to help him, to bring some peace to his mind in a way, by revealing some of my own fears to him, to show he wasn't alone in having such thoughts at times... "You remember when I told you about that time I got arrested?", I almost whispered. "I never told you about the way my parents punished me for it. They grounded me, sure. But that was AFTER the real punishment... It was awful! They've never done anything like that to me, not before or after." I could not help shuddering a little at the memory as I started telling him about it.

I'd been eleven at the time, young and stupid and easily impressed. Or, that's my excuse anyway... I'd been hanging with a couple friends that maybe weren't the best kind of company I could have had at that point in my life, since they'd sometimes talk me into doing stupid stuff with them. They weren't very smart themselves, if they had been they'd made ME do the stupid stuff, but they too joined in so when we got caught - which we of course did every time since we were so nervous and clumsy - we all went down together.

First time was in a candy store run by a pretty nice lady as it turned out. She was angry with us of course, but still kind of nice too in a way. She called all our parents at their jobs and made them come get us instead of the police like you'd expect. I got a really stern lecture from mom and dad, they were very cross with me for a while, but the experience faded pretty quickly. Quicker for me than them.

Second time was a CD shop just a few months later. The lecture did indeed fade quickly, and the others assured me it would all work out okay. I could have afforded to BUY those CDs, but there's no thrill in that, right? Or so the others said anyway. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but somehow my friends exerted a stronger influence on me than my parents. Well, I did tell you I was easily impressioned!

As anyone could predict, we got busted again by skulking around too much and casting nervous glances and generally acting weird and suspicious. We were all scared witless, which was nothing compared to when the plainclothes security guy tried to catch us... I almost died of fright! When we realized we had been found out we all were like headless chickens, we each ran away in a different direction in a totally uncoordinated manner and thus got away - quite by accident - because the guy couldn't split in multiple copies of himself of course. He also had to stay in the store and couldn't chase us out into the galleria, so at first we thought we were in the clear. Unfortunately, Keith, one of my fellow clumsy would-be thieves, had been a regular customer at that store and one in the staff recognized him! D'oh! How STUPID can you get, really?!? Well, I cannot blame him, I was just as much at fault as poor Keith of course. Again, calls came to our parents after his parents had been contacted by staff management (there were no direct evidence against us due to someone forgetting to insert a tape in the security camera video recorder so the police was never involved this time either). Keith cracked and quickly ratted out the rest of us, and my parents tried the stern lecture approach again, along with cutting off my pocket money for like two months and various other minor restrictions.

Well, it didn't work for long that time EITHER, and the third time (about six months later) all four of us got seized by two off-duty police officers still wearing their uniforms! We thought we'd finally succeeded, we went in, were reasonably efficient at the task, and got out again too. When the time came to divide the loot we'd pilfered from the supermarket - candy again, to the amazing total value of $4.75 I think - we found ourselves staring at two guys in blue. We got so scared we never even tried to run; if I thought I'd die the previous time, well that was nothing compared to the stark terror I experienced right then! I couldn't believe how stupid I'd been, couldn't believe how I'd managed to let myself be talked into doing it. My parents would be SO ANGRY, now that I'd gone and done it a third time! And why? No other reason than all of us being plain broke. I had cash at home, but my wallet was empty and we wanted something to chew on. And now my life was ruined... There was no escape now, I was a criminal and I'd get punished. I was too terrified to actually break down and cry as I was being led away. Maybe it helped that the police were rather kind in a way, I'm not sure. They knew they didn't have hardened street punks to deal with, just a couple stupid, frightened kids.

Well, this time my parents tried a different approach. Neither of them spoke a single word to me as they came and picked me up at the police station, and not when we came home either. They didn't reply when I assured them of how sorry I was, and that I would never ever do it again, or when I begged them not to punish me.

I got no dinner that evening, I had to sit there while they ate their food in total silence and then they sent me to my room with nothing more than a pointing finger and a stern glance. Neither of them would speak to me at all after coming home, and I wasn't allowed to watch TV or anything. At bedtime there was no goodnight hug and kiss like I was used to either. I was still thoroughly shaken from getting arrested, and the cold shoulder approach made me even more frightened as the evening progressed. When the time to sleep came I had worked myself up so much I had scared myself witless, totally convinced they both didn't love me anymore! I couldn't sleep, I was so stressed out and it got worse and worse as the hours went by. At around three in the morning I was a nervous wreck, I sat in my bed and was crying like a baby, thinking I had to run away and live like a homeless person out on the streets for the rest of my life because nobody cared anymore if I lived or died! Well, I was only eleven years old, can you blame me?

Anyway, my wailing actually woke my parents, and they hurriedly came and rescued me... I don't think I've EVER cried so much as I did that night, either before or since. I was upset not only because of getting arrested and my parents' treatment, but also because I was feeling a lot of guilt and remorse for my bad behavior. I've been brought up to not do these sort of things, yet I still did it, and I didn't really understand why. It made me very confused, I could not come to grips with my own reasoning for disobeying my parents. That coupled with feeling very VERY guilty too didn't make things any better. It all took expression in the form of almost hysterical crying, and it took AGES for my parents to calm me down! They had to let me sleep in their bed too (which I hadn't done for many years at that point in time. And fortunately it was a Saturday the next day, so we could all rest a bit longer the following morning). That day they did ground me (for an undecided period of time, but they relented after three weeks), but they also hugged and kissed me lots and lots because I was still unsettled by the whole ordeal and I needed to have it reinforced to me over and over again that they did still love me and care for me. They were remarkably patient with me, not getting annoyed at all at having to repeatedly assure me I was still their darling child. They might laugh a little at my uncertainty and then gather me in their arms for more cuddling, that was all.

Well, what I guess is the moral of the story is, I only thought I was unloved for about half a day and it totally shattered me. Raphaél had lived like that for a year. Maybe more! He was by far the stronger of us two in that regard I think... Maybe the fact I've always been so close to my parents has made me more than a bit emotional, I'm not sure. Anyway, my angel still got quite moved by my tale and held on to me really hard when I finished it.

"That does sound awful", he said to me, his voice full of care and sympathy. "But you learned your lesson that time, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I haven't been bad ever again since. ...Well, REALLY bad that is, I mean!" I smiled, what I said was true but still a bit of a joke (all kids are bad SOMETIMES). He could not see it, but he still heard it on my voice, and I got a soft kiss on my right cheek and a hug. "I think they too felt really bad about it, not speaking to me... Like they thought they were negligent parents. They even apologized to me, they didn't understand how much it scared me."

Raphaél squeezed me even harder. "Mmmmhhh...", he sighed happily. "I won't scare you, my love... Promise."

I don't know how we came in on the topic, it just happened I think. The question almost asked itself in a way when I heard him say, "When did you first know you were gay, Sebastian?"

I guess I could have been surprised or become uncomfortable, but actually I felt so safe and secure in the presence of my angel it hardly registered. He could have asked me just about anything and I would not have felt any real discomfort at all, I'm certain. Maybe I'd blush a bit, but that would not stop me from replying! If the answer was a secret, he'd keep it forever if needed. "Not sure... I think it was the same day you met my mom for the first time. I must have suspected it before that, but that's when I was certain." I rested a bit as my angel ran his fingers through my hair, toying lightly with my ears. "And you?"

"I've always known. Ever since I started looking at people. I mean, LOOKING, you know... Noticing the ways boys differ from girls, and the way one boy differs from another." We shared a small giggle. I knew exactly what he was talking about! "I must have been seven or eight or so. Maybe less, I don't remember. I knew already when I was with the Livingston twins." He suddenly started laughing. "You know what's really funny, in a weird sort of way?"

I shook my head. "No, do tell please!"

I heard on his voice he was feeling impish. "This might embarrass you I don't know, but what's the naughtiest thing you've ever done with someone else? Not counting me, of course!"

Yes, I did blush a little. "I don't know if I've done anything really worth mentioning...", I replied. "Anyway, it was your idea so I think you should start!"

"Come on now, don't be a prude! You can tell me, I PROMISE I will too. It's a good one!"

I blushed more. I knew what it was I was going to tell him, and yes, it did kind of embarrass me. "No, I still think you should go first. Unless YOU'RE a prude of course?!"

"No I'm not!", he said in a highly offended voice like I'd insulted him, but of course he was only kidding. Then he sighed. "Alright then, I go first. It's only fair after all since it WAS my idea... You know Irving Kershner? The chief of staff?" Yes, I'd heard the name at some occasion, but I can't remember when that was, and I don't think I know what the man looked like either. "Anyway, he's got a kid too. This was right after dad's coronation..."

"Coronation!", I laughed.

My angel cuffed me playfully on my shoulder. "Alright, inauguration then! I still think coronation's a better word. He IS kind of like a king you know. Lives in his own palace, worshipped by everyone. We even have a President's Day, for chrissakes and boy does he like that! It's a giant ego-boost for him I think. Anyway, what I'm saying is, chief of staff's got this kid, called Adrian. I had turned twelve not too long before that, we'd only been in the White House for a little while, he was like...nine I think, maybe ten. REEALLY cute! Not dreamy cute like you Sebastian." That made me blush. "He was kiddy-cute. Blue Bambi eyes, golden-blonde hair and all that, short, cute."

"Uh-huh..." I don't really know what I was thinking right then, I was just listening to his voice and trying to picture this Adrian kid.

My angel shifted his hands to my face, letting the fingers of one of his hands touch my lips. I stuck out my tongue and tasted them carefully, licking them teasingly. Soon I started suckling them with my mouth, one at a time, and they actually tasted nice! I felt him respond by the way he moved... He pushed into me, and it all was thoroughly enjoyable as he continued his tale. "Well, me and Adrian, we didn't really know each other that well, but we were friend-ish, since our parents were if not exactly friends but at least colleagues you could say. They had known each other for years and years and that's why Irving got to be the chief of staff and all that. Me and Adrian, we were watching TV together one evening. He wanted to play and jumped on top of me, and so we wrestle a bit, you know how it all starts. I'm thinking of how cute he is, and I go all hard down south too of course..." Actually, I didn't know. I'd never done anything like that, but I didn't want to interrupt by saying so, I merely continued to nibble at his fingers while he was telling his story, sucking them, and trying to concentrate on his voice and what he was saying, not letting his hands and body distract me as they brought me pleasure... After all, it must have been as great for him as for me and he managed to stay focused, so should I! "And he notices! I think I let him notice actually, that was the whole point of our play. He touches me between the legs, and smiles at me. I think he must have wanted it to happen all along. And since we're all alone by ourselves, we start to undress..."

I gasped. "You did! No, really?!"

"Yup, we did. REALLY. All the way..."

"But... I never got naked with anyone before you. And the only reason that happened was only because I was stupid and forgot to put on my robe when you came by last Monday." Had it only been two weeks? No, not even that much really. It seemed longer, like we'd known each other forever. "Yeah, that IS rather naughty!", I added with a grin.

My angel caressed my face. "I think it would have happened even if you had been wearing that robe. Besides, I'm not finished yet! It gets better! ...In a way." His voice is both enthusiastic and a bit sad at the same time somehow. I notice the sad bit, but decide to ignore it and focus on the positive part instead.

"Even naughtier! Hey, I like it!", I say with another laugh. "Come on, tell me!"

"If you let me!", he says in mock outrage. His fingers found themselves back to my mouth, I suppose it was to shut me up as much as anything else I think, but I still accepted them. Gladly even, kissing them carefully and methodically in turn. "Anyway, we get buck naked, and he's got a hard-on too. Only a small one because he's so little, but I know he likes it anyway. So we're wrestling more on the carpeted floor and it's soo nice, and right then in walks my dad AND Adrian's dad too all of a sudden! They were even more surprised than we were I think!"

I blushed once more, knowing how it must have felt like for him right then. I gently removed his hand from my face again so I could speak. "Jeez! That must have been horrible!"

Raphaél giggled. "Yeah, right then it was. First we froze in panic, and then we ran and hid behind the furniture, each in a separate direction. Then my dad's like, 'put on your clothes back on right now!', really stern, but shocked too! And Irving, he's not saying anything, just GLARING at us! Mostly at me like I'm some kind of rapist child-molester...! And then my dad says, 'I hope you'll keep silent about this' to him... And I remember it word for word even now, his reply... 'You think I want anyone to know my son's a god-damned homosexual? I'll keep silent alright, MISTER PRESIDENT'." My angel pauses, and I put my hands on his, which he has on my neck now and squeeze them. "Dad looks at him, not liking the tone of his voice. I look at Adrian, and he's kind of upset and confused, and we get dressed real quick not saying a word. And then we both just sneak out of there and they don't stop us. I stay right at the door but Adrian runs off. I want to try to comfort him because I know he's scared and upset, but it's not the right time for that... And then dad closes the door on me so the two of them are alone in there, and then he and Irving have a HUUGE argument, like he says the only reason dad won was because of the electoral votes. Of course dad knew that already, but hearing Irving say it like that really made it bite, and it really pissed dad off. You know what he can sound like in a speech, his voice all deep and mighty and powerful? Well, amplify that like five times, I've never heard him shout like that before, NEVER! I got scared too and covered my ears. And I thought if Irving didn't resign on his own he'd get fired for sure they were both so angry at each other. But neither happened, I guess it would have been too much of a scandal. They're still barely on speaking terms. And neither of them mentioned that thing again either... And, dad never told mom about it, she didn't find out about me being gay until..." He stopped all of a sudden, and I knew he suddenly felt really uncomfortable so I squeezed his hands again. Yeah, until he wrote that letter. "Poor Adrian, we hardly spoke again after that, it just felt so strange. And he didn't want to either, really. I think his father had told him to keep away from me... But I never meant to hurt him, and I know I didn't! But I still kind of regret it... Not what we did, but that it had to end so badly. I'd like to think dad got so mad at Irving for basically calling me a freak of nature, but I don't think he did. I believe he was just angry because his authority had been questioned. So now you know more about why I hate that damn place. It destroys everything and everybody." He hugged me tight while I was silent for a while, trying to digest all he'd told me. "So... What about you then?"

"Right..." I'd almost drifted away completely, being so absorbed by his tale (and his fingers too, which I simply could not get enough of!). "Well, I'm sure it doesn't compete in the slightest of THAT...!" My angel merely prodded me a bit in the side of my stomach with his free hand to make me continue, not trying to dispute my rather rash assumption. I could feel he was still hard, and I snuggled up to him closer as his hands again touched my bare skin. "Well, we were best friends, me and Dave, the guy I call every now and then you know?" He made an affirmative sound. (And I do call my old friends as often as I can, I really miss them! It's a bit difficult with the time difference though, I always have to keep that in mind.) "It's after school and we're downtown. I don't remember exactly what we were doing, I think we'd watched a film being shot or something hoping to see one of the stars but they were all on lunch break it seemed coz we didn't see anybody except security people keeping everybody away from the scene, and we're walking off to somewhere else. We're talking about how far we'd go to win a bet about money, and then I see this really pretty guy standing on the sidewalk handing out leaflets to people... He's Latino, dark almost straight hair, dressed in those baggy skater clothes, you know? I can't stop looking at him, and Dave, he must have seen it. He knew about me I think, he MUST have. He never said anything about me always looking at other guys though, and this time he really notices me staring... And then he says, 'if you kiss that guy, I'll give ya fifty bucks!'..."

"What!? He SAID that?"

"Yeah! It was like he knew what I was thinking... It MUST have been a joke, but I didn't even hesitate before saying 'deal!', which is so strange! I'd never even consider something like that under ordinary circumstances. That guy, he was so hot... I really wanted to, so I agreed! I slowly walk up to the guy, and he's probably a bit older than me and maybe an inch and a half taller I notice. I look him in the eyes all the time and he sees me come at him and he looks into my eyes too. Most people... They just get annoyed by people handing out leaflets. Never look a leaflet guy in the eyes because that means you want a leaflet, no matter if you really do or not. But I STARED! He actually stopped handing them out, he just looks right back at me approaching him! And when I'm right in front of him he gives me one, and I grab it and his hand at the same time... And I stand up on my toes and catch his shirt collar to pull him in towards me, and I kiss him right on the mouth! And I hang on to him for like several seconds!" I felt my angel shudder a little out of pleasure, squeezing me hard and tight. It made me smile, which he couldn't see. "The guy... He doesn't pull away or anything, and even reaches for my lips with his own after it ends, and then he looks really confused and I just go super-red in my face and so does he I think, he's too dark to really tell but he acts like he's blushing, and I turn around and rush back to Dave, who's totally stunned..." I feel my angel pushing his dick into me as hard as he can, and he actually moans softly! I must have really turned him on for some reason! "We just run away like the devil himself was chasing us, laughing madly! I was so incredibly embarrassed, I never really expected myself to actually DO it! And David's not very rich, so he had to pay off his debt for several weeks. I told him to forget it, but he refused..." I was thinking, maybe kissing an unknown guy should have told me I really was gay. But, back then when it had happened, I'd sort of told myself it was just a bet, nothing more. It's a bit strange, not that I was in denial or anything of course. I just didn't particularly care one way or the other.

"Oh JEEZ! That was even naughtier than my story! That's what I think!", Raphaél said to me, his voice quiet but all excited too at the same time! "You really did it, right in the street like that? With PEOPLE WATCHING?"

I laughed. "Yeah, it was great! I blame it on the foggy San Francisco air, it must have befuddled me...!" We both laughed at that. "It wasn't that long ago actually, only a couple weeks before school ended for summer vacation. And people weren't really watching either, they didn't know they had anything to watch. I guess a couple saw us do it though... But it's a big city, nobody cares anyway."

My angel giggled a bit more. "I wish I'd dared to do that... Do it to you."

"But... You DID! In the garden that time when you first came to visit when Da made his painting of us, that was you." He had his hands on my tummy now, and then one of them moved down and grabbed me between the legs, gently cupping my genitals which were clearly outlined under that thin layer of denim. I shivered from the magic sensations, sighing softly without even realizing it.

"It's not the same...", he says as he continued to touch me in that intimate place, softly rubbing my dick through my shorts. I felt myself loosen up even as I twitched with pleasure at the same time! "We were alone then. I'd want to kiss you right on that very same street, like you did to that guy..." I understood him I think, and I didn't say anything, it was unnecessary. He knew I understood, and that was enough. I let him hold me and touch me, and waited for him to speak again. "You've not been naked with someone else you say, but you have BEEN with other guys before me, right?"

"You're a very curious person, you know that?!" I turned around to face him as we were sitting in my bed. My legs were on either side of him now, my groin pressed in tight against his, and I leaned my body next to him, letting my lips ALMOST touch his; I was THAT close to him. Raphaél grinned at the way I teased him, but did not try to kiss me or anything, he just seemed to wait and see what I would do. But, I did nothing; I was merely trying to entice him, and while it was working, he restrained himself too. Thus, I just nodded in response to his words. "Mm-hmm... We only sort of fooled around you could say... I never really thought of having...sex...you know, with any of them. It's true! I'm not lying!"

"I'm not questioning you! Don't worry." He raised himself up from his laid-back position to kiss me on my forehead. Twice, even! "But, why? I AM a bit curious about that! You're fooling around you say, but you didn't want to like, 'do it'?"

I paused for a little while, thinking of what to say. Thinking of what it was I'd really felt then... "I'm not sure, maybe it's because I didn't really know them. Not like I got to know you. We'd just met that very same day those guys and I, and it didn't feel very personal. It was NICE being with them and all, but..." I sighed, not sure what to say. "It simply never occurred to me I think. I never thought I WOULDN'T do it, I just didn't think I WOULD either! You know what I mean?"

My angel nodded. "Yes. Or, I THINK so at least..."

"Maybe I was saving myself for you. Or am I being a fool?" I smiled at him.

Raphael smiled back, clearly pleased by my words. "No, I like it! I hope you were saving yourself, even if you had no idea what you were saving yourself for then..." He wrapped his arms around me and pushed me down tight against himself, one of his hands holding firmly to a buttock, the other on my neck. I squirmed a bit to find the most comfortable resting position, supporting part of my body weight with my arms so I wouldn't limit his ability to breathe. "So, what didja do then?", he asked, still being very curious it seemed to me!

I shrugged. "Wee-elll... It's not that complicated. I'd meet someone somewhere, and we'd start talking. After a while I'd ask if he'd like to come see my place, and on the way I'd buy a comic book or something. So we end up in my room, and we'd sit really close together reading the comic... And if I felt that it seemed okay, I'd put my arm around his shoulders maybe, or my hand on his thigh... And they always turn and look at me, and a couple times they got uncomfortable and I'd stop. And sometimes it never felt 'right' to try at all. But most of the time he would let me touch his face first, and I'd try a little kiss, and then we'd simply make out for a while on my bed. Maybe him touching my butt like you do now. Or I his." I smoothed back his hair from his forehead, and ran my fingers over his face... It felt so good, touching his skin that way.

"You got yourself a regular MO!", my angel replied with a laugh. "That's way naughty!"

"Huh?"

His eyebrows raised out of surprise. "You don't know what that means? Modus Operandi?" I shook my head. "It's on the cop shows all the time, I thought everyone knew."

I blushed a little. "I'm not allowed to watch such programs... Not since I got this." I pointed at my scar. "Da said TV puts funny ideas in my head."

"Yeah, I'd say! Wonder where he got THAT from, huh!", my angel replied with a laugh.

"He's just joking!", I protested, smiling back. "I was really little when it happened, just a stupid kid who didn't understand any better."

"So now you can't watch any cop shows. You're thirteen, Sebastian. You're big enough!"

I shrugged, sort of. I was still on top of him, and that made it a bit difficult. "I can watch 'Law and Order', there's almost never any nasty violence in that one. And old re-runs of 'Hill Street Blues' and such."

"'NYPD Blue' then? Not that much violence there either..."

I smiled. "Naah. Too much fucking language."

My angel laughed lots at that one! "That pretty much leaves it at 'Cagney and Lacey' then?", he said with an evil grin.

"Hey! I happen to LIKE that show!", I replied, feigning annoyance.

"Sure you do! Girly cop-show for the girly boy!", he teased me in a friendly manner, smiling so I'd know he was only kidding. Which I knew anyway of course, I couldn't imagine we'd ever say anything meant to hurt one another! My angel continued. "...But yeah, it's kinda nice in a way. I like 'Hill Street Blues' too. Belker's cool..."

I agreed. "Yeah, Belker's like WAY cool! But what about this MO stuff?"

"I know you've heard it before, you just don't remember. It's like, when a bad guy commits a crime, he tends to do it much the same way every time. The police looks at other crimes that are similar and the people they arrested, and that way they can track down the criminal."

"Oh, so you think I'm a criminal then?" It was my turn to tease him now.

He gave me such a warm and affectionate smile that it touched me deeply. "Yeah. I was gonna report you to the cops for theft", he said softly. "You stole my heart. But now I think you can keep it as long as you like. Forever if you want..."

I felt my face grow really hot. "Well, you said you wanted to know how I did it...", I started, not knowing what to say in response. It was such a wonderful thing he'd just told me. He squeezed my butt lightly and kissed me on both my cheeks, slowly and carefully as he held me. It was as if I was some precious antique he was concerned not to break... It made my face grow hotter still for a short while until I could make myself calm down. We continued to kiss for a while more as Raphaél felt with his hands on my body, complementing me all the time how nice it was to touch me, which I really liked as you probably can imagine. I didn't have to tell him how nice it was to be touched, my body language conveyed that message far more effectively than mere words could do. He did a repeat performance of the trick he pulled in the limo where he had one hand down my jeans shorts while really probing my mouth with his tongue, and this time I didn't have to hold back at all since we were all alone. It was so fantastic, even better than before in the car I think. My body bucked on it's own accord, rubbing itself against him quite forcefully in the process which only stirred us both up even further. I could not stop moaning, often through my nose since we kissed quite a lot all the time, and then it just happened! I came, and it wasn't quite like any of the previous times we'd done it together. Maybe it was because I still had my clothes on, I'd never done it before while wearing anything except when asleep (I never slept in the nude before meeting my angel), so that doesn't count. Therefore nobody was more surprised than I when I suddenly heard myself groan with delight, and then there was a damp spot spreading across the front of my shorts, it getting larger as my body-fluid kept seeping through the fabric. I spasmed a bit more after it happened while trying to get myself back under control; I'd almost been knocked out by the experience for a few seconds, and I felt my eyelids flutter uncontrollably as I attempted to regain focus but kept failing until my brain got back in working order again. It was SOO totally intense and my angel looked at me in total amusement, he even giggled a bit!

"Told ya I'd remember it!", my angel said to me with a wicked grin on his pretty lips. He raised up his head and gave me a quick peck of a kiss on my mouth.

"I should go and change... Clean myself up", I said and tried to roll off him. Suddenly his hands was on my butt, gripping my buns tight, keeping me locked in place.

"No way!", he said with a smile. "You're not going anywhere!"

I relaxed. "Okay then. We'll both get messy, but okay..."

"GET messy?", he asked and suddenly there was something in his eyes that tipped me off. I didn't even need to move my hand down to the front of his pants just to confirm it, I had a suspicion that turned out to be true. He smiled a sheepish grin at me. "...Yeah. I kind of couldn't control myself either, when you told me about that guy you kissed... It was too much for me. Hope you don't mind?" For whatever reason, his face displayed a little bit of uncertainty.

I merely smiled back at him, mildly and enticingly. "Kiss me please", I said and closed my eyes. He complied...

After that (and a whole bunch more kisses of course, and some fondling of easily accessible body areas, mainly mine actually), we were just chillin' together for a little while, and then Raphaél asked me this really weird question. "Do your parents ever fight?", he wanted to know.

"Yeah. It happens." I was so surprised I answered immediately, not even thinking before opening my mouth. Not that I'd consider lying to him of course!

"REALLY? I... Well, I thought..." He paused for a little bit, looking slightly flustered. "They seem so FRIENDLY, you know? I didn't think they'd..."

It made me smile again, and I quickly stole another kiss off his lips, which made him even more surprised and flustered! "Not often, and not for long, but yeah, they fight! All parents do, right?"

"Mine don't." His face changed to a dour expression. "They just go around glaring at each other, refusing to talk. That can last for days sometimes, until they finally get tired of being angry at each other. They even use me as a messenger for stuff they could have said themselves, except they're too proud and stubborn to. For example, when I have to pass a message from mom I know dad won't like, she doesn't care when I say I don't want to do it. She just gets angry with ME instead, and after I've delivered it, it's I who get to take the heat from the other one too. It's not my fault she wants him to sleep out on the living-room couch so why's he yelling at me?!" He sighed loudly, as if all options open to him were equally unappealing, and at a loss of what to do. "So what was the last thing your folks argued about then?"

I wasn't sure it was an appropriate topic, but I had a feeling he wouldn't back down until I'd told him anyway. "Wee-ell... It was a while before we moved here. Mom was late for work and Da hadn't cleaned his hands properly after working some on one of his paintings, so when he kissed her goodbye he left a smear of greenish-blue paint on her white shirt. She yelled at him that he was impossible, and a no-good hippie bum and all sorts of stuff and Dad laughed and said it was hardly the end of the world, just a little paint, and that only made her madder. But she had calmed down when she came home that evening and she apologized for being silly. But Da has been angry too sometimes. They're only human, you know?" I sat up and brought him too up to a sitting position, then put my arms around him. I didn't say anything more, there was no need. I was a warm and cuddly thing for him to hold on to so he'd forget his bad thoughts for at least a moment. "So, what's your Secret Service codename for today?", I asked just out of curiosity, and to add some extra distraction.

He giggled quietly. "Same as yesterday, stupid. You know that!" He hugged me tighter for a few moments.

"Yeah, alright. But before that? Which was your first one?"

I knew he paused to think. "Hmmm... I THINK it was 'Greenhorn'. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was."

"What! Greenhorn?!"

Another giggle. "Yeah, I know, it's bordering on insulting, even though they insisted it referred to the bird with the same name! I wanted to pick a new by myself but they said I couldn't. I liked some of the other ones though. 'Minime' was the coolest one I think, but I've been 'Kosh', 'Obi-Wan', 'Goomba' and 'Baby Bing' too."

"I see a kind of pattern emerging here...", I chuckled.

"You better not call me a sci-fi geek or Nintendoid nerd or I'll pinch you!", he threatened in a friendly manner.

"Maybe I'd like you to pinch me?"

"Would depend on where I pinched you, wouldn't it?"

That was the usual progression of one of our mock fights, those that would end in the most spectacular of making-out sessions imaginable, but we got interrupted by a knock on the door before actually managing to get to that point...

We both jump out of fear, because we both understand what that knock means. It won't be mom or dad asking if we want some milk and cookies or something like that.

We hurry to pull up the bed covers around us, we don't want to show ourselves with any visible signs of our lovemaking... "Yes?", we both call out simultaneously. It happens sometimes and it usually makes us laugh, but we hardly notice now.

The door opens and Deke's there. "Caravan has arrived", he announced, mostly to Raphaél it felt like. "Me and Monica will be leaving soon, but Kiefer Goodheart and Ron Thoreau will take over. You know them, right?"

My angel nodded. "A little", he said. "I guess John and Matt will be leaving too now?"

Deke coughed, as if he'd been caught off-guard and didn't want to reply. "They wanted to tell you themselves, but basically yeah. They've been reassigned..." The agent blushed a bit. "They'll be here until you leave though."

"Okay. Thanks..." His voice was calm and rational. It felt a bit strange that he'd accept it all so casually and easily. I think he was faking it again, not showing his real emotions. "We need a few moments, clean ourselves up, pack a few things. Is that okay?"

Deke nodded quickly. "Yeah, but try to hurry, these new guys, they're kinda impatient you know?" I got the sudden impression they'd come into our house and drag my angel off and stuff him into that limo, even if he was stark naked... Deke didn't wait for us to reply, he withdrew and closed the door, leaving us to ourselves again. Raphaél started taking off his clothes, and I followed suit. For me, it was quick work, I wasn't even wearing any socks, just my shorts.

We made our way into the shower and like in the morning we were efficient if not exactly super-quick. Maybe a bit slower than usual even, just to prove we weren't going to be pushed around. We were extremely close at all times, both of us knew that it might be the last chance we'd have to be together like that for a very long time, though neither of us said anything about it.

When we turned off the water and stepped out, I wiped off his body real quick and then paused, studying him. Raphaél stood there in a small puddle of water while I was kneeling at his side. He looked so graceful, his still fairly pale, slim body standing straight and proud. He was beautiful, and I loved him! I slowly rose up, letting my eyes sweep over him... He gave me a wry smile, which I did not acknowledge. He didn't know what I meant to do next, so I held him on the grill for a few moments. I then approached him - again slowly - and took the opportunity to kiss my angel's body literally from head to toes. I wanted to do it and not hurry, to feel him like that even if it was only once... It was easy to tell how much delight he found in it just from the fact he had his hands on my head, directing me to certain spots he wanted me to concentrate on. As I kissed him, I felt his young, sweet body tremble slightly, and it stirred us both up.

"There are more things a mouth can do than just kiss...", he whispered to me as my lips were centered over his small, cute belly-button, my tongue exploring its shape. I felt his tummy tense up and relax in quick succession from the stimulation I gave it.

I knew what he meant of course, and I had actually considered it several times, but never really 'gotten around' to it; we'd found so many other ways to satisfy ourselves. The thought didn't scare me at all, in fact my blood stirred of anticipation even at the mere thought! "My angel", I said solemnly to him as I got up on my feet again, to put both of us at face level. "I'd like that, more than almost anything I think... But not now. I want it to be special, you know? I don't want all this pressure hanging over us, we shouldn't have to feel stressed. That would just ruin it all..."

He nodded, understanding. "You're right...", he said with a sigh. "I love you. You always put me ahead of yourself in every situation, even though I don't deserve it. And that's why I love you so much..."

I held him close, his pretty head resting on my shoulder. "Of course you deserve it", I whispered back. "You ARE my angel after all..." Water from his still wet hair dripped down my back, tickling my skin. It didn't bother me, in fact I hardly even thought about it. I held Raphaél for a few moments longer, to make sure he was as alright as he possibly could be right then. He was so warm and lovely to hold, I really didn't want to let go. My angel fit perfectly in my grasp, his hands touching me with fingers spread wide making me really FEEL how he felt me in return. In fact, I almost had to tear myself off him, it was so hard... When I stepped back from him, he took half a step in my direction, clearly intending to cling on to me again and I actually had to shoot him a warning glance! If he didn't stop himself, we'd both stay there forever! Or, at least until the mighty Secret Service knocked down our bathroom door...

He sighed glumly and quietly followed me back to my room. His hands were on my hips or touched my butt as often as they could, but he managed to restrain himself from attaching himself to me again. I slipped into a pair of basketball shorts and a tank top as the day was pretty warm and comfy, while my angel had to go through the more elaborate 'proper' clothes routine, and then he started packing stuff into a bag that I found for him in a cupboard. I'd just dumped lots of old stuff in there when we moved in, without much thought of where to put it really. As I rummaged around for a suitable shoulder bag I found something I hadn't been looking for: my guitar.

I hadn't played it for over a year, not sure why. I just stopped one day. Well, for some reason it felt all right now, so I took it out of its hard travel case and gave it a look-over. Not even a scratch in the lacquered wooden exterior, which was fortunate for me! It had been Da's guitar (a 12-steel-stringed Fender, and one of the first expensive things he'd bought once he had started to make a name of himself in art circles).

I strummed the strings lightly, tuning them all over again. It felt right to touch it once more and to play it, I couldn't understand why I had put it away to begin with. When I was ready I didn't even have to think of what to play, my hands just began moving of themselves. I'd expected to have gone rusty from lack of practice, but the music flowed through me, I remembered every grip like it was yesterday, my fingers switching from one chord to the next on their own. Raphaél, who had stopped packing once I started to fiddle with the instrument, recognized the tune immediately even before I started singing the lyrics. My voice's quite high-pitched when I sing (yes, I admit it! A bit girly most people think I'm sure!), but I can sing all the same without sounding off-key. Da taught me this song a long time ago. He played it that time, on the same guitar.

"...If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

If you're going to San Francisco, you're going to meet some gentle people there..."

Raphaél started drumming his hands against my desk to back me up, and even joined in with his own voice. He sang quite well I must say, his voice a little deeper and fuller than mine. As we came to the midsection of the song, my fingers slipped and I totally screwed up the next chord. We both stopped in surprise, and began to laugh instead. I fell backwards on the bed and almost tossed the guitar over my head. Raphaél came and put himself on top of me, us both still giggling. I took my angel in my arms, not caring we were wasting time. Maybe even caring BECAUSE we were wasting time...

"My love... My angel. Will you come to San Francisco with me?", I whispered to him as he pinned my wrists above my head with his hands. "I'll show you all the sights, we'll walk across the bay bridge, we'll ride the cable cars... We'll do the whole town! You'll meet all my old friends, and I promise they'll love getting to know you. They're great."

His face showed an expression of happy sadness. "I'd like that. I want to, but I can't. I have to go, you know that..." He lowered his head down towards my face and placed a reverent kiss on my lips. "Sorry... But I'll see you again. Some day..." It was obvious from the tone of his voice he had no idea when that might be.

His sadness was contagious, it infected me too. "No you won't! If you go away, we'll never see each other again! You KNOW that, so don't lie to me." No need to paint the implications of what I'd just said with an even wider a brush than I already had, it was plain enough as it was. I broke free of his grip and rolled aside, away from him. Then I sat up and started crying softly.

My angel looked back at me, shamefaced and well aware of the truth in my words. He made no effort to try and comfort me, and I didn't want to be comforted either. Not right then. I wanted to cry and feel sorry for myself, and feel sorry for him too because he obviously wasn't or else he'd not go along with what was happening to him right then! I cried also because everything was about to go all pear-shaped and nobody cared. Not even Raphaél. He had tried to get away and it hadn't worked, now he seemed to have resigned to what he saw as the inevitable.

He turned back to the bag and continued to pack it with the most basic of necessities, some clothes, his toothbrush, things like that, while I sat sniffling on my bed. There would probably be another trunkful of clothes waiting on him when he arrived at his destination, but no point in taking any chances he reasoned. While he was preoccupied with that, I slipped out of our room and headed downstairs, tears still falling from my eyes. I sneaked out into the garden on bare feet, not letting anybody see me, and there I proceeded to weave a flower wreath for my angel. It took me a while, but I had the feeling Raphaél would be waiting for me until I was done. Don't ask me how I knew it, I just did.

Even though she was often busy with work, the garden was mostly mom's domain. Da was allowed to water the plants and mow the lawn (which he did with a hand-powered lawnmower instead of those noisy, stinky gas powered mowers; he'd said once that for all the pollution one of those put out, he could drive his car to visit Graceland and back and it would be just about equal. I think he over-exaggerated, but there must still be a bit of truth in it considering all the fumes those things spewed out). I picked long-stemmed flowers to bind my wreath together, using short-stemmed, colorful ones to decorate it. I'm fairly good at flower-weaving, mom taught me how to do it years ago, and I did my best to make it as pretty a wreath as I could possibly manage.

When I was done, I skulked back through the house and found my angel standing in the middle of the room, my bag slung over his shoulder. His face was pale and emotionless even as I held the flower wreath out in front of me and carefully placed it on his head. Only then was I rewarded with a slight smile, very brief, but it had been there all the same. I picked a tiny piece of lint off his shoulder which I don't think he noticed.

His eyes closed, and I leaned in and kissed him very softly, a small sigh slipping out of him as I did so. His thanks to me.... We both felt a sudden presence in the open doorway to my room, and I turned around just as Raphaél opened his eyes again. The new Secret Service agents had arrived.

I don't mean to knock either of them, but they really weren't as impressive as John or Matt. These guys - while undoubtedly fit and well-muscled beneath their clothes I suppose - looked like anyone on the street apart from their smart black suits. They were of about average height, not very broad across the shoulders. Both were medium-blonde or a little darker perhaps, and they seemed a little older than "our" agents too. One of them, the one that looked a bit older of the two, had a small neatly trimmed moustache on his upper lip.

"I'm ready", my angel said and walked past me and continued out into the hallway. I hurried to follow, him leading the way down the stairs with his new escort following right behind, creating a barrier that separated us. My angel stopped briefly at the front door to put on his shoes, the agents didn't have to; they had been wearing theirs all along. I saw mom and dad standing further inside the house, both looking concerned and a little worried, but they didn't approach.

The trio proceeded out of our house, down the front walkway towards the small caravan of vehicles waiting. I saw a total of three vans (complete with an assortment of agents accompanying them) and a new, shiny limo. Some kids were standing some way up the street, straddling the frames of their bikes, looking at the spectacle with some wonder (and probably not having the slightest idea what it was all about). John and Matt stood at the side, near one of the rear vans. They were again wearing their expressionless agent stone-faces, or maybe I could see a certain tightness around the eyes, worry and concern there too perhaps. I wished they'd come over and talk to me, make me feel a little better, but they didn't. I guess someone thought that they too had become too chummy with my angel and it was time to replace them...

"I'll take that, Ralph", one of the new agents said - the one without the moustache - and stretched out a hand, indicating the shoulder bag. My angel first took off his flower wreath and then unslung the bag and handed it over, then put the wreath back on again. The other agent opened the rear door of the limo and motioned for him to get in. I couldn't wait any longer, couldn't hold back, so I ran up to my angel and let him catch me in his arms.

"Don't go!", I begged him as I buried my face against his neck and shoulder, tears again pressing on to get out. "Please, don't go...!"

"I have to", he said again, his voice so dry and helpless. Then he made me raise my head up and gave me a quick kiss, sucking on to my lower lip for a second or so as he detached himself from me. I tried to smile, to thank him, but it was suddenly impossible, I had to direct all my powers to prevent me from having a total emotional breakdown. My angel let go of me and plucked a flower from the wreath, a pink one whose name I don't know, and carefully stuck it behind my ear and made sure it would stay. "Here... Please remember me, alright?" He patted my hand softly, and gave me an equally soft look before turning away and getting into the car. I started shuddering despite my efforts to keep myself in check, but it was beyond me now. My vision dimmed from the teary fluid filling my eyes, I only saw a blur as his new agents packed themselves into the limo. Other agents got into the vans, John and Matt too I assumed.

It was like a dream, hearing the big engines start up... Or maybe a nightmare. Doors clanged shut, then the limo started to slowly roll away as the van in front of it pulled out from the side of the road. I found myself following it on stumbling feet, from a walk to a jog to even a run. I knew in the back of my mind what I was doing was crazy, I couldn't keep up, and there was two more vans behind me, the closest of which could easily run me over. But still I continued, stumbling on, crying, wanting to yell out for them to stop, yell out my pain, and my love. Yell out his name. One of my naked feet stepped on something sharp lying there, maybe a small rock or a piece of a broken bottle. I fell, scratching up my knees, palms and elbows as I tumbled down. The pain was stabbing and intense, yet not nearly as real to me as the one I felt in my heart... Tires screeched as the van behind me stopped less than six feet away from my head and I didn't even get scared! The driver signaled his displeasure with the horn, then the van ponderously turned aside to go around me and accelerated away hard in order to not lose contact with the limo. I was still lying on the street, crying desperately as the second limo passed me by too.

They'd taken him! They had taken my angel from me, and I was the only thing in this world making him happy. How was he going to make it?

Without me, he wasn't!

I picked up the flower he'd given back to me, it had fallen out from behind my ear and ended up on the dusty asphalt-covered roadway. I held it cupped in my hands and sobbed, my chest aching with grief for my loss...

END OF PART TWO.

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We support Ukraine — Мы поддерживаем Украину — Ми підтримуємо Україну
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