My Boyfriend
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 7
I was nervous about picking up Laura at her house. I just knew that her mother would be waiting on me. Any boy who wanted to date Laura had to pass her inspection. I knew I'd have to meet her mom sooner or later. I was actually hoping she'd be home so I could put that experience behind me. I remembered my experience meeting Allison's father a few months back, and it wasn't fun. Hopefully, tonight would be a little easier.
At least I wouldn't have to endure an awkward scene with her father. Her dad had taken off when she was in kindergarten and hadn't been seen since. I thought again about my experience with Allison's father. Most fathers looked over their daughter's dates like they were sizing up a piece of beef at the supermarket. Without exception, they seemed to think that the boy that came to take their daughters out were sex crazed maniacs or something. They were probably remembering how they had been when they were teens. Of course, that was a pretty good description of most guys my age, and I guess it was a pretty good description of me, in a way. Sometimes, I felt like a sex crazed maniac, ready to explode with desire. None of that was directed at her, however. Her mother had nothing to worry about.
I pulled up in front of her house. I was so nervous; my stomach ached a little. My heart was pounding in my chest, like I'd just ran a mile. I laughed at myself for getting so worked up over nothing. I walked up the steps. The door seemed like a gateway to some dangerous realm. I held my breath, then knocked. Moments later, her mom opened the door. I was surprised, she was very attractive, for a woman in her thirties, anyway. She was what my friends would call a MILF.
"Scott, isn't it?" she asked, smiling.
"Yeah. Hi."
"I'm Katie. Come on in, Scott. Laura isn't ready yet. It'll give us a chance to talk."
The moment I'd been dreading had come. It figured that Laura wouldn't be ready, even though I was exactly on time. If she'd been in the room with me, enduring her mother's questioning would've been a lot easier. Why were girls always late? What was up with that anyway? Didn't they know how to tell time?
Katie ushered me into the living room and we sat facing each other, mere inches apart. We were so close to each other, it made me uncomfortable. There was nowhere to hide. She seemed very nice, and that put me at ease a bit, but I was still nervous.
"So, Scott, tell me about yourself."
It had arrived. The moment of truth. I wasn't quite sure what to say, so I told her about what I was doing at school. I talked a lot about football, too. I tended to do that, talk about football, that is. I was so enthused about it that sometimes I couldn't think about anything else. Talking about football always made me much more comfortable.
She asked me a lot of questions, but she seemed genuinely interested, instead of suspicious. I knew I was there on approval, but I had the feeling I was passing with ease. My nervousness about meeting Laura's mom was quickly dissipating, but something new was troubling my mind. I found myself growing wary, even though I felt silly about it at the same time. The suspicion creeping into my thoughts were too absurd to be true.
She looked me over as we talked. I'd expected that; I knew I was being sized up. There was something peculiar in the way she looked at me, however, something that kind of disturbed me. I was beginning to suspect there was something in her gaze that wasn't pure parental concern. There was something her eyes. Was it hunger? Desire? I had the feeling she wasn't checking me out for Laura's sake, she was just checking me out. The more she looked at me, and the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became.
I knew I was probably being stupid. What would a woman in her thirties want with a seventeen-year-old boy? That thought made me gulp. I was far from naïve; I knew exactly what an unattached woman like Katie might want. I looked into her eyes and I knew I was right. She had the hots for me!
That realization made me really nervous. It was kind of flattering, but kind of creepy too. It was nothing like when the girls at school flirted with me, and it didn't even feel the same when Andrea put her hand down my pants. This was totally different. I was more than half afraid that she was going touch me, someplace where I didn't want to be touched. I felt like I was in one of those situations where the best thing to do was run away, but this wasn't a stranger offering me candy to coax me into her car. This was my girlfriend's mother!
She didn't really do anything except look at me, but the way she did it made me feel like she wanted me. I knew I was probably being stupid, but I was still uncomfortable. It was so unexpected, that I didn't even notice what was going on for a long time. Once I caught on, however, her desire for me was pretty damn clear. As we talked, her eyes roamed over me, lingering on my shoulders, arms, and chest. She even glanced down at my crotch a few times. She was always very subtle. I'm not even sure if I was meant to know she was checking me out. Still, she was making me feel really weird, as if I'd stepped into an after school special.
The whole situation blew my mind. It almost didn't seem real. Laura was such a nice girl that it didn't seem possible that her mom could be looking at me like that, especially when I was her daughter's boyfriend. I mean, if I'd been some delivery boy or something it wouldn't have been quite so unexpected. Things like that did happen after all. I wasn't a delivery boy, however, and what was going on was downright shocking. What kind of mother would ogle her daughter's boyfriend? I wondered if she'd done this kind of thing before. I'm sure plenty of my friends would jump at the chance.
As I was making small talk, telling her about the dance Laura and I were going to, she casually put her hand on my knee. It was an innocent enough move in itself, but she kept it there longer than she should have. There really wasn't that much to it, she just touched my knee for a few moments, then drew her hand back and ran it through her hair. It probably wasn't anything more than it appeared, but after the way she'd been checking me out, it seemed rather significant. I half expected her to run her hand up my thigh and grope me.
I had the distinct feeling I was being seduced. If the two of us had been alone in the house, I really think she would've seriously put the moves on me. Part of me thought that was just ridiculous, but the rest of me knew it was true. Once again, I found myself in a position that most boys would've found arousing, but that I found totally frightening. I mean, Katie was pretty hot for her age, and I bet a lot of boys my age would've laid her in a second if they got the chance. Maybe not if they were dating Laura, but you know what I mean.
Her eyes lit on my chest and she just stared for a few moments, like she could see through my shirt if she stared hard enough. Her gaze lowered to my crotch once more, then she raised her eyes to look into mine. I had the feeling I'd just been given an invitation, but still I wasn't sure.
Laura came down the stairs just then and we beat a hasty retreat out the front door. I could practically feel her mom's eyes on my ass as we left. I don't think I'd been in such an awkward situation before in my entire life, and I'd been in some pretty difficult and uncomfortable circumstances lately. I didn't feel violated or anything, just kind of freaked out. After all, her mom hadn't done anything more than look at me and touch me on the knee. It's not like she came onto me or touched me anywhere she shouldn't. She hadn't even said anything inappropriate. Still, the whole thing was quite bizarre. I intended to spend as little time alone with Katie as I could manage. I didn't need any more complications in my life. I already had a fake girlfriend, I sure as hell didn't need my fake girlfriend's mother trying to seduce me! When did my life become a soap opera?
We arrived at the gym about ten minutes later. We stood inside the door and watched all the kids dancing with their girlfriends or boyfriends. For a moment I thought about how nice it would be to dance with Brian, but such a thing wasn't possible. Maybe one day, but not today.
I took Laura's hand and smiled at her.
"Care to dance?" I asked her.
She laughed sweetly and let me pull her onto the dance floor. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. She nuzzled up against my neck as we danced and told me how kind and thoughtful I was. I winced inside; her compliment tore at me like a barb in my flesh. I was glad she couldn't see my face, because I have no doubt it was covered with shame and remorse. I pushed the guilt out of my mind and struggled to smile at her, not for the last time.
Despite the feelings of guilt in my gut, after a few minutes I started to have some fun dancing to the music. It was almost as if the music and I were one and the same; I felt like I was inside it, or it was inside of me, that I was a part of it, or it was a part of me. I loved the feel of my own body as I danced in rhythm with the music. I'd always felt the most in touch with myself while I was doing something physical. It was as if my mind needed my body to think, like I felt and thought with my muscles. When I walked, my thoughts followed a path just like my feet. When I ran, my thoughts raced along with me. Now, as I was dancing with Laura, my mind intermixed with the world around me.
We moved around the dance floor, now fast, now slow. We were surrounded by friends and classmates, as if my whole world was in the gym. I guess it was my whole world, at least the world that I knew. Sure, other places existed; I'd visited many of them, but Chouteau Kansas was still pretty much my entire world. I looked around me and took it all in at a glance. My world hadn't looked so beautiful in quite a long time.
As much as I enjoyed dancing with her, I couldn't keep my mind off Brian. I kept thinking how wonderful he was, and how lucky I was that he was my boyfriend. I'd dreamed of having someone to love, and someone to love me in return. Now I'd been granted that, and more. Looks didn't really matter all that much to me, but he was the most beautiful boy in the world. Well, yes… looks mattered, but there were other things far more important. I would have been happy with a kind, ordinary guy, but I'd been given someone not only as wonderful as could be, but incredibly handsome as well. I couldn't believe my good luck; at last things were going my way. Him and I were going through a lot to be together, but it was worth it.
My friends on the team danced around me, holding their girls tight. For the first time, I felt like I belonged. I didn't feel like an outsider, watching life from afar. For once, I felt like one of the guys. Still, I knew it was but an illusion. For once in my life, I enjoyed feeling just like everyone else. Maybe it was just a fantasy and it might not live long, but at least I could enjoy it before it was gone.
The air was filled with the rhythm of the music and something more. The dancers created a special aura. It's hard to describe, but there seemed something… I don't know, almost magical about the night. The night was so very different from when I first met Brian. I stood on the fringe then, present, but not really a part of things. Dancing with Laura, I felt as if I really fit in.
If only him and I could have danced together with all our friends! If only we could have held each other close, surrounded by our classmates, without fear of anyone hating us for it. How wonderful that would be! A sadness touched my heart that my dream would never come true. I thought about him again. The world might not be as we desired, but him and I were all that we could have wished. He was my wish come true.
As I was thinking about him, I became aware that Laura was speaking to me.
"I'm sorry, Laura, what did you say?"
"I was saying how beautiful all this is, with the lights and the decorations."
"Oh, yes, it is that. I was just noticing it myself. It makes my mind drift away."
She put her head on my shoulder. I held her as if protecting her, although probably I should've been protecting her from me. My dishonesty left a bitter taste on my tongue. She was certainly a sweet girl and lovely, too, in her way. I was just sorry that I couldn't be for her all that she wanted me to be. I felt like I was cheating her out of her dreams.
The song ended, and the next one was wild and fast. The whole mood of the room changed from dreamy to out of control. I think I liked the wildness even better; it let me clear my head and just be physical. Her and I went crazy, our legs and arms flailing in rhythm with the beat. I found myself laughing out loud, and she was giggling at how crazy I was acting. It was so much fun! As much as I loved it, I'd hardly ever danced before. I realized what I had been missing.
By the end of the dance, I was nearly out of breath. Her and I relinquished the dance floor to our tireless classmates. I led her over to the refreshment table where we each grabbed a soda. We were joined a few seconds later by Todd and Stephanie. I didn't know he was dating her.
"What's up, Todd?"
"Hey, Scott. I think you know my girlfriend, Stephanie."
"Girlfriend?" I said, surprised. "Hi, Steph."
I gave her an affectionate hug. I knew her well; we'd been friends since grade school. Of course, I know all the girls in school, there's only around a hundred and fifty students, more or less, in the entire high school after all. Still, I was surprised she was going with Todd. He had never mentioned her before. I was happy for him.
"Hey, Scott, I said my girlfriend, not yours!" he said with mock anger.
I laughed.
"For your information, I already have one," I shot back, motioning toward Laura.
All four of us talked and caught our breath. I could feel eyes peering at me. I looked over and saw Allison glaring with anger from afar, and even Andrea didn't look very happy, even though she was dancing with Steve.
As good as fitting in felt, I couldn't shake the sense of somehow being a traitor to what I was. I felt like I was too big of a coward to stand up for what I believed. I should have been dancing with Brian, challenging the world to disapprove if it dared. I wasn't living up to my ideal self. Living up to that idea was far harder in reality than it was in mere thought. I could not live openly as what I was. The world made that far too difficult and dangerous a task.
Soon, it was back to the dance floor. We could talk anytime, but dances weren't so common. The dance was a slow one. I held her close as we danced and talked.
"Todd's very handsome, isn't he?" she asked.
"Thinking of switching boyfriends?" I chided.
"No!" she protested. "You're very handsome, too, but isn't he good looking?"
"Yeah, I guess so," I said casually.
If only she knew just how attractive I found him, and that I used to have a crush on him. That is, until I met Brian.
"They make such a cute couple."
Her conversation was boring me a little. To be honest, I'd rather have been talking about music, football, or just about anything else at the moment. That's one thing I liked about having a boyfriend, we could talk about guy stuff all the time. There was none of that 'how's my hair look,' 'what do you think of this outfit,' or 'does this make me look fat' crap. Sure, guys care about how they look, but they don't go on and on about it, and spend time talking about how cute other couples are. Yuck! I think one of the reasons I was attracted to guys was that I so enjoyed being one. There was just something special about being male, and there was a lot to admire in maleness. Women just didn't cut it where I was concerned. Not that there was anything wrong with them, they just weren't… guys.
By the end of the night my feet were tired. I felt like I'd been through a rough football practice. Why was it that dancing wore me out more than running? No matter; it was great fun in any case. I hadn't had such a good time in I don't know how long. Laura really enjoyed herself too, and I was very pleased about that too. I wanted to make sure that she always had a good time when she was with me; I owed her that. I knew I could never really make up for the deceit, but I wanted to come as close to it as I possibly could. I bid Todd and my other friends goodbye, then left the gym with her on my arm. How different things were from the way I wanted them to be.
I drove her home, ill at ease over what she expected of me. Hopefully, she won't be as aggressive as Allison had been. That was one of the reasons I had picked her, she didn't have a reputation for being easy like Allison had. It was funny in a way, I was experiencing the same feelings of other guys, but for entirely different reasons. Other boys would have been all nervous because they were dying for a kiss, hopefully one involving tongues. I was apprehensive because I feared she would want to kiss me. I sought to avoid precisely what other boys craved.
Mustering all my courage, I walked her up the well-worn steps that led to her house, and affectionately hugged her at the door. My stomach was filled with butterflies. Did she expect me to kiss her? If so, was I supposed to use my tongue? Being with a girl was mostly alien territory to me. I knew if I did too little it'd hurt her. She'd think I didn't find her attractive, that she wasn't pretty. And if I tried too much, she'd get mad and accuse me of having only one thing on my mind. Or, maybe she'd be like Allison and want more than I was willing to give. Girls were so hard to figure out!
Suddenly, the porch light went on and we stepped apart in surprise. I was saved by her little brother, laughing at us through the living room windows. That drew the attention of her mother and our privacy was gone. I breathed a sigh of relief; I was spared the awkwardness of a kiss, at least for the moment. As she went inside, I departed as quickly as I dared. I didn't need to deal with her mom again. To many things were going through my mind. Thankfully, she did not pursue me. I released a sigh of profound relief, for escaping Katie, and the awkwardness of a kiss. Most boys would have been annoyed and frustrated by such an interruption. I was thrilled. I felt like I'd been saved at just the last moment. But what about the next time we went out? Once again, I wondered just what I'd gotten myself into.
I looked around me and shuddered with fear for a moment. What if my classmates found out about me and Brian. Todd already suspected, and I'm sure he's probably mentioned it to Mark, and some of the others as well. What if they discovered that I was gay? The sheer terror of it made me wonder if having a boyfriend was such a good idea. Maybe I should've waited until college, or after college. But if I did that, I might be waiting for my entire life. I might never have a boyfriend.
There was no use in thinking about it. I had a boyfriend now, and I wasn't going to give him up. I loved Brian. I couldn't have given him up even if I wanted to, and I had no desire to do so.
No, as much as I hated using Laura like I was, I couldn't see a viable alternative. I didn't want to hurt her, she really was fun to be with, after all. At least Brian had a girl who knew about him and was willing to play along. I briefly thought about telling Laura, but quickly dismissed the idea. No, I'd just continue to show her a good time and try to get through the next six months until I graduated. At least then we could part as friends.
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