My Boyfriend
by Victor Thomas
Chapter 2
When I woke up the next morning, I was so happy. I felt like I could fly. My whole world had opened up. My future had seemed so bleak, at least as far as having a boyfriend was concerned, but suddenly my life seemed almost too good to be true. The truth is, things were so good, it frightened me a little. I was more than half afraid that it really was a dream. Maybe there was no Brian at all. No, he was real. It was all real.
I decided to walk to school this morning. I didn't mind walking at all. It was a gorgeous summer day, and the weather was fine and warm for a September day. The whole world seemed beautiful to me. I looked at everything around me with a new set of eyes. I couldn't believe what had happened. I actually had a boyfriend. I loved him, and best of all, he loved me! He was so cute, too, and so hot. I got a warm fuzzy feeling just thinking about him. Brian was my blond babe. No, that didn't sound right. It was too girlish, and there was nothing girlish about him. I thought about him all the time, and not just about having sex with him, although I did think about that a lot. I'm a horny seventeen-year-old boy after all. No, I thought mostly about just being with him.
As I neared school, reality began to set in. I wanted to share my happiness with the whole world, but I knew they wouldn't approve. I sighed; I'd almost forgotten I had to keep this part of me a secret. I could just imagine what my classmates would've thought if they knew I was in love with another guy. I was popular at school. I had a reputation for being tough, but yet still a nice guy, and funny, too. Mainly, I was known as a jock. I'd participated in baseball, basketball, and track. Football was my real love, however, and at that I excelled. I knew that it was my prowess at football that really made me popular. I was a jock, and jocks ruled! What would they all think of me if they knew I was gay?
I doubt few of them even suspected. It's not that my classmates were stupid, but they all seemed to buy the old stereotypes. Gay guys were effeminate, girl like. They were pansies who spoke with a lisp and had weak wrists. They wanted to be girls. They were wimps, afraid of being men. They were freaks of nature. But I knew the stereotypes were a bunch of crap. Sure, there were gay guys that fit that description. Hell, I bet there were straight guys who'd have fit it as well. The truth was that any stereotype was just plain wrong. There were all types of gay guys, just as there were all types of guys, period. It's too bad more people couldn't understand that.
I certainly didn't fit the stereotype. I was a known jock, not exactly the pansy type. I didn't have a lisp, and I wanted to be a girl about as much as I wanted my dick ripped off. I loved being a guy. I enjoyed it. It rocked! Everything about being a guy was cool. No, no one would ever suspect me of being gay, unless I tipped my hand. Things were even more complicated than they had been before; now I had a boyfriend to protect. Even if he did go to another school, I knew his classmates would find out eventually if anyone found out about me.
As I continued walking toward school, I began wishing that Brian did go to my school. I wondered what it would be like to hold hands in the hallway, the way other couples did. I wished we could kiss in the cafeteria and have all the other guy's clap and howl. I wished we could make our feelings for each other public, or at least not have to hide them, but I wasn't going to let it get me down. I didn't care if anyone else approved, or what they might think. I'd never cared if anyone else approved of my clothes, my hair, my music, or anything else, and I didn't give a damn about whether or not they approved of me and Brian. Their feelings on the subject were irrelevant. Brian was all that mattered.
Being gay was becoming more accepted in the outside world. There were places where gay guys could be open about their relationships… places where no one gave a second thought, where they could walk holding hands, even kiss in public. There were places where prejudice didn't exist. Unfortunately, Chouteau Kansas wasn't one of those places. Like most of the Midwest, it was stuck in the dark ages, even more so than most places. Yeah, I thought ruefully, I could be open about what I was in Chouteau… maybe about four hundred years after I was dead.
Brian was all I could think about during school. I found it very difficult, almost impossible, to concentrate during any of my classes. Our secret relationship added spice to my life, and I'm sure it did to his as well. I was surrounded by my classmates and friends, and not one of them suspected that I was gay and even had a boyfriend.
More time with him was something I really wanted, but since he went to a different school, I knew I'd have to settle for seeing him mostly on weekends. So far, we hadn't even really talked all that much. It was funny. I already considered him my boyfriend, but we barely knew each other. I was rushing into everything way too fast, but I couldn't help myself. I wasn't taking a risk where he was concerned. I knew in my heart that we were meant to be together. I read it in his eyes when we were alone together at the river, and then later at Mark's cookout over the weekend. I could just feel it. I'd had my doubts at first, but after we held each other close, there were no more doubts in my mind.
I even enjoyed my classed today, even English. I normally don't give a damn about that class. I did like writing somewhat, but who's ever going to diagram a sentence in real life. I don't see what it mattered that I know all about verbs, adjectives, pronouns, and all that other crap. I mean, I already know how to use the words. I can speak and write quite well, without knowing any of that. Notice that I said 'speak and write well' not 'speak and write good.' See what I mean? I don't need that shit! Maybe English was boring to me because it came so easily. I seemed to instinctively know all about it. There was no challenge. I wasn't the best at spelling, but as for the rest, I could do it all. Literature was another class I didn't really care for. I mean, I liked reading, but not what the teacher expected us to read in that class. Who the hell cares about Shakespeare and all those other old writers from hundreds of years ago? If we could read and write reports on something at least from the late twentieth century, then I might enjoy it more.
I'll just be glad when school is over for the day. I intend to go home and call Brian, and see if maybe we can get together tonight or tomorrow, or certainly this Friday and Saturday. I can't wait to see him again, and hold him in my arms, and maybe even kiss him. Just the thought of that has me all excited. I try to hide it the best I can, but it's like everyone can tell I'm aroused. But then again, most teenage boys get a hardon several times throughout the day, without anyone noticing. Sometimes I think if the wind happens to be blowing just right, I get hard. Probably not really, but it seems that way at times.
As soon as I got home from practice, I went to the phone and called Brian. He answered on the fourth ring.
"Hello."
"Hi Brian, this is Scott."
"Scott! I've been thinking about you all day."
"I've been thinking about you as well. I wanted to see if we could get together later, or maybe tomorrow evening."
"I would like that, Scott."
"Can you come to my house?"
"Sure," he said. "I can be there in about half an hour if that's alright."
"That's perfect," I said. "Why don't you meet me at the park. It's a nice day. We can walk home from there and get to know each other better."
"Sounds good," he said. "I'll see you about five then."
"Okay. See you in a few."
I hung up and ran upstairs for a moment. I wanted to check myself out in the mirror and make sure everything was okay. I wanted to look my best when I saw him. I fixed my hair, brushed my teeth, put on fresh deodorant, and made sure to change shirts. All the usual stuff.
Ten minutes later I was walking out the front door, on my way to the local park, which is only about half a mile away. I should get there in plenty of time to wait on Brian.
He pulled up about ten minutes later. He climbed out of his car, looking totally hot in his tight jeans and polo shirt. The open buttons revealed just a hint of his hard, toned chest and made my heart beat just a little faster. I peered deeply into his blue-green eyes. He smiled and it made him all the more breath taking. I still couldn't believe this blond stud puppy was my boyfriend.
I smiled at him and he grinned from ear to ear.
"Oh, my god!" I said. "You're so cute!"
I couldn't help saying it out loud. He actually blushed. He possessed the shyness of a little boy and the beauty of a young man.
"Stop!" he said, shaking his head. "You're embarrassing me."
"Okay, but it's true."
"Thanks," he said. "And since you brought it up, I could say the same about you."
It was my turn to get embarrassed. I've never learned to take a compliment.
"We're both getting pretty sappy," I said.
"Hey, you're the one who started it," he said.
He was right, but how could I help it? I laughed.
"What's so funny?" he asked, giggling.
"I was just thinking about all the times I made fun of Todd and some of the other guys when they got sappy with their girls. All that, 'you're so beautiful' stuff sounded so corny. But now…"
He just smiled at me.
We walked toward my house, in no particular hurry. We had so much to talk about, a lifetime of catching up to do. There was so much I didn't know about him, and he knew equally little about me. The more we talked, the more we had in common. So many of our interests were the same, as if he had been specially designed just for me.
We'd known each other for such a short time, and yet, I felt like I'd known him forever. In a lot of ways, he was just like me, but in others he was vastly different, almost my opposite. Maybe it was true, maybe opposites did attract.
We chatted all the way home, about everything. We'd known each other such a short time, and yet we talked like we'd been together for years. I gazed at him as we walked. He was so handsome. I felt as if I were in a waking dream. All my life I'd been waiting for someone who understood me… someone I could share my most private thoughts with. And now, he was walking by my side. I felt as if I'd never been whole before, as if a part of myself had always been missing. He was that missing part. He made me complete.
My mind was racing with all that had happened recently. I had a boyfriend for the first time in my life. I forced my thoughts to slow down. I just wanted to take it all in and enjoy it. I'd never been so happy before.
I wanted to take his hand and hold it. I couldn't wait until I could do so. Maybe we could take a walk at night and hold hands. It would be so romantic. I'd been having a lot of romantic thoughts about him. He was the kind of boy I'd been dreaming about, even before I really knew I was into guys. For a long time, I didn't understand my attraction to boys. I liked being with them, having fun with them, but I didn't know there was a physical attraction beneath it all. It wasn't until I was around thirteen that I realized something more was going on. Even before puberty, I'd yearned for a boy like Brian in my life, but once I'd started maturing, I knew there was much more to it than mere friendship. I knew then that I wanted to find someone special and spend my life with him. That's when I first started being attracted to my best friend, Todd.
I was dying to touch Brian. Most of my thoughts about him were romantic, but some were just plain sexual. I was a virgin, at least when it came to gay sex. I hoped he was, too. I wanted us to have our first time together. I knew it was a little early to be thinking about sex, but I was seventeen and I'd been wanting and needing sex since I was thirteen. I wondered what he would be like in bed. I'd seen him without a shirt at the river. His muscular torso made me weak in the knees. I hadn't flailed to check out his swim suit either, especially when it was all wet and clinging tightly to his body. I loved the way it hugged his butt. From the front, I'd been able to partly make out the outline of his cock. It had made my own spring to life.
I frowned for a moment. Why did the word 'cock' suddenly seem so vulgar? Was I wrong to be thinking of him sexually? I didn't think so. Maybe it would've been wrong it that's all I thought about, but sex was only a part of what I wanted with him. True, I wanted it pretty bad, but I knew in my heart there was far more between us than mere physical attraction. If I was looking for sex, and nothing more, there were plenty of guys I'd have gone for. I'd have jumped on Brendan in a flash; Robert, Ryan and Mark were pretty hot too. Not to mention Todd. I'd had a crush on him for the last two years, but I wanted more… much more. Even if I knew that Brian and I would never make love, I'd still have been deliriously happy. I just knew that whatever we did together would be wonderful. I was excited by the possibility of just being with him as I was with the possibility of sleeping with him. We'd barely started, but I was already falling in love with him.
Mom was in the kitchen when we came through the back door. I could read the question in her eyes. Other than Todd, I rarely brought any of my friend's home. We always seemed to hang out elsewhere. My parents weren't all that cool. There wasn't anything wrong with them exactly; I just didn't want my friends around them that much. But I guess most guys pretty much felt that way about their parents.
"Mom, this is Brian," I introduced.
She gave him her warmest smile.
"It's nice to meet you, Brian," she said.
"It's nice to meet you as well, Ms. McCall," he said.
I was relieved to see she liked him. He was polite, and that got anyone my age on her good side real fast. He also had a clean cut, 'All American boy next door' look that I knew she would like. He didn't have anything pierced either, so that was another mark in his favor. Her initial reaction to him was a good sign. I wanted my parents to like him, because I hoped he'd be around a lot.
I handed him a coke from the fridge and pulled him into the living room, where we sat on the couch and watched a little television. Mom popped her head in and asked him to stay for supper. He grinned and nodded. He was really fitting in. We lounged around for a bit, talking and watching TV. I didn't have the energy for much more; I was already worn out from practice and was starting to get sleepy. Before my eyelids grew too heavy, I fought it off and took him to my room. I closed the door behind us.
"Cool room," he said, looking over at the dozen or so trophies of various sizes on the shelves. "You must be a real football champ."
"I've been on some awesome teams," I replied, trying to be humble.
I wasn't really very good at being modest. To be honest, I thought I was hot shit on the football field. I should've been; I worked damn hard at it.
"You're the one who's awesome," he said.
"If you keep complimenting me, I'll have to say something about your looks again!" I warned. "You want me to get sappy?"
"Okay, okay! I surrender," he said, laughing.
He couldn't stand up to my secret weapon, the compliment."
"So, what kind of music do you like?" I asked, flipping through my CD's, trying to find something I thought he would go for.
"I like just about everything, except rap, show tunes, and that opera crap. That shit makes me hurl! But I do like boy bands, like Hanson , Phantom , the Backstreet Boys , N'Sync and the Moffets ."
"Tell me about it!" I said, laughing. "Someone could use opera to torture me for information. I'd spill my guts before I had to listen to that crap." I mimicked someone being interrogated. "I'll talk, I'll talk! I'll tell you everything! Just turn it off, please! I also like boy bands as well, especially Hanson . Don't you think Taylor is the hottest?"
"Oh, most definitely," he said. "I really like his long hair, and he is really cute. Almost as cute as you, Scott."
I could feel my face turning red when he said that.
I couldn't decide which CD to play, so I finally just pulled out my Hanson album, titled Middle of Nowhere . We both really got into it, especially when they played my favorite Hanson song, 'MmmBop .' We even sang along with it, laughing our heads off as we did.
I flung myself on my bed and he sat beside me. I kept looking at him and thinking how attractive he was. I loved everything about him, even the way he continually brushed the hair out of his eyes. He kept his long blond hair tucked behind his ears as much as possible, but it just wouldn't stay. I loved the way it trailed down to just above his shoulders. I wished I could get my hair that long, but my parents practically threw a fit if it got even two inches over my ears. Every time my hair started looking cool, they made me get it cut. Parents!
He was handsome, but his looks were only part of what made him so appealing. His kind heart and cheery disposition made him all the more attractive, as did the fact that he seemed largely unaware of his own beauty. It was obvious I couldn't mention his looks. It embarrassed him so much he turned red as a beet. I had to bite my tongue to keep from bringing up how great he looked.
His modesty really did make him more attractive. I knew a few good-looking guys at school that were totally hung up on themselves. It was obvious that they were really impressed with their own looks. They were always checking themselves out in the mirror and combing their hair just right. They reminded me of girls.
Some boys really got off on their own bodies. Some of the guys in my gym class and a couple on the football team were like that. They were always flexing their muscles while they watched themselves in the mirror. If you ask me, those guys were conceited as hell. They were so impressed with themselves that it detracted from their looks.
Todd was kind of like that. He was my best friend, but I could tell he thought he was really hot, which to be fair, he is. I once suggested that he date himself since no one was as good looking as he was. I think he took it as a compliment. Anyway, Brian was definitely not one of those guys, and I was glad of that.
I sat up. Being so near him excited me and I didn't want him to see what was happening in my pants. I didn't want him to think I wanted him just for his body. Sure, I did want him, oh boy did I want him, but that was only a small part of the life I wanted with him. He excited me in many ways, and not just sexually. My heart was actually beating faster than normal just because he was there. I wanted to hug him, or hold his hand or something, but I was really a pretty shy guy, at least when it came to things like that. You'd never know it watching me on the football field, or when I was with my friends. I was a maniac when I played, but when I was alone with someone, I was a different boy.
After all, it wasn't like I was experienced with boys. I'd had a girlfriend and that didn't exactly work out very well. Brian was my first and only boyfriend. With him I was shyer than ever. I didn't want to do anything stupid and wind up looking foolish in front of him. I didn't give a damn about what the rest of the world might think, but I cared deeply about what he thought of me. After what seemed like hours, I slowly reached, grasped his hand, and held it. He looked down at my hand and smiled shyly, then gave it a little squeeze. I was in heaven.
I was sitting right beside him, about as close as one could imagine. The contact with his body sent my head spinning. I was keenly aware of everything about him. As we talked, my eyes drifted all over him. I noted every detail, his white blond eyebrows, his perfect skin. I loved everything about him. It was hard to believe how happy I was, just because he was there.
The scent of his hair and cologne sent my heart spinning. We'd been talking the whole time we'd been sitting on the bed, but I don't remember much of what we said. I turned to him, my eyes met his, and my words slowly trialed off into silence. We sat there just gazing into each other's eyes, then slowly began to lean forward. I felt as if our souls were communicating in a way we never could with words. Slowly, I raised my arms and wrapped them around him, drawing him closer still, and he returned my embrace. We sat there and hugged. It was the greatest feeling I'd ever experienced. I could feel his hot breath on my neck and his heart pounding in his chest. I wanted to hold him forever and feel his strong arms around me.
"I feel so safe when you hold me," he whispered. "I feel safe in a way I never have before."
He was safe. Nothing would ever happen to him. I'd die to protect him; of that I had no doubt. I loved him and I'd do anything for him… anything.
He leaned back just a little and looked into my eyes.
"Scott, have you ever…" He paused. I could tell it was difficult for him to speak his mind. He looked away, embarrassed. "This is tough," he said.
I smiled.
"You can ask me anything, Brian… anything."
He took a deep breath.
"Have you ever… you know, done anything with another guy?"
"Sure, lots!" I said.
He looked kind of shocked. I laughed.
"In my dreams, anyway," I explained. "But in real life, nothing. Not even once."
"You're wicked!" he said, visibly relieved. "You had me thinking all kinds of things."
"And you like that I'm wicked, don't you?" I said with a mischievous grin.
"Oh yeah, baby," he said, giggling.
I put my right hand on his shoulder.
"So, have you ever… you know, with a guy?" I asked.
"No," he said, shaking his head, "and not with a girl either. Well, I did kiss this one girl my freshman year, or rather she kissed me. There were no tongues or anything."
I hesitated for a couple of seconds about telling him about Allison, but finally decided I had to be completely honest with him. He would find out anyway, and I didn't want him thinking I had lied to him.
"I did have a girlfriend until recently," I said. "Allison and I dated for several weeks before we finally broke up. I felt like I had to date a girl so no one would figure out that I'm gay. I hope you can understand, Brian."
"I understand," he said. "I've had a couple of girls after me as well, and I felt pressured to date one of them. Me and Charmain did go out a few times, but only as friends. She's the only one, other than you, that knows that I'm gay, and she's completely cool with it. We still go out occasionally."
"It's too bad that Allison wasn't like that," I said. "She doesn't know about me, and I have a feeling she would be very pissed off it she found out. I did enjoy our time together, at least somewhat, but I always felt guilty, like I was using her to cover my ass, which I guess I was."
"So, did you two ever…" he started to say.
"Only once," I replied, "and I was a little drunk at the time. In fact, I had to think of Todd in order to even stay hard so I could do it. That was before I even knew you. Todd is my best friend, and I've had a crush on him for the last two years, even though I knew nothing could ever come of it. And now, I have a huge crush on you, and I hope something will come of it."
"Todd is very hot," he said. "I can see why you have a crush on him. And believe me, Scott, something will happen between us, and soon. So, I guess we're officially virgins, at least as far as gay sex goes."
"I guess so," I said. "I'm glad. I haven't been too happy about it in the past, but it's different now. Now, it means that when we… you know, we'll both have our first time together."
He smiled and turned a little red. Talking about sex was a lot more difficult with just the two of us, alone in my bedroom, than it was in a locker room full of guys. Well, you know what I mean. Talking about sex in the locker room was just bull shitting; in my bedroom it was real.
"Uhm, Scott?" he asked expectantly.
"Yeah?"
"Do you, ah… you know?"
The way he was so shy was really cute. I don't know how, but somehow, I knew just what he was talking about. I grinned and made a little hand gesture.
"You mean, do I jerk off, beat my meat, spank the monkey?"
"Yeah."
"Every day for about the last four years," I said earnestly. "How could any guy not do it all the time?"
"Me too," he admitted.
"You know what they say?" I asked.
"What?"
"That half the guys in the world admit to whacking it, and the other half are lying," I said.
He laughed, but his face was beet red now. I was kind of embarrassed, too. I knew it'd get easier though. It was just going to take us a little time. All that talk about what we'd done, or in our case, not done with another guy, was getting to me. It was definitely getting hot in here.
I noticed him reach down and adjust himself, and I did as well. We just looked at each other and giggled.
We grew quiet and I hugged him close to me once more. He nuzzled up against my cheek, then closed his eyes and sighed. I'd never dreamed that just hugging someone could make me so content. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I just sat there, lost in the moment and enjoying the closeness, love and warmth. It was wonderful!
Just then, mom knocked on the door and popped her head into my room.
"Supper's ready, boys!" she said cheerily.
She was gone as quickly as she came, but my heart was pounding in my chest, and I practically shit my pants. Luckily, him and I had released each other in a flash the moment she had opened the door, and sat apart on the bed. She didn't suspect a thing, but it was way too close. What if she had caught us hugging? Like I wanted to explain something like that to my mother! He looked at me and shrugged with his eyes; I knew what he meant. Being together was going to pose some interesting and difficult problems.
I forgot all about the incident at supper. Dad was home and he seemed to like Brian as much as mom did. He quizzed him about his football team down in Welch, and all sorts of sports stuff. I could tell mom was a little bored, but we three guys were having a great time. Sometimes I felt a little sorry for her. Dad was a sports nut, and I was a jock, but she was always kind of outnumbered. And now, with Brian, she was really outnumbered. She didn't seem to mind all that much. She had her own friends, but still, I bet she wished I had a sister.
I wished more than anything that I could introduce Brian to my parents as my boyfriend. I wanted to share my happiness with them, but I knew I'd never be able to do that. They'd freak! Especially my father. He'd go absolutely ape-shit if he knew that his 'jock son' was gay. It made me a little sad to know I'd never be able to share that part of my life with them, but I didn't let it take away from the happiness of the moment. Brian seemed like part of the family. It was as if finally, everything was just right.
Brian was at my house, or I was at his place, pretty much every day that week. Between football practice, homework, and the demands our families made on us, we didn't have much alone time together. Sure, we had time together, just not any alone. Still, it was cool when he hung out at my house. Having him in my living room, in my kitchen, and my bedroom, was as exciting to me as having some celebrity over. Even more so; I wasn't in love with any celebrity.
Hanging out at his house was cool, too. His parents were typical, I guess. His dad was a little heavy set and looked like he was probably glued to the chair in the living room. His mom was really nice, and very pretty. I wondered why she hooked up with someone like his father. Not that he wasn't okay looking in his way; he just wasn't attractive compared to his wife. I could see where Brian got his looks; his mom had beautiful blond hair and the same deep greenish blue eyes. Since her son was seventeen, she had to be in her mid-thirties at least, but she looked like she was only in her early twenties at the most. I knew for a fact that most of the guys from school would've been drooling over her, but not me. Brian's mom was hot, but I was only interested in her son.
I sure as hell didn't say anything to him about his mom's looks. Of course, coming from me, he would've known it didn't mean anything. Still, I didn't want to make any waves, so I kept quiet about it.
We spent as much time together as we could, but still it wasn't enough. Our time alone together was particularly rare. We did manage to hug a few times, and I sure liked that. I wanted more than anything to kiss him, but he was shy by nature and I was kind of embarrassed about doing that sort of thing. I mean, I wanted to kiss him, but I just didn't want to push him too fast. I didn't want to do anything before he was ready. I knew I was probably being over cautious, but better that then ruin everything by being some kind of sex crazed maniac. Besides, the anticipation was enjoyable in itself. I wondered what it's be like. I found myself gazing at his lips, dreaming about the first time I would kiss him.
Every day of my life was special because of him. He was the first thing I thought of when I awoke in the morning, and the last thing I thought of at night. During the day, more times than I could count, he entered my mind and made me smile. A lot of people searched their whole lives without finding somebody to love, but I'd managed to find Brian and I was only seventeen years old. I knew I was incredibly lucky, and I intended to enjoy every last second of it.
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