Throwaways
by SalientLane
Chapter 1
Vancouver
The rain poured down in icy sheets as Jamie and Eli huddled together in the alley's meager shelter. Jamie shivered, his soaked hoodie plastered to his skinny frame. Beside him, Eli wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders, radiating a warmth that had nothing to do with body heat.
"We can't sleep out here tonight," Eli said, his voice edged with exhaustion and concern. "You'll freeze."
Jamie nodded, too numb to argue. He knew Eli was right. But the thought of walking any further through the icy downpour made his legs ache.
Eli squeezed Jamie's shoulder reassuringly. "Come on. There's a shelter on Hastings. We can make it if we hurry."
With effort, Jamie pushed himself to his feet. Eli kept an arm around him as they ventured back into the storm, half guiding, half carrying his friend. Jamie's head swam with each icy raindrop, his thoughts lost in a narcotic haze. But through it all, Eli's solid presence anchored him, a beacon of light in his all-consuming darkness.
They trudged onward, two small figures barely visible through the rain. Their families had kicked them out and wouldn't care if they were both dead. They were gay, so it was okay to toss them out like garbage. Because, to their families, they were garbage, defective and broken.
Jamie leaned into Eli as they walked, letting his friend's sturdy frame take some of his weight. He knew he'd be lost without Eli, cast adrift in a stormy sea of addiction. But Eli refused to let him drown.
As they turned onto Hastings Street, the shelter's neon sign shone through the gloom. Eli quickened his pace, eager to get Jamie out of the cold. Jamie moved as if in a dream, putting one foot in front of the other by sheer force of will.
Just before they reached the shelter doors, Jamie paused, a brief moment of clarity piercing his haze. He looked at Eli - strong, kind Eli - and felt a swell of gratitude. His friend had saved him, in every way a person could be saved.
"Thank you," Jamie said softly.
Eli met his gaze, understanding passing between them. "I love you," he replied. "You're my brother."
With Eli's hand clasped firmly in his, Jamie walked into the shelter. For now, they were safe, they were warm. The storm raged on outside, but they weathered it together.
Jamie and Eli stepped into the warmth of the shelter, the door swinging shut behind them and muting the sounds of the storm outside. Jamie blinked against the harsh fluorescent lights, taking in the familiar scene - worn couches, a TV droning in the corner, the mingled smells of coffee and unwashed bodies.
A kindly older volunteer approached them, her gray hair pulled back in a bun. "You boys staying the night?" she asked. At their nods, she continued, "We've got some beds open in the back room."
As they followed her down the hall, Jamie leaned in close to Eli. "You got any money for food later?" he whispered.
Eli shook his head, his face grim. Jamie's heart sank. With his unrelenting cravings, it had been over a day since he'd eaten.
The volunteer showed them to a small room with two empty cots. "Get some rest," she said gently. "Dinner's at 6 if you're hungry."
After she left, Jamie collapsed onto the creaky cot, every muscle aching. He felt Eli's hand on his shoulder.
"I'll go see if I can get us something to eat," his friend said. Jamie started to protest, but Eli stopped him. "You need to rest. I'll be back soon."
As Eli slipped out, Jamie stared up at the ceiling, listening to the rain drumming relentlessly on the roof. He wondered how much longer they could keep going like this, living meal to meal, dodging danger at every turn. But the alternative - being alone, without Eli - was unthinkable. Together they would survive, somehow. They had to.
Jamie's thoughts were interrupted by a growing unease in his body. His bones ached for the relief of his next hit. He sat up, shaking, and fumbled for his backpack. Inside was the small plastic bag containing his last remaining pills. He stared at them, heart racing. He knew he shouldn't, but the craving was overwhelming. Hands trembling, he tapped out two pills and swallowed them dry.
The relief washed over him as the drugs entered his bloodstream. But soon, too soon, it faded. Jamie's breathing quickened. He needed more.
But then, a flicker of sanity sparked within him. His heart pounded in his chest like a war drum, each beat a plea for survival. He looked at the pills in his hand, each one promising sweet relief, but also a step closer to the edge. His mind screamed for him to stop, to throw them away. But his body, his frail body, craved for the oblivion.
"No no no no no no no." He pleaded.
He closed his eyes, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He could feel the cold sweat trickling down his back, his hands shaking uncontrollably. He clenched his fist, the pills digging into his palm. He wanted to resist, he needed to resist. He thought of Eli, his best friend. His everything.
But before he knew it, he had emptied the entire bag into his hand. So many colors, so much sweet oblivion. Benzos, muscle relaxants, painkillers. He tossed them back desperately. He closed his eyes.
As the pills took hold, the room began to sway. Jamie's vision darkened at the edges. "Oh... shit," he murmured faintly. He tried to stand but his legs gave out. He crashed to the floor, his cheek against the cold concrete. His breaths came in ragged whispers now.
As he lay there, life ebbing away, he thought of Eli. His best friend, his rock. "I'm sorry," Jamie whispered into the empty room. The darkness closed in, and he knew no more.
Eli's heart dropped as he saw Jamie's limp body on the floor. He rushed over and checked for a pulse—it was there, but faint and getting weaker. Jamie's skin was pale and clammy. "No, no, no, stay with me!" Eli pleaded as he turned Jamie onto his back. He had to act fast.
Performing CPR, Eli desperately tried to keep Jamie alive. Tears streamed down Eli's face as he pushed on Jamie's chest again and again. "Breathe, dammit!" After what felt like an eternity, Jamie finally took a ragged gasp and started breathing on his own.
Relief flooded through Eli. He cradled Jamie's head in his lap, gently stroking his hair. "It's gonna be okay. I've got you," he whispered. Jamie's overdose was like a slap in the face, a brutal reminder of how close they were to the edge. As Eli held his best friend, he knew they couldn't keep living like this. It was time for a change.
In the days after, the city did seem different. The constant threat of danger wasn't as oppressive. Eli started making calls, and with the help of some kind souls at Trevor Project, found a teen crisis center that would take them in. The social worker who picked them up was sweet. For the first time in a long while, Eli felt hopeful.
At the center, Eli and Jamie managed to somehow get their own room together. They were able to take classes, eat regular meals, and just be kids again. The light at the end of the tunnel was growing brighter. Jamie was still struggling, but with Eli by his side, he was starting to turn things around. Step by step, they were getting their lives back. As long as they stuck together, Eli knew they would make it.
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