The Observer
by Rafael Henry
Chapter 14
Sixteen today is our birthday boy. We went to bed a little earlier than usual. I had bought a copy of Thomas Mann's 'Death in Venice' starring Dirk Bogarde. We had watched it after dinner at the George. We had both got ourselves ready for bed and settled down on the sofa……me in the corner as usual, and James leaning into me. James was interested to see the film following his friend's performance in the Kent Opera production at the Marlowe. Rather knowingly, James commented that the boy character, Tadzio, was too old. He knew that the boy that the writer of the novella, Thomas Mann, had seen in Venice and inspired his story, was eleven years old. Björn Andrésen, the Swedish boy actor, was fifteen by the time he made the film. James' friend Luke was thirteen when he performed at the Marlowe. I imagine that the producer of the film version thought an older boy would be more acceptable to the audience. I could see myself reflected in the Baron Von Aschenbach character, and like him, nothing physical had ever taken place between him and the object of his obsessive infatuation. The implication in the film was that Aschenbach desired a physical relationship with the boy, and that the boy Tadzio would probably have consented to sex with his admirer. Aschenbach and Tadzio almost meet at the beach, where Tadzio, dressed in a revealing swimsuit, either is very well endowed for his age, or is slightly erect. I think the latter because in other scenes at the beach, the bulge looks noticeably smaller. James asked me to replay that scene several times. I'm sure he thought Tadzio very sexy. It still doesn't take much to turn James on. He's a highly sexed boy. There has never been any doubt about that.
Twenty minutes later, we were in bed, both of us conforming to the dress code, and with a couple of feet between us. On the sofa he was in my arms, more or less, but in bed we keep apart.
James had agreed to give me one or two more verbal excerpts from his 'diary'. I'm not certain he's written anything down, but I wanted to hear about anything that involved me.
'You are in it. Volume one actually.' James assures me.
'Oh? How do I qualify for inclusion then?'
'The train thing. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that.'
That's true. If James hadn't decided to sit near me that day, his life would have been different. That's a fact. It might have been better, or worse maybe, but it would have been different.
'Are you glad then?'
'Yes of course I am…..and I want to say thank you.'
'There's no need James. And why did you sit on the train where you did?'
'You looked nice.'
'Is that all you can say?'
'Ok. Handsome then.'
'Boys that age shouldn't be thinking about such things.'
'I do…or I did. I thought you were very handsome. I wanted to sit near you.'
'That's very sweet.'
'What about me then?'
'I thought you looked very pretty in your red blazer. Pity about the trousers though.'
'What about them?'
'I thought you ought to be wearing long trousers. You looked big enough for long trousers.'
'I'm glad I wasn't then.'
'So that's a black mark then. Cute boys should not show us their legs.'
'All of their legs?'
'Most of it.'
'Is that what you like then? Looking up boys trouser legs? What do you see?'
'Nothing much.'
'Cheeky! Women and girls do it too.'
'That's because you sit with your knees wide apart, all innocent like?'
'How do you know then? Did you do that?'
I did, and very nearly got myself into trouble on more than one occasion. There were three of us on a train seat, all in a row. We'd planned it beforehand just to see how the people opposite reacted. It was one of those compartments that didn't have a table between the rows of seats, and in the days when boys' school short trousers were exactly that…….short. If you sat with your knees apart, you gave the person opposite a great view right up to your pants, if you were wearing any that is. It wouldn't be long before the person……man, boy, girl…….whoever it was, let you know that they had noticed. You'd pretend to not notice they had noticed, wriggle about this way and that, giving them the best possible view. It was great fun and a massive turn on. On one school trip as a result of our antics, I did it with a much older boy in the train loo. He was sitting directly opposite me. He had a pretty good look, nodded and smiled at me. I smiled back cheekily. He got up from his seat, looked back at me, and I got up and followed him to the loo. He was very appreciative. It was well before I could come, but he amply made up for my deficiencies. There were traces of his DNA on my grey jumper for weeks. I don't know when he'd last come, but it had to have been quite a while before, judging by what he produced. I was most impressed.
I didn't divulge this information to James. I could see he was in the mood to make revelations of his own, and I wanted to encourage him…….
'Mr Sendall. You told me you went to see him one night. That was the only time I hope?'
I had asked James the same question before, and got a negative. I thought I'd give it another go.
'No.'
'Oh. Do you want to tell me then?'
'Can I come closer please? I've got a cold bottom.'
James often has a cold bottom. If I were to put the palm of my hand on it, I suspect it would be perfectly warm. Naughty boy.
The two feet between us disappeared. I put an arm around James who had his hands under his chin.
'I said my bottom , not my back.'
'Ok…bottom then.'
We're in the danger zone here. James is quite small for his age, and if he takes after his mother, he'll be lucky to make five foot nine. Jane is petite, but quite spare if you know what I mean. A woman would put it better than that. James is similar. His bottom feels toned and firm to my touch…..and not at all cold. It always looked that way, but now I know how it feels. His clothes always hang well on his body, and like all the boys I notice, my eye is drawn to the backside. He is just one of those boys. Standing nude, James' legs do not meet at the top. There's a gap. Now I move my hands over the fabric that covers his buttocks and run my fingers along the seams. It all feels quite loose. I rest my hand on his hip. I can tell James is enjoying my attention.
'More please Otta…..and all over this time. I'm sixteen now, remember?'
The legal age of consent….sixteen. We talked about it at dinner. I jokingly asked him if I should keep a supply of Durex, the standard make of condom in these parts, in the bathroom cupboard now he's reached the age of consent. On that subject, James had commented……
'I don't like the idea of those things. Anyway, I don't know any girls that would want to.'
'What about boys? They do it too.'
James goes quiet. I often wondered how far he and Mathew have gone, or to put it another way, if there is anything they haven't done? There had been noises coming through the wall, but who knows what that meant.
James is in determined mood. That's not his natural demeanour. He prefers others to take the lead.
He is on his tummy and enjoying having his bottom 'warmed'. I stop what I'm doing to measure his reaction.
'Don't stop Otta. I like that.'
I know he does. I resume my gentle hand movements over the two firm muscles, being careful not to stray into that alluring territory between them.
'You're getting warmer then?'
'Am I.' says James in his little weak voice.
'Yes, I think so.' say I.
You're getting warmer . It's 'hide and seek' speak. Perhaps this is a coded message to James suggesting that I should explore every part of James' buttocks? Danger time.
James' breathing is audible now, and just a shade faster than it was, as is mine. This is a major turn on for me. The boy is sixteen and here he is inviting me to explore his body.
' Am I getting warmer James?'
'A bit.' is his reply.
I've moved my hand lower. I'm enjoying this and so is James, my beautiful birthday boy. I'm turned on now, and I know James must be.
I use my finger tips to stimulate him. It's an exquisite sensation for both of us, and I'm determined to make it last. I'm teasing him because I want to know more about life at the Priory, and Mr Sendall in particular. James has admitted going into the man's private room on at least one occasion, and implied he may have gone there several times. I find other people's sexual experiences a massive turn on. I'm not sure if that's 'normal', but I don't care either way. What's 'normal' anyway?
'Did you mind my asking you about Mr Sendall?'
'No.'
'So did you go and see him more than once James?'
'Yes. I went to him loads of times actually.'
'Was that your choice James?'
'Yes. Sometimes I went after the other boys were asleep….about nine thirty….something like that. Other times I went early the next morning. I liked him. He was kind, and…..very nice……..beautiful really. I'd think about him in bed. I wanted to see him on my own….just me and him.'
'So you didn't mind then? Being looked at like he did?'
'No of course not. I'd play up to it. When he came to get us out of bed in the mornings, he'd stand near me. I knew when he would be coming, and in bed I'd think about him seeing me nude. The first thing we'd do when we got out of bed was to take off our pyjamas, and walk just down the corridor to showers. My penis would get hard just thinking about him seeing me naked. I wanted him to see me like that. He'd watch me as I got out of bed. I'd deliberately face him so he could see my penis when I took my pyjamas off. I watched his face, and where his eyes went. I could see he loved looking at me, and I'm sure he knew I was doing it for him. He was kind and gentle. I wanted to please him….to thank him really….for being so lovely. That what he was….lovely and beautiful. Raphael asked him one night how old he was. He thought he was too young to be a teacher. He told us he was twenty one…….not much more than a boy himself.'
I was enjoying stroking James' back and bottom, and getting James 'warmer' all the time. From time to time I'd explore less sexual places elsewhere on his body, just to keep him in doubt, the cruel man that I am, and then to return to that most erogenous zone….or at least one of them. James went on…….
'I set my alarm for six o'clock and put it under my pillow. Then I'd get out of bed and tiptoe between the beds and out of our room. There was carpet everywhere so no one would hear me leave. His door was never locked. I just went in. Sometimes he would be awake, and smile at me. Other times he wasn't and I'd undress and get into his bed, and if he had his back to me, I'd lie against him. Then he'd realise I was there and he would turn around and hold me and pull me against his body. By that time I could feel him pressing against me. I was like that too. I loved the feel of his penis pressing into me. Then he'd start kissing my skin. I held his penis while he kissed me. I would get it in my fist and squeeze it as hard as I could. He liked that. It was wonderful. I just wanted to please him and make him happy. I knew he was lonely. He said he was. I just wanted him to know that I cared about him. He would lie on his back. I knew what he wanted. You can guess the rest.'
'What about you?'
'It never took long. Sometimes I would lie beside him……once or twice astride him so he could kiss my back and stuff. I liked that. I had my knees either side of his chest so he could play with me while I did him. That was amazing. It would all go over me…all over….you know…….all his stuff. Then I'd turn around the other way so he could kiss my mouth . There was never anything left when he'd finished with me. It was all my idea…..to do that. I couldn't help it. We were both in heaven. We'd wait about ten minutes, and then I'd go back to my bed. He'd whisper nice things to me. I couldn't bear to leave him. None of the other boys ever noticed I wasn't there….apart from Raphael.'
'Raphael?'
'Yes. We'd do it together fairly often. He noticed that I didn't want to do it with him as much as we used to. He thought I didn't want to be friends any longer. That wasn't true. I never put his penis in my mouth.'
'Whose?'
'Mr Sendall's.'
'What about yours?'
'Yes. Lots of times.'
'And?
'Until I had finished. That's how he liked to do it.'
'And did you mind?'
'No. I never told Raphael. I think he suspected something but I never told him. You're the only other person who knows. Raphael and I never did it like that.'
'Did you need to tell me?'
'I wanted to tell you.'
'Why?'
'Because……I don't know. I just did. I know you love me. I thought you should know, that's all.'
I stopped what I was doing. There are moments that are beyond everything, and this was one of them. We just lay together, James in my arms. Oh dear.
I wanted him to go back to his own bed, but he insisted he stayed put.
'It's my birthday. You can't make me go. Anyway I don't feel sleepy.'
'Oh. Do you want me to fetch your book then?'
'No.'
'What then?'
'Don't you know Otta?'
'Well I know what makes me feel sleepy, or at least afterwards, but that doesn't seem appropriate after your revelations of a few minutes ago does it?'
No answer. Then……
'So I've spoilt it then haven't I…..by telling you all that stuff? It's my sixteenth birthday.'
'No you haven't spoilt it. You're going to be over sixteen for a long time now. There's time.'
'But I wanted it to be special.'
'It is special sweetheart. Look at me.'
I took his head in both hands and held it. I kissed him on his forehead. Then….
'Would you mind if I did it. I think I need to. I'm not going to sleep otherwise.'
'Of course I don't mind.'
'Will you hold me please?'
'Yes, I'll hold you. Would you like me to watch?'
'Umm.'
This is a special pleasure……for him as well as for me. I offered no stimulation, like stroking his leg, or feeling his balls, or getting close to where I had been before the 'revelations' concerning Mr Sendall. No, this was just James being James. I cradled his head, aware of the scent of a boy bringing himself gently to orgasm. I am interested in the result too. It took a while…probably ten minutes or so before he came, but it was well worth the wait to see what my darling boy would please me with. Sensing the situation is imminent, I raise James' head to watch. As a young boy, I always watched myself come. I think it's something that a lot of boys do, but I have no evidence for that of course. James' foreskin had retracted enough for the meatus to be fully visible as it opened wider to better facilitate the flow of his semen. It's a breathless moment for James as gasp follows gasp as he jets forth his milky white essence….four of them I counted. And then it's over.
'Did you see it Otta?'
'Yes, I saw it James. You've come on rather nicely.'
'What's does that mean?'
'It means you've grown up somewhat….from the little boy I met on the train, to what we see before us now. A very sweet and loving boy. Not a little boy any more. An older boy who is just as beautiful as the other one, but in a different way, and one who can do things that he couldn't do before. Get it?'
'Yes, I get it. I'm afraid that you preferred the little boy. Is that right?'
'No. Time does not stand still. Everything moves on, including you, and I love you not only the beautiful boy that you were, but also for what you are….now.'
'Really?'
'Yes, r eally.'
James pulls me down onto him. I'm not expecting what happens next. He kisses me on the mouth. I'm taken aback, and overwhelmed at the same time. The kiss is passionate and urgent. I feel his tongue enter my mouth, and I instantly return the gesture with my own tongue. It's the sweetest taste. Earlier, I confess, I tasted his semen. I took it from his tummy where it lay cooling. His mouth tastes the same to me. James breaks the kiss and smiles.
'Sorry. I just had to do that.'
'I'm flattered James…..and it took me a bit by surprise. That's a first you realize?'
'Umm. So was the other thing.'
I turned James over so he faced away from me. He's a tired boy. For him, sleep will soon overtake him. Not me. I'm left to wonder.
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