Simon Says
by Rafael Henry
Chapter 2
Both boys are wearing the not completely unattractive navy trainer bottoms they bought independently at the beginning of the week……the ones at a special price to those youngsters, boys and girls, who have signed up for the various activities to suit most interests, all of which involve some form of physical activity. You can go swimming in the pool, play five-a-side football, there's tennis available on the two hard courts that are crumbling at the edges, and you can try your hand at the pitch-and-putt if you want, plus the beach for family time and safe open-water bathing. In the current warm weather, tops are generally not worn by Ryan and Will. They prefer to show off their leanness of frame, which would be wasted if it were covered, and trainers for scheduled activities…….otherwise bare feet and flip-flops.
'Does it still hurt Will?'
'No, not much anyway. Did it feel hot to you?'
'Umm. You didn't mind did you?'
Ryan is referring, in the light of his earlier comments, to Will's injury. He laid his fingers against Will's face. It wasn't a premeditated gesture of concern…..he just did it the way one does when the feeling is strong enough….like putting a hand on a friend's shoulder. It is not something you plan to do. It's an instantaneous gesture of friendship, at the very least.
Despite the discomfort in his face, still throbbing but to a lesser degree, he could not control a degree of arousal. It was the touching that it began with. He had been abused and dominated by Ryan which in an odd way had excited him, especially when Ryan's act of violence had transposed itself into a caring gesture, and that moving physical apology. It had become a sexual thing. The quiet reconciliation that followed was exciting in itself. At almost twelve years old, he was quite capable of a very noticeable sexual response. And why did Ryan look down? For the same reason as Will looked down. What Ryan saw was in a sense a relief. It wasn't just him.
The boys needed to wait for five minutes until they were fit to be seen in public. Neither were constrained under the thin navy material, and consequently there was little to prevent what makes boys different to girls moving a few degrees towards the perpendicular, until thought processes were sufficiently diverted to the more mundane.
They talked about where they should walk. Both agreed that it should be somewhere less populated. For Will, the thought of what possibilities might lie in wait for him made the manifestation of his arousal a distinct possibility. For Ryan? The fear of the unknown and the unthinkable was now just a little diminished. He would talk about girls to Ryan. Ryan had asked him about them. But what girls?
'So have you had an actual proper girlfriend Ryan?' Will asks, as they stroll barefoot westwards along the broad sandy beach, large towels draped around their necks.
' Yeah , of course I have.' Ryan insists.
'When?'
'This year.'
'What was her name?'
Ryan thinks quickly…….
'Sandie.'
'What was she like?'
'Why do want to know Will?'
Silence, as they walk on. Time for a diversionary tactic I think.
'What about you Will? Have you ever done anything…..you know…….sexy…..with anyone?'
Oh dear. That's put Will on the spot. Go on Will, honesty, in this situation, is surely the only policy?
'A bit.' Will replies quietly. Secretly, he wants to tell Ryan. Why?
We know why.
'Who with Will? Was it a boy?'
The couple walk on. Ryan knows perfectly well that it was almost certainly a boy. Ryan is curious, as well as a trifle dishonest. There were a couple of girls he had been quite friendly with, but nothing of that sort happened. No breast fondling…..no hand inside her knickers, or outside even. Her hand never felt for his penis outside his underpants, let alone inside, to see if it had stiffened, like some girls like to do. After they had danced a couple of times, she had smiled and abandoned him. He had been left unmoved…….relieved almost. His friends had seen him dance with a girl. That was the main thing. He had been seen taking an interest. Tomorrow, there would be the inevitable questions…..
'Did you feel her?'
'Yeah.'
'Did you go outside with her?'
'Yeah.'
'Did she feel you?'
'Yeah.'
'Outside or inside?'
'Inside.'
Ryan had watched other boys with girls…..watched how they danced together……..where hands went when the lights were dimmed……..where their faces went. He had watched the boys. He had seen girls put hands on boys' bottoms while they kissed. Seeing it had aroused him. He imagined his hand on that boy's bottom.
Suddenly, Ryan stops walking and turns towards Will. The two boys stop and face each other. Will's face shows concern. Ryan has realised that his last question was a wrong thing to ask.……was it a boy? It was rude somehow……unkind…….thoughtless.
'I'm sorry Will. It doesn't matter who it was. I'm sorry for everything today….how I've been….what I've done…..and said. Look, I don't want you to feel alone that's all. I don't want to be alone. Can we be friends?'
Will smiles. There's nothing in this world that he would want more, than to be real friends with Ryan…….and of course it was a boy.
'Will you tell me about him please? Would you mind?'
No, he wouldn't mind. In fact he wants to tell Ryan very much.
They found a place to sit between two rocks, and well away from any possible intrusion. They had come to that place to be alone together. Without words, they both knew that…….what they wanted from each other…..to explore and express their feelings.
'Was he nice? What did he look like Will? Where did you meet him? Was it at school? What did you do together?'
Questions, questions. Will decides he will reveal all, apart from the very first bit.
'I was walking around the field one lunch time. There were games going on all over the place. He was sitting on the grass in the corner under a tree looking a bit lost. He looked nice. I'd seen him before in assembly. I asked him if I could sit down where he was. He smiled at me and said I could. We talked about this and that….where he lived and so on. He lived quite near me. He asked me if I would walk home with him. He was really sweet. I said I would like to. I met him outside the school gate after school. I loved his smile. He was so pleased that I agreed to walk with him. When we got to his house, he asked me in. He had his own key because his mother was out at work. We went up to his room, and I'm sure we were both thinking the same thing but couldn't say it. Then he went over to the window and looked out. There was a nice view of his garden. I stood next to him. I could feel his body against mine. I moved closer to him and he moved closer to me so our sides were pressing against each other. We both knew exactly what we were doing. I put my hand down between us, and touched his. He took hold of it and started squeezing it. Then very quietly, he asked me if I was 'like that?' I knew what he meant, so I said I was. Then we faced each other in front of the window. We held hands, just looking at each other. It was really weird, but exciting too. I remember thinking that suddenly I had a proper boyfriend. We were both really happy at that moment. It sounds ridiculous, but we started gently rubbing our faces together, and then……well……he did it.'
'Did what Will?'
'He held my head still and put his mouth against mine. I had never kissed anyone before. It was the most exciting thing I had ever done. I knew then. From that moment on, I knew. It was wonderful. Lying on his bed…..afterwards…….we both cried. We were so happy.'
'Was it……ok?'
'Yes. More than ok. I hadn't been doing it for very long at that time. I'd just started a few weeks before. It was just wonderful…..so powerful. It was like that for both of us.'
Ryan and Will walk on. They know where they are going. It's where Will saw Ryan naked, by accident of course , that day. Ryan, head down looking at the sand passing under his feet, has more questions…….
'Do you still see him?'
'No.'
The reason why Will no longer sees his friend is another story, but no harm was done. Just one of those things.
'Will………what was your friend's name?'
'Simon.'
'What did he look like?'
'Fair haired….not like you. Blue eyes as well.'
'Not like me then?'
Will stops in his tracks. Ryan turns to look at him.
'Not as good as you Ryan.'
'Why not?'
'Don't you know?'
'No. Will you tell me?'
The two boys smile at each other. Five minutes later they were around the little headland and on their own, and unseen, in that secluded place where Will had 'seen' the careless Ryan. Shortly he would 'see' him again.
The water looks very tempting……calm and warm. They place their towels carefully next to each other on the sand at the back of the beach between two rocks. From there the boys could see anyone approaching. Ryan suggests that they bathe, but Will is not so sure about that idea.
'Can we sunbathe for a while?'
Ryan isn't about to argue.
'Shall we take these off?'
Will holds the sides of his trainer pants. Ryan smiles……
'What if someone saw us?'
'They won't. Anyway, we'll see them coming.'
'I daren't.' says Ryan.
'Then we could just lie here…….like this.'
The boys lie facing each other, hands in front of their chests. He hasn't known Ryan for more than a few days, but in that time his admiration of Ryan has developed into something approaching………well, how do we describe an early sexual feeling a young boy has for another? Will is old enough for those feelings to be of a sexual nature. It all started for him with his brief liaison with Simon. After that experience, Will began to think about his own sexuality. Before that, girls were girls and boys were boys. Not now. His parents were aware of his 'experimentation', as they called it, with Simon, because Simon's mother had caught them, and told Will's parents. The boys would go up to Simon's room most afternoons, and get into bed. They hadn't heard her come home, and she had opened the bedroom door. They had blamed Will for asking Simon to do things he would not have wanted to do, which wasn't true, and they had forbidden Simon from seeing Will again, indefinitely. Will had sat down with his parents to discuss 'things'. The possibility that their son might grow up to be gay wasn't discussed, but Will had suddenly become aware of this issue that many boys can struggle with. I know I did. He began to think seriously about his sexual preferences. He had not reached a conclusion, but was not afraid of the truth. Thankfully, his parents would remain the loyal and loving support they had always been to their beautiful son.
Will notices the details of Ryan's face as he looks deeply into him……the deep blue eyes and long lashes. The mouth, the shape of his nose, and the tiny patches of pigmentation on the skin of his cheek.
'Why are you looking at me like that Will?' Ryan asks, almost flattered by Will's intense scrutiny.
'Do you mind?' asks Will.
'No.'
'I like looking at you.'
'You're funny Will.'
'You mean…queer.'
'No…..funny in a nice way.'
'So you don't mind then?'
'No. It's just…..you. I'm sorry about your face.'
'Don't you like it?'
'Of course I do. I meant..…that…….what I did.'
Will touches his own face. The hot feeling has almost gone now, but there's a bruise.
'I forgave you ages ago.'
'I wish I could make it better.' says the contrite Ryan.
'You can.'
'How?'
Will touches Ryan's mouth with the tips of his fingers.
'That's how.' says Will, with that slightly coy smile of his.
'Really? Are you sure Will?'
'Yes of course I'm sure. It won't hurt.'
'Will it make me queer too?'
Ryan moves closer to Will, lowers his head and touches Will's affected cheek with his lips, and then settles himself again.
'Better?' Ryan enquires.
'A bit better.'
'More?'
'Umm, more please.'
Will feels Ryan's hand on his shoulder, and the same lips touching his face, but this time the delicate sensation of Ryan's mouth travels over his face………ears, forehead, nose, and then finally he feels Ryan's lips touch his. The boys part to assess what has just happened. Their faces bear no expression, but their eyes are fixed on each other. It's a critical moment. Ryan is the first to speak.
'Was that alright Will?'
'Yes. Nice. Thank you.'
'Can I again?'
There are hands behind heads and the space between the two bodies has disappeared. Eyes closed and mouths together in sweet, deep, and loving expression……..breathless now.
There's a fresh urgency about it all. You might imagine what those two boys are feeling. For Will, it's just like it was with sweet Simon…the new love of his life that was cruelly snatched away from him in an unjust world.
For Ryan, it's new……surprising him with it's naturalness……so right somehow…….and good. Oh yes……and so perfect as their mouths fitted together…..hands pulling at hair……fingers that tugged at ears…..tongues rubbing against tongues…….wetness everywhere……..perfect slipping and sliding, probing and pressing hard……..and now legs entwined…….Ryan dominant……..middles hard against middles.
Breathless, the two boys separate, again to take stock. Will takes Ryan's hand in his. He smiles as the two boys are intent on their staring faces.
Blessed be our holding Blessed be our touches Blessed be the moments that are now Blessed be our lives today Blessed be our coming
And so it was, blessed indeed.
There's no hiding from the messages our brains transmit to our bodies. Perhaps the most obvious example is the matter of sex, especially when it concerns the adolescent boy…..and another on the threshold. Of course Ryan and Will are not exceptions to the rule. As they examine their feelings immediately post embrace, there are interesting things to see about themselves. There is unfinished business to attend to. Will is not about to wait.
'Can I see please?'
Ryan looks down….and nods his agreement. Will tugs at the white drawstring. It doesn't give in easily, but a few seconds later, it does. He folds away the material over Ryan's hip.
'Can we play 'Simon says'?' asks Will.
Ryan likes that idea.
'You first Will.'
No more permissions are sought from each other, no more privacy is observed, no more rules need to be adhered to, no more behaviours need to be considered, no undiscovered places need to remain undiscovered, no more doors are closed to them……..all things are allowed.
Will opens the door to see the light flood them both. Ryan is covered in that light. Will is covered too. May the light of discovery and joy fill them both.
This four chapter story is part of the 2017 writing challenge "In His Room" which is open for voting between 16 September and 17 October 2017. The voting is at the end of the fourth chapter, as are the details of the challenge and thus links to all the other stories in it. Please do remember to vote if you are within the voting period.
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