Heaven
by N Fourbois
I woke up after a long peaceful slumber. It was the first uninterrupted sleep I had enjoyed for weeks. My bed in the hospital ward was the same and yet different, for I was the only one there, and perhaps more important I felt good in myself and free of pain. The nurse entered, but strangely the nurse was a handsome boy who could have been no more than sixteen, wearing a male nurse's smock over white shorts which left no uncertainty as far as his masculinity was concerned.
"Ah, you're awake, Ross, welcome. You've made it safely to the other side." 'The other side', I wondered, but although my mind was fully functioning, I still didn't grasp the meaning of what he had just said. I turned my head and looked at the plastic whiteboard above my bed. It was wiped clean except for my name, Ross Sonnwigh, and today's date without the year. "It's high time you got out of bed. Shower and dress, then it will be time for your orientation course."
"Orientation course?" I enquired.
"Yes, certainly," he replied. With the length of time you'll be spending here with us we want to make sure that everything is to your satisfaction."
"So I'm not being discharged."
"Discharged? Of course you are. The hospital bed is just one of many ports of entry and, if I may say so, one of the more comfortable ones. Far better than a road traffic accident or being murdered as a hostage. Come along, Ross, shower and dress. Then there will be plenty of time for questions."
Again I experienced this paradox of a clear and fully functioning mind, free of the medication that had numbed it over the past few days, weeks, months even, and yet I could not comprehend my situation. Free of all the tubes formerly inserted into me, I was about to stumble my way to the shower room when I realised I could walk normally. As I stood under the spray, letting the water trickle down into my most intimate areas, the nurse's words waltzed round my head: 'the other side', 'the length of time you'll be here', 'port of entry', 'road traffic accident', 'murdered'. It all pointed in one direction, yet...?
I quickly dried myself and went back to the ward. The ancillaries were already stripping my bed. Yet the room had changed. All my belongings were there, but the ward had changed into a normal room, a normal hotel room, as seen in any of the great chains across the world.
"We'll come back later, sir, after you have had time to dress." I got dressed. My clothes had been miraculously laundered or dry-cleaned. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt good. Just then there was a knock at the door and when I answered it, a handsome young man I would estimate to be eighteen years old, immaculately dressed in a dark grey suit, white shirt and sober tie, stepped in and introduced himself.
"I'm Gabriel," he said in a self-assured manner. "I'm your induction angel and shall be looking after you while you settle in." Did I hear right? Angel? He's as cute as an angel, I must say. Bet he's got a cute bum, too, but he must have said induction agent. I really must pretend I'm a pair of curtains and pull myself together.
"Hey, Gabriel, hi. I'm Ross."
"I know," he said with a sweet, disarming smile as we shook hands. "I've got all your details here." My jaw dropped and my mind went into a spin again. Gabriel and induction angel.
"Say, Gabriel, could you help me a minute? I'm so confused."
"Certainly. That's what we're here for."
"I know it sounds ludicrous, but could it be that I've died?"
"I'm so sorry, Ross, but didn't anyone tell you?" I shook my head slowly. "Excuse me. I'll just make a note of that," and he scribbled a note on his clipboard. "I'm here to take you along to your induction and orientation and I'll show you around a bit on the way."
"Hey, Gabriel, wait a minute." This was a moment I thought I should at least have felt anxious, but despite curiosity I just experienced this sensation of great serenity within me. "You didn't answer my question." He wrote down on his clipboard 'Memo – must answer questions more directly.'
"Sorry, Ross. Yes, you died peacefully, early this morning in your sleep and now you are in Heaven."
"B...but this can't be Heaven. It's just like being on Earth. Where are the pearly gates, the angels with wings and harps?"
"That's just hype from life on Earth. Okay, we angels are just ordinary workers and civil servants if you like. We only put the wings on for ceremonial occasions, or if we need to take God's messages to Earth. If you want wings and harps we can arrange it, but they'll tell you all that on your course."
"That's another thing. Where is God?"
"He's here, he's everywhere, he is Heaven. Sorry, I forgot. You're probably looking for the old man with the long beard and the flowing robes. If you want it, we can arrange that too, but it's a bit old hat and we usually reserve that just for the fundamentalists. It's simply impossible to talk to them."
"And another thing, I haven't seen any women since I've been h..., since I woke up."
"Let me check your profile again... Ah, here it is: 'gay, mildly misogynist'. Is that correct?"
"Yeah, I suppose so, but what's that got to do with the price of fish?"
"Well, I don't want to anticipate your induction, but basically Heaven is what you want it to be. 'Gay, mildly misogynist' means you will only see women if you want to see them or request them, like I expect you'll want to see your mother and grandmothers. On the other hand, if you had gone to the other place, you would only have seen women for an eternity. It'll all be explained to you before you put in your requisition."
"Requisition?"
"Yes. Even though we're supposed to be omniscient here in Heaven, we always ask first. It's God's thing really. He gave all his children free will and He sees no reason to take it away from them now that they're with Him in Heaven. You don't get service like that in the other place."
"Oh," I said dumbly. I didn't know what else to say.
"Come on then, Ross. We've got a bit of walking to do and I'll show you around on the way." We started out.
"Basically, we divide Heaven up into a number of estates: Catholics, Orthodox and Protestant Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and even the minor sects have their own areas. Mind you, the Muslims get a bit uppity when they find there aren't seventy-two virgins waiting for them."
"Isn't that apartheid?"
"Not really, because everyone is equal and if they want to mix they have the facility. It's just that God has this idea that He made Earth that way and it worked until man's free will started to change it around, and it works very well here. The only exception to this rule is what you humans call aliens, God's creatures from different planets in other galaxies and solar systems. He produced several prototypes in his Creation. He loves you all, but it was never his intention that you should meet, not even here in Heaven."
"What about Buddhists?"
"We had to think that one through because they don't actually believe in a supreme being, but do believe in Heaven. Nirvana as they call it. You'll find all the yoga clubs here are run by Buddhists. We also have to keep an eye on the re-incarnation thing or they disappear back to Earth without telling us and it stretches the Department of Omniscience a bit."
"What are those two great buildings there with the high walls around them? Prisons?"
"No, certainly not. We don't need prisons here. We had to cater for the atheists, for although they don't believe in God they've led blameless lives and so He accommodates them while endeavouring to trouble them as little as possible."
"And the other one?"
"Ah, well, that's for the Jehovah's Witnesses. They think they're the only ones here."
Meanwhile we had reached a building which looked like a guildhall. On the façade were statuettes of cherubim and seraphim carved in the traditional manner with wings and harps. The doors parted as we approached and Gabriel showed me into the cloakroom.
"You can leave your case in here. It'll be perfectly safe." I looked around at the pairs of wings in all sizes neatly hung up on pegs around the walls. "We'll follow all these people to the auditorium. Once we've found your seat I'll leave you and you'll be looked after by another angel. Welcome to Heaven, Ross, and I hope you enjoy a wonderful eternity. Just don't hold back on all the facilities here. They are there to be used."
"Thank you, Gabriel. I'm sure we'll meet again."
"I'm sure we will, if you want to." I settled into my seat, introduced myself to my neighbours and waited for the beginning of the presentation.
The lights in the auditorium dimmed while a rainbow illuminated a small stage. In the centre was placed a podium at which stood an angel in wings, halo and full white flowing robes, accompanied by Johann Sebastian Bach's Toccata in D minor played on the organ, all of which surprised me after Gabriel's efforts at explaining how Heaven had moved away from the traditional conception. Still, I suppose the rainbow does represent the fulfilment of God's promise. As the music faded the angel spoke his words of welcome.
"I am the archangel Michael and I am pleased on God's behalf to welcome you to eternity in Heaven." Much of the next part of his explanation coincided with what Gabriel had been telling me, except that this induction was intended for mainstream Christians. Indeed my neighbour on the right was a Southern Baptist from Florida while my other neighbour was of the Orthodox tradition. Michael then went on to explain that we would each have an assigned angel whose task it was to settle us in and deal with our requisitions and any other requirements. At that the rainbow faded and the expanding stage was bathed in an azure light as it rose with an army of assigned angels ready to march into the auditorium and greet their assigned 'ward'.
With outstretched arms my angel strode towards me, grasped both of my hands and introduced himself as Mordecai. He was dressed in a uniform consisting of a pale blue top and long trousers in brilliant white stretch lycra/cotton Through the translucent trousers I could see that the top was a onepiece which outlined with full clarity the contours of his nether regions. I could feel an expansion in my trouser department. It was not long before realised it was the nurse who had woken me in hospital. Only later did I learn that under the conditions in Heaven all the assigned angels would appear to me as young men dressed in this whereas my neighbours might have viewed them as men or women, or as a mixed group of whatever age and attire. This was one of the miracles. Whatever your own conception, conscious or unconscious, you saw what you wanted to see and I had evidently wanted to see that young 'nurse' again with his pert bottom and significant packet.
As we continued our way towards the estate I was dying to stroke Mordecai's bottom. Dying to... that was inept. I'm already dead. I'd died to stroke his bottom... No, that had an entirely different sense, I mused, still playing around with words. I had an ardent desire to..., I thought, lapsing into a pompous style that had no connection whatsoever with my basic need or desire.
"Go ahead. You can if you want to." I was shaken out of my reverie by Mordecai's words.
"Can what?" I enquired in all innocence.
"Stroke my butt, if you want to." I had a sudden intake of breath.
"How did you know I wanted to?"
"Ross, you're in Heaven and I'm you assigned angel. Need I say more?"
"So you know everything about me and what I want before I ask?"
"You could say that. We angels are God's representatives and as such share in the line of duty his omnipotence, omniscience and omnipresence." I could only make an incoherent adolescent grunt as I slowly took in the information. "What age do you want me to be?" asked Mordecai.
"Fourteen," I rashly answered without considering the implication that this would be viewed as child molestation back on Earth.
"And what age do you want to be?"
"Fourteen as well." I replied with equal lack of consideration. At least that got round the child abuse problem I thought at some later stage. I slipped my hand under the elastic waistband of his trousers and gently massaged his firm buttocks as we walked along. I felt in heaven and then realised of course that I was already in Heaven.
We soon arrived at my estate, too soon in my opinion, as I relished the double thrill from my right hand and my own moist and straining packet. The estate was set out on the Canadian or American grid pattern divided by an extra wide Central Avenue with two blocks of dwellings on the left and ten times as many on the right.
"Why isn't Central Avenue central, Mordecai?"
"Your house is on the left hand side with all the gays, while the houses on the right are inhabited by the str8s."
"Isn't that a bit prejudiced, Mordecai?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well'," I said "traditionally on Earth the right was associated with good and the left with bad."
Mordecai tutted and rolled his eyes. "Ross," he said super patiently. Turn round 180° a moment." I made an about turn. "What side are the gays on now?"
"The right," I answered.
"And the str8s?"
"The left," I seriously replied.
"Ross, you really must leave those PC perceptions from Earth back there where they came from." I felt suitably foolish. I later found out that this was another 'perception' of Heaven. When I caught up with Jim, my old str8 mate from Earth, I learnt that he too lived left of Central Avenue with all the smokers, while the non-smokers inhabited the other side, across the way, as the phrase was. I obviously hadn't paid too much attention during my induction. Still, we had been given a box file of notes. I must catch up. I suppose as this is eternity, I will have time.
We arrived at what was to be my house, my throbbing packet testing my patience and Mordecai's testing the lycra of his gymnastic trousers. I stared at it, immediately forgetting my predicament. It was large semi-detached house with I don't know how many bedrooms.
"Five," answered Mordecai without my asking.
"I won't need all those," I protested.
"It's early days yet. Don't forget you are here for eternity. Because it's Heaven there is no housework or council tax and as you extend your acquaintances and meet new arrivals from Earth, you'll find you can probably use all the rooms."
"What else is there?"
"You have this small ornamental garden in the front and at the back is a wildlife garden complete with pond, similar to your garden on Earth. Downstairs there is a living room, separate dining room, large kitchen and office as well as a utility room. If you want to expand into the loft you just need to put in a requisition. The house is completely furnished and decorated and I think you'll like it as the Housing Department did some thorough research on your likes and dislikes while you were in hospital, so that everything would be ready." It sent a chill down my spine that Heaven's authorities were so solicitous when I went into hospital, and they at least knew I would not be discharged.
"But where's the garage?"
"What do you need a garage for? Haven't you noticed that there are no cars or lorries in Heaven? Transport, on the rare occasions you need it, is by thought process. Shall we go in?" Mordecai had simpled me again. We walked through the front door. It wasn't locked. It didn't even have a lock.
"Remember, only good people come to Heaven and as they all have what they want, there's no crime," said Mordecai, anticipating my question yet again.
Mordecai showed me around. He was right. I adored the furnishings and décor, tasteful and yet nothing was overdone. Just as I liked it. He took me into my office and sat me down.
"Right," he said, "I just need to ask you some questions, even though I know the answers already, but I am required to under God's Freedom of Will Act. We even have red tape here in Heaven." He looked at his clipboard. "What age would you like to be?"
"Do I stay that age for all eternity, or what?"
"No, of course not. Didn't they mention at the induction course that you could change by putting in a requisition?"
"I must have forgotten," I mumbled, but there had been so much to take in. "Does that affect my mental and emotional age?"
"You retain what you brought with you from Earth, but you can be physically whatever age you want."
"Can I stay fourteen for the time being?"
"Sure," said Mordecai as he put a tick in a little box on his sheet which said fourteen. Fourteen had been my age on Earth when I was most carefree and had the fewest responsibilities. It seemed to me the friendliest era of my life and in many ways the most exciting as I was coming to terms not only with my sexuality, but also with the joys of puberty and my first clumsy attempts at sexual enjoyment, whilst any pains of adolescence had vanished from my mind. I'd been surrounded by the most sexually exciting boys in my life, all of us going through adolescence together, and while I know it was true for me, I was also certain it was so for many others too, that I was at that comparatively tender age at the zenith of my physical beauty. What a Narcissus I must have been for that brief period of my life, but it implanted within me an eternal admiration and attraction for adolescent boys, and with it a lifetime's frustration, which, if I'd ever given in to it, might have denied me the perpetual bliss I was just embarking upon.
"Now your physical appearance, Ross." In later life I had been obsessed in belief that, if not ugly, I was not a particularly attractive specimen of the human race. Therefore I had given it a lot of thought to this in my lifetime and I was ready with the answers. I was always happy with my height, not too tall, not too small. "So what about hair? said Mordecai.
"Blond, curly, short, like it was before I was five and lost my blond curls. As I'm fourteen, no facial hair and no bodily hair apart from my pubes, and then short and curlies, a tuft rather than a great thick bush." I was fascinated to see that he was still ticking boxes and statements on his sheet rather than writing anything new.
"Eyes?"
"Blue, but could you make them a more intense blue than they are, speedwell blue, and can you make it so that I don't need glasses anymore, please?" This was the first time I saw him make any notes.
"Face?"
"Could you straighten my nose?"
"I think you'll find that's already been done." He peered at my face from every angle to check. "Now body?"
That was easy. "Clear skin, no excess fat, twenty-eight inch waist, flat abdomen and a sixpack," all things I had never had in life, although logic dictates I must have had a twenty-eight waist at some stage, however fleetingly. "And a minimum six i..."
"I don't think there is any need to discuss that," Mordecai interrupted me abruptly. There was an edge in his voice. "I think you'll find later that that was attended to adequately during our walk from the auditorium to here. There are just one or two more things to discuss and I can leave you to settle in." He was speaking in his normal tone of voice again. "At the moment you don't know anyone here, but because you are in Heaven you can meet almost anybody you want to when you want, provided..." He paused and looked at me. "...provided one, they have died and two, they have come to enjoy eternal life. That means you will have to wait some time to meet a couple of your boyfriends..."
"Which ones?"
"Tim and Rick, and remember that they still have free will on Earth, so there is no guarantee that they will manage to make it to Heaven."
"But they were so sweet they couldn't..."
"Judgement is God's prerogative, not yours, and don't forget it. On the other hand you can petition Him – prayer you called it on the other side. The first people you will meet will be your father and mother. That's scheduled for tomorrow. Once I leave you, you'll be on your own for the rest of the day. The changes we have discussed will take place when you're asleep. We've found that to be more acceptable among our eternal residents."
He then took me into the kitchen. "You will find the cupboards, fridge and freezer fully stocked, and they will remain fully stocked, no matter how much you use and no matter how empty they appear at the end of the day. No one ever goes hungry in Heaven. In fact you don't have to eat at all if you don't want to, but our records show that food was one of your main enjoyments on Earth." We went upstairs to the master bedroom. "Your favourite clothes from Earth will arrive overnight, again while you are asleep. Now because of the perfection of Heaven and its inhabitants you will never need to wash them or have them cleaned. They will always appear fresh and clean at the beginning of each day. If you need anything, use the requisition forms. I'll leave a supply and once you've got them they will never run out, either. Have you any questions, Ross?"
"I'm sure I have, but I can't think of them at the moment."
"Now we still have one item of unfinished business."
"We do?" I asked.
"After our walk from the auditorium..." and at that Mordecai took me into his arms and passionately kissed me on the lips.
I don't remember how long we spent on the bed together that first day. I only know that our final climax was simultaneous and better than anything I had experienced on Earth and my boyfriends there had been pretty proficient at the art.
"Thank you, my angel," I said to Mordecai as I lay relaxing on top of him still in coito, my rejuvenated member refusing to slacken off, and then I felt some embarrassment because I really was talking to an angel and it sounded trite. We finally separated, showered together and dressed. After a cup of celestial coffee, (all the food in the cupboards was packed under the brand name of Celestia®) Mordecai kissed me on the lips and bade farewell, taking his clipboard with him. I longingly stared at his bottom in those shorts as he made his way towards Central Avenue and disappeared. I had a peculiar, paradoxical feeling in the pit of my stomach, one of complete sexual gratification combined with desire, should another opportunity come along. Would I see Mordecai again? An unnecessary question as I recalled the induction course. I just had to want to.
I retired to bed full of praise for the omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent God whose love had enabled me share, if only for one day so far, the eternal joys of Heaven. The night was typical of those fine June evenings in the northern hemisphere when it never grows completely dark. On awaking I climbed out of my bed and skipped to the en suite shower. After drying myself off I stepped back into the bedroom and stopped in front of the full length mirror. Gasp. I was shocked, pleasantly shocked. Yes, it was me, but a new me, an idealised me. The adolescent Narcissus rose up within me and I could have instantly fallen in love with myself. I did instantly fall in love with myself as I discovered that all my previous physical inadequacies had been swept away overnight, but quickly realising that there was by definition no sin in Heaven I felt at ease with myself and continued to admire my reflection. After all this was a novelty, a nine day wonder, and once it had worn off my gift of outgoing love would return. I was determined about that. I dressed in polo shirt, 501s and sandals. I still could not avoid admiring my pert little bottom and well formed packet in those loose twenty-eight inch waist Levi's. Thank goodness as an inhabitant of Heaven I was beyond sin or I would have straightaway been condemned to taking that infernal lift to the other place.
* * *
Later that day Mordecai called again. We hugged. "Are you ready, Ross?"
"What? For another session upstairs," I answered without putting my brain in gear.
"No, you plonker." That was nice from an angel. "Wait a minute," said Mordecai. "I'm sorry. I think I'm the plonker. Amid all our excitement I forgot to tell you. We've arranged to re-unite you with your mother and father." This was indeed no surprise, for although I had been thinking about them in my quiet moments, it had been mentioned in passing.
"And with my grandparents?"
"In time." replied Mordecai. "These are early days and remember your father's mother died before you were born which brings in complications. And it's not easy with your grandfather's two wives."
I was as ready as I'd ever be, so we set out immediately. All sorts of emotions were going through my head. We arrived at a bungalow just the other side of Central Avenue. Mordecai rang the bell and I recognised the bark of our cocker spaniel Holly. The door opened and there stood my mother and father, just as I remembered them at the age of fourteen. I threw my arms around them, tears in my eyes, happy tears though, thinking how my mother had been snatched from us so suddenly and too early in life. But just as she had done on Earth it was Holly that stole the scene with the most ardent greeting. Mordecai slipped away as we sat down to catch up with the missing years. Mother regaled us with one of her renowned Sunday lunches, even though it wasn't Sunday, and we slipped into Sunday routine with a walk for the dog, followed by Sunday tea. It was late evening when I disappeared back to my own house with the promise of more visits in the days to come.
* * *
I lay in bed in that blissful state halfway between sleeping and waking with a glow of azure light penetrating into my new dwelling. This is heavenly, I thought, until I suddenly summoned up sufficient wit to realise that I was now in fact resident in Heaven and therefore it couldn't be otherwise. I was tossing the metaphysics about in my brain when with a jerk I was brought into the real world (another inept term) by a shrill ring on the front door bell. I leapt out of bed and in my Garden of Eden frame of mind felt no compunction as far as leaving my fourteen year old nakedness uncovered was concerned, as I went to answer it. And I was pleased I didn't for there, in a state of some agitation I thought for a serene angel, was Mordecai. After an immediate hug I invited him in and sat him down in the kitchen to drink a cup of perfect Celestia® cappuccino. He had been sent by the Department of Housing (Minors' Division) in the hope that I might be able to help them out with a problem.
"It's complicated," explained Mordecai. "Under the omniscience of Heaven we know you will, but the power of God's Freedom of Will Act overrides everything, which means we must consult you and that you still have the right to say yes or no."
Wanting to get away from all this bureaucracy I said "For Heaven's sake, Mordecai..." He gave me a look. "For goodness' sake, Mordecai, will you cut the crap and tell me what all this is about."
"Sorry, Ross," he said "but this bureaucracy is enough to try a saint."
"There must be plenty of them around." He gave me another one of his looks.
"It's almost more important than what it's set up to deal with," Mordecai sighed. "Ross, I want you to think back to your time on Earth when you used to cycle to get the newspaper every morning."
"Yees," I said to show that I was paying attention.
"Why did you always leave the house dead... uh, exactly on twenty-five to eight on schooldays?"
"So that I could get a sight of hot little teen in the school bus queue. He was a Harry Potter lookalike with big blue eyes, but without the scar."
"That's right. His name's Barry Shotter..."
"C'mon, Mordecai, you're taking the wee wee a little."
"I'm not, Ross, especially on official business. I'd certainly get my wings clipped, if not my ears, if I ever did that. Anyway, over the next twenty-four hours he's going to be killed in an RTA."
"RTA?"
"Road traffic accident."
"Oh, no."
"Look, you're on this side now. You've had your first experience of eternal happiness and whatever happens on Earth it cannot be matched by the serenity and bliss here. So he has something better to look forward to after death. Now the problem is, he is thirteen, nearly fourteen, and therefore cannot select any age any older than he is when he dies, and so he needs a foster home or a guardian ang... a guardian."
"But he can't come here. He's as straight as a die and anyway, what about his relations?"
"Well, that's the problem. He will naturally have some relations here, but they all died before he was born and so they don't know him and he doesn't know them. One set of his grandparents are even going to celebrate their diamond wedding anniversary before they arrive here."
"Yeah, but even so he's still str8... hetero... he bats for the other side."
"That's where you're wrong."
"But he always spent all his time at the bus stop with the same girl. I even saw them hug."
"Maybe, but he is one of the those sensitive boys that has to spend his time with girls because he can't get on with the lads as they pick him out as gay straightaway, and you're the only one we can come to who's chosen to be about his physical age and yet has the maturity of an adult."
"So what do you want me to do?"
"Let him live with you. I told you that a five bedroom house wouldn't be too big."
"If that's what he wants, that's fine by me, but please don't force him to come here. It's bad enough as I shall be tempted all the time. He's so hot and drop dead gorgeous with a cherry on top."
"Don't you see? That's the point. Because you're only months apart in Heavenly age and because you've already made a nodding acquaintance that'll be ideal. At least he won't be among strangers." I mulled over Mordecai's entreaty.
"Mmm, I see what you mean, but what if I want to invite my old boyfriends here?"
"No worries. Firstly you can only invite one for the time being because the other two are still alive and well on Earth and because you have passed through the sin-barrier there's no such thing as jealousy or infidelity in Heaven. You might for instance take Barry to bed, but unless he is a willing accomplice (and looking through his notes I think you might be surprised by him) as far as he was concerned, it won't have happened." I spent a few seconds trying to get my head round all this.
"And which of my boyfriends is here?"
"Lewis, your first one. He came to us through the Aids agency." I should have been saddened, but sadness as an emotion doesn't exist in Heaven. If we'd stayed together, he might not have suffered like that. Reading my thoughts Mordecai said "Don't blame yourself, Ross. Despite free will you don't understand how much of this is preordained."
"And how is Barry going to die?"
"I'm not going into details, but in base terms he is going to get crushed by the school bus." I winced. "It's okay. It'll be instant and he won't feel any pain. Those whom God loves die young, to adapt a classical quotation."
I held this image of the Harry Potter lookalike in my mind for some moments and knew then that I was the only one to help. The picture of him in his neat school uniform at the beginning of term and his gradual descent into mediocre scruffiness persuaded me that I had to take him in. I nodded and said
"Okay, Mordecai, you've got yourself a deal."
"Thanks, Ross. I knew I could count on you. I'll bring him along after his induction."
"Now, as we say on Earth, one good turn deserves another."
"I know what you're going to ask."
"Is that the Heavenly omniscience?"
"Of course not, Ross, but if you are going to receive visitors starkers, you're hardly going to be able to disguise your feelings, are you?" answered Mordecai, pointing down at my groin. "Okay, as this is eternity, I suppose I can stretch time a bit for us to have an hour together." Mordecai took me into a hug and we disappeared up to my still warm bed.
Mum and Dad were due for lunch with poor old Mum doing the cooking, but that was something she was so accomplished at and took a pride in. Perhaps we were never sufficiently appreciative on Earth, although it seemed sufficient praise to her when we asked if there was any more or whenever we asked her to do a particular meal again. They arrived with Holly, our blue roan cocker spaniel, just as Mordecai was leaving. As usual he was dressed in white sports kit, in those skimpy little shorts that left little to the imagination, particularly mine. I introduced him to them. Fortunately I had had the presence of mind to put some shorts on before showing him out. Even so our previous activity was betrayed by the fact that my cock still displayed a residual half erection through my shorts and the cotton material a substantial damp patch. And of course, Holly had to make a great fuss of sniffing it and then licking it. The surprising thing was I felt not the slightest embarrassment. On Earth I wouldn't have been able to speak without stammering.
"Is Mordecai your latest boyfriend?" Mum asked with a smile. My jaw dropped.
"You... er... know that I'm gay, then?"
"Ever since we arrived in Heaven," said Dad. That was some relief. "Although your mother always suspected it while she was alive. Not that she said anything to me about it."
"No," I answered nonchalantly "he's my guardian angel. We're just good friends really, but he's so gorgeous, hotter in bed than anything I ever had on Earth and a fill-in until he can arrange for me to meet Lewis again."
"Lewis?" enquired Mum.
"Yes, you remember him. From university. The one I should have made my life-partner."
"Scottish, black hair and lovely blue eyes?"
"That's the one."
"I remember now. Even as a young boy you had this thing about blue eyes and now I come to notice it, your eyes are a more intense blue than they used to be. Did you have that done in Heaven, dear?"
"Yes, Mum, that's right."
"It suits you. Just like your father's eyes were when I first met him." Mum had gone all misty eyed. Dad quickly changed the subject.
"Dinner in ten minutes. Go and wash your hands. I'm just going to feed the dog and then dish up." Dad and I knew that was the signal to get ready for lunch. I'd just finished washing my hands upstairs when there was a ring at the front door. Holly was too busy with her grub to bark or go to the door. I opened it and there was Mordecai with a young lad I immediately recognised as Barry Shotter.
"Come on in, the two of you."
"I can't stop," said Mordecai.
"Not even for some lunch?"
"Sorry, no. There's a lot of fog on the M1 motorway and we're expecting a multiple pile up in ten minutes. There'll be a lot of sorting to do, especially as a number of them will be going down there to the other place."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's the nature of the job, Ross."
"No, I mean I'm sorry you can't stay for lunch."
"So am I. I haven't eaten properly for about five months now. Anyway, we're neglecting this young man. This is Barry Shotter. I believe you've already met."
"Not met exactly, but I know who you are. You were always at the end of the queue for the school bus."
"Hello, Ross. Yes, that was the trouble. If I'd been standing in a different spot, I wouldn't be here now."
"Come on in and make yourself at home. We're about to have lunch."
"Great. I didn't have much breakfast this morning."
"Ross, thanks again," said Mordecai. "It'll be tomorrow now before I can get in to deal with Barry's requisitions. Barry, be good. Come to think of it, you haven't got any choice in the matter now you're in Heaven, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye, Mordecai. Take care. Mum, can you lay up another place for Barry, please? Come and meet the family."
He shook father's hand.
"Give me your schoolbag," I said. "We'll take it upstairs after lunch." That was all the belongings he had with him. "Come through to the kitchen and meet my mother."
"Hallo, Barry, welcome. I won't shake hands for moment, if you don't mind, not while I'm dealing with the food." By this time Holly had finished her dinner and was wagging her tail and making a fuss of Barry, licking his face and panting Dog-o-Meat fumes all over him.
Lunch started and we all tried to make Barry welcome. He settled in quickly and became quite talkative. He had an interesting, an expressive face. As said, he resembled Harry Potter without glasses, but with big blue eyes. When he wasn't talking his face went into neutral and looked like a sad clown's, but once he spoke his eyes and his face lit up with interest and they were a joy to see. This was no different, I had noticed, when he was alive.
"I'm sorry, Barry, that we never got to speak before."
"So am I now," he replied. "I know you used to look at me at the bus stop and I just thought you were a dirty old man."
"Well, you might have been right, you know, though I object to the word 'old'." Mum and Dad were trying to ignore this conversation by re-arranging the vegetable dishes and disciplining Holly who was scrounging. "And now you look so young and, dare I say it, cute." I blushed.
"Can I help you clear the table, Mum?" asked my father and they fussed around.
"You know I'm only fourteen now, don't you?"
"Yes, Mordecai told me.
"I'd like to be fourteen, Ross, but I've got to be between the range 0 to 13, so I think I'll stay at thirteen, thirteen and three-quarters to be precise. I was just getting interested in sex when I was on Earth." Mum and Dad were already in the kitchen. "I gather you're gay, Ross," he whispered. I nodded. "So am I ."
"But what about your girlfriend at the bus stop? I was really jealous of her, especially when I saw you hugging."
"Bit of a cover up really to stop me getting stick from the other kids. They clearly weren't into gay."
"Who's up for a bit of roly-poly?" said Mum loudly. Barry and I certainly were and we were only slightly disappointed when it turned out to be roly-poly jam pudding with custard.
In the afternoon all four of us took Holly out for a nice long walk. We ended up at Mum and Dad's house and had home made scones with jam and freshly clotted cream for tea. Finally Barry and I had to leave and we made our way, arms round each other's waist, back across the Central Avenue divide to my house. We spent time settling Barry in. Because of the suddenness of his arrival and the fact he hadn't had the chance to put in any requisitions he was still in his school uniform, smart version for Heaven: white shirt, green and yellow striped tie, green pullover with the school crest embroidered on it and grey trousers. The pullover was sufficiently long (or do I mean short?) to reveal a neat packet and along with the sad sack face and the huge blue eyes he was thoroughly desirable. More than once that night I saved him from being raped – by keeping myself strictly under control, unfortunately. He talked about himself and his family. He had a younger sister, a cat and a dog. He liked tennis and squash, but not rough games like rugby and although he'd had a computer he was certainly not into computer games. He found them mind-bendingly boring and preferred to spend his time playing the piano or drawing and painting. He was rather a sensitive lad, something quite obvious from his face. I let him have some of my clothes to sleep in and also so that he had something different to put on for the following day and together we got his room ready. We were just about to go to bed when we heard a scratching and a woof at the door. I opened it to find one blue roan cocker spaniel who jauntily made her way in and then proceeded to make a great fuss of me. I phoned Mum and Dad who said she might as well stop until the morning when they would come and fetch her. We went to bed and it wasn't long until I was sweating under a great hairy weight. Holly had found her way up to my room and decided to sleep on top of me.
Next morning the front bell rang on the dot of nine. When I answered it I was confronted by one father who had come to collect Holly and one guardian angel who had come to sort Barry out. Dad didn't stay long and I could see from Holly's face that she knew she had done wrong, so perhaps sin does exist in Heaven, if only for pets. I sat in the background listening as Mordecai went through his check list with Barry and I was pleased that he wanted to keep that mournful face which could ignite into merriment the moment he started to speak. He just wanted some minor adjustments to his hair which would tidy it up. We were also to take delivery of a grand piano. While that was being discussed I looked at his hands and could see the long and supple fingers of a pianist. I was hypnotised by his various facial expressions and now fully understood why I had fallen in love with the boy at first sight. The day passed quickly and we found things to do, mainly fitting out Barry's room as he liked it. At one stage when we went into one of the spare rooms he discovered an unopened box containing a large electric train set which I had requisitioned and not yet got round to setting up. His eyes and that face of his lit up. He had found a soul mate.
We went to bed rather late that night after a busy day. Before going up I opened the front door to allay the suspicion that a certain cocker spaniel might have turned up again and was relieved that she hadn't. I'd already said good night to Barry with a hug and I finally reached my bedroom. After cleaning my teeth – it was odd to have them all there again, and in perfect condition – I stripped off my clothes and climbed into bed, falling into a deep slumber. In the middle of the night I woke up with a start, feeling a hot dead weight lying over me. 'Oh, no,' I thought. 'Not again.'
"Get off, Holly," I shouted. "You're not supposed to be here." I felt a kiss on my cheek, and it was a kiss, not a wet nose. I switched on the bedside light and turned over to discover Barry. He had crept into bed with me and now I felt the heat of his naked body against mine.
"You don't mind, Ross, do you?" he pleaded with those great big blue eyes.
"We'll discuss it in the morning," I said dozily as I put my arm round him.
"I can stay for the night then?"
"We'll discuss it in the morning," I repeated sleepily as I pulled him in towards me and snuggled closer. We kissed and our rampant loins met. I was in Heaven.
We did talk in the morning, but much had happened in the night to soften my hardline position of the night before.
"Look, Barry, I fell in love with you on Earth. I easily fall in love with beautiful boys, but there's falling in love and falling in love and in a few days' time my first lover is going to arrive and although we haven't discussed it – we haven't met for forty years or so – I know he's going to move in and I don't want you to feel put out or betrayed. You are welcome to live here. Don't get me wrong, but you will have to find your own boyfriend." This time the still sad face remained sad when he spoke. There was a tear in his eye and I remembered from my induction course that there were only supposed to be happy tears in Heaven. I just hope they were.
In the end with Mordecai's help we came up with a solution. On an occasional basis Barry could sleep with me, until Lewis arrived. At that time eternal life might well change again and Lewis might welcome him into the partnership. For the next few nights Barry and I slept together. Yes, we did, before you ask, but... I find this difficult to explain. I loved Barry; I love Barry, but what we did in bed was not love. It was sex. The love I felt for Barry was the same as the love I felt for Holly, not too dissimilar from the love I felt for my parents.
Then Lewis arrived. There were plenty of tears then, happy tears definitely. We hadn't seen each other for over forty years and I was glad to see that he hadn't altered in appearance. He'd chosen to be sixteen again. He still had his straight black hair, good quality figure-hugging clothes with the irresistible display of his packet in light blue trousers. Barry was not in at the time. An hour later he turned up with Mordecai. Mordecai was there ostensibly to deal with Lewis's arrival, to help him to settle in and to attend to any requisitions he might have. However, he had engineered things so that he could talk privately to Barry. After the normal introductory things the four of us settled to drink a cup of Celestia® tea with a selection of our favourite Celestia® biscuits. I was experiencing enormous pressure in the trouser department and I'd like to think it was from meeting Lewis again, but, if I'm honest, I fear that it was from the sight of Mordecai in those tight little shorts that emphasised his butt cheeks and his packet so.
"I've been talking to Mordecai," piped up Barry apparently apropos of nothing. "And he's going to help me find a boyfriend. Once he has, can we live here together? Please?" Those big blue eyes just melted me. I looked at Lewis for support and thought that I had got the right vibes.
"Of course you can. If he's got into Heaven and is recommended by Mordecai, he's bound to have the right credentials." Barry shot up immediately and gave all three of us a hug in turn.
"I've still got to fill in a requisition and Mordecai tells me he hasn't died yet, but he's due to pass on from leukaemia in a few day's time. He showed me a picture of him. And although he's completely bald at the moment, once he's in Heaven his hair will grow back again into blond curls." We instantly celebrated having not just one, but two new members to our family, with huge ice cream sundaes.
When we'd finished, Mordecai announced that it was time to get going.
"You two obviously have a lot of catching up to do. So I'm taking Barry to Walton Bowers for a few days."
"It's a leisure complex," explained Barry "with a youth hotel and a choice of activities, everything you can imagine, and they're holding a gay week for teens."
"He'll be in safe hands and if he finds a boyfriend without waiting for the one I have in reserve," said Mordecai "it won't alter the great scheme of things particularly." Barry quickly changed and he was off with Mordecai.
"Have fun, you two," Barry said to Lewis and me with a wink and a wicked grin. "I'm sure you will," he continued, blowing a kiss, and they were gone before I could even throw a cushion at him.
Lewis and I simply relaxed together on the settee filling in the gap formed by the last forty years, although Lewis hadn't in fact survived that long on Earth. He had been leading a solitary existence here in Heaven waiting for me to arrive. What faith! We were content to cuddle, to rekindle that mutual, yet unrequited love that dared not speak its name while we were on Earth. When it was time to sleep we went upstairs to our separate rooms. It was not sex we wanted, but a restoration, a gradual declaration of our love which in good time would be consummated by our bodies. We kissed on the landing and said good night.
During that week while Barry was at Walton Bowers Lewis and I took full advantage of the time together to build on our relationship of forty years ago. There was no pressure. We just did things together: walks, cooking, setting up the train set, of course. We were content to be in each other's company, touching, hugging, kissing, caressing until on the last night before Barry's return it happened in the most natural way. We went upstairs, undressed each other slowly, physically probing and testing until we made love without a word being spoken between us. First Lewis made love to me and we fell asleep. Then in the morning we reversed the process and I passionately implanted my seed inside my first beloved on Earth with the vain, but impossible thought of how marvellous it would be if our union could bring us a son.
Late afternoon came the expected ring at the door. Lewis and I had shortly before arrived back from lunch at Mum and Dad's. As we opened up we saw Mordecai, not with one, but with two beautiful teenage boys. We immediately recognised Barry of course and we both gave him a hug. He introduced the other beauty dressed in a tee shirt and severely cut off 501s. Lewis and I were two minds with but a single thought.
"Ross, Lewis, let me introduce Max." In turn we both gave him a hug, me a hug so close that I could feel his packet pressing against mine and Max made no effort to move away.
"Come on in, do," I said. We brought the pair's luggage in and stowed it temporarily under the stairs while Mordecai disappeared into the kitchen and returned with crockery and pot of Celestia® best Ceylon tea and Celestia® cokes for the two boys.
"I met Max in the hotel. He arrived midweek unexpectedly. He wasn't even on the staff's list. So we had to share a room. He's the boy Mordecai mentioned to you that was going to die of leukaemia, so we thought..." The two boys looked at each other apprehensively. "We thought therefore you wouldn't mind if I brought him home to live with us." I couldn't but admire Barry's taste as I looked at this muscular and sinewy Adonis sitting in front of me. I then looked at Lewis for support.
"It's your shout, Ross," he said with a grin and I immediately knew what he was thinking.
"No worries, Barry, and welcome Max," I said taking him into another quite unnecessary hug. "I had a feeling that spare room wouldn't remain spare for very long."
"Oh, it can still remain spare," interrupted Barry. "Max can sleep in my room."
"I expect he can, but he still needs a place of his own, a sort of retreat."
Mordecai got up. "With that settled I'll leave you to do the necessary. I'll pop my head round the door to complete the arrangements and Max's requisitions, and also, Ross and Lewis, I have another matter I need to discuss with you. See you tomorrow. Bye everybody." We all saw Mordecai off the premises and then tried to get to know Max while helping him to settle into his room and as a family member.
"What was that all about, Ross?" said Lewis when we were alone. "You know, seeing us two tomorrow?" I shrugged my shoulders.
"No idea." By the end of the evening we were certain that Max would become a welcomed addition to our family.
Mid morning the next day Mordecai did put his head round the door without ringing the bell. We were already waiting for him. He dealt with Max first, with Barry standing by paying undue attention. Max had just turned fourteen and wanted to remain that age. He couldn't become older anyway, but he might have wanted to be younger. He dealt with details of his appearance, now so different from the photo of him when he had leukaemia, and filled in a requisition for a computer and some keep-fit equipment. He also ordered some new clothes.
"Now, if you two boys would like to disappear, I need to talk to Lewis and Ross. No, it's not about you," he added anticipating their looks. "Why don't you go down to the skateboard rink in Celestia Park?"
"But we haven't got skateboards," protested the two in unison.
"You'll find them by the front door on your way out, boys."
"Wow, I'm beginning to like this Heaven place," said Max.
Lewis had decided it was time for morning coffee and went out into the kitchen to make it. When the three of us were settled back in their deep armchairs again, Mordecai started.
"I don't want you to think that I am spying on you, but if you have any really serious thoughts I do tend to know. That's my job here in Heaven. And that's how I know that during your lovemaking yesterday morning you, Ross, mentally expressed the wish that you could father a son by Lewis. As you know, all things are possible in Heaven, provided they're good, and before putting in the requisition I wanted to make sure this was your serious intention." I blushed and turned to Lewis.
"I'm sorry, Lewis. I did think this, but I never discussed it with you because I just thought it was such an impossibility. So what do you think?"
"What does it entail, Mordecai?"
"Well, to begin with it's not like a birth on Earth. God creates. That's the beginning and end of it. We do this quite often for str8 couples, especially those that were childless on Earth, and because the offspring are created in Heaven they have the option of becoming angels later in their existence. You won't be the first, but we don't find there's a great demand among the male gays, although you get quite a lot of it from the lesbians. You will both have to go away for a few days on an induction course and if all goes well, and I'm sure it will, and the proper requisition is made out, you will return home with a bouncing baby boy – I think that's what your conception was – and you'll bring him up until he reaches a stage when he can decide on his own existence."
'It brings a different meaning to the word conception,' I thought.
"Will he automatically be gay?" asked Lewis.
"Not automatically. That's all discussed on your course and the final answer will be the boy's when he's old enough to make the decision."
"Not like on Earth, then," I added provocatively. After getting over the surprise Lewis was entirely enthusiastic.
When Mordecai had gone and the boys had returned from the skate park, we explained to them what we had been talking about and they were entirely for the idea.
"Does this mean he's our little brother?" asked Max.
"In a way," I said.
"More precisely a stepbrother, I suppose," added Lewis.
* * *
Life in our house quietened down while love quietly grew, the love of husband and husband between Lewis and me, the love of boyfriends between Max and Barry, the love of parents and children between Lewis and me on the one hand and Barry and Max on the other. For them it was eternal summer holidays. It was fun to watch how Max made Barry more physical while he drew out the intellectual qualities in Max. They say marriages are made in Heaven and certainly the union between those two was being created here before our very eyes. The other matter was virtually forgotten until some nine months later a call from Mordecai said that we were booked into our parental induction course the next day and that he had arranged with my parents that they should look after Barry and Max.
The course lasted two days. Not only was it an explanation of the rules and and method of creation of a son who would inherit genes from both of us, but it was also a social occasion where we got to know other gay couples who had come to Heaven. It made us realise how inward looking we had been since our arrival from Earth and it made us determined on our return home to get out more and get to know not only the gay community on our side of Central Avenue, but also the str8s from the other side.
"But won't we run the risk of being ostracised by the str8 community?" asked Lewis. Our inducting angel answered gently and patiently
"You forget that this is Heaven. There is no hatred. The homophobes on Earth either leave their hatred on their deathbed or they don't gain admittance." After a celebratory banquet and after all the paperwork had been completed we were admitted to the presence of God. You couldn't see Him; you couldn't hear Him, you could unmistakably feel him. The inducting angel kept us company and explained the process as the blinding white light darkened first to azure and finally into complete blackness. This period of darkness could not have lasted more than thirty seconds when the light increased as at dawn to azure and finally to a much paler blue. You could feel that God's presence had not disappeared exactly, for he was omnipresent in Heaven, but it was not so intense as before. But mainly our attention was drawn to the little boy sat on the floor in front of us, not, we were surprised to discover, an infant in swaddling clothes, but a three year old dressed in white dungarees who immediately got up and ran towards us, putting his arms round us and greeting us both with the word Daddy. And so together we both lifted up James Sonnwigh-Esson and kissed him to welcome him into our family. Lewis commented that he looked just like me, but I could have sworn he was the spitting image of Lewis. We accepted that as one of the miracles of Heaven.
When we arrived home we were welcomed by my parents along with Barry and Max who all made a fuss of the newly arrived James.
From now onwards existence in our household was with James at the centre of attention. Lewis and I were fully aware of our responsibilities towards this young son of ours and as our love for him grew, so did our love for one another. Added to that the love of Max and Barry for their stepbrother as well as each other our dwelling seemed to be bursting at the seams with love. This was indeed Heaven.
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