JKLM
by J J Janicki
Chapter 3 - JK
In this story, teenage boys will occasionally engage in acts that are not generally condoned by society. In fact, before this story is over and done with, it is likely that there will be many such occasions. I would like to believe that this story has some redeeming literary merit, but I'm sure there are some authority figures who will think otherwise. Heck, I don't know, there might even be a whole bunch of authority figures thinking otherwise, but...
If due to your age or your current place of residence it is illegal to read about these acts, redeeming literary merit or not, do not continue. If you're not sure about this - and it can be confusing at times- please check with your local authority figures. I'm sure they'll give you some good advice on the matter.
But then most of you probably don't care one way or the other. Which may or may not be illegal...
Oh, I give up. Just use your own judgement on this, all right?
The first worthiness interview he dreaded was the one to come after his 14th birthday. The one at twelve had him sweating a little - he wasn't sure how he'd live it down if he was found to be unworthy of the Aaronic Priesthood - but still, he couldn't think of any major transgressions he'd committed, and fortunately, the bishop didn't ask about the minor ones. At the end, he even joked with him a little.
He cleared his throat and then with a straight face said, "Jedidiah, you realize from here on out, being a Utah fan isn't permissible, right?"
University of Utah fans are a distinct minority in Provo. And BYU fans tend to be self-righteous and pretentious. That's what his father said about them. But then, both he and his mom were Utah grads.
BYU fans will tell you that Utah fans are classless, irreverent and possibly even apostate, but many good Mormons have attended the University of Utah. Like for instance David O. McKay, who only was the ninth president of the Church. And was one of the Twelve Apostles for close to sixty-four years.
Or like for instance his father. He'd been on the stake high counsel when they lived in Salt Lake, and then before they moved to Provo, he'd been a bishop. And now he was a Sunday School teacher. He had several BYU professors in his class, too. ... So: A postate? Well, I just don't think so.
So he was about to mention that - as politely as was possible - but he didn't get beyond, "But-" before the bishop interrupted.
"I'm just pulling your leg, Jedidiah. You're fine. ... Misguided of course, but I'll not hold it against you, all right?"
That was the first time the bishop had ever joked around with him that way. He guessed it had something to do with his becoming a Deacon. But twelve turned out to be not so bad after all and thirteen only had him sweating a little. But by the time he was fourteen...
Well, he was still reasonably sure he wouldn't be excommunicated, but even so, this was one worthiness interview he was not looking forward to.
Maybe he could just plead the Fifth.
No, that wouldn't work.
Well, maybe if the bishop didn't ask about-
Yeah. Don't ask, don't tell. But-
Or maybe he could fib about it. Just a little. And he wouldn't ever do it again. No more lies, because there would be nothing to lie about in the first place.
Except if you thought about it, was it really all that bad?
Or possibly there might be a change in venue.
He wasn't rebellious, he'd always respected grownups - or at least he kept his thoughts to himself - he was obedient, polite, cheerful and helpful. He made good grades in school. He was a good athlete and an even better pianist. One of his first ambitions was to one day play the organ in The Tabernacle.
But then by ten what he wanted to be even more was the world's best drummer. He wasn't being rebellious, he just had rhythm and wanted to express himself.
His father owned a car dealership and was relatively well off. And his mom was getting tired of him banging on the furniture, so finally, after agreeing to continue his piano lessons, he had his first drum set and all was well.
Or at least the neighbors stopped complaining once his drum set was relocated in the garage out back and all the sound proofing was taken care of. But he merely enthusiastic.
The closest he'd ever come to not respecting his elders was right after Utah kicked BYU's hind ends to the tune of 57-28. It was a day to remember. November 18, 1988. Fifty-seven points they put up. It was simply glorious, it was all he could do not to look smug all during Sunday School the next morning. He looked smug more often than not, but at least he didn't do it all of the time. Even if it was hard not to.
It was the first time in his life Utah had come out on top of BYU in football, so he wore a white tee shirt to school Monday morning with the final score printed on front in red Magic Marker. "Utah 57 B-Y-Boo 28." Then under that was"Boo hoo." Hopefully this can be excused though, because he was just nine.
Only his teacher didn't feel inclined to do so. She was a BYU fan. Almost everybody in Provo was a BYU fan, because after all, that's where the school is located. But at any rate, she said his shirt was a distraction in class.
"I'm sorry, Miss Stoddard, but it's the only shirt I have today," he replied politely. But he was still a bit smug about it and not really sorry at all.
That's when Miss Stoddard suggested that he might have "the spirit of darkness" in him. The remark was made benignly, but even so, he thought she was being unfair. Not to mention unsporting. But then that was only to be expected from a BYU fan.
But still, he tried to be good. So he tried not to be bitter in '89 when BYU won 70-31. Seventy. He was a good sport in 1990 when BYU won 45-22. And in '91 (BYU 48 Utah 17) he reminded anyone who wanted to gloat that Utah still led the overall series.
He still made good grades and was trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous... and all that, (and only occasionally inclined to clutch at straws) but still, once past twelve, it seemed he had a problem. One thing would lead to another and then on to something else. That's how it usually works out, though: one day you guess it's okay if you drink a Coke and the next thing you know, you're fornicating and robbing banks and just about everything else. You just never can tell.
Initially, his problem was keeping his clothes on. Well, there aren't all that many Mormon nudists. There might be a few, but you'll probably find more Mormon bank robbers, and really, there aren't very many of them, either.
The first time it was a problem was when he was six. In a way, it could have been excused since he was two years shy of the age of accountability, but then on the other hand, he was supposed to obey his parents. So it was still a bit iffy, even if he couldn't recall ever being told that it was wrong not wear his pajama bottoms. He was in bed sick. And he did have a fever, but his mom said he had to keep covered up. Well, it was too much cover. He was burning up! So he decided it might help if he were to take off his pajama bottoms. And it did help. Felt pretty good. But he fell asleep and when his mom came up to check on him, his cover was tangled up. It didn't make sense, though. He was still mostly under the cover, wasn't he? So why was this a problem?
He usually kept his clothes on when he was outside, though, even when he was by himself in the woods. Except when he had to pee. And that was logical enough. If he already had his weinie out, then why would it be any worse if he were to take his pants and undies off while he was at it? And if weather was nice, everything else too? Wasn't that the best way of making sure he didn't mess up anything?
Scout camp-outs can lead to nudity. Honest. First overnighter, you best hope you've got your underwear on, because when they start singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt around the camp fire, somebody is about to be pantsed, sure as can be, and if you're a Tenderfoot, it's going to be your turn soon enough. How long before you got your pants back depended a lot on how good a sport you were about it in the first place. There were a few instances where the kid didn't get them back until the next morning.
Most of the pantsing incidents went no further than the victim being left in his Fruit of the Looms, but if your swim trunks got pulled down, then that was an entirely different matter.
But then skinny dipping wasn't unheard of, either: in fact, it was rumoured that the bishop himself had once jumped into the lake in the altogether. Supposedly it happened when the scout leaders went for a late night swim after all the scouts were in their tents for the night. To be honest, Jedidiah found the thought of the bishop being naked to be a little disquieting - so much so, it took almost a month before he could stop thinking about it when he was speaking in church. There were times when it was all he could do to keep a straight face.
But the scouts usually went skinny dipping in the morning, too. No showers out in the wilderness, no problem. It was perfectly permissible when they needed to wash up. At other times though, it was frowned on, which didn't make much sense.
Scouting was what really started the ball rolling, though. Just little things at first. At home he'd take his clothes off in his tent, out in the backyard. Only, that wasn't much more fun than taking them off before getting into the shower, so after awhile he'd dare himself to throw them outside. And out they'd go. Every last stitch. Then he had to get them back. Nothing could have been more logical. To feel the air when he dashed out into the open was absolutely exhilarating, even if the possibility of one of his next door neighbours seeing him like that was a little scary. Especially when it seemed fairly certain that no one had, so sometimes he'd dare himself to throw his clothes even further out into the open. He never spent ages like that, only for a few minutes at the most, and those times were only because of some truly amazing dares made to himself which sometimes led to complications like the time Sister Spruill almost certainly did see him. Fortunately, she was very near-sighted and prone to imagining all sorts of things, so his parents shrugged it all off as just something else she'd imagined.
Subjects related to being naked will eventually come up once someone else is doing it with you. Like with Joey the summer they were twelve. Joey was never really his best-friend, but he lived close by and was easily talked into things. It was nothing physical at first, it was just being naked. They would dare each other to run the entire perimeter of the backyard. Or out the front door. (And quickly back. Very quickly.) Out the back door and not so quickly back. Doing jumping jacks in the backyard. Or possibly in the front yard if they were camping out that night. Once even out in the middle of the street! (Although it wasn't the street they lived on. But that in itself was interesting. They'd walked... crept, skulked, whatever... four blocks naked!)
The bishop probably wouldn't have done that. He might have jumped into the lake, but they couldn't imagine him doing jumping jacks out in the middle of the street.
And they also didn't want to. The man was seriously overweight.
"And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves; for if they never should have bitter they could not know the sweet--" Doctrine and Covenants 29:39.
The way they looked at things, if they had to memorize verses from the D&C, then maybe it would help if they had some practical experience. You know, in resisting temptation. Well, they were tempted to walk or creep or whatever, all the way to BYU, but they didn't.
Although they figured once one of them had his driver's license, they might.
We are blessed when we endure temptation. That came up once in Sunday School. Even though he later had to admit that the teacher's definition of "endure" probably wasn't the same as his.
Well, okay, modesty was certainly emphasized, but this seemed to apply mostly to boy/girl stuff.
"And, anyway," added Joey, "aren't people always casting off their remnants in the Bible?"
"I think it's garments, not remnants, but yeah, you've got a point there."
He was starting to rationalize things quite a bit, and he would get better at it.
But, anyway, one thing just led to another, and sometimes he didn't even start it off. Like for instance later on that summer during another Scout camp-out when eleven of them were off on a short hike. Well, a pretty long one, actually, and everybody was hot and sweaty and they were still two miles from camp way out in the middle of nowhere when they happened across a small, inviting pond, and in no time flat everyone had cast aside their garments and it was wonderful.
At least, they thought it was while they were splashing around, but once they returned to shore and discovered that every last remnant of their garments had disappeared, a few felt like it was pretty awful. Jedidiah and Joey were taking it in stride, though, and so was Richard, the bishop's son, and four or five others.
It might seem stereotypical to say that Richard was wild - I mean, they say that about all bishops' sons, right? - but at thirteen, he had unclean thoughts and often gave voice to them. But he didn't mention his misdeeds to his father, and if something came up anyway, then he'd deny having anything to do with it, so he was also guilty of dishonesty. He often used vulgar language. How else was he supposed to give voice to his unclean thoughts? He'd once tasted beer and said he'd probably do it again and not only that, soon as he was old enough, he was going to see some R-rated movies. So that took care of all five of the temptations mentioned in lesson nineteen of the first Aaronic Priesthood Manual.
But anyway. "Well," said Richard, cheerfully, "I guess we're gonna be nudist Scouts, then. Follow me boys!" and off they went with mixed emotions.
One thing about having things that seldom see the light of day swinging freely about is that you tend to be conscious of them doing that. There were four whose things only jiggled and wiggled (Jedidiah's was in between, meaning it was starting to grow a bit, but it still had a long ways to go - or least he hoped so) but no matter what, being acutely aware of this can quickly lead to a further complication. This had occasionally happened to Jedidiah and Joey when they in the middle of one of their dares, but other than thinking they looked kind of cool and felt good, nothing had ever come of it.
That afternoon, those interesting feelings first started in on Richard and Spencer.
"Hey, look! I'm popping one," said Richard gleefully.
Spencer was almost beside himself, though. "Hey guys, let's sing a hymn," he stammered. In the lesson on sexual purity, it was suggested that one way to to battle impure thoughts was to start singing a hymn real quick. (Neither Jedidiah or Joey had reached that lesson yet.)
Only "Battle Hymn of the Republic" didn't help very much. Maybe because they all started walking at an even brisker pace. Or maybe this popping wood was contagious. It sure seemed that way, but did that bother Richard? Not in the least, in fact he was running around with a couple of his friends acting like they were having sword fights. The four easily offended Scouts looked... well, deeply offended, but they tried to ignore it.
Right. Spencer's was like straight up.
"How about 'Onward Christian Soldiers?" suggested Porter. His was curving back towards his tummy.
Another martial tune. So it didn't help either. Not any. "Forward into battle, see his banners go!" indeed! But they did look warlike. And also agitated, like maybe the countdown had already started. "Called To Serve" might have put a damper on things if somebody had thought of it, but nobody did, so now every last one of them was afflicted to the max.
It was an interesting sight.
Richard and his black sheep friends thought it was hilarious, but soon ran off into the woods.
Jedidiah, Joey and Danny looked bemused, but shrugged and kept walking. Danny hadn't reached the sexual purity lesson either, so none of them had heard about interfering with their little factories.
And the four who wanted to remain pure took off running as fast as they could in the direction of camp.
Jedidiah never was able to find out exactly how well that worked, but once he started running himself, he surmised that it probably wasn't the best idea they could have come up with. In the end, though, the four who wanted to remain pure might have taken the same course of action Jedidiah, Joey and Danny took, and that was ducking into the woods once they were almost back at camp. Where they were almost eaten alive by mosquitoes, which worked a lot better than the hymns did. It wasn't mentioned in the Priesthood Manual - and hopefully it never will be - but it does take one's mind off his little factory.
In case you're interested, two self-righteous BYU students soon to be off on their missions happened upon their clothes and had forthrightly taken them all back to camp. Well, their clothes of course, and while the bishop did allow the following week that maybe they had overstepped their bounds a bit, it was only to teach them a lesson. And it sure did, but...
At first when the bishop showed up the next Priesthood meeting and started his remarks with the disclaimer above, Jedidiah could only think about how glad he was the bishop hadn't had his clothes swiped, but then came the good stuff. Apparently something pretty serious had happened, so serious they were going to skip all the way from "Doing good on the Sabbath" to "Sexual purity". Fifteen lessons he skipped. But that's when Jedidiah, Joey, Danny and a few other neophytes first found out about their little factories, starting with exactly what he was talking about in the first place. There were some Deacons who looked kind of puzzled right off the bat, so he explained it.
Oh. That. Oh, boy.
Actually, Jedidiah and Joey came out of that meeting feeling fairly relieved, because they hadn't interfered with their little factories, they'd barely even thought about it and besides that, they didn't know how they went about doing it except it involved fondling it or something. Or stroking it. Well, something. But the bishop never specifically mentioned running around naked, and considering what all he did mention, they could only surmise that they were still okay.
So to sum things up, interfering with the little factory was not only unhealthy both from a physical and a psychological sense, it was also a big sin. In fact, the only sins worse were murder and denying the Holy Ghost. Although at least you could be forgiven for doing it. So I mean, it wasn't unpardonable, and you didn't have to bother with blood atonement, so in a way...
Well, that's still in the future, right then they were just glad they hadn't accidentally interfered with themselves and they were going to avoid doing it in the future. Apparently you did it with your hand. So okay, they wouldn't do that. Not ever!
Sometimes it's funny how things work out.
The first physical contact was initiated by Joey. Late that summer he suggested that they give each other a rub down. There was nothing particularly sexual about it, they were only being naughty. It was almost like another dare, nothing more, nothing less. Or at least not at first.
Aside from not interfering with their little factories, neither knew much about sex. And the way the bishop explained things, it seemed the less they knew about it, the better. Jedidiah couldn't even recall if he had gotten stiff that first time. It was a very quick flourish anyway, a couple of rubs and that took care of that, all done. He enjoyed the feeling though, and he liked rubbing Joey all over as well. But even if he had wanted to, he could never explain why he could remember more about how it felt that first time he'd touched Joey's penis than how it felt when his had been touched. It was nothing spectacular - it was small, but larger than a worm and it wiggled - that's about all there was to it, but it was as though they had entered a new world. Even if they hadn't really interfered with each other.
I mean, was he interfering with it when he washed it? No, he wasn't. How about when he peed? Of course not. Well, fine, then. It wasn't wrong to just touch it. And if they were giving each other rub downs, well... just barely touching it wasn't wrong. Even if they were touching each other's, there is nothing in the D&C or the Bible about not giving your friend a rub down. Not one word.
There isn't, right?
Well, staying as far away as possible from temptation was discussed fairly often, so for at least awhile Jedidiah decided to cool it. Once school started back he managed to keep himself occupied with that and the piano. And of course his drums. Some Mormons got rhythm, and he did. He was even better on his drums than he was on the piano or the organ, and that was saying something, because for awhile the bishop was toying with the idea of calling him to be the ward organist. In the end he decided against it, but it had nothing to do with his ability. As the bishop saw it, it wasn't a wise decision because although he seemed to be a nice enough boy, he was only thirteen, so he wasn't sure if he was spiritually mature enough. And of course he also had to consider the possibility that Sister Jamison wouldn't take being replaced in the proper spirit. She probably wouldn't have.
Jedidiah did play piano at all the priesthood meetings, though, and that eventually answered the questions about his spiritual maturity. Although Brother Thompson had to later admit that Jedidiah's version of "Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming" was certainly interesting, he had to admit that much, but... well, it rocked. And that would never do during sacrament meeting, why, he shuddered at the very thought of it! So in the end Jedidiah was asked to play during sacrament meeting on a few special occasions, but that was it. And only after the bishop had first reviewed the program. Oh, and "I think we should stay with the traditional versions. ... "Now. Do I have your solemn word on this?"
Musical misadventure were always a possibility, but honestly, this was more from enthusiasm than anything else.
And as for the sexual urges, well, they were still there occasionally, but he didn't give into them. He tried. He really did.
Although it should be explained that he didn't really start hitting puberty until he was almost 13 ½. So aside from getting naked whenever there seemed to be a good excuse, there just didn't seem to be much point in it.
But it really is strange how things work out sometimes, because his first step back into the great beyond could probably be attributed to his not giving into temptation.
Or maybe not.
But it was true that he stopped before it happened. And honestly, he was doing something that needed to be done around the house without having to be told to do it first. He was mowing the lawn. His parents weren't even home then. Would they be surprised when they were greeted by a freshly mowed lawn!
Except his parents not being home was the main reason to start the job in the first place, and in fact, since it was only April, the lawn really didn't need mowing at all, it could've waited a couple more weeks. But the lawnmower handle vibrated. Well, if it happened by accident, then he couldn't be held responsible for it.
Now that was logical. Except he didn't need to mow the lawn right then, and he knew it, and he knew about the handle vibrating, and he certainly could've avoided pressing it up against his midsection the way he did... and to be honest, while mowing the lawn, one does not usually stop behind the tool shed and just stand there with the mower going full throttle.
But he'd stopped before it happened. He hadn't given in. Only, he'd come so close that he had to know what else there was. He just had to. It was inevitable. The feeling was like nothing he'd ever imagined, it was so incredibly awesome... and it was still building...
So he had to find out. He rationalized that maybe after one time he could say, "Okay, I know what it's like. And that's all I wanted, I just wanted to know what it felt like, so now I know and I won't do it again until after I get married, and then it'll the way it's supposed to be, with my wife."
(And so the next time he got a chance to mow the lawn unattended, he cranked that lawnmower up and he...)
Um, no. He started getting naked with Joey again. Why did it seem better to find out with him than with the lawnmower? They both were almost equally available you know, but the thing was, you really couldn't practice making out with a lawnmower. Joey was almost feminine, both in how he acted at times and in his appearance. And he was still easily talked into doing things. So they started practicing. Doing things. Making out.
Often they would start with their clothes on because it was fun taking them off. Unzipping Joey's pants and reaching inside was kind of exciting, but Joey reaching inside his pants was even more so.
But it was never long until their clothes would be scattered all around Joey's room. They would lie side by side on his bed. They would lie on top of each other. Had it been left to Jedidiah, that first kiss would probably have never happened, but it did. When dating, the suggested length of a kiss is from one to two seconds, max. They went a little beyond that. And when dating it is more than just suggested that you should never lie on top of each other and... um... well, you know, sort of start humping on each other, because that is getting very close to doing it.
But the first few times they messed around that way, once they reached a certain point, they stopped. It was time for a time-out, they needed to catch their breath. Several more times they told each other they wouldn't do anything like that again. Or at least they wouldn't do it for as long. Or in the same way.
It happened when they were wrestling. As usual, Joey quickly ended up on the bottom, but this time Jedidiah's penis ended up between Joey's upper thighs. Giggling, Joey had clamped his thighs shut, and Jedidiah found this to be... well, interesting. Then when he started to pull himself loose, it felt even more interesting. So he pushed back down, almost instinctively, and it just kept feeling more and more interesting. In fact...
"Hey Jedidiah! I think... we better stop. ... Okay?... We better... I mean, I think we might be... well, you know, f-u-c-k -i-n-g. So-"
"I think God knows how to spell, Joey. But you really think? Man! ... Well, okay, maybe we better cut it out then."
So they did. But it did feel interesting. And it wasn't long until Joey managed to get his little boner caught between Jedidiah's thighs. So okay, he changed his mind, and he didn't find it to be an unpleasant sensation at all, in fact neither found it to be so. And so after careful consideration, they finally decided to do it for a minute, no more, no less. It was almost in the form of a dare. Joey got to play like he was the husband first. And when the minute was done, he was a bit breathless, and it really did feel good... but no orgasm. That hadn't happened for him yet.
And it hadn't happened for Jedidiah either. Not until he started pushing it in and out between Joey's thighs that afternoon. He probably did it for a little longer than a minute, not much longer... and he'd really planned on stopping at sixty seconds, but when he reached that point, it was just feeling awesome again, it was feeling better and better and better!
For almost everyone, that first time you have no idea just how much better it can be. You have never felt anything like this in your entire life, and once that feeling takes over, you ain't stopping. Agreed on time limit or not, past a certain point, you are not going to stop.
Something not covered in most books about growing up: What you feel like shortly afterwards. Actually, the book his parents had given him wasn't all that specific about how it felt while doing it either, beyond it's being a wonderful thing - although it didn't say it would be that wonderful- but it said nothing at all about the feeling you had right after you knew for sure the better and better part was over. He was shaking all over, but mostly he felt... empty. It was like coming down from a wonderful high by falling off a high rise. And that was before he saw the result of his having gone past the agreed upon time limit. Then he really felt bad.
Something else not covered in the book: Exactly what that stuff looks like. It sure didn't look anything like the drawing he'd seen. It might be particularly so if you've been taught that any sex outside of marriage is sinful, but his first impression was, to say the least, not particularly favorable.
And Joey wasn't too happy about it, either, but at any rate, Jedidiah walked home in a daze that afternoon. He felt like he'd just committed the most awful sin in the world. True, there were two worse sins, but still... well darn it all, it was... well, it was really bad.
And so for a few days he was not his usual self. He moped about and had little to say. He barely glanced at the sports pages. When practicing the piano, the notes seemed to take on a dirge-like quality. He was over-reacting. And so finally one evening his father knocked on his door and walked in.
"Something seems to be on your mind, son. Want to talk about it?"
It took awhile, but finally Jedidiah was able to admit at least some of the awful truth to his father. He never got around to mentioning Joey's part in things though, he eventually decided to leave him out of it entirely. But he did admit to um... well, stuff coming out of his... "well, you know... and I didn't mean to, but I don't know, all at once I couldn't stop and well, I-"
"It happens son. It happens to the best of us."
"But-"
"No, just listen to me son, just let me speak my piece here, all right? ... Now, I know how hard it is. Believe me, I know, because I went through the same thing when I was your age. It might surprise you, but your bishop probably went through the same thing when he was a boy. I didn't grow up in the LDS church, you know that, how your mother lead me to the Church while we were in school together, but even so, the church I grew up in had almost the same views on masturbation. So I always felt bad when I gave in. But son, you're not always going to be able to resist. It's just the age you are. So while I do want you to try your darnedest... and I know you will, because deep down, you're a good person, I want you to keep praying about it, but son, if sometimes you fail, don't give up, all right? And please, don't be so hard on yourself."
And so on. Really, it was a good talk. So the very first thing Jedidiah got out of that was a feeling of relief. And he also told himself that he would try to resist those urges, and he did...
For almost a week. But gradually, and then all at once, it occurred to him that while his father hadn't exactly given him the green light, he did say he wouldn't always be able to resist. So in other words, if he proceeded with caution...
It sure was a powerful urge. And not only that, Joey seemed to be fully recovered, in fact he said he owed him one. He probably did. Really, it was only fair, and...
To be honest, the bishop should have been a little more specific about things. If the general idea was to allow as little wiggle room as was possible, then he should have spelled things out, but he didn't. Oh, I'm sure he would have said that he did too, but as far as Jedidiah and Joey were concerned, he hadn't.
So in the first place, they weren't doing it with their hands. In the second place, it wasn't homosexual behaviour, because they weren't in love with each other. Marry Joey? Fat chance. No way, man! And Joey said he didn't want to marry him either. Nope, one of these days - probably after they decided girls weren't a pain - they were going to get married and have children. So really, they were just practicing, that's all. And the thing was, even if you wanted to, you couldn't really practice with a girl until after you'd already married the thing.
And not only that, there would be no more kissing. No, they'd just wrestle around, or do dares and then they'd practice humping.
And so for the next few months, one thing just seemed to lead to another. Humping each other between their thighs was good practice, but humping up between each other's butt cheeks was even better. It just seemed more interesting, somehow. Joey experienced his first quiver while humping on Jedidiah's butt. And to think, he managed to find out how it felt without even using his hands!
But then pushing your penis back and forth between each other's butt cheeks can increase your awareness of yet another erogenous zone.
Oh, don't worry about it. They didn't. Joey thought Jedidiah's was a little too big (it was roughly 4 ¾ inches and decently big around) and at first Joey's was too small.
So they agreed they probably didn't want to do that, anyway.
Although Jedidiah thought to himself that it did feel sort of interesting. And, not only that, he never did like carrots worth a darn, anyway. He wasn't rebellious, but occasionally he had thoughts. So he found another use for those carrots. But only little ones. And not all that many, either. But it was interesting. And there wasn't anything in the D&C about that, now, was there? "I think that would come under unnatural practices." "Oh yeah? Well, some people think eating stuff you don't like is unnatural, too!"
He knew better, of course. There was no way they weren't crossing the line. Shoot, they were all the way over on the other side of the stupid Interstate going in the wrong direction, but often he still told himself he wouldn't do it again. He still didn't use bad language - he tried saying "shit" one time, but somehow, it didn't sound right - he wasn't tempted to sneak a Coke, so of course he never considered anything alcoholic, he paid tithing on his allowance and didn't question it, and he never used his hand to get off. And possibly because he really was trying to be good, he often felt guilt over what was going on over at Joey's house, but somehow that was the one thing he couldn't stop. So he just told himself that he would soon. One of these days. Pretty soon. But not right away.
Sometimes what he really wished was that it could happen without it being his fault. Then he wouldn't have to feel bad about it. He wondered how things were going to be in Sweden in a few months.
It had just come up recently. His father had been issued a calling to be the mission president over there. It would be for three years. And of course he would be going with them. It sounded exciting. And he wanted to be good. He'd even bear his testimony if the opportunity presented itself.
But on the other hand... well, Swedes were notorious for public nudity. Why, they weren't a bit shy. Well, Mormon Swedes probably were, but then...
He really tried to be good, but sometimes he just got bored.
One thing just led to another. It started with a dare Joey chickened out on. Jedidiah had to later admit that it might not have been a good idea though, because it was still broad daylight. Joey probably would have been caught, and that might have been hard to explain. "Well, some boys jumped on me and took my clothes. There were about five of them."
But still, a dare is a dare. So Jedidiah thought about it and finally he offered, "Well, okay. I'll let you off on that one, but-"
"You wouldn't have done it either. Ain't no way Sister Spruill is that near-sighted!"
"Well, I did it before" - (even if he didn't intend to) - "but okay. I'll give you another dare, all right?" (Deep breath.) "I dare you to let me put it in your mouth. Just for a second. No, wait. Two seconds. But that's all. Okay?"
As you might imagine, Joey looked doubtful, but finally he shrugged and said, "Okay, I will. But only under one condition. You got to wash it first. So are you chicken?"
Why, heck, no. Jedidiah couldn't hardly believe it. But he washed it hurriedly, came bouncing back into Joey's room, Joey took a deep breath, and... he did it! But just for two seconds. Well, maybe it was three. But it wasn't for very long.
But it did feel good. Jedidiah wondered, "Did it taste bad?"
"No," said Joey in a relieved tone of voice, "It really didn't. It didn't taste like anything hardly. Almost like it was your finger or something. Maybe not quite... but I don't know, it didn't really taste bad. ... Now. Guess what your dare is."
Jedidiah could have said daring him to do for ten seconds wasn't fair, but as it turned out, it wasn't awful at all. It was - by now, you've probably guessed - interesting.
It was very interesting because what was in the back of Jedidiah's mind the entire time - all ten seconds worth - was the possibility of that thing going off in his mouth. Two, three seconds, it probably wasn't going to happen, but for ten? It was possible, because Joey was finally starting puberty. He said it was about time. Well, after all, he'd been fourteen for almost a month, so he was starting to wonder a little, but finally he'd had his first wet dream. Didn't know what he dreamed about, but boy, when he woke up and found that wet spot at the front of his pajamas, well, yippee! It was still skinny, but it was getting longer. And his balls were dropping, so Jedidiah was taking a chance. But he didn't have any choice. It was a dare.
Well, it didn't go off, but even so, he still thought it was interesting because he got to really and truly feel it. And it felt very hard. Well, duh! But honest, it seemed like it felt harder when it was in his mouth than it did when it was rubbing up between his cheeks. It just seemed like the connection was more intense, possibly because they both knew that now they had definitely crossed that line, it was pointless to even try to rationalize it any more.
But they keep trying, anyway. It was only a game. They'd stop doing it. Pretty soon. Soon as Jedidiah went off to Sweden, well, that would be it, they'd never do it again. And of course they would ask forgiveness and they'd start dating respectable girls at sixteen or seventeen or maybe after they got back from their mission and they'd get married and everything would be fine. So they would stop doing it pretty soon, honest ... but not right away.
Daring Joey to do it for one whole minute almost worked. For Jedidiah, I mean.
But then Joey daring him to do for the same amount of time did work. It probably didn't take but about half that time. But Jedidiah didn't find it to be nearly as bad as he thought it would be, and he spit most of it out.
Then he dared Joey to do it again - for another minute - and after that, they were even.
They were caught in the act four days later.
It could have been worse. Joey's parents didn't have him arrested, although I'm sure the thought might have crossed their minds. And Joey's father didn't have any weapons in the house. It might seem that membership in the NRA is almost a Mormon prerequisite - especially during deer season - but Brother Mullins was an exception to the rule. And he later admitted that it was probably good that he was. All sorts of things can happen in the heat of the moment.
So really, it was good that Joey's momma walked in on them, and not his father, but once she started almost having a nervous breakdown...
But she eventually got over it. At least to a certain extent. But when she walked in...
All at once the door opened and there they were. Naked. With Jedidiah on his knees in front of her Joey with his... his... thing in his mouth!
So the immediate consequences of Joey's momma startling them like that could have been fairly catastrophic for Joey too - well, okay, even more catastrophic, then - but at least nothing got bit off. So it could have been worse, but not a whole lot.
Joey's momma started hollering and screaming at the top of her voice. Joey and Jedidiah were panic stricken. Jedidiah got the distinct impression that he should leave, immediately, if not sooner. He did think about his clothes, but he really was in a rush. So he managed to grab the only thing he saw close at hand and ZIP out the door and down the stairs he went. Everything was like a blur. Joey's father was. The front door was. He did think about putting on whatever it was he'd grabbed, but it turned out to be Joey's tee shirt. Still panic stricken - in fact, even more so - he started to go back inside. But no, that didn't seem like a very good idea. So away he went just as fast as he possibly could go. Fortunately, Joey only lived a few houses away. But it was both a horribly long dash and an all too short one. How many neighbours saw him? He had no idea. Probably not many, but at least a few, and word does get around, so in the end, it might as well have been the entire ward! And most of the city of Provo as well. But, anyway, he reached his house... and the front door was unlocked. So that was good news and bad news. It was good, because he'd left his key at Joey's, along with everything else. But it was also bad, because that meant one or both of his parents were home right then.
It was his mom, actually, but she was blurry, too. She exclaimed, "Jedidiah! What in the wor-" and there was something else, but by then he was in his room with the door locked.
He wasn't rebellious, but that door stayed locked for almost two hours. But finally his father knocked and said, "Son, we need to talk. I'm certainly not going to hit you Jedidiah, but you do realize we have to talk about this, don't you? ... Son?"
It wasn't nearly as bad as he thought it would be. That's not saying it was a good thing, but under the circumstances, it wasn't close to being as bad as he thought it would be. His parents assured him that they still loved him. So right there you have an infinite improvement over how many parents would react. Mormon, Catholic, Evangelical, NRA, it doesn't really matter, there are lots of parents who would react differently. Fact was, they weren't even convinced that he was homo... (deep breath) - homosexual. Well, you shouldn't expect miracles on this deal, but his father did allow that sometimes boys experimented. They grew out of it. Why, he'd been tempted himself at that age. He hadn't given in, but he understood. And they still loved him, no matter what. He probably said they loved him at least forty times over the next couple of weeks. So that was reassuring.
But even so, this presented a problem of some magnitude. As far as his parents were concerned, he needed help, and all at once, Sweden didn't seem like a good idea. Because once there, they would be busy with their mission responsibilities, so they wouldn't be able to spend the amount of time with him that was necessary. And due to the language and cultural differences, it was unlikely he'd get the help he needed from anyone else.
But there was also a problem with not going. The Church wasn't going to like it very much. Having to call a new mission president on such short notice... they weren't going to like it one bit. As far as they were concerned, the calling has already been issued, prayed about, and divinely inspired.
His folks really weren't sure what to do, and Jedidiah really felt bad for putting them in that situation. But then his mom suggested giving her Uncle J. a call. Maybe he could give them some guidance.
Dr. J. Kelton Elkins, on her side of the family. He happened to be the stake president in Upper East Tennessee. A doctor, because he was also prominent psychiatrist. But anyway, that's when things started sorting themselves out, and not long afterwards, it was decided that Jedidiah would be living with him. He wasn't sure, but it seemed like it might not be all that bad. Not as exciting as Sweden probably would have been, but one thing was for sure, he needed a change in scenery. He certainly was glad he wasn't going to be messing up things for his folks - that was a major relief - and the thing was, after talking some to his great uncle on the phone, he seemed to be pretty cool, not what you would expect from a stake president at all.
First time he talked to him, he mentioned how some of the higher-ups in Salt Lake might place him in the "so-called intellectual" category. Meaning that while he supported and believed wholeheartedly in the church, he wasn't in complete agreement with everything. Including their fixation on masturbation, he thought it was doing more harm than good. He didn't tell Jedidiah that, but his father mentioned him saying that later on.
Actually his parents didn't tell Uncle J. all that much about him beyond that he was going through some rough times. He was questioning things. Which was news to him, but... maybe. Just a little. He could probably think of something if he tried.
Oh, and that he had been engaged in some "experimentation" with a neighbour boy. Nothing major (Huh?) but you know how kids are that age.
Since he was family, Uncle J. wouldn't be seeing him on a professional basis, he would leave that to an associate. But he certainly would be there for him otherwise. He was going to loosen the reigns just a little. "I don't mean I'm going be letting you run wild, young man, we do expect you to remain active, but maybe we can back off just a little. So what do you think?"
"Umm, I guess that's okay" Jedidiah managed. "I'll try."
"I know you will, I know you will. Don't worry about it, Jedidiah, everything is going to be fine. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Well, all right then. We'll be seeing you in a couple of weeks. Your Aunt Nan and I are looking forward to it."
It was nice to be loved. And sometimes it was nice to be reminded of it.
But anyway, that's how he got a change in venue after all.
Overall, he liked being in Mayville, Tennessee. Uncle J. was really nice. A big bear of a man, at times a bit gruff, but true to his word, he wasn't pushing him. His Aunt Nan made some of the best chicken pot pie he'd ever tasted, it just melted in your mouth. And food's important to a kid almost fourteen.
But there were still some rules. Like, for example, on Sunday the TV stayed off all day. (No NFL rule.) 'Course it wasn't football season, anyway, but when it rolled around, that was going to take some getting used to. There was always going to be "family time". He might be able to get out of some of the week-night church activities, but Sunday services were still pretty long.
But then on the other hand, the Mayville Ward didn't have a regular organist. Cool!
He tried to stay traditional, though.
He got a lot of exercise around the house chasing squirrels. His aunt had a bird feeder out back. They'd tried just almost everything, putting barbed wire on the pole, greasing the pole, but nothing seemed to work, turn around and some blamed old squirrel would be hanging off the feeder. Aunt Nan would bang on the window. Didn't bother the squirrel in the least. She'd start going "Shoo! Shoo! Get away from there!" Squirrel wouldn't pay her any mind. She'd slam the screen door. That didn't work, either. So then in exasperation she'd go, "Jack" (short for Jackson) "that squirrel won't move a peg! It just won't pay any attention to me at all!"
So Uncle J. would sigh and he'd ask Jedidiah, "Is it your turn, or mine?" If it was Jedidiah's, he'd go running out with a broom. Or he'd throw rocks at them. Either way, it would get rid of them, for a few minutes, then they'd be right back.
But anyway. Once when it was his uncle's turn he said, "I am getting tired of this!" and with that, he marched back to the den and soon returned with a 12 gauge shotgun and headed outside.
Aunt Nan exclaimed, "Oh! You're not going to, Jack!"
"I'm just going to aim over their heads. But maybe this will give me some peace for awhile!"
"But Jack! It just makes too much noise!"
Yeah, well, pretty soon, KA-BOOM!! It scared the squirrels so bad, they didn't come back until the next morning. Only, then Aunt Nan was worried about the squirrels. Said they were probably all deaf now. That cracked Jedidiah up. He laughed so hard, it almost started hurting.
So it was nice around there. But was he over his "experimentation" stage? Most of the time he wanted to think so. But not always. He didn't know. Sometimes he wasn't entirely sure what he and Joey had been doing was really that bad... he had to admit it was fun, or at least it was up until... well, you know...
But oh, well. He probably wouldn't ever meet anyone like Joey again. So really, there was no use in worrying about it.
Uncle J. said one thing he did not need was a mobile phone. In '93 they were just starting to really catch on, but he didn't need one. He said he'd rather listen the the radio, or just think, but for awhile, he'd just as soon not be talking on a phone, he did enough of that as it was. Although when his old Ford pick-up broke down out in the middle of nowhere, he did admit that it might have been a good thing to have with him. (To be honest, though, it's doubtful if a cell would've been of any help even today. Nobody lived within at least five miles of there, not then, and not now.)
It happened Saturday morning, June 19th. He and Jed were coming back from the summer cabin with three antique rocking chairs he wanted to refinish. The truck had been missing pretty bad when they first left that morning, but his uncle said it would smooth out pretty soon, it was just getting on up in years, the same as he was. And sure enough, it did smooth out. Some. But on the trip back, it started running rough again. And then it conked out in the middle of nowhere. So they coasted to the nearest pull-off spot and that was it. His uncle said he hoped it would start after it set for awhile, but it looked like they might be in a bit of a fix. It was at least ten miles to the nearest payphone.
There were lots of things his uncle was good at, but auto mechanics wasn't one of them. So he was just standing there with the hood up looking perplexed. He'd jiggle something, then he'd tell Jedidiah to see if it would crank. Then he'd jiggle something else, but really, he didn't have a clue. And another problem was that there wasn't any traffic on that road. They'd been sitting there for at least fifteen minutes and not one car had passed either way.
So finally he started, "Well, it looks like one of us has got a long walk ahead of us. I'd go myself, but if you think you could-" and then they heard a car approaching.
"Well, I'll see if I can wave him down," he finished.
It was an old '75 Datsun station wagon that looked to be in worse shape than the pick-up. Except for the fact that it was running and the pick-up wasn't. The kid driving it didn't look to be much older than Jedidiah. Dr. Elkins almost asked if he was old enough to drive, but eventually he thought better of it. He had blond hair that came down a little past his ears, meaning it wasn't too long, but still long enough he might have had a problem getting it cut at the barbershop in town. He probably would've, because there was a "No Long Hairs" sign displayed pretty prominently. But he seemed nice enough. I mean, after all, he did stop.
He got out and said almost apologetically, "I'm not sure if I can help much, but... well, I could take a look if you want me to."
"If you know anything at all about cars, you know more than I do." Then he stuck his hand out. "Jack Elkins. Are you from around these parts?"
"Well, not... well, I guess for at least this summer. I'm staying with my uncle right now. ... Um, I'm Lucas. Lucas Mysinger. ... And I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Elkins. ... So... Well, like I said, I'm not an expert, but let's see," and with that he started peering intently under the hood, even if he looked almost as uncertain as he sounded.
"Well, you have something in common with Jedidiah, then, as he's staying with me for awhile and I'm his uncle. Jedidiah?"
Jedidiah was looking out with some interest, but still... "I'm going to have to get over this. I'm never going to be any good at being a missionary at this rate," and with that thought he grinned tentatively, climbed out and started peering intently under the hood as well.
Lucas glanced at him - a bit cautiously - and then, "Hi." That was it. Then it back to, "Well, maybe this is what's wrong." ..."No, that's not it." "Well, maybe..." only no, that wasn't it either...
Finally, after about twenty minutes or so it was decided that nobody had the slightest idea. Although at least that gave Dr. Elkins enough time to find out a little more about the boy.
He was sixteen (and a half), knew he didn't look it, but he was, he'd been living with his mom in St. Louis, but had been having problems with the guy living with her, so once school let out, he'd decided to go back to his dad's in N.C. (That wasn't the case, but he figured it would sound better.) But then he'd had car trouble in Nashville which ended up taking most of his cash. Then when he tried calling his dad, he found out his phone had been disconnected. (And now he was getting creative again, because calling his dad was pretty much off the table.) Finally found out he'd been transferred overseas to London. (Really creative.) So he had an uncle living in Mayville ... and here he was. His uncle agreed to put him up if he wanted to do some work fixing up his old home place. Well, he was getting paid for it too, so it was fair enough. There was a lot of painting to do, stuff like that, and it would probably keep him busy for most of the summer. After that, well, he guessed they'd cross that bridge when they got to it. And fortunately, the part about his uncle was all true. Fortunate, because Dr. Elkins knew his uncle. He even knew exactly where his old home place was. Mayville was a pretty small town.
But anyway, returning to the disabled Ford pickup, finally Dr. Elkins said, "Well, a member of our ward runs a wrecker service. We'll have to give him a call. ... So. I suppose someone should stay with the truck. I've no doubt my rockers back there are worth more than the truck itself, so if you would be so kind as run my nephew back to the store... Jedidiah, you can show him where it is, right? I think I have Brother Huber's card here ... Right. Here it is. So when you get to the payphone, call this number..." (then he looked over at Lucas...) "That is if you don't have to be anywhere right now. I appreciate your stopping. And I want to thank you. You've been very helpful."
"Oh, it wouldn't be any trouble, I don't have much to do today anyway. So-"
"Oh, one other thing. I want you to have this. Get a chance to look through it and if you have any questions, you'll find my card inside."
J. Kelton Elkins never passed up a good chance to seek new converts. Jedidiah was torn between a sense of wonder - he made it seem so easy - and cringing a bit. It was easy to bear witness in Provo, but he already knew Mormons weren't in the majority in Tennessee. He didn't know if he was ever going to be a good missionary. He wanted to, but at the same time, he also wanted to be cool.
Uncle J. returned with another Book of Mormon. Always kept a good supply, because you just never could tell when an opportunity would pop up. "You go to church anywhere, Lucas?"
Lucas shuffled his feet. "Um, no sir. At least, not right now" he said a bit uncomfortably.
"So much for him thinking I'm cool," Jedidiah thought to himself.
And Lucas thought to himself, "So I guess I can cross him off then. Oh well. I probably never had a chance anyway."
Lucas noticed him, soon as he stepped out of the truck. No way he wouldn't. The boy was definitely cute. And he had a nice smile. Sort of shy. Like he was. But of course he didn't let on, and he didn't really think it would ever be anything more than just a chance encounter. He kept telling himself that he didn't want to put himself through that shit again, anyway. Nothing ever seemed to work out, not the way he hoped. So in a way, maybe it was just as well he was a Mormon. He didn't know much about them: about all he knew was that when you saw two earnest-looking guys wearing white shirts and ties riding down the road on their bikes, well, they were probably Mormons. And they'd sure be glad to talk to you. But he wouldn't be interested in what they wanted to talk about. He sort of hoped that this kid wasn't going to start in on him, not if that was all he wanted to talk about. Man, what a waste. But still, he wished he could think of something to say. Just normal talk. And not sound lame in the process. That wouldn't make a good impression. Shit! He wished the kid would say something. As long as it wasn't about religion.
Well, Jedidiah was trying to think of something to say. That wouldn't sound lame. He'd bear witness when there was a good opportunity, but right now... well, if he asked, he'd talk about it, but his uncle had already pretty well taken care of that anyway. So maybe it would be good if he could just act normal and talk about what normal kids talk about.
"So, you're Mormon," Lucas finally managed. Boy, that was lame.
"Yeah, I got born into it." Jedidiah smiled tentatively and shrugged.
"Oh." Lucas was busy running things through his mind and trying to think of something else to say.
Jedidiah perked up. "Hey, you like music?"
Now, that could work. "Oh yeah. A little bit of everything I guess."
"Well, I noticed your tape deck" Yeah, that's pretty lame all right. But he guessed he might as well finish anyway. "So what's the tape you got in now?"
"Oh, that? Well... right now it's untitled. It's something I did with a friend."
"Rock?"
"Yeah. You want to hear it?"
"Yeah, sure. I'd like to."
Lucas shrugged nonchalantly. He looked pretty convincing too. At acting nonchalant. Because he always wanted people to listen to that tape. "Well see, the thing is, I played everything on this except for the drum part. Like I'd play one track, and then I'd play another and mix it with the first, see and... well, and so on. So you want to hear it?"
"Sure." And he thought to himself, "Wonder how good the drummer is?"
It started out pretty simple. At first just rhythm guitar and violin. And then the lead guitar came in in the background. And of course drums, but it was slow. Although he had to admit the violin part was nice. The lead guitar started coming more into focus, until it was going along with the violin. It sounded good. "You did all this, just mixing?"
"Yeah, but it's just barely started."
Just beyond the two minute mark the violin faded out and at that point, the tempo started picking up. He really liked the drum part. This might be really good. It sounded like a rave-up. Cool!
At around the three minute mark he was thinking, "That drummer might be as good as I am!" And it was still picking up tempo. The violin was back. There were several more tracks merging. It was like a train slowly starting to pick up speed.
At about the four minute mark, he really started noticing the rhythm guitar. It was going along with the drummer, and the tempo... well, okay, the train was still methodically picking up speed. It was hard to describe, but it was getting intense!
And it kept getting better. He couldn't sit still any more.
At about the five and half minute mark, the rhythm guitar really started pushing. The violin was just sort of floating up at the top, and it just kept getting better!
At around the seven and a half minute mark he was thinking, "Oh wow! Did he really do all this? This is unreal!"
At around the eight minute mark, his mouth was hanging open. But he couldn't sit still. And it just kept building!
And it continued to build for another minute. I mean, it just broke loose. It was like being run over by that train, it was like an absolute wall of sound...
And then it was like, okay, that's all, everything was splitting apart, and then it was over.
And Jedidiah said, "Oh wow. That - was - unreal. That was really good. You really did all that?"
"Yeah, I've been playing a long time" said Lucas trying to sound modest. Then he added, "Last thing I bought... I mean that's what I always end up spending most of my money on, but I got a sitar. You know, like they play in India?"
"Yeah, I think I know. One of the Beatles started playing some stuff on it, right?"
"Yeah, George Harrison. But anyway, instead of ending it like I did, just letting it crash - well, Hendrix did that a lot, but I never really liked it all that much, but anyway, what I'd like to do, is to instead back it down until it's just mostly the sitar.
Well, maybe. I don't know for sure."
"You mean do a remix?"
"Gotta find somebody who has some equipment first. Don't know anybody around here yet. But yeah, one day maybe."
"Well, if you do? ... I'm a good drummer. Honest. So-"
"Really?"
"Umm, yeah, I think so. And I play piano and organ too... well, decent, anyway."
"Decent is about all I ever managed when it came to keyboards... violin, I'm good and guess you could tell, I'm getting into guitars a lot. ... So you're a good drummer, huh?"
Jedidiah nodded.
Lucas didn't know exactly what to think, but he did know that for right then, the kid was pretty cool. Mormon or not. He was really cool. In a nice kind of way. And that was the coolest thing of all.
But then he reminded himself that odds were, he wouldn't be seeing much of him after that day.
He didn't know much about Mormons. And he didn't know anything at all about oxyMormons.
He had a lot to learn.
But then, so did Jedidiah.
Authors deserve your feedback. It's the only payment they get. If you go to the top of the page you will find the author's name. Click that and you can email the author easily.* Please take a few moments, if you liked the story, to say so.
[For those who use webmail, or whose regular email client opens when they want to use webmail instead: Please right click the author's name. A menu will open in which you can copy the email address (it goes directly to your clipboard without having the courtesy of mentioning that to you) to paste into your webmail system (Hotmail, Gmail, Yahoo etc). Each browser is subtly different, each Webmail system is different, or we'd give fuller instructions here. We trust you to know how to use your own system. Note: If the email address pastes or arrives with %40 in the middle, replace that weird set of characters with an @ sign.]
* Some browsers may require a right click instead
