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Velvet Touch?

by It's Only Me from Across the Sea

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"You can bring a friend if you like"

"Are you sure, Mum?"

"Well, I think we can afford it. Anyway, most parents would offer to pay. We would."

"But it'll mean an extra room and stuff?" I was prepared to sleep on the sofabed all resorts put in their rooms. I'd always done that. Mind you I would have preferred privacy. I'm pretty sure Mum and Dad would, too.

"We were going to get you a room on your own this year anyway. So, if you want to bring a friend along, that's fine."

"Mum," I paused. Money's always been tight Holidays were saved for very hard indeed, "Are you sure we can afford this? Truly sure?"

"No, not truly sure, no. But we want to do it. Dad suggested it to me last night. I was about to suggest it to him. So you decide, Peter."

Oh wow! No decision to be made there. "Yes, then. Yes, please."

That was in February. I knew exactly whom to invite. And I did. Invite him. We'd been mates for ages. Since I'd met him, both on our first day at school four years ago when I was eleven.

"Yes! Definitely! Yes, please! I'll have to ask my parents, of course, but yes." David was quick to make up his mind. "Where are we going?"

"Fuerteventura."

"Fert yourself!"

"It's a place, idiot. An island."

"Yeah, and the other one has bells on. Now where are we going?"

I had him convinced eventually. Showed him the picture in the brochure. Hot sun, almost tropical. Sandy beaches. "If we can book it in time that is. So you need to get your parents to agree pretty quickly, David."

"Don't worry about that. I'll come if I have to use my own money and pay myself!"

That evening there was a lot of telephoning done. David called me. "Yes!" he sounded really excited. "Yes, I can come."

He wasn't the only one, only I doubt if it was for the same reason as me. David was my hero. My very best friend in the whole world. The type of friend you'd die for and die happily. Well, more than that. Much more. Only I was simply his best mate.

I knew instinctively I would only ever be his best mate. It would have been wonderful if… But it wasn't, couldn't. Oh heck it was just not possible.

Anyway, after Mum had prised the phone out of my hand, she spent some time talking to his mother. Then she got off the phone from that call and phoned the holiday company's evening sales line.

That took ages. Simply ages.

And then it was done.

Deposit paid by credit card.

Two whole weeks in the hot sun was cool. Two whole weeks in the hot sun with my very best friend in the whole world was excellent. Only one thing more would have made it perfect. And that was impossible.

It seemed ages to wait. That was February. Almost two terms of school, until now, today, in late July. And the wettest, most miserable British winter had stretched between the booking and the sun.

David and I planned what we were going to do. Mostly it revolved around sun, the pool, the beach, and, if we could swing it, the bar.

Oh, it also revolved around girls. Bikini clad girls. No matter that girls of our age wanted blokes a good two years older. No matter that girls a couple of years younger than us were at best very carefully protected, and at worst still interested in Barbie and Ken.

We fantasised about how we could keep the room private for one of us if the other pulled. Fat chance!

Feelings? Her feelings or our feelings? Fat chance. This was to be a holiday shag.

Only, the more we talked about it the less I wanted to do it.

In an odd sort of way I didn't mind if David did, but I didn't want to. Not really.

No, that isn't true.

I did want to.

I wanted to prove to myself I could do it. I wanted to prove to myself so badly that I could pull a girl and get her into bed. Had to prove it to myself.

It was far more than a simple wish. It was a burning need.

It's not that I'm bad looking. I know Mum's biased when she says I'm drop dead gorgeous, but I do know I'm easy on the eye. I also have my share of the girls in school as friends, too. And I suppose I could try with any of them.

Only I don't want to.

Partly something about my own doorstep, and partly because I don't find any of them attractive. I've tried to. I really have. I like them as friend, but I just don't get turned on by them. Even by the really pretty ones.

We still made the plans, though. All winter and all through the summer term. David planned. I planned. We outdid each other in planning.

I outplanned him. After half term in the summer term I came into school and proved it. "Hey, David!"

"Oh, Hi, peter."

"Bet you'll need some of these." And I opened my hand to reveal two packs of condoms.

"How'd you get those?" Er, I mean I've never dared go into a shop and buy them."

"Never mind how. One's for me, one's for you. Here, take one." He did.

"Thanks." He didn't look as though he'd own the lottery exactly. Mind you it was just a pack of three condoms.

"Something wrong?"

"No, just, oh I haven't dared do that, and here you are, cool as you like. I'm envious, I suppose"

"Nah, don't be."

"Well… "

"Look, if you want the truth, Mum got them for me."

David's eyes opened wide. "Your mother got you two packs of condoms?"

"Well, she does things like that. Said she wanted me to be safe and stuff. Also half said I wasn't to get into a situation where I was going to need them."

"Wow. I like your mother more and more."

"I bet yours'd do the same."

"Maybe. I doubt it, though. Mind you, she keeps asking when I'm going to get a girlfriend."

We neither of us had girlfriends. I suppose people would just say we were slow starters or something. The thing is we just hung around together all the time. Like twins, near enough. At least I often knew what David was thinking before he said it. He was the same with me.

We're both pretty bright. Top half of the class in everything. Fairly sporty. Tennis for me, athletics for him in the summer. Winter I play defence and he attacks in soccer. We don't seem to compete with each other. I'm good at the lessons he isn't. I think it's one of the reasons we get on so well.

Only I'd get on well with David if he were a complete dork as well. He's just nice. Generous, happy, outgoing. We'd started off as two kids at a new school who just met and found fun. Became friends, then inseparable. It was cool.

The rest of the summer term passed well enough. Never quickly enough, though.

Until finally we were in the car to Gatwick airport. Mum, Dad, David and me. With four overlarge suitcases, four sets of hand baggage, and four different levels of excitement.

Plane trips are plane trips. We juggled rubbish in a tray, got up for a pee a few times, and wriggled a lot in the no-legroom special charter flight seats. Four hours and a bit after we pushed back at Gatwick, we landed on Fuerteventura.

It's not a hugely developed island. I'd expected a tin shack, but it was an ok airport, though. We collected our bags, waited for simply ages on the coach for nothing to happen, and then set off for the hour's drive to the resort

What and island! Ok, the brochure said it was the least touristy of all the Canaries, but wow! At least it had a good road, but the rest was more like, well not a building site. More like empty

Beautiful, beautiful beaches, though. I was looking forward to those. David was, too. Mind you we were both quiet on the coach. I nearly threw up with all the twists and turns.

When she booked the holiday, Mum said she hadn't asked for adjoining rooms, but they put us next door to each other anyway. There was an interconnecting door, but we all decided that privacy beat convenience, so we left it locked.

"I'm starving," David said as the room door shut on us.

"Me, too. Must have been getting up at four am to get to Gatwick. D'you want to explore on our own, or should we grab Mum and Dad before we go."

"Better grab them for today, I reckon. I mean I know we can charge stuff to the room, but just for today, you know… "

I knew. We sort of needed to involve them before being kids on holiday. Sort of a gathering of the clan before going our separate ways.

They were starving, too. What passed for food on the plane has actually been something disgusting at about eight. It was now heading for two in the afternoon. So we investigated the poolside bar.

Four beers, three pizzas and a toasted ham sandwich later we were ready to face the world. Mind you, Dad had to check with David what his parents' attitude to alcohol was. Luckily it turned out to be the same as his.

While we were eating, something struck me.

Another family, with a lad who seemed a bit younger than us, maybe the same age. It was his hair. Soft brown hair, light brown, cropped velvet short except for a thin, floppy fringe, the fringe sunbleached blonder. "You could have done your hair like his, David." He'd had his cut before we flew out. Now it was spiky. Before it was luxuriant. Both suited him

"Whose?"

"Guy over there with his parents."

"Yeah, sure. Eurostubble with curtains. No way!"

Mind you, it would have suited him. David's hair was a shade lighter than the other lad's. I could almost feel the velvet under my hand as I looked from one to the other. Wondered what it would feel like. Bristles or velvet? Found myself daydreaming about stroking his hair. Whose? Not sure. David's

Probably.

But there was something about him, too. The other boy.

Something compelling.

He made you look at him. No idea how, but he made you do it. Like you'd look at Tadzio in that seventies film Death in Venice. Impossible not to look. Magnetic. And when I managed to tear my gaze away I found that David was looking at him, too.

"I still reckon that'd suit you, David."

"Eh?"

"The hairstyle."

"Dream on. I'm not going back to school looking like that! You do it to yours!"

"No. It wouldn't suit mine. It's too dark It'd look almost blue, I think."

So we left it. And left the bar. And left the other family there, eating, sitting. We still had to unpack. We'd been too hungry to do it before we came down. Now we were aiming for swim gear, a laze, and a dip in the pool. "Suncream!" Mum's voice shot out of their room at us as we passed. "This sun is almost tropical. Plenty of suncream!"

I'm lucky. Dark complexion means I tan easily. David's skin was much fairer. "Do my back?"

"If you do mine," I said.

"That's cold, Peter." I'd squirted suncream onto his back.

"Yeah. Now stop wriggling." And I started to rub the cream in with the tips of my fingers, starting at the shoulder blades, trying just to run the cream in, trying not to let it turn into a sensual act. Trying to keep the hidden thoughts at bay. Yet wanting my fingers to tell him so badly what I'd known for over two years, and what I knew I needed him to know.

And then there was no more back to rub cream into. And no more cream to rub into back. "Ok, now me, please." And I turned away so he could reach. "Eww! You were right. It is cold

"Sissy! Take it like a man!"

Oh I would. Anything from David. Anything at all. Only all I got was a hand rubbing cream in. Nothing at all to read into the way he was doing it. Not a thing. Unless his breath was a little too close to my ear? No. Wishful thinking. He couldn't feel for me what I felt for him. We were just friends, that's all. Good friends. "You sure you've done every bit?" he'd finished.

"Yep, all greased."

"Pool then. Got the key?"

"Yep."

Quite a long way from the room to the pool. It was so late that people were starting to go in to change for dinner. No problem in finding a sunbed. Windy, though. It was blowing a hooli. A whole hooli. So we found a spot out of most of the wind.

"What did that brochure say, Peter? Fuerteventura is the 'breeziest' of the canary islands?"

"Yep."

"This isn't just the breeziest. It's bending the parasols!"

"Hope it improves. I want a golden tan, not windburn."

At least the surroundings were good. No smell. Clean. And I was with David. It was so good just to be with him. I wanted to say things to him. I was always planning to tell him. They're only three words. Three! Heaven or oblivion after three words. Only I couldn't risk heaven - Oblivion was too great a threat.

Except I had to. Only not yet.

Never yet.

It was always the wrong time.

In my heart I knew it would always be the wrong time.

"Pool's cold!"

I looked up from my reverie to see David on the edge, dipping his toe in. "Can't be!" Bravado. I leapt and ran to the edge, then kept on running. Oh. He was right. Cold. "Pshpht!"

"Told you!"

"It's lovely once you're in." It wasn't. I was lying.

"That's what they all say."

"Come on, Sissy, in you get."

"Make me!" He stood on the edge. "No, not like that!" I splashed him again. "Bastard!" Phwhloompf. "Phwoah! It's freezing!"

"Yep. You said so. Before you got in."

"rotten sod." And his head disappeared, followed by my legs as he grabbed them and pulled me under.

We play fought for ages. Both of us swim like fishes, and neither likes to lose. Plus feeling David's body against mine is awesome. Well there's more than that. I think I've always loved him. Even when we first met, almost four years ago, that first day. Well, if not love then a very strong bond of friendship. I had other friends, but not one like David. They were people to muck around with. David was someone just to be with. I could be silent with David. It wasn't a sexual thing. Certainly not at eleven anyway. We just grew together. We even hugged.

I've no idea when it changed from wanting to be with him to wanting to hold him. But I did want to. And I wanted to kiss him, too. After that? Well anything. Anything my David wanted, Only he wasn't

Wasn't mine.

He was David, but not my David.

I just loved him. I didn't even know if he was good looking, but to me he was beautiful.

Beautiful and pushing my head under the water again.

"Any idea, glub, what time, glub, we're meant to, glub, go in for glub?"

"That's right, take the piss out of the Chinese!" David was laughing, his face dripping and only a couple of inches from mine. Oh agony. Two whole weeks of one hundred percent David. "Come back around six, your mother said."

"She wants us washed and polished for supper."

"Well, I'm washed now. What shall I polish?" Aaargghh. He was always doing that.

"You and your Italian suppositories!"

"Ok, I give up. Italian suppositories. What the heck are you talking about, Peter?"

"Innuendoes. Italian suppositories." He was still looking blank. "Never mind, you'll laugh tomorrow!" And I was out of the pool and into my towel. "Anyway, you can polish it later! Right now it's a wash and brush up we need."

"I'll just have the wash, if that's all right with you."

"The rest would be a sight to see. You could sweep the floor and comb your hair at the same time!"

Silly jokes. Infantile jokes. Toilet humour. We loved it, probably always would. I could never see how to move from being stupid and suggestive to finding out somehow what I wanted to hear, in case I heard what I feared to hear.

I would. I will. I'll tell him this holiday. Maybe I'll be brave enough to tell him tonight. Maybe. Yeah, maybe.

I was thinking while we were changing for dinner. Until I'd seen that other guy in the poolside bar I hadn't even considered whether I was gay or straight. I just knew I loved David. Today I'd felt a sharp pang when suddenly I could no longer see the velvet haired soft fringed boy. Desire. Huge desire. That meant, means that I'm gay. Doesn't it? That's a big thing to be. I mean I can handle it with David. Like he'll be my best man when I marry, and I'll be his, and we'll have wives and kids and stuff.

Only not if I'm gay.

Oh.

What if I'm gay?

What then?

How will I ever find a partner? Do gay people just have sex in toilets like Mum says they do? Gay people don't get married, do they? I mean they can't. Stands to reason. And I only want David. Er, but he doesn't want me. He'd have told me if he did. We tell each other everything. No secrets.

Oh.

One secret.

But I'll tell him this holiday. That I love him. I will. Maybe. If I dare.

"What's up, Peter? You look really fed up suddenly." David was looking at me.

Tell him now? Yes now. "It's just that I… lost the door key." That wasn't what I wanted to come out of my mouth.

"Yours is in the electric light thingy. No need to look so put out over it."

"Sorry, must be because it's been a long day." No, it was because I'd failed yet again to get out some very simple words. "Just tired I suppose. And hungry again."

In stories it's dead easy. Well, in boy meets girl stories anyway. He meets er. She despises him. He wins her with daring deeds. There's a sunset, and they hold hands walking off into the glow.

What use are stories? I mean there aren't any stories about boys and boys. No magazines like Woman's Weekly with bodice ripping pot boilers. Boys Own paper was about ripping yarns, not ripping shirts off, and about wizard wheezes, not about boy helplessly, hopelessly in love with another boy.

I don't want to love him. Not like that. Not imagining his naked body and mine entwined together lost in passion. I don't want to be in love with David. I just want to be his friend. It's all I want.

Only it isn't.

I do want his body in my arms. I want to feel his skin all sweaty as he gets excited. I want to make him feel he's the only boy in the whole world. I want to watch his face as I take him to places I can only imagine.

I want David inside me.

That's gay. It must be. Boys don't want that if they aren't gay. I'm not sure what to do or how to do it, but it's what I want. What I've wanted since I realised I loved him.

Only it'll gross him out.

All of this was racing through my mind as we walked to the dining room. And as we ate. I was even making conversation. I was used to this going round and round in my head while I talked to people, while I led a normal life. Used to it, but desperate for it to end.

Except I also wanted the happy ending. And I couldn't see how it was ever going to happen.

So I did what I always did. And it wasn't a bad thing to do. I did everything to be David's very best friend in the whole world. Which I am. I may love him, but if he isn't going to know that from my lips I can at least be a great mate.

Even so I found I was also searching for the other boy. Casting my eyes round the huge dining room to catch a glimpse of him. Even if I had no idea whether David was good looking or not, I knew this boy was. I'd already got a good mind-photograph of him.

Sun-tanned, an open face, muscular body with a set of gentle muscles over a triangular torso. Soft deep brown eyes, long eye lashes, blue shorts, tanned legs and chest, and small feet. I wondered what his name was. I wondered if I'd imagined our gaze locking in the bar. Probably I had.

He wasn't there. In the dining room.

Dammit.

Because I wanted him to be there. I wanted to see him again. Not love at first sight. More fascination, curiosity. About me, not about him.

I know I talked to David and my parents over the meal. And I know I ate far too much. Dad got a couple of jugs of sangria for us all, and it actually seemed quite string. Nit sure that it was, really. It was just getting up so early in the morning.

"Bar, anyone?" Dad asked.

Did he need an answer? When we got there it was in semi-darkness with a band playing seventies pop music. Dad passed over the drinks menu. Wow! Cocktails.

"Dad?"

"Yes?" Over the once trendy music.

"This is a cocktail menu."

"Master of the obvious. This is a cocktail bar."

Then we can have cocktails?"

"Or not, " Dad was laughing at me. David was looking hopeful.

"What are they all?"

"Hey, Peter, I want to see it too! Pass it over!"

I settled on a pina colada. It sounded good. The others ordered as well. When the waiter brought them over a couple of decades later I felt a bit silly. It had a sparkler in it. They all did. What a berk! Only we were all berks in that case. It tasted great anyway.

With the noise, sorry, the music, from the band no conversation was possible. We sat, drank, and listened. I got lost in my own world again. The one where David and I were one. My impossible world. Only now, now it had an intruder.

An intruder with velvet hair, a slow smile, and long eyelashes. And I wasn't sure why he was in my special world. He made it more complicated somehow. But I wanted him there. It was more, hmm, exciting that way.

I think we were all falling asleep by the end of the evening. A four o'clock start, plus travelling for ten hours, a large beer for a late lunch, loads of sangria, and cocktails all made a potent sleeping draught. That and the warmish, coolish, dampish evening breeze on the way back to the room made me slightly giddy. Not giddy dizzy. Just giddy. Light headed.

I was going to tell David. When we got back to the room. I was going over it in my head. What to say. It all seemed so little to say for such a huge feeling. I love him so much it hurts.

Tactics.

We'll get into bed. Two simple beds about two feet apart. Once washed and pyjamaed and in bed will be the best time. That's settled. Tonight. For good or ill.

We said our goodnights to Mum and Dad, and went next door to our room. Terrified. I was.

Then I realised something. I'd never, ever been naked with David alone. Never. And he was happily stripping off and heading for the shower.

Awesomely beautiful. Nothing really out of the ordinary, I suppose. But I was staring. I knew he had a cute bum. But unclothed I could see the dimples in each cheek, could see, well everything. And I didn't dare look too hard at the part I wanted inside me. But I could see it in my mind's eye. Proud, upright, shiny, almost glowing, curving out and up clear of the forest at its base. Only it wasn't anything of the kind. It was just beautiful, and relaxed, and all soapy.

"You going to have a shower too?"

"Yugh." Oh great. My voice wasn't working. "Yeah I reckon."

"Voice skills a bit lacking there?"

Oh great. He'd noticed. "Seems so, yep. Tired I suppose."

"Well get your kit off then. Or shall I turn the water off?"

How to get unexcited? Think of dustbins and naked grannies. Phew, it's working. "Just coming!"

"What, just from seeing me naked?"

What? He knows? This is not the way. Bluff. "David, I can cum from seeing you fully clothed. Why is naked anything special?"

"Dickhead. I love it when you talk dirty! Shower's all yours." And he was out and towelling dry. Just a joke. Or was it?

Oh if only. If only he really did. I had a lot of dirty I wanted to talk right then. And I could. Almost. From seeing him fully clothed I mean. Into the shower! II am going to tell him. When we're in bed.

He'd cleaned his teeth and had vanished as I finished in the shower. I dried carefully, scrunched my hair about a bit in the towel and cleaned mine. More than well. I was so nervous I needed the loo. Trembling. Very scared. Who of?

Of me.

Of David.

Of not being his friend anymore.

When I finally escaped from the bathroom he was in bed. I followed into mine as soon as I got my pyjamas on and turned the lights off.

Now?

No. Too soon. Get braver first. A moment or two. Composure.

Ready?

Almost.

This is a very big thing. If it goes wrong I'm dead.

I love you, David.

No answer. No, wait, that was in my head. I never actually spoke.

"I love you, David." Oh. I've done it. I have. I've told him I love him. What will he say? What? Will he say anything?

"Night, Dad. I love you too," sleepily from his bed. And he snuggled down deeper into his pit.

Dad? Dad? But…

Oh?

Oh.

All that effort and he's gone to sleep. And he thinks I'm his father. Oh.

Well maybe, just maybe it'll get under his consciousness and rip into his brain. Maybe. Maybe it will.

I was so keyed up I was still trembling.

It seemed like ages. I spent some time listening to his breathing. We hadn't done sleepovers. I'd never been asleep in the same room as David, never. Half of me wanted to wake him and tell him what I'd said. Me, not his father. Me. The other half wanted him to stay sleeping. And outside the window the wind hissed through the palm trees like surf, washing my words away.

In the end I got really tired. Too tired to stay awake watching him, and I also needed a pee. I was very careful not to wake him as I tiptoed back. Then I did it. Crept between the beds and bent over, and so lightly kissed his cheek as he slept.

He didn't move. Didn't notice me. It didn't even feel much. No static electricity, no flash of lightning, no thunderbolt to punish me for loving another boy. Just a soft cheek and dry lips.

No dreams. Just unconscious. Too short though. Eight thirty the room phone rang. I knocked it onto the floor, then groped for it. "Eh?"

"Eight thirty!" Mum's voice.

"Mmm."

"Time to get up, sleepyhead."

"Urgh."

"Grunt twice if you're awake." Too cheerful by far.

"Urrghh!"

"I said twice, not just louder. Still, it'll do. Two beach towels and two boys in five minutes, please." She hung up.

I prodded David. "Awake?"

"How could anyone sleep with all that grunting going on?"

"No hangover then?" I was actually desperate to know if he remembered anything from last night.

"Nope. I think I fell asleep before I got into bed, too."

"you must have. I tried talking to you. No reply!"

"I don't remember. What did you say?"

Now. Tell him now. Now is a good time. "Nothing really. Just goodnight and stuff." Failure. Silly, stupid failure.

On the way to breakfast we grabbed four sun loungers and mattresses by tying our towels across them, and then hit the dining room. I threw some chocolate powder into a teapot and filled it with hot milk, then went with David and grabbed a table for four, leaving on a second expedition to get food.

Oh great. Oh yippee. Oh joy, oh rapture. Of course you can't write sarcastic thoughts. Breakfasts of all nations, done badly. Fatty bacon, cereal with undrinkable milk, various breads and a queue for the toasters, muesli with chocolate chips - ok except for the milk - yoghurt, oh thank heavens, fruit. Melon, watermelon. Anyway odd or not, I got a huge pile of food, even the strange stuff, and believe me some of the stuff was truly strange. I'm good at food.

As I found my way back to the table, just behind everyone else it seemed, there he was. My velvet smile and fringe. Walking in front of me. I could have reached out and stroked the velvet hair. I reached our table and he carried on. I stopped and sat, but my eyes and libido followed him round the room to where he sat.

I love David, yes. But this boy was something else. Almost feline. No, different. More delicate. Less sleek, more beautiful. Graceful. Svelte. Oh heck, just gorgeous. It was different. David I can look at and drink slowly. This boy was urgent. The difference between a tiger and a gazelle. Both awesomely beautiful and powerful, the first needing to be tamed out of fear for it, but the second needing to be tamed in order not to frighten it away. And now. Today.

I watched him as he ate. Watched his face muscles as he chewed his food. Watched his calm air of confidence as he looked lazily around the room. Watched his beautiful brown eyes sweep like searchlights from person to person, pausing now and then, and moving on, searching, ever searching. Yet peaceful, too. And they swept over our table, lingering where? On me? On David? Or on the girl on the table behind ours?

"Who are you looking at so hard, Peter?" David broke into my wonderings.

Well there was no reason to hide it. "The lad over there. Awesome suntan."

"What, the one with the weird hair?"

"Yep. D'you reckon we'll get tanned like that?"

"Should do. In a couple of weeks I'll be almost ebony. I doubt you'll be far behind."

"Gonna be a heck of a contrast with where your trunks are if you go ebony."

"You have to see it to believe it."

"Did the brochure say if there are any activities and stuff?"

"I think so. Mum, did it?"

"Did it what, Peter?"

"Say there are activities and stuff?"

"Not too sure what. There's a noticeboard. 'Animacion' is what it says."

"I don't want to do cartoons!"

"Idiot child. We send you to school to come back knowing less than when you went."

"You're a nut, Peter," David chimed in. "'Animacion' means activities and stuff."

"I was teasing!"

"Yeah, right. Sure you were."

On the way back from breakfast we passed the noticeboards. Dad was going to the Welcome Party with holiday reps under instructions to buy no excursions. Mum had headed back to their room.

"Hmm," mused David, "beach volleyball sounds energetic. So does beach football."

"Sounds fun to me. Yeah, let's do it."

"Hi!" A slight accent. Not sure what. "You guys arrive yesterday from England?" Ah. German with American overtones.

We turned. Wow! My knees buckled. "Hi, yep. I'm Peter, he's David." Those soft brown eyes. The velvet hair, the curtain-like fringe. And his eyes were looking right into mine, then into David's.

"I'm Thomas." He pronounced it 'toe' 'muss'. "From near Düsseldorf, in Germany." Apart from the slight Americo-German accent, his English was faultless.

"I wish I could speak German even half as well as you speak English," David said.

"We lived in the States for five years," Thomas replied. "My father is something important in a US computer company. Well, that's what he says, anyway!"

I was struggling to join the conversation. "Are the beach sports any good?"

"Sure," he replied. "Come and join in. Oh, bring suncream and your towel, we could hang out after, maybe?"

I looked at David quizzically. "Sure," he said.

"Oh yes," Thomas added, "bring water, too. It gets hot here."

"See you later, then," David said.

"Sure thing." It sounded strange, his accent.

We checked times. Football finished at eleven. Hottest time of the day started then. "I reckon we'll need to take sunblock as well," I told David as we were getting our stuff ready in the room. "Mum says it gets blistering around lunchtime, literally. Don't want to burn on the first day."

"Yeah! What was that Monty Python sketch, the one we saw on the reruns? '…. a coach party from Rhyll who overdid it on the first day, singing Torremolinos, Torremolinos, a greasy wop waiter with nine inch hips called Manuel, and bleeding Watneys Red Barrel."

"Well, something like that, anyway. What the heck is Watneys Red Barrel?"

"I asked my dad that. Before we got real ale back because of CAMRA, they made fizzy keg beer. Meant to be standard the whole country over. Didn't need any care in the pubs from the cellarman. Dad said it tasted like fizzy gnat's piss. Worse than that American piss, Budweiser."

"Eww!"

"He said you filled up with gas. Must have been more like an aerosol than having a piss!"

"Idiot!"

"Right. I've got a towel, suncream, sunblock, water, shirt, shorts, trunks, room key. You ready?"

I was ready. I had the lot, too. Each of us had his own room key. It was one of those plastic credit card things. I'd gone to reception and pretended we'd lost our first one so they gave us another. "I've got a bit of cash as well in case we need it."

"Cool. Let's go."

Oh wow. The football. I think we were up against the German National Five-a-Side Beach Football squad. We lost 16-5. Slaughtered, but not a whitewash.

It was also suntans versus baby pink skin. Not a hugely pretty sight, our side. Brightest fluorescent white. Yuck. Yes, even David, love him as I do when I looked at him and me against them! Yuck. Still, a day or two in the sun would alter all that.

"So, you guys ok to hang out?"

"Sure, Thomas. Towels, water suncream, we got the lot." I'll swear David was staring at his body as he answered him.

"Right, let's go this way." Thomas pointed down the beach past the HobieCat and Windsurfer hire place to a small headland. "Less crowded, and miles of sand as far as the eye can see."

We walked in the water's edge, soft sand dragging at our feet, waves pulling us seawards with backwash, chatting about nothing much. Schools, friends, sport. Just the usual stuff when you're getting to know knew friends.

"Cripes, Peter, there's a woman with no kit on!" David nudged me to look using his mock Australian accent. Badly. Loveable, but stupid.

Well it was more like a greased elephant than a woman. I mean, the best you could say was 'nice bush'. I gave David this piece of information with as straight a face as I could muster. He fell about.

"You sound like Martin Clunes. I saw an interview; he says it in real life, too, not just in 'Men Behaving Badly'!"

"Not just the elephant. There's a whole family!" It certainly wasn't very British. I'd never been to a naturist beach, but this just seemed like clothes were optional. Some did, some didn't. Mind you, the idea of playing volleyball with all your parts waving about didn't exactly turn me on!

Round the headland there were windbreaks made of lava rocks, dry stone walls built in circles. They looked like machine gun nests. Some had parasols, some had sunbeds. Thomas ignored them and took us halfway to the next headland. "This one will do, I think." And he dumped his towel on the hot, soft sand inside one of the windbreaks. Total isolation. Privacy.

We did the same. Plenty of room.

Then he stripped off.

Not shirt-and-shorts stripped off. Everything.

Shirt.

Shorts.

Trunks.

Everything.

And he stood there naked in front of us.

That tan went all the way. No tan line. Nothing. Just dark golden boy. Beautiful dark golden boy. Beautiful. Yet not a boy, but no hair anywhere. Not a whisker. Somehow it made him even more beautiful. I was staring now. So was my libido.

"It isn't compulsory!" Thomas was laughing. "I just prefer it."

"I've never… " I tailed off lamely, painfully aware I was very obviously aroused.

"I'm up for it." David was already naked. I was up for it too but in a very different way.

"Put sunblock on your dick and balls, and high protection where your trunks would be," Thomas instructed. "A sunburnt dick is no fun!"

"You going to, Peter?" David was already rubbing cream onto himself.

"Er… Well… " This was ridiculous. Only I was rock hard under my shorts. I didn't even dare take those off, let alone my trunks. "I will, yes. In a minute."

"You shy or something?" David was getting very near to embarrassing me.

"No, er, I just wasn't expecting it, that's all." And I was still rock hard. I looked at David, and loved him, looked at Thomas, and wanted him. Both of them. I was in heaven. Or in hell.

Thomas came to my rescue. "Join us in the water when you're ready, Peter. Or keep your clothes on. It doesn't matter."

"Thanks." Thanks? What a stupid thing to say. "Yeah, I will." And I watched them walk down to the sea and into it. Thomas knew. He had to know. Had to.

Naked grannies solved the problem. In the flesh this time. Yuck. I got undressed as fast as possible as soon as matters subsided, and tried to work out how to put suncream on without getting hard all over again. Even thinking about that caused a twinge or two. I just managed it. Just. And then set out walking hugely self consciously towards the sea, a matter of twenty yards or so.

I wanted to sprint, not walk. Naked. In public. With a libido that was threatening to wake again at any moment, just from the feel of the breeze where it had never been felt before. It was so embarrassing. Only sprinting would have drawn attention. I had not ever been naked in public. Not once. Even as a little kid. We were paranoid about getting changed under towels in my family. I wasn't even sure my Dad had a body. I knew my Mum didn't. And there I was. Stark naked. On the beach. Half way between the safety of the windbreak and the safety of the water. With other people on the beach. People who, I noticed much later, weren't the slightest bit interested. Or who, if they were, were certainly not showing it.

I felt easier when my toes made contact with damp sand and the last of the twenty yards to the water's edge. Still not safe, the beach had a very gentle slope. I kept going. Warm turquoise sea on soft golden sand. Colder as it got deeper. I was usually a wimp at getting into the sea. Not that day I wasn't. Straight under as soon as it was deep enough. Cold. Then warm again.

"Your face!" David was laughing at me. "Oh Peter, your face."

Oh great. I love him and he's teasing me. No, that's not it. He's showing off. To Thomas. "No big deal."

"Oh it was. Your mouth fell open when Thomas stripped. And then when I did too… Oh Peter, it was sheer horror!"

I wanted to tell him to piss off. Right then. That I hated him. Just at that moment I hated him. For a split second. I needed him to stop. He had no idea how awful it was for me to take my clothes off in front of other people. No idea. It wasn't easy just in front of boys. But in front of girls… Two choices. Get angry with him or just ride with it. "Yeah, well it was a surprise, all right? Still is. I can't believe I'm naked on a public beach. So just let me get used to it, ok?"

Thomas had come over to join us. "I'm sorry, Peter. Truly. I'm just so used to it. I should have asked. Told you."

"Me, too. Sorry, Peter." David looked it, too.

"Look, it's ok. Honest. I think I like it. It feels good. Sort of free. But I wasn't ready, sort of. Not sure I'd ever have been if you two hadn't gone first. Not quite sure about getting back to the towels, though."

"If you need it, I'll bring your trunks to you," Thomas offered.

"I'll be used to the idea by then. I hope. Thanks, though."

Unbelievable. Not just naked, but wrestling in the water with the two boys I wanted most in the world. Mucking about like puppies. I was grabbed from behind and even felt a dick float between my thighs. And I gripped it. Closed my legs on it.

"Cheat!" Ah it was Thomas. And then the world went wet as he ducked me.

Actually the walk back up the beach to the windbreak and towels was ok. I was still very conscious of being naked, but it was easier to walk with two other guys at the same time. Thomas got us to redo the sunblock. Now that felt odd. Massaging lotion into my dick with two other blokes doing the same thing. Well, except that Thomas was using a lower protection factor cream.

I sneaked peeks at each of them. Now at last I knew it. David was beautiful, too. They were each so different, yet each beautiful. Gorgeous. Only there was no way on earth I could be what I wanted to be to either of them. No way on earth. Just being with them would have to do. And being with Thomas could only be for a few days.

"I'm glad you two arrived, Thomas said. "Last week there were no boys my age here. I was lonely, a bit."

"Plenty of girls, though?" David asked him.

"I'm not good with girls. They scare me," he said. Didn't look scared of much though.

Well I'd worked out that girls were ok as girls, but I just knew I wasn't going to have a girlfriend. Not unless I was going to try and prove something to myself. Or to other people. But I couldn't see a girlfriend in my life. Not for the foreseeable future at least. "They're all right."

"You haven't got a girlfriend, though," David pointed out.

"Don't want one. Not yet at least." No, all I want is you, David. You. I love you. "Nor have you."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"Just is."

"Ok, if you say so." I wasn't going to cause a fight. But I hadn't the slightest idea what he was talking about. Too wrapped up in me.

Being naked was rather good. I hadn't realised just how restrictive trunks were, but having the sun and breeze play on places they'd never played before felt, well, amazing.

"Hey, you both need more suncream. You're starting to go red," Thomas reminded us. "Specially where you'd normally be wearing trunks."

It was fine until the parts you can't reach. Even then I was all right almost all the way through rubbing cream into David's back. The shoulders were easy enough, but as I moved to the small of his back, to where it curved in before his bum curved out, as I moved there, I knew I was in trouble. Especially when I found I had my eyes fixed on the cleft between his cheeks.

Even so I managed to control most of it. But I could feel the pressure building. I looked desperately for some grannies. A huge, bloated arse helped. A bit. "Finished." I didn't want to have finished, but I didn't dare be seen erect. I mean is just didn't dare.

"I'll do yours, and David can do mine."

"Ok." Oh. He was going to touch me.

He did. Thomas had a light touch. Gentle. Relaxing. It was as though he cared about what he was doing. He massaged my neck and shoulders with the tips of his fingers, then down my spine. Circular movements, gentle, caressing. Only he didn't stop where my back stopped. He moved down onto each buttock, and the cleft between. Is indescribable. That bloated arse was still there. I had to concentrate very hard on it. I didn't dare to turn around when he'd finished. I was terrified I'd kiss him. I wanted him so badly just then. What I wanted to do then was to kneel down and have him press into me. I knew what it would be like. I knew. Only I didn't. Not really. But I did at the same time.

"Ok, David, Peter's finished. Do me, please."

I did turn round. After a short while. I couldn't resist it any longer. I saw Thomas with a languid smile on his face. I looked at his tanned body. At his arms held loosely at his sides. At his waist, narrow after the broader shoulder belt, and at the most awesome, unashamed, glorious, wonderful erect cock I'd ever seen.

Well, to be fair at the only erect cock I'd ever seen.

"It does that when things feel good," he said simply, "and I like having my back rubbed."

"You aren't embarrassed?" I was amazed.

"Why should I be?"

"I, er, I dunno. I mean I was. I am. Not by you. By me. If I'd… "

"Is that why you were so slow to strip off?" David was still rubbing suncream in.

Oh impossible. I was already having serious problems and now David was asking me dumb questions. Looking at Thomas and David, the magnificently beautiful pair, the evidence of pleasure on Thomas, had brought me to full attention suddenly. Harder than I'd ever been in my life, straining hard upwards.

"It's nothing to be shy about." Thomas smiled at me. "You're body is handsome, your cock simply shows pleasure. It is a simple thing. A beautiful thing. I was surprised it stayed soft when I was massaging you. Or when you were massaging David."

"Er… " I was lost. Ruby red from shyness; excited; naked.

David moved out from behind Thomas also rock hard. Oh. If I was excited before it was trebled now. "Yeah, well, me too," he said, almost as embarrassed as I was. "But if Thomas is ok with it, then so am I. Almost."

"It's a little to do with being naked for the first time, guys," Thomas said. "It feels so free and different that it's exciting. It's really ok, getting hard. Normal. Natural."

"But you're used to it." Trust David to put his finger on it.

"Well, yes. But excitement is catching. And it felt good. Anyway, it's no big deal."

"If you say so." I was bemused. The blush had faded. So had three major erections, two of which I found awesomely beautiful.

"He says so, Peter. Anyway, you have to admit, it did feel good."

"That for sure. Only I'm not sure it's meant to." What was I saying? I didn't care whether it was meant to or not. My heart was screaming to him 'David I love you. I love you. Be mine, David, be mine. Make love to me. Here. Now. Even in front of Thomas. Take me in your arms now and kiss me.' Only my mouth was following conventional rules. And being silent.

"Who cares?" Oh thank you, David. "Thomas is right. It's no big deal."

Did that mean that just maybe, just possibly, David would be ok when I finally told him how much I loved him? Come to that I was getting a very odd feeling about Thomas. I was half certain he was making a move on me. Or on David. Only I had no real idea how a boy made a move on another boy. Heck, it was probably my over active imagination. If anyone had made a move it had been me in the water, when he called me a cheat.

With enough suncream we were able to spend the entire rest of the day on the beach and in the sea. When we got too hot we went into the water, otherwise we built a huge sandcastle with just our hands, with a moat round it. A few other kids came to join us as well. Girls and boys aged between about eight and twelve or so. Not a stitch of clothing anywhere.

I got a great education in anatomy that day. And no more sudden erections. As the naturalness took over, even with the urge to look still there, somehow the bodies became people. I'm not saying there was nothing exciting to look at. There was. Mind you I gave myself a mental slap on the wrist for looking too hard at the younger kids. But I learnt far more than in our sex education classes at school. I mean pictures are one thing, but reality is very much more interesting.

It must have been after five o'clock when we walked back along the beach. The heat had started to go out of the sun. I somehow didn't want to put my clothes back on. All the urgent embarrassment had gone. I found I wanted to be naked, wanting to show off that I could be, I think. Not 'look at me', but more 'I'm free of your petty restrictions'. We left Thomas at the hotel pool, planning to meet in he bar after dinner, and went and found my parents.

Mum had been worried about sunburn. She clucked a lot about suncreams and exposure and skin cancer and being away too long with no shade.

"There are windbreaks and parasols and stuff on the beach," David said. "We were fine, really."

"Are you sure?" She inspected us carefully. "Well, you're both a bit pink, but it looks as though you've been careful."

"Mum, we're almost sixteen!"

"We're all right, Mrs Johnson. We've been putting cream on all day. Yes, after swimming, too."

"Well, all right. But the sun's very string here. You heard what the holiday rep said on the coach. Almost tropical."

"It's fine. Really. Oh, the sea's awesome. Warm and very, very salty. You can almost float in it like pictures of the Dead Sea. Well, not as high in the water, but it's amazing."

"Dad and I'll have to try that tomorrow. Shall we come with you?"

"Don't know what our plans are yet, Mum." I was hoping we'd be with Thomas again. "Why don't you and Dad plan for yourselves and we'll see what happens."

"What did you do for lunch," Dad asked.

"Forgot about it, Dad."

"Showers and an early dinner then, if you like, lads. There's some more live music afterwards. And then some sort of show."

I will. I'll tell him tonight. I will. He won't be asleep this time. I'll do it after the show. After seeing each other hard this will be ok. Surely it'll be ok. I will. Tonight. I'll tell him tonight.

We showered. Actually there was a great missed opportunity after the shower. We had this after sun glop. We were both nude and I was rubbing it onto his back. And I still had that day's new feeling of freedom on me and I got as hard as anything just admiring his skin. And the tip brushed him. Sent electricity through me. Now? Now.

"David?"

"Yes?" he turned. "Wow, can't you keep that thing under control?"

Not with you around, no. Not rubbing your back, no. Not wanting to touch you all over, no. "Don't seem to be able to. Must be the company."

"Yeah, sure. A likely story." He laughed.

He laughed!

Laughed!

I'd come as close as anything to telling him all, and he laughed. And I was ruby red again. I couldn't do it. Stalled. Completely lost. Instant droop, too. No bad thing under the circumstances. A last effort. "That's for me to know and you to find out!"

"Yeah, pull the other one, it's got bells on!"

"I suppose I could pull the middle one? It's got balls on!"

"Not a chance"

That's what I thought. Not a chance. But we always flirted, David and I. Right to the edge. Got dangerously near the subject and then one or other of us backed down. Always. All I have to do is to tell him, and I can't do it.

Clean shirt, coloured, bright, not Hawaiian. Loose green trousers. Those trainer sandal things. Hair teased into shape. David in a red shirt and off white chinos. Red suits David. So does blue. Not green.

At dinner I noticed Thomas and David in one of the queues. It was for whatever the chef was carving. When he started to eat it, he pulled a face. "this tastes of shit!"

"David" said Mum, "keep your voice down, please."

"But it does. I mean literally. Or smells of it."

It did. Awful. Weird.

He didn't eat it. None of the rest of us queued for it either.

He and I overdosed on ice cream, though. Mango, coconut, chocolate, peach. Two huge bowls each. The he went back for more. More! I couldn't move, and he was troughing his way through a third mega-bowl.

"You'll get fat," I suggested.

"Probably. But I'm on holiday, and it's too good to miss."

"Bet you make yourself ill!"

"Bet I don't."

"It's like taking five year olds out to eat," I heard Dad say to Mum.

She reached over and squeezed his hand. "No. Seven year olds. At that age they can get their own ice cream!"

We drifted back to the room for a few minutes then came down to find the Los Ambrosios Trio, or some other stupid name, playing the same tunes as last night in a different order. Dad started to get drinks sorted.

"Peter?"

"Mojito, please."

"Jo"

"Oasis."

"David?"

"I don't feel up to one, thanks. I think it was the third bowl of ice cream."

"Why don't you go and lie down in your room for a while, dear?"

"I think I will, Mrs Johnson. I'll be all right soon, I should think."

"Mind if I stay here?" I was looking forward to working my way through the list of cocktails. I intended to sample anything without banana in. I'd never have been able to at home, the licensing laws in England are too tough.

"I may be back in a while. Or I may just go to sleep. It's ok. Have you got your key, Peter?"

"Yes."

"See you in a bit, then." And he slipped away, leaving me with every intention of getting at least slightly drunk.

Tonight. With a bit of Dutch courage. If he's awake. After the show. Tonight I'll grit my teeth and spit it out, 'David, I love you. I love you madly.' I'll tell him as soon as I get back to the room. He'll know then. And I'll get the chance to explain myself to him. To me, too. He can't go home. He has to listen. Has to.

I'll tell him tonight. I will.

I hope he's feeling all right. I don't want David to be ill. I love him. I couldn't bear it if he's got food poisoning or something. "How long's David been gone, Mum?"

"Not sure. It's almost a quarter past ten now. I think he left at about eight thirty. I expect he's all right. He looked fine, really. I shouldn't worry, love."

"I'll go and check in a few minutes." I tried to sound casual. I think I managed. Just. Difficult with al the emotions boiling round in my brain. Worried in case he wasn't well. Scared because I was either about to wreck or make my life. Fiercely in love with him. Fiercely.

The show was awful. Flamenco dancers doing a lot of stamping. "Wonder if it's to do with the cockroaches?" Mum asked. "There was a huge one in the ladies' loo."

"I'll just go and see if David's ok. I'm not keen on flamingos anyway."

"Ok. If he needs something, phone our room. Any time, ok?"

"Will do, Dad. Thanks." I wasn't in too much of a hurry. I was nervous, truth to tell. It had got dark, and the lights were on in the palm trees round the pool. A full moon as well, and the wind had dropped. I wanted to be walking with David under the moon; kissing him on the beach; holding his hand as we walked and talked.

I went the long way round. Half of me wanted to get to our room. Half of me wanted never to get there.

My legs listened to the first half.

Room door. Key in lock. Turn handle. Hmm. Dark. Maybe he's ill, or asleep. Shut the door quietly. Turn the light on? No. Tiptoe to his bedside, just beside mine, between the beds. Sit on mine. Whisper.

"Are you asleep?"

"I was. Oh. Oh shit." He sounded as though he'd been kicked in the guts.

"What?"

"Look, Peter, er, oh shut this is going to look bad. Oh Peter… "

"What?" I reached over my bed to where the light switch was.

"Don't turn the light on yet. Please don't."

"He'll see soon enough, David." My brain heard the voice and almost failed to recognise it. Thomas.

"Thomas?" I wanted to be sure. I turned the light on.

And saw David and Thomas very much entwined amidst some very untidy bedclothes. David. And Thomas. Naked. On David's bed.

I looked again, as though unsure. I looked from one to the other. Knew jealousy, rage, pain, horror, sadness, yes and love, too.

"Yes, it's me," Thomas said quietly. Peter, please don't be angry with David."

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! this isn't meant to be happening. No! David, you and Thomas have been making love? No. Oh no." I felt the tears start. I couldn't let David see me cry. I almost ran to the door and flew out of it, running blindly away from the boy I loved.

Running away from David. 'But I love you. Why not me?' Round and round in my head. 'I love you, David'. It pounded as I ran the short distance to the pool. 'Why not me?' as I went down the steps to the lowest terrace. Nowhere left to run to. I have to face this. Have to calm down. Easy to say, but the tears won't stop. The image of them in bed together - I was so fucking jealous - only I didn't know quite which one of them I was jealous of. Maybe I should have stayed. Talked to him. Them. Not run off like that. Maybe I should have told David right then and there how much I love him.

Oh shit.

Calm down Peter Johnson.

Can't

Have to. This isn't going to go away. And it isn't getting you anywhere.

Don't care. Can't calm down. Won't. I love him so much. I wanted to be his first lover. But at least I know he's not straight. So I have a chance when Thomas goes home. A chance.

But I love him.

Then win him. Or join him.

I was having this debate round and round in my head. Again. Over and over again. Like a fever dream.

And both faces flashed alternately into my head. David. Thomas. Both beautiful. One temporary, one permanent, if I could win him, make him feel safe again.

Should I begrudge David a holiday romance? I wanted to be the one. The one he made love to first. Me. Peter Johnson, David's best friend. The boy who loves him.

David's best friend.

But I'm also rather attracted to Thomas. Not love. Heck I hardly know him. But it's certainly more than pure sex. There's something about him. Magical? No. Not magical. But compelling. And beautiful.

Peter, what are you thinking of? Same as with David? No, not the same. Similar, yes. Not the same. That's stupid. I love David. I only want David.

And Thomas. He's so beautiful. And Thomas.

I don't know how long I stood there. I know time passed. I didn't have my watch with me. Didn't care. Standing at the railings looking out over the sea towards Africa. Tired. Drained. Alone.

Lost in useless thoughts, then lost in thoughts about nothing.

I heard the footfall. The ground lava cement path was a bit crumbly and crunched underfoot. I decided to ignore it. Probably two honeymooners out to kiss under the moon.

It was just one set of feet. It came closer. Quietly.

Stopped behind me.

Then I felt a hand on each upper arm. Gentle. I didn't turn. A breath on my neck. A touch of a pair of lips on the back of my neck. A word. "Peter?" Another soft kiss. "I'm sorry."

I turned and saw his face. Saw his eyes, dark in the night. "You don't know how much I wanted you to do that," I said, just before I pulled him to me and kissed him hard in the mouth.

Ages later when we came up for air I heard him say softly "I do now." It was as I imagined it would be, kissing him. Electric. Vibrant. The moon dimmed and he seemed both to steal my soul and give me his. I felt his body against mine. "Peter, I didn't know. I'm sorry. I just didn't know."

"It's all right." I held him close to me. "It is. Or it will be. It will be." And I kissed him again.

I imagined it, oh I imagined it, but I never knew it would feel like that. I never knew. How just the hug could be like that. How the kiss would send shocks through me, would make me tingle all over. "Peter, I want you. I want to make love to you. It was always you, Peter."

"I don't know how. But yes. Oh yes. Yes please. But I don't know what to do… " And I let him lead me away from the sun terrace.

We reached the room and he put the key in the door, kissed me on the cheek. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Yes, I'm sure. I shouldn't have run off. I'm sure."

He opened the door and led me in. Didn't need lights. Enough filtered in through the screen door for me to see again how beautiful he was. He kissed me again and I felt him unbuttoning my shirt and easing it from me. I was only wearing trousers and boxers now. The sandals I'd stepped out of as he was unbuttoning my shirt. I tried to take his shirt off as well, but he stopped me. "I want you naked first," he said, and he helped me out of the two garments. "You're so beautiful, Peter. So very beautiful."

"So are you."

"Last time. No going back after this. Are you sure about this? Really sure? Do you truly want us to make love?"

"Yes. Oh yes. Yes." And I moved towards him and kissed him, putting my hands on his bum and pulling him to me, feeling our two steel hard cocks collide, then find a space of their own. I hadn't even noticed his clothes vanish.

His skin was soft, I could feel how strong he was through it, feel his muscles tense as he sank towards me. It was almost unreal feeling his skin against mine, breathing his scent as we kissed, feeling his fingers run over my back and up and down my spine. I felt urgent, needing him so badly, needing him to touch places only I had touched before. Needing to touch him, yet wanting just to kiss him and hold him, just standing there, locked together in the darkness, arms around each other, gripping as though scared it was a dream that was going to end.

But my dream always stopped before this. My dreams ended as I was about to kiss or be kissed. And he was too solid to be a dream. He was real. And he was in my arms. No, I was in his arms. And at last I knew what excitement really felt like. Feeling almost painful, exquisite. Tingling. And two hard cocks pressed close together yet side by side.

Those tears I'd had before came back, Silent at first as they trickled down my face, then a need for air and I pulled back, gasped a lung-full and started to sob huge, wracking, uncontrollable sobs.

"What is it? Am I doing something wrong?"

"No." I managed to gasp it out between the sobs.

"Then what?"

"Nothing's, sob, wrong."

"You want to stop?" it was half a question, half a sadness.

"No, sob, no!" I tried to catch my breath. "I feel so strange. New." It got me again. I grabbed some more air. "Just hold me." Huge sobs again. They shook my shoulders as he held me. "I'm so happy." He was holding me tight, stroking my hair.

"My poor baby," he said softly. "Poor baby. It's all right now." So often he said it. He must have thought I was crazy."

I got control at last. Still held tight in his string embrace, still so excited. "It's all right now, I think." I paused to check. "Yes. It's all right. I'm sorry, I couldn't help it."

"You've never kissed a boy before?"

"I think you know that. Not just a boy. No-one. You're the first person I've ever kissed, held. The first.

"And no-one knows you're gay?"

"I don't even know that myself. Not really. Not for sure."

"Peter, kiss me again. I want this to be perfect." I obeyed at once. It was as wonderful as before. Electric shocks to the tips of my toes. Soft and yielding, then firm and masterful as he kissed his soul into me. Not the same as before. Better. The tears had released me. I kissed back almost with a fury. I felt as though I was going to burst. "Will you trust me, Peter? To be careful with you and to try to make tonight perfect for you?"

"I think so. Yes."

"If we do something you don't want, you promise to tell me?"

"I don't think you could do something I don't want. You make all of me want all of you.

"If you're not careful you'll make me cry, too. Now let me make love to you. No words unless you say stop."

"If you say stop too?"

"A deal. But I won't say it. Come to bed." He led me to the bed and laid me down on it. Gently, tenderly, almost reverently, he knelt beside the bed and kissed my forehead, my nose, brushed my lips with his and kissed my chin, then my neck. Oh it made me shudder, especially when he nibbled my earlobe. Moans escaped my lips as he found each new place. The he nibbled my right nipple and sucked it. Then the left. I yelped, tried to stroke him with my hands as he strayed into range. "This is my gift to you, Peter. Just let it happen." He kissed my chest and ran his tongue around my navel, avoided my cock completely however hard I twisted and turned to try to get him to kiss it, and then started on the inner thigh of my left leg. Torture. It almost tickled, then he kissed lower and reached my toes. I'd never thought of toes as worthwhile, but he kissed each one, and then moved to my right foot and did it all in reverse.

But oh as he reached the top he kissed below the base of my cock, and then a little lower. I felt a slight pressure, then one of my balls was in his mouth. Not painful, but massaged with his tongue. Firm massage, almost painful but so erotic. The he swapped it for the other one. I never knew that balls were erotic until then. I never knew so much until that day.

Then two things happened. He kissed his way up my cock, and as he reached the tip, just before, took the droplets that were there onto his fingers, and as he engulfed my cockhead, pushing the willing foreskin back with his lips, his finger found my hole, a hole which had waited all my life for him to find it, and pressed inside. No warning. Just sudden. Urgent. Hot. Intrusive. And so welcome. Would he? I wanted him inside me, but would he? Did I dare ask him to? I felt his finger twist and turn inside me. I tried to pull it into me. Any of him, all of him. "Please? Please fuck me? Please do it?"

"Shh." Apart from that he gave no sign of having heard me at all. The instant he shushed me his mouth was back on me again. The pleasure was so intense I could hardly think. He took me to places I hadn't known existed. Then he paused, let me come down to earth a little. "I have a wish, if you would," he said to me, quietly.

"Just ask it." I would have done anything for him, specially right then.

"We have all night?"

"Yes. All night. All my life."

"Before you give yourself, I want you to fuck me. Not make love to me, but fuck me. Hard."

"Will you fuck me too?"

"If you want me too, then yes. And with love. But I need you to fuck me."

"Tell me how. And I want to see your face while we do it."

Oh he told me how. How to be very slow and gentle and then how to know when he was ready.

He lay on the bed, on his back. "I know I'm slippery enough," and raised his legs to show himself to me. Now, very carefully, aim your cock with your hand and press softly into me. Gently." I looked down to see almost none of me inside him. "Now firmer pressure. Not a push, just press." I was torn between watching his face and watching my cock as it almost imperceptibly opened him. But his face was tense. Strained.

"Does it hurt?"

"Only at first, and only a little. And I like it." He gasped suddenly, and I felt an ease of pressure, and a tight fist gripping my cock. "Oh that's so good. Now wait a moment or two. I need to relax more. Oh it feels magnificent. Oh Peter, you're so beautiful. So beautiful."

"I'm not!"

"Don't argue. Now gently start to move inside me. Out a little, then in. Oh yes. Augh. Yes, slowly still." His face wasn't tense any more. "Now fuck me as hard as you can, and as long as you can."

"I want to make it good for you, too. Tell me how?"

"Just fuck me hard. As though you want to hurt me. That hard."

I couldn't stop myself. Out and plunge in. Tight, hot, like in a fiery, velvet vice. And with each pull, each push, he moaned, grunted, squealed. He opened his legs wider, pushed to meet me as I thrust into him. So tight yet so slippery, making my belly boil inside.

"Harder. Oh deeper, oh yes, like that, oh yes, yes, oh yes, more, don't stop, yes, I'm, oh, yes, yes, now, aaarrgghh!" He gripped me so tight I almost couldn't push. "Ooorrghhh, yes, no, oh, Peter push, I'm cumming, push harder, oh shit, now, no, oh, oh, oh." I was so close too. I couldn't have stopped then if the fire brigade had come through the door. I felt him spurt onto his belly as I thrust again and again into him, hearing "oh, oh, oh" with each thrust.

Them it happened. I felt my buttocks lock and my back arch and a tidal wave unleashed itself from me. I was chorusing "oh, oh, oh" in time with him, when I felt all of me empty into him. So deep within him. I thought it would never stop. Intense. Fighting to get out past his grip on me, forcing its way deep inside him. Oh I wanted it to finish and stay for ever at the same time.

"Peter, you're fantastic. That was awesome."

We collapsed together. I felt him moving his seed from his belly to between my legs. Hot. Slippery. I felt his finger probe just tentatively inside. I couldn't. "Too sensitive."

"Sorry."

"We lay muddled together. Messy. I think I dozed. His voice woke me. "…yes, he's with me… No it's fine… Yes… Yes… No… No, I'm sure… Yes, now would be good."

Must've been the phone. I dozed again. I didn't hear the door open. Can't have. I only noticed a kiss. A soft kiss on my lips. And I heard the voice. "I love you, Peter Johnson."

"David!" I half panicked.

"It's all right, Peter. At least I hope it is. I love you, Peter." David was kneeling beside me.

"But… "

"But nothing." David kissed me again.

I looked up. Thomas naked, David clothed. Thomas almost glowing from taking one half of my virginity, David looking concerned and stroking my hair. "David, I've been trying to get the courage to tell you I love you… "

"I heard you the other night."

"What?"

"I was too scared to answer you. I didn't, couldn't believe I'd heard you right."

"But you and Thomas? Me and Thomas? Oh Thomas… "

"What?" A chorus. Both of them.

"Help me. One of you. I don't understand. Only… Only I don't think I want to choose. Thomas, I know it's a holiday thing, but I don't want to lose you. David I so want to have you make love to me that it hurts."

"I want to make love to you as well. And I want to feel you inside me. I have for ages, Peter. Haven't you noticed how often I've almost sort of asked? How we keep wrestling?" David was smiling. I could see properly because one of the had turned the lights on.

"It started as a holiday thing," Thomas said. "Only it isn't. Not any more."

"Can it work with three of us?" David asked.

"It needs to work with two of you first," Thomas answered, "if you want it to."

"You mean with you watching?" David looked uncertainly at him. The he looked at me. "Peter?"

I didn't wait for Thomas's answer. "David, did you make love to Thomas tonight? And wasn't it the most awesome thing you ever did?"

"Well… Oh shit.. Yes. Only I wanted you to be the first, Peter."

"I will be still. Listen, oh this is going to sound crude. Did you fuck him, or did he fuck you?" And aside to Thomas, "Sorry, Thomas."

"It's fine," Thomas said. "I know what you mean."

"Well, Thomas showed me how to make love to him. Softly. Slowly. Gently. He showed me how to do everything for him; how to make him ready. And then he taught me how to please him. Yes, I fucked him. No, he didn't fuck me. And Peter?"

"Yes?"

"He asked me if I loved you. And if I knew you loved me. And I told him I did, and that I had no idea." Then to Thomas, "How did you know? And why him, me, us?"

"Oh you must be able to see why! Two such beautiful boys. I'm gay. It isn't reliable, but I have gaydar of sorts. I could see how you each looked at each other, even if you couldn't. Soft looks. You each care about each other so much. It was so obvious to me.. I was half envious. Half I wanted one of you. I won't say which caught my eye first, don't ask me. I became certain at the beach. Neither of you checked out the girls. Well a bit of curiosity, sure. I do that too. I look, but there's nothing to see. You checked me out at once. Peter, you felt that effect I reckon. Kind of delayed your entrance to the water!"

"I did. Plus I was dead embarrassed anyway. We don't do naked in my family."

"Anyway," Thomas continued, "I asked David if I could meet him after dinner. I wanted him as badly as you do now. I didn't choose. I kind of tossed a coin. Sorry, guys.. Well, Peter, you weren't meant to walk in like that. And we'd locked the door. I guess door locks don't work with that damned key. My fault, Peter. I'm so sorry. I meant to seduce you, but I didn't mean you to find me and David. Not suddenly. Not like that."

"I thought my dreams had come true and my world collapsed at the same time. I couldn't stand it. I had to run away."

"I was scared I'd lost you. I love you, Peter."

"I love you. And David, I think Thomas is wonderful, and I'm falling for him too. Thomas I wanted to stroke your hair since I first saw you. And I fell into your eyes!" Thomas giggled at that revelation. "David, I want Thomas to be here. He's made this happen. And I want to give myself to you, David, first. And if I can, if he will, the to him. It's pretty straightforward. I want both of you.. I need both of you, and David I want you inside me. I want to feel you. I need you, I love you, I adore you. You must be my first. Thomas my second. There'll never be a third. Please, David?" I'd got off the bed and was facing him, holding both his hands.

He didn't need to answer me. I saw it in his eyes, the way they'd never left mine. I saw it in his face as he looked at me, in his body as he took a half step towards me. I couldn't see it in his lips as they met mine, almost clumsily. I felt it in his tongue as it fought to get past mine and into my mouth, and I felt it in his arms as they held me. It was so different from Thomas, softer, less urgent, more yielding. Almost tentative ass though he didn't want to offend me. Was I the same? A little hesitant? Not sure. David wasn't just the boy I loved, he was my best friend in the whole world. He was important to me, vital. I broke away to speak, but he spoke first. "How sure are you, Peter? We can still turn back, simply be friends. How sure are you?"

"Never more certain of anything. I love you, David. I'm yours. For ever." I looked at Thomas. "Can you handle this, Thomas??"

"I hope so. I think so. I want to, yes. If David will have me, too?"

"You'll never be second best, Thomas. Nor you, Peter. Yes, I think I can, too. Yes, I know I can."

I grabbed hold of him and pulled him to me. "I need you. Now. Only I'm a bit scared. It, er, looks like it hurts."

"Thomas taught me how. I think it does, a little. You must tell me when to go slow." He kissed me again. Then led me to the bed.

I may have been aroused, but I was soft, too. I half knew how it could hurt if he wasn't careful. I'd, er, practised with things at home. "I want to see your face. I want you to face me. Not from behind. I need to watch you."

He kissed me and threw his shirt and shorts off. I wasn't scared any more. Anticipation? Raw lust? Love? All three and more besides. Suddenly his cock looked huge, almost too big. But I wanted it, couldn't take my eyes off it. The he was kissing me all over, randomly it seemed, with his hands roaming all over me. I can't believe how beautiful you are, how wonderful to touch," he said between kisses, "I've waited so long. All my life."

Then I felt his hand on my cock. Just long enough to make me know even more how much I wanted him. "Hurry, David. Hurry. I need to feel you in me. Please hurry."

"No. Slowly. As slowly as you want me to hurry. Now relax. I want you to remember this all your life."

"It's why I asked you to fuck me, not the other way around," Thomas whispered into my ear. "It has to be David for you. Has to be. Just don't cum too soon. I want you too. Save some for me."

Oh. Relax. Easier said than done. Thomas's words and David's slow touch excited me as much as finding Thomas behind me on the terrace. Then I felt his hand move from my cock down to my balls. Oh wow! He seemed to know how hard to squeeze each one to be erotic yet not painful. I groaned as his hand slid between my thighs, to where I was slippery from Thomas's application of his seed, and I moved my legs apart.

Where Thomas had thrust his finger in urgently, David was slow, quiet, and gentle, circling with his finger, spiralling to the centre, then, finding it, easing in. Oh hot again, just for an instant. I pushed my body against his finger, feeling him inside, yet feeling him pull gently back to go at his own pace. Torment. Almost torture. Then I felt more and deeper inside me. "Yesss!" escaped my lips. "Oh yessss. Oh, David, yes." Then he hit it. I'd only found it a couple of times myself. Fire. Ice. Fire and ice. I'd never hit it like that. I almost screamed from the shock, I felt his finger was going to come out of my belly. I felt tears down my face. Not sobs, just liquid pleasure running down my cheeks.

David kissed them away. "Have I hurt you?"

"No. Awesome. Go on please. Oh go on!"

Another pressure. It had to be another finger. Only it had to be the other hand the way I felt stretched apart. It did hurt. Briefly. I winced, then recovered. It felt amazing, his fingers inside me, gently pulling, probing, pushing, easing the tension, getting my muscles to relax, ready for his wonderful cock. I hadn't even touched it yet. The first part of me to touch him would be the part that had needed it for ever.

"Are you ready, Peter?"

"I think so." I was nervous in my lust, suddenly. "Be careful."

"I love you. I promise." And he eased himself between my legs. "Relax. Just tell me if it's too much."

And then I felt him. A little clumsy. A fumble. An apology as he fell on top of me. And then a pressure where his fingers had been. Something hot and blunt and solid. "Oh yes, David. Now. Please now. Push." He pushed. I felt him almost lever me apart with his pushing. Then he was there. In. Past the pressure band. Oh it hurt. "Aargh. It hurts. Oh." I was panting, trying to relax. It felt as though he was tearing me open. It was too fast. I wanted him out. He started to pull back. "No. Stay still."

"But you're hurting?"

"I want to feel it. Oh it hurts. Stay still." I was sweating. I needed him inside me. I wasn't going to let this sudden pain stop me. "It isn't horrible. It's wonderful. It just hurts. Oh David, I've wanted to feel this for so long." As I was gasping this at him the pain eased. "It's easing. I'll be ready soon, I think. Jeez that was… Well, I guess we must have gone too quick. You wanna try moving slow? I think I'm ready now."

Oh when he moved inside me. He filled me, then emptied me each time. Long slow thrusts. No pain any more. His face a picture of concentration. It was everything I'd hoped it would be. Yet more as well. I could see on his face what it meant to him as well. See the emotion barely controlled. He was giving himself to me as much as I was giving myself to him. "Make it good for you, David, not just for me." And his pace quickened. I was nowhere near yet myself, but I felt him tense, felt his pace quicken, felt his back arch, felt his legs vibrate as he pushed deep into me and emptied himself inside me. That itself almost brought me over the edge. Feeling him so excited, hearing him grunt as he came deep inside me. Hearing his panting breath as he collapsed on top of me.

I stroked his hair as he got his breath back. "I'm not a virgin any more, David. I love you."

"Thomas needs you," he said, pulling out of me.

Empty. Unfinished. He rolled clear. "Stay beside us, David," Thomas said. "Hold Peter. Stroke his hair. Kiss him. Make sure he knows you're part of this." And he took David's place between my legs.

A moment's pause.

Then he was inside me. I was so open and slippery still it was as though he'd always been there, as though he was David and David was Thomas. "Thomas, I can take anything. Care about you, not me. Do it like you asked me to do it for you. Please. Hard, Thomas, please… "

"You're sure?"

"Don't ask. Just take me. Don't stop even if I beg you to."

And I thought I'd fucked him hard! He drove into me with aggression. Fire, pure fire pounding into me. Not fast as a rhythm, but hard and deep thrusts, hitting deep than David. And David had his tongue deep in my mouth, absorbing the squeals I was trying not to make as Thomas drove deep, so deep into me. Faster now, and so slippery from David's orgasm. I tried to grip him to make him cum, and was rewarded with even harder thrusts. Thomas seemed lightly built, but he was one heck of an athlete that night.

Dimly I heard him say, "David, take him in your hands. You must be the one to make him cum. Do it now." And I felt my cock taken and David's hand moving on it in time with Thomas's thrusts. "Faster!" Thomas wanted David to go faster. "Peter, do it now. Cum for David. Now, Peter. Now! Cum now!"

I didn't know if I could do it to order. "Can't."

"David, squeeze his balls. Not hard. Just enough.

That did it. Not pain but a final sensation took me over the edge, and I erupted like a fire extinguisher for the second time that night. Oh beyond my dreams. Then Thomas fired his steel boyhood into me one last deep time and I felt him explode as well. "Save it, you'll need it, David. Don't wipe it away," he panted. And collapsed, spent, onto me and David.

Thinking became impossible. "I love you. David, Thomas, I love you. I've never… I didn't… It was… I love you… Both of you… Hold me, please hold me." I can't explain the feeling. Overwhelming sensations. Huge emotions. Hot. Sweaty. Happy is too small a word. And Thomas's hair felt like velvet, just like I knew it would.

I was between two heroes. Each was kissing me, both were holding me tight as though I'd float away. Both were telling me they loved me. And telling each other, too. As I got my sense back I found I wanted to know something. "Thomas, how do you know all this? I mean you're fifteen or so too, right?"

"Sixteen next month. It was in the US. You'll think badly of me. I know you will."

"Never. I won't. Not even if you were a rent boy." I chose the worst example I could think of. I was sure. "Nor will David, will you, David?"

"How could I think badly of you, Thomas??"

"I don't know… It sounds bad is all. I was, er, well, and older boy taught me."

"Thomas," I said gently, "that doesn't sound bad."

"It was five years ago. And he was sixteen. And I loved the attention and I loved him."

"But you would have only been ten?" I couldn't help gasping.

"I said you'd think badly of me."

"I don't I really don't. If he was good to you, then it's fine, but he'll have been huge? Too big for you, surely?"

"He was. It was almost rape. Today I can see that. I was lonely, couldn't speak much English, He spoke some German. Even hurting me he made me feel good."

"That sounds odd?" I wasn't; sure what to say.

"Not odd, no. If he hurt me, when he hurt me, which was every time, he was so sorry afterwards. He tried to make it right. He did. Only… " He gathered himself. "Only… Only he left me.

"Why, What happened?" David asked.

"I grew up. I loved him. I did. Even when it hurt I loved him. Who he was. How strong he was. How sweet he was. What he'd achieved in school. But I grew up."

"What do you mean?" David obviously hadn't worked it out. I had.

"Is that why you shave your pubic hair?" Oh insensitive. "Sorry, that was insensitive. I'm sorry."

"Yes, Peter. Yes it is. David, he liked young boys. I got too old for him. He dumped me. 'We can still be friends' he told me. I didn't want to be friends. I wanted to be his. For ever. But he wanted a young boy. And I suppose he'll want another when the new one gets too old for him, too."

"When did it end?" I was holding him tight.

"I was lucky, I suppose. Puberty came late. Do you know I actually wanted it to come? If I'd only known. I had him until a year ago last month. I was proud of my first hairs. He'd been away. I showed him when he came back. And he told me that same day it was over. Oh he started to do it kindly. If you can dump the person who adores you kindly."

"Oh Thomas." I kissed him on the cheek. It was wet. "I'm so sorry. I know it doesn't sound much, but I am."

"Yeah, well, it still hurts a bit. Well most of what hurts is what he told me he'd do if I ever told my Dad. Threatened to kill me. And he scared me. Scares me. Not my Dad I mean. He scares me. 'We can still be friends!' Bastard. I hate him. I loved him. He just wanted a cute little boy. He never wanted me. Just a kid he could have power over, control over. Anyone would have done. Anyone. Bastard. It felt like my fault."

"It isn't. Your fault."

"I must have led him on."

"Not from what you say. Anyway how can a ten year old lead someone on? Be reasonable." The tears were still there, but he fought down any sobs. I could see that he wasn't going to let this sod beat him, even if he had scared him. And now, if we were of any use, he had us. "I love you, Thomas. For who you are, not for what you are."

"You don't really know me. And I don't think I deserve it. Your love. I don't."

"I know enough."

"Maybe you think you do. But I used you just now. And you didn't even know it."

"How?"

"You asked me to fuck you hard. 'Hard,' you said?"

"Yes."

"You'll hate me."

"Never." I meant it.

"You will. I know you will."

"I can't hate you. I love you."

"Peter… No, I can't say it."

"I love you, Thomas. And I don't feel used. Now tell me? Please?

"I was raping you. Like he did to me. I lost it. I knew it was you, but I was seeing him instead of you for a while, and it was him I was raping. And I was trying to hurt him. I wasn't nice to you. I'm sorry, Peter. It was wrong." He didn't meet my gaze.

I turned his eyes towards me, turned his face with my hand. "Look at me, please. Thomas, I don't care, you daft creature. And I love you. And you can rape me like that any time you like, ok? And if it helps get him out of your system, then pretend I'm him and try and hurt me. I'll do that service for you. I'll try, anyway."

"You'd do that for me? After hearing that?"

"Thomas, it felt great. And I love you."

"Well I got it back in time to make it good for you, I hope?"

He got a kiss for that. "Oh Thomas… How can I tell you that I love you so that you'll understand?"

"You just did." He paused. "There wasn't anyone, hasn't been anyone since. And I've taken one of those home tests. I got scared in case of HIV and stuff. I'm clear. Safe. I'd only planned on one or other of you as a holiday thing, you know?"

"So what?" David had been quiet for a while. "What does that matter? I mean how else do you know you're attracted to someone, start to meet them and stuff?"

"I guess… " He didn't sound sure though.

"Thomas, it was you that brought us together, right?" David leaned over me and fixed Thomas with his eyes.

"You were together before that, I think."

"As friends, yes. In love, yes. Without daring to tell the other, yes. That's not together. That's torture. You changed that. You, Thomas. You. You did it. If that's what just a holiday thing does, then who the heck cares? You're wonderful. And I love you too."

"But I was selfish… " Thomas couldn't break his gaze.

"Did you hear Peter tell you that he loves you?" David didn't wait for a reply. "Well, so do I. I love you, Thomas. Not 'like you', though that as well. Not 'want your body so badly that I can taste it', though that as well. I love you. Want you to be, need you to be a part of my life. The same one hundred percent that I love Peter. And if the way you made love to him just now was rape, then I want that too… " he tailed off. "Except if it hurts, that is."

"Oh."

"Yes, 'Oh'. Get used to it. Peter can speak for himself. I love you. As you. As someone, not as a body. Not as a kid to control. As an equal. A person. It also happens that you're beautiful."

"It didn't hurt, what Thomas did. It was wonderful." I had nothing to add to what David had said.

"But it did when I started?"

"Perhaps he was too quick? Or perhaps it has to hurt?"

"I don't think it has to hurt, Thomas." I don't know, but I was certain even so. "I think the pain was one of the ways that bastard controlled you. I think we should start slower. We'll learn. We'll get it wrong a good few times, and it may hurt a little, but I don't want to hurt anyone unless they want it, even by accident."

"Peter?" David sounded nervous. "I want to feel what you felt. But I'm scared. Your face… It hurt you a lot?"

"I needed it. Can't quite explain. Wanted to burn the moment into my memory for ever. The moment I gave myself to you. The very first moment."

"You wanted it to hurt?"

"No. But when it did I wanted to remember it."

"I want you, Peter. Only I'm scared. I've never, well I never… Oh I didn't believe you could love me, so I never even thought about more than wanking and stuff."

"You mean you've never touched yourself there?"

"Only wiping and washing and stuff. D'you mean you did?"

"My love, I've wanted you inside me for so long. I, er, well, practised."

"This is going to sound silly."

"Nothing's silly. Not now, not ever."

"Well, how? I mean what did you do?"

"With my fingers. One at first. I managed two after a while. With a candle. Oh heck, with anything smooth and slim I could find. I was pretending it was you, David."

"Did it hurt?"

"A big candle did. Hurt like hell. I couldn't stand it."

"Oh." He still sounded sacred.

"It's ok. I just wasn't ready. I needed to relax, get used to smaller things first. David, we don't have to do this."

"We do. I do. I'm just scared, ok?"

"We've got all night, my love. Longer if you need it. But David?"

"What?"

"You control what happens, ok? If you say stop, or need something done differently, then you say, right?"

"I suppose. Jeez, Peter, I'm sorry to sound so feeble. I just don't do pain well."

I kissed him then. Squirmed on top of him and kissed him. Tongues fought, and I found he was rock hard already. I wasn't. Not then. I kissed him until he broke for air. "Thomas, will you help me?"

"It should be your thing really, Peter."

"What I mean is, I don't want David to miss out on anything, so I'd like you to drive his head and chest wild while I work lower down!"

"I've an idea, if you want to try it," he replied. Then he whispered in my ear. It sounded gross, but it was for David. I agreed, a little hesitant, but it was for David.

I got off the bed. Somehow!

"Lie on me and kiss me," Thomas told David. "Put your legs outside mine. We have an idea to make it really good for you."

"I don't want it from behind?"

"I'll face you, David, when the time comes" I needed to see his face, too.

"Well, ok." And he got onto Thomas's chest and was grabbed and kissed instantly.

He looked so beautiful. Strong back, taut buttocks, deceptively string legs, a glistening of hairs down his spine, soon to be sunbleached. I stroked him all over. Lightly, a feather-touch. I felt him tense, then relax as I reached each new place. I paid particular attention to is cleavage, stroking now towards, now away from his upper thigh, from and towards his lower back. Each time my fingers strayed subtly further, and each time I kissed him where my fingers had been.

Nervous or not, he gradually made it easier by parting his legs more. Gradually, so gradually, I worked my way towards where we each needed me to be, to where he was scared of hurting. Only it wouldn't hurt. If it took me the rest of the night to help him, it wouldn't hurt. The only way he'd feel pain is if he chose to rush. But I'd never done this before. Only to myself. Well, not this exact thing, obviously.

So gently I parted his thighs still further and I licked my finger. All natural lube had dried on my belly ages ago. So much for saving it for need, and I wasn't going to touch his cock in case I set him off. I ran my wet finger round the outer edge of the ridges. He flinched, as anyone would flinch touched there for the first time. "It's all right, David, I won't hurt you. I promise. I love you." I felt him ease, sensed Thomas stroking him. Now a first, another in a night of firsts, I touched the same place with the tip of my tongue.

I was half nervous. I mean you do not lick places like that. Only I did. I'd expected it to smell or taste bad. Only it didn't. Sweaty, sure, but clean, with a hint of something so erotic I couldn't believe it. I breathed in deeply. Oh my David. So many things I never knew. I buried my face between his cheeks and breathed again. Amazing. And I hit his secret place with my tongue, dead centre. Flinch? I thought my cheeks would be crushed. The I heard him. A soft moan. And total relaxation as I kissed him with my lips, and stared to probe so gently with my tongue. Just like kissing his mouth only tighter. I was desperate for him to like it. This had to be right for him.

He was pressing back against me! He liked it! He was wriggling to get more. I gave him as much as I could until my tongue was ready to drop off. And then I tried to give more. I managed a little, and he was all the while pushing back onto me. My David was enjoying it despite his earlier nervousness. I'd so hoped he would. It had to be his night, too. Had to be.

I ran out of tongue, needed to switch to fingers. But he was too dry, even after the tongue, and I had nothing more than spit. "Thomas, I need something slippery!"

"Beside bed. After sun moisturiser. It'll have to do. No lube, I didn't dare hope… "

"Got it."

"That was awesome. If it's all as good as that, Peter… "

"Shh. It's better." I coated him with moisturiser. Didn't mean to, but it was a pouring bottle not a squirting bottle. Still, at least there's be enough for a while. A year or two by the looks of it! "Really relax, my love. This will feel different." And I stroked his opening with the tip of my index finger and eased it in very, very gently. I knew it would feel odd first time. And I wasn't sure if the moisturiser would sting a little.

David didn't tighten. He pushed at my finger, before I knew it he'd impaled himself on it and was wriggling madly on it moaning whenever Thomas let him have his mouth free. I didn't want to rush this. I fucked him slowly with my finger for ages, feeling him wriggle to try to make it feel even better.

A second finger. Quite an intrusion. Gently. I felt him wince. To push in or to wait? I chose wait. Felt him relax, saw the swat pooling at the base of his spine, hoped it wasn't from pain. I had my index and second fingers of my right hand one knuckle inside him. He felt hot, gloriously smooth. I was enjoying at almost as much as he was.

"Peter, I don't know what you've got there, but pt it in! please put it in! I need it!" Gently I did as he asked, Or tried to. Only he rammed himself back to help me. "Ah!" Was it a sigh or a gasp? "Oh wow!" More like pleasure. "Does it get better than this? I want it all, now!" Not scared any more. More like animal passion.

"You need more time. You have to be even more ready yet. Trust me, ok? Just relax and enjoy yourself."

"Just don't make me cum yet. I want both of you. First."

"You'll have us. I promise. I love you." Another finger. Same hand won't work. Left had this time. I added the index finger. Wow! I was able to ease it in without David seeming to notice. Surely three is enough? I tried to picture my cock against three fingers. My cock won. Bigger. Not a huge amount, but enough. It would still make him gasp at bit. On the other hand he was so slippery, so relaxed. I took a gamble. Hoped I was right. "Turn over, David."

There was a bit if a scramble. I managed to replace my fingers as soon as he was on his back. Had I looked like that? Nervous, sure, but wild, too. I'd been working so hard to make it good for him, to make him ready that I'd almost forgotten to be excited. But, oh, his face changed that. But I was scared about hurting him, too. "David, this is down to you, ok? You tell me to push, or hold back, or pull back. You, ok? This is for you, David. I love you so much."

I got a growl in return. "Do it now. Just do it. I can't wait. Now, Peter. Now. Please do it now… " he grabbed my hips and tried to pull me into him. Dammit he pulled me so hard I missed.

"Jeez, David, Slow down. I need to aim!"

"I just want to feel you. All of you. Now!"

I got the aim right. Tried to be gentle, tried not to push too hard. I eased the very tip of me inside, saw his eyes widen as the pressure caused tension, wanted to wait, tried to wait, but he thrust up to meet me.

"Oh! Oh Peter… " his legs seemed to thrash, "Oh it's so big, I don't think… " He gripped me somehow as I tried to pull away. "no, stay in. Oh… " Grabbed me and held me so that I couldn't pull out. "Don't move a minute." He was panting, I could see the time he was having. Dammit I hadn't taken long enough. Not enough time.

"I'm sorry. It's not meant to hurt. I'll get better, I promise. I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care! It's amazing. You're so big. I know how you felt now. It'll stop. It is stopping. I trust you. Be as gentle as you can, but fuck me for you. Please, Peter. Not for me, but do it for you. Take me. All of me. Now!"

I was still gentle. Slowly starting to move looking down at the boy I loved first and seeing his face, looking at the head beside him on the pillow, Thomas, slowly stroking his own cock, oddly hairless, but beautiful in its nakedness.

Oh I watched David's face. And I looked, too, as I supported myself between his raised thighs at his boyhood, hanging limp now, yet knowing he was excited by the flood of precum dripping onto on his belly. And, try as I might, I couldn't stop my own excitement from building. The tight band of steel velvet around my shaft was doing its work. "I can't keep it back!"

"Don't. Just cum. Keep your eyes open, look at me and cum. Don't hold back."

Oh those eyes! I locked my gaze on them. Below me I heard him repeat over and over again the words 'I love you, and I felt it build. I felt it tighten deep inside me, felt my knees start knocking, felt my seed start its journey towards David's heart, felt all my thrusting turn to vibrating thighs, and I burst inside him. "Gaaahhh! Unnngghhh! Ooorrggghh!" A final thrust. "Eeergghhhh!" I was gasping, panting, concentrating on a sensation I'd never felt before, red hot at the tip of my body, on fire deep inside him. I was locked rigid, back arched for a moment. The I knew I had to change with Thomas, and pulled out, ready to change places with Thomas. I looked as I pulled away. I could almost see inside him, almost see my seed in his heart, for it was his heart I had made love to.

As I collapsed beside him, dripping with sweat, drained, Thomas came alive inside him. No words between them. I felt David tense again, then yield to the different rhythms, different pressures. I didn't wait for Thomas to tell me. I kissed David. I held him tight. I whispered 'I love you' into his ear. Had I squirmed this much? Was it as awesome as it seemed from his wriggling. I was spent, yet his arousal stirred me again, almost painfully.

In the small space he and Thomas had between them I could see him, no longer soft, yet not hard \either. I knew suddenly what I wanted, if I could just reach it. I'd not thought of it before. I know it sounds odd, but I'd never considered it until then.

I eased myself lower, took hold of my prize, and pulled back the skin to show his gleaming head. Then I kissed it, and opened my mouth, and took him inside me. Salt tears poured from him into my mouth as I ran my tongue as best as I could under the rim and over as much of the surface as I could. Was it my imagination, or was he wriggling more? What did it feel like? There was so little space. Could I take him over the edge this way? I managed to add a set of fingers onto his shaft, Felt its supple skin in its steel core and met Thomas's rhythm with my tongue and fingers.

Almost impossible, yet not, as he bucked and writhed under our ministrations. I felt each of Thomas's thrusts through David's cock. It swelled in each instroke, getting even firmer. Then I felt it, heard it! A long, low growling moan; felt everything tense; heard him draw breath and grown again and he seemed to grow again in my mouth as he drowned me. Again and again as though a dam had broken, he filled my mouth as fast as I could swallow. I could feel the underside of his shaft as he pumped into me. The pumping continued, but he was dry. I heard him squealing each time Thomas pushed in. he was still driving into him and David's hands clawed at my head to get me off his cock. I was still licking and sucking. I wanted this to be not just first, but best.

Finally, with David writhing under us, seemingly to try to shake us off, Thomas gave a single, quiet grunt, arched his back, and jolted us as he thrust suddenly once, twice, three times more, holding his breath as he gave everything to David. Everything. He was limp all over as he sprawled on the bed beside us. David was still trembling, a great, sweaty, gorgeous thing, and I was exhausted. I've never felt anything exactly like that night. Not ever.

If it's possible to doze, three boys on a bed, we dozed. I think we dozed. I know I had one of those ridiculous dreams about public phone boxes and not being able to get through to the library to renew my books because I could only get through to the butchers!

I came to my senses with David's voice. "You mean that's what I was afraid of?"

"Probably, my love. It was good then?" I was whispering so as not to disturb Thomas.

"Agonising at the end. Extreme. I couldn't make you stop. Neither of you. I'm glad I couldn't!"

"Did I hurt you?"

"Hardly at all. And it was good, too. The pain, I mean."

"Isn't Thomas a fantastic lover?"

"Not just him, Peter. You, too. Did you really lick my arse?"

"More than lick."

"S'what I mean, idiot." He looked dreamy. "It didn't taste dirty?"

"It didn't. Nor smell of shit. It was erotic. A special thing, and a scent of its own. Of you, David. And I love you."

"Any idea what time it is?"

I looked around the room. Ah. A bedside clock. "Almost four o'clock."

"Hadn't we better be back in our room when your parents phone to wake us?"

"I suppose. Can you move?"

"I don't think I'll ever be able to walk again, if that's what you mean."

"Something like that, yes."

"We should wake Thomas and tell him well see him when we wake."

"No need," came a grunt. "Only tell me it's really real? It is real isn't it? Tell me it's real? That… "

"Thomas!" I interrupted him. "It's real. And you are loved, and you're wonderful, and oh heck, it's not going to happen again. It isn't. You're not going to be used and dumped."

"Sorry. It was… Never mind. That was then. I've never felt quite like this. I was a little puppy then. Trailing around, needing approval. I feel different now. And there's another difference. I, er, I wasn't ever allowed to do that. It was always him inside me. I wasn't permitted to. I feel so different now."

"Go to sleep. We'll see you in the morning." I gathered my clothes and put them on. So did David.

Then I kissed Thomas on the forehead. "Goodnight, sweet prince… " I've no idea what David murmured as he kissed him too. And we left quietly.

To get to our room we had to walk across the terrace by the pool. It was a little windy, but cloudless. A full moon. At four in the morning you can hold another boy's hand. I held David's.

"I'm not sure I feel sleepy," he said. "More fizzy and bubbly than anything."

"There's something I want to do before we go to bed. Come with me." And I led him to the sun terrace where Thomas had found me. I stopped and turned to him. "I love you, David. I was coming back to our room to tell you. And I was terrified."

"I love you too, Peter. May I kiss you? Here? Now?" "I thought you'd never ask."

It was a simple kiss. A soft embrace. No huge passion, none left. Just an exchange of vows almost, there beneath the full moon, in blustery wind, under a start filled sky. A sweet kiss, chaste and yet not. It took all my life to earn that kiss. All David's. too.

When we broke, we both spoke at once. "Did… I'm… You first… No, you first… "

Finally David said, "Does this mean we're queers?"

"Does it matter?"

"I don't suppose it does, no. Does anyone else have to know?"

"I don't see that it's any of their business, do you?"

"Not parents?"

"When we want to, David. When we're ready. And not a moment before."

"Good. Because I'm not ready."

We'd drifted roomwards, hand in hand, and were at the door. "It's almost five. We've been doing nothing in the moonlight for almost an hour." The travel alarm was showing 4:50. I hate digital clocks. They tell you precisely the time, but don't give the same information that hands do.

"I liked the nothing we were doing. Let's do it with Thomas tomorrow night. The moonlight bit, I mean. I think the rest of me's worn out!"

"I liked giving you my virginity. It's nice to have been able to be a virgin twice."

"yeah, Me too, I take it you, heck, what's the best word, 'fucked' sounds awful, er, 'entered' Thomas, too?"

"He's a heck of a teacher. Specially since he's kind of a virgin himself, it seems. I think we'd have hurt each other quite a lot if we hadn't learnt from him." I suddenly had an idea as well as a need. Oh, have you finished with the bathroom, I need a shower. Well, and something else, too., Rather badly and suddenly, actually."

"I can wait. You go first."

"I made a dash for the bathroom. Eventually I made the shower, too. I took my razor with me, gritted my teeth, and carefully soaped and shaved the triangle I'd once been so proud of. I felt a bit silly as I did it, but I wanted to do something to make a gesture to Thomas. I didn't tell David, just dried, got ready for an hour or two in bed and handed over the shower to him.

When the phone rang with our morning call, I was dead to the world. And what was really lovely is that I was in David's arms. He'd come to my bed to sleep and was cuddling me.

Tired? Knackered. Totally knackered. Starving hungry as well.

"Did I dream last night?" David asked, sleepily.

"hope not! I love you. Lots."

"Do you think it always has that after effect?"

"Dunno. You jet propelled too?"

"I thought I'd need a crash helmet in case I banged my head on the ceiling. Rocket powered. Can't say I enjoyed that bit much!""

"We'll ask Thomas later. He'll know. It's probably being used to it or something. I could get used to the rest. Easily. Wanna call him and arrange to meet after breakfast?"

No sooner said than dialled. "Meet by the pool at ten thirty. Animacion if we're up to it, otherwise beach."

We were even awake at breakfast. It was just as pleasant as the day before. Back to the room to clean teeth, and to get suncreamed up. As I was about to start, I felt David's arms around me, his breath in my ear. I turned and saw his face smiling. NI kissed him on the lips. "You don't know how long I've wanted you to do that."

"I do now," he said. "I do now." I love you, Peter. Looking back I think I always have. Only I just didn't know at the time."

"We haven't time, have we?" I kind of knew we hadn't.

He looked at the clock. "I want more than a quick wank. I want you for ever. We've time for this, though." And he took me in his arms and kissed me again. Long, sensuous, soft, sweet and lingering. "I can only stop smiling like a complete fool when I'm kissing you. I'm sure your parents noticed at breakfast."

"Yeah, like it's got 'I shagged your son' written all over your face. Sure!"

It was damnably difficult simply to put suncream on his back without grabbing hold of his and kissing his face off. I reckon David had the same trouble judging by the lumpy shorts he was wearing over his trunks when I looked at him after he'd done mine. It took quite a while before those shorts looked normal.

After what seemed like five minutes and the clock said was more like forty five, we grabbed water, towels and suncream and headed for the pool. We found my folks on the seaward side. They'd been lucky and got the shade as well as the sun, and they'd saved two sun loungers for us.

"Are you boys burnt from yesterday?" Mum asked. She was like that. Over caring in many ways. But it was good to be cared for.

"Don't think so, Mum."

"Do a twirl. Let me check."

I'd given up arguing years ago. I twirled. It was simpler.

"A bit red on your shoulders. Have you lots of cream on?"

"Yes, Mum," resignedly.

"David, your turn," she said.

He did. Similar comments, plus "You've a lighter complexion than Peter's. Are you using a higher protection factor, I hope?" Not a question exactly.

"Don't worry, Mrs Johnson. We're looking after each other."

"Well, take care to cover up on the beach of you go there today, before you start to burn."

"We'll be fine, Mum. Oh, this is Thomas, by the way." He'd arrived while we were being inspected and instructed. "He's showing us round and stuff." We did the 'pleased to meet you' stuff, and the 'what are you doing to do today' stuff. And we escaped.

"Just saying 'hi' doesn't seem quite enough, does it," he said as we slipped away. I rather want to kiss you instead of saying hello. It is real then." It wasn't a question. It was said with the confidence of certain knowledge. "Listen I don't know about you two, but I'm too tired to do whatever Animacion's got lined up for us. Shall we just go to the beach?"

"Beach!" came the chorused reply.

So we beached. We had enough cash for lunch at the beach bar in case we wanted it. The day before we'd walked quickly. Today seemed a day for lingering, dawdling, walking through the water's edge where the sand was firmer. Today felt very different. I wasn't stealing glances any more. I was relaxed, at ease. Tired, sure, but very happy. Mind you, I still stole glances at the people who passed. And none of us could avoid staring at the over large lady who was doing callisthenics naked ahead of us on our walk. Particularly gross when she touched her toes. If I hadn't been non-girl oriented already she was enough aversion therapy to put me off right then and there.

"This is so different from the US," Thomas said. "There, most of the boys are circumcised. I sometimes wonder if that was what attracted him to me, damn him. But here it's more beautiful. I haven't seen a single person here under about thirty who has a cut dick."

"You've been looking at other boys!" David exclaimed in mock horror, then giggled.

"Of course! I mean I know you had your clothes on, but how do you think I met you?"

"I've been looking too, you idiot. There are some lovely bodies here if you can see past the wrinkly grannies who stand with their arms outstretched at the water's edge displaying all for the horror of all!" David creased us both up with that.

Not so much wind. Even so, we went along the beach until we found a vacant windbreak with a parasol. There was an almost perpetual wind blowing along the beach, and it even blew the sand through the gaps in the lava stones when it was strong enough.

"Swim first, I reckon," David suggested.

Today it was difficult to strip off for a different reason. Yesterday it was eighty percent embarrassment and twenty percent total delight at seeing Thomas naked. Today it was simply the anticipation of seeing him naked again. Oh and a bit of embarrassment about my gesture. I was suddenly afraid he'd think I was stupid, or patronising, or teasing him.

So there I was, rock hard again. Only it didn't matter in the semi-privacy of the windbreak. I unhooked my shorts and trunks from the obstruction, and lowered them to the sand.

"You've shaved!" Thomas was smiling. "It suits you."

"It was for you. I don't know how to explain what I mean, exactly, but I wanted to show you that I don't want a 'cute little boy', but that I want you. Just you. So I shaved. To be equal."

"Er, well, I did, too," David said. "We must've both had the same idea. Or maybe I got it from finding a load of dark pubes blocking the shower drain. Anyway, it's a good idea. For the same reason as Peter."

"It's not silly at all. It's lovely." His eyes were wet. "It's so simple, and it says everything. And you didn't plan it?"

"Plan it? I was so exhausted I could hardly hold the razor, let alone plan anything. I should've told David, though."

Thomas looked so happy. "I'm glad you're both you," he said, and hugged us each in turn. "Now are we going to get wet or wait until that thing stands up again?"

There was such a lot left to do. A whole lifetime's worth, let alone the five more days Thomas had left in Fuerteventura. I got three things out of that holiday. Two of them were the loves of my life. The third?

I got to stroke his hair. It felt like velvet. And the fringe was so soft, too.

At the end of his stay, when he left, we'd even worked out with Thomas and his parents how we'd manage to meet often from two different countries.

Dad and Mum started to come down to the beach after Thomas had gone home. Dad's eyes went up like chapel hatpegs when he saw all the people enjoying opting out of clothing, especially a rather slim young lady who stopped right in front of him, took all her clothes off and walked into the sea! The he got really embarrassed as David and I stripped off. I think he was wondering if he was going to have to do it as well. I'm not sure Mum knew which way to look.

Somehow next year we're also going to have Thomas with us. Even if it's to go to a holiday camp in Bognor.

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We support Ukraine — Мы поддерживаем Украину — Ми підтримуємо Україну
We support Ukraine — Мы поддерживаем Украину — Ми підтримуємо Україну