Just Hit 'Send' - The College Years
by Grasshopper
Ch. 11
Jordan hit the door of the apartment at a run and out of breath. Slinging it open, he slid to a halt. Markie sat in the rocker, Josh cuddled in her lap. Jerry was helping Missy in the kitchen as Easy kept grabbing bits of everything off a platter. They were all laughing and chattering, full of the happys of the day.
"Hi Jordan," Markie smiled brightly. "Have fun at dinner?"
"Where...............?"
"Jord, my man. You jog back from the restaurant?"
"Where.................?"
"Hi Jordy. We're just about to eat. Got any room left for............."
"WHERE" Jordan freaked, "IS DAN????????"
"Oh........Danny? Hmmmmm? Where did we.............?"
"He was around here somewhere."
"This is so NOT funny," Jordan's face was turning into a dangerous thundercloud.
"Whoaaaaa ! Someone's got a bad case of the hard-on blues," Jerry laughed.
"You want to see Danny?" Easy teased.
"Guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Okay. Okay," Markie giggled. "Missy."
Missy pulled her keys out of her purse. "Here's Danny. Go before you bust."
Jordan saw their apartment key dangling from her keys. He grinned, "I'm outta here."
"I swear he jumped all the way down the stairs," Missy laughed. Then, they heard the sounds of his feet as he tore back up the stairs.
"What?"
Saying nothing, he sprinted into the bedroom. They heard a drawer open and shut and Jordan, blushing, ran back out the door, slamming it behind him. Easy and Jerry started laughing first.
"What was that?" Missy asked as Markie realized and grinned.
"Our man, Jordan," Easy chuckled, "The original boy scout...always prepared."
Jordan turned the key in the door and rushed in. "Dan?"
"Jordy." He was sitting in his wheelchair by the window, the night beginning to take away the last of the sunlight.
As fast as he run to get here; Jordan could hardly move. "I've wanted you here for so long, Dan." He couldn't even trust his voice as he choked on the words. "Do you know how hard it's been without you?"
Danny just smiled that crooked smile, tears coming from nowhere. "Yes."
"I remember another time just like this, you sitting by the window in your chair, remember Dan?"
"We'd been surfin. You told me I could do anything if you were with me. I remember."
"I was so shy. I wanted to touch you...kiss you so bad. But I was afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"I don't remember anymore."
"Come here, Jordy."
Jordan crossed the room to kneel between Danny's knees. "Just like this, I asked if I could collect my kiss," he sighed.
"And I said 'Oh yes, please'."
"May I again?"
"Oh yes........please." Danny's arms reached out and Jordan flowed into them, his body so full it was like pressure building in a furnace; the heat, the flames. What had started years ago with an innocent kiss was what made his whole world today.
"I have missed you soooo much," Jordan whispered into Danny's mouth. As he reached under Danny's knees and scooped him out of the chair, he felt Danny's arms go around his neck.
"What are you doing?" Danny giggled, as Jordan's nose burrowed into his neck.
"I've missed your smell. I need it," Jordan murmured. "You smell like everything that makes me happy; sunshine, love, sex, love, danny, love.... Did I say love?"
"Yes, I think so," Danny laughed. "Jordy, put me down somewhere."
"Anywhere in particular?"
"Um....., somewhere warm and soft and where I can get my hands on you."
Danny noticed the gentle way Jordan laid him on the bed. "I won't break, Jordy."
As much as Jordan wanted to rip their clothes off; as long as he'd waited, he had to ask. He slid next to Danny and propped his head up on his elbows.
"Tell me straight out, baby. I'm afraid I'll hurt you."
"Why, Jordy?"
"You've lost weight and I don't know what you can and can't do. It's like we're starting all over almost." He leaned in and kissed Danny softly. "I want everything we had but I don't know. You have to tell me."
"Oh sweet Jordy," Danny soothed, realizing that a few months ago, Jordy would have thrown him on the bed and tickled the bejesus out of him. "I can't use the braces yet. I'm stuck in the wheelchair for right now, but I'm workin' on it. You can't hurt me, Jordy. I won't break. Everything else still works fine. As a matter of fact," he grinned," "There's one part that's working reeeeally well right now." He searched for Jordan's hand and guided to his erection. "See? My legs may not work but everything else is up and running. Now, could you please shut up and kiss me?"
You know that feeling you get when something is so beautiful, it makes you choke up? That perfect sunset, that one special song, the way the rain feels on a hot summer day, the first taste of that chocolate eclair? As Jordan undressed Danny, fingertips tingling across his skin; as he slid his own clothes off and stretched out beside the boy he loved, Jordan felt an ache in his heart so huge, so painful. He wanted to laugh and giggle like before but something was different this time. Where before, they had rolled around in their bed like two puppies, one a little lame, now Jordan wasn't sure.
"Jordy?" Jordan could hear the tears in Danny's voice. "I just want you to love me. Please Jordy."
"I want you so bad, Dan."
Danny pulled Jordan close, nose to nose, toes to toes and breathed in his mouth. "Jordy, I want you inside me. I need it."
Jordan tucked all his worry away behind a little door in his head and ran his fingertip along Danny's eyebrow, down along the side of his face and then up to the corner of his mouth. As he moved his finger along Danny's bottom lip, Danny's tongue darted out and licked, pulling the wandering finger into his mouth, sucking hard. "Like this, Jordy," he breathed. "In and out, like this, making me cum over and over."
Jordan brought his free hand up to cradle Danny's cheek and pulled his finger, wet and hot, from Danny's mouth, tracing a path across his lips and then taking that pouty bottom lip that he loved into his mouth.
Lips red and swollen, cheeks flushed, shining heavy eyes, Jordan slid down to nestle between the scarred legs he loved. Dipping his head, he felt Danny's hands tangle in his hair as he inhaled the scent that was Danny alone. "God, I've missed you."
Danny's cock, jerking and wet, begged for Jordan's mouth, begged to be loved. Green eyes locked on blue, Jordan slid his mouth over the tip and heard Danny gasp. No words, just short puffs of air and tiny sounds. And Danny came, hot blasts against the back of Jordan's throat.
Jordan grinned. "Miss me a little, did ya?"
Danny smiled sheepishly, his breath ragged. "Sorry. Maybe 10 more tries and I can last."
"Only 10?" Jordan teased as he lay his cheek against the soft black curls, blowing softly on Danny and giggling as Danny's body showed exactly what he wanted. "More, baby?" he whispered.
"More and more and more," Danny sighed. "Jordy, now, please," as he arched his back, damning his legs.
"Yes, baby," Jordan smiled. He got to his knees between Danny's legs and reached for the small tube on the bedstand. Raising Danny's legs, he realized that Danny couldn't help. Not right now. He didn't have even the control he had before the accident.
"Baby, let's roll you over. K?"
"But I want to see your................" Danny stopped. "Okay."
"I want to check out the tattoo," Jordan teased. "Yep, still there, green as ass."
"That's green as grass, Jordan."
"Priss. I love your ass." He bent down and kissed the tattoo.
"Jordy..........."
"Hush now. What do you want?"
"You."
"Where?"
"You know where."
"Tell me." Both voices heavy and full of want.
"Inside me," Danny groaned.
Jordan pushed pillows under Danny's tummy and braced him.
"Jordy, I'm sorry."
"Baby, it doesn't matter. None of this matters. If all I could do is hold you, then that's all I'd do. Why can't you believe me?"
"I believe you. I'm just sorry."
"Shhh," Jordan whispered and ran kisses down Danny's back til he got to the tattoo. "Property of Jordan Anderson Lawrence," he giggled. "I own this," he said as he kissed one smooth white cheek, "And this," as he sucked a red mark on the other.
"Jordy!!"
"Hmm??" he murmured as he let the tip of his tongue trace little wet lines closer and closer.
"God......Jordy, please," Danny squirmed as Jordan's breath, the heat from his body combined to make him clench his muscles just as Jordan's tongue touched the puckered flesh. The most private act possible allowed and given with such love.
Jordan edged Danny's legs further apart and replaced his tongue with his finger, gently opening, turning, stroking. One finger, then two, slowly, feeling Danny begin to push back against his hand.
"Danny?"
"Now, please, Jordy, pleassssssssse."
Danny moaned as Jordan slid in, the muscles resistant. Jordan stopped, holding still, waiting for a sign. Danny groaned then pushed back slightly. Jordan rocked against him slowly, his hands holding tightly to Danny's hips.
He leaned down and kissed Danny's back, letting him adjust, giving him time. Danny began to wiggle under him, finally begging, "Fuck me, Jordy. I won't break. Please!!!!"
Danny clutched onto the pillows, crying out into them, his body burning. Jordan leaned in and clasped his arms around Danny's waist, holding him tight. Sweat on sweat, Danny raised one of Jordan's hands to his mouth and sucked the fingers in, that simple motion carrying Jordan over the edge. Seconds later, Danny released all the stored up passion onto the pillows.
Keeping himself on his shaky elbows, Jordan began to ease himself out.
"Oh not yet. Just a minute more," Danny sighed. "I dream about this feeling."
Jordan smiled. "I love you, Dan." He pulled out carefully and moved so they were on their sides touching tummies and knees and lips.
"Danny?"
"Mmm?"
"I love you."
"You keep saying."
"Just don't want you to forget."
"Not likely."
"Jordy?"
"Mmm?"
"You do understand why I have to go back?" Jordan could hear the tears behind his voice.
"Yes, baby. I know you think........you believe you want to get better and you tie me down."
"Jordy!"
"That's the truth. I don't like it but I accept it. We've been down this road already. I would take you to therapy. I would do whatever you needed done but I understand why you don't want it to be me. But, Dan.........?"
"Yes?"
"If you........if you don't get............if you never....................," he trailed off, unable to say the words.
Danny took Jordan's face in his hands. "But I will, Jordy. I will."
Questions still unanswered; hopes still hanging by a thread. How much would you sacrifice for someone you loved? Could you walk away? Jordan was living on dreams; Danny was facing reality. No one right; no one wrong.
They loved the whole night away, whispering, planning the house on the beach, finding as many ways as possible for a boy with no feeling in his legs to make love to and be loved by a boy with stars in his eyes.
The next morning, Jordan bashfully pushed Danny's chair into the apartment, both blushing over the bundle of sheets to be washed clutched in Danny's lap.
"You didn't get us kicked out, did you?" Jerry teased.
"Nope," Markie laughed. "Your neighbors will just look at you in awe now. They probably never heard so much "noise" coming out of your place."
"You guys hungry?" Easy asked, a grin on his face. "Build you up an appetite last night, did ya?"
"Let's go to Krispy Kreme and get hot ones," Missy begged. "I think the sign will be on in just a bit."
They decided to go eat and then take Easy on a tour of the campus. Packing up all of Joshie's baby junk into the back of the Jeep, Easy stepped over automatically to lift Danny into the car.
"Not while I've got him," Jordan laughed. "Nobody takes care of my baby but me."
Easy grinned. His two best buds were happy. He just so hoped Jordan could give it up when it was time for them to go. He knew Danny so well now and he could see glimmers of dark clouds behind his smile.
They gobbled the sugary doughnuts and washed them down with cold milk and OJ. "That'll hold us till lunch," Markie said, holding her full tummy. Jerry and Missy left them to their tour, promising to meet up later for lunch at Chilies.
"Let's take Easy to the cool motion ride at MOSI," Markie laughed. "You like roller coasters, Ez?"
"I'm up for anything," he answered. "You can do it, Easy can do it twice as good."
Jordan grinned, happy that his best friends were getting along. They parked on the East Campus lot by the Administration Buildings and got Joshie settled in his little stroller. Danny couldn't help but see the sameness of getting him settled in his wheelchair. Only difference was that one day soon, Joshie would get up and walk away from his wheels.
When Jordan grabbed the handles to push the wheelchair, Danny said gruffly, "I can do it myself," and he shoved the wheels in his hands. Jordan's face crumpled with hurt.
Easy watched. He saw what was happening. Lil Dude wasn't about to be pushed like a baby. Man, there were more vibes shooting thru the air right now than he'd ever felt before. Not between these two. Pulling Jordan back a step, he said softly, "Jord, ya gotta let him do it, man. Look at Markie and the baby. Was that what you were about to do too?"
Jordan looked at Markie pushing Josh and his heart hurt for what must have gone through Danny's mind. It was hard enough without being treated like a baby. "Thanks, E. I can't help wanting to do everything for him."
"I know, Jord, but ya can't. He's struggling hard enough as it is to have his respect goin."
They walked across the quad and reached the doors of the big Science in Motion exhibit. "Jordy."
Jordan squatted down by Danny's elbow, trying not to notice the sweat beading on his face from wheeling himself. "Yeah, baby?
"It's beautiful out here. I'm gonna sit over under those trees while you go in, K? I've done it before, remember?"
"I'll stay with you." Jordan turned to call Markie.
"No, I want to just sit real quiet for a few minutes. I'm fine," he said quickly as he saw the look on Jordan's face. "Really, I just want a few minutes by myself."
Jordan was so confused but he saw the pleading look in Danny's eyes. He wanted time by himself. He wanted minutes away from him. Jordan had no idea what to say.
Markie handed Jordan the baby backpack and he slipped his arms into the straps. Plopping Josh down in, the baby immediately grabbed handfuls of Jordan's gold hair and tried to stuff it in his mouth. Laughing, Jordan swatted playfully at the little hands. Danny looked at the beautiful couple, their blonde hair shining, their green eyes laughing, full of the day and the baby, so much like them both.
"Are you sure?" Jordan asked again, not wanting to leave Danny.
"Positive. Go........I'll be right here when you come out."
He watched as his three best friends walked up the stairs. Jordan turned before they went through the doors and smiled that smile. That "I love you so much I may die of it" smile. Danny returned it full force.
He wheeled over to the cool shade of the sycamores and pushed the brake on, his mind going back to last night. When he had first begun to wake up this morning, he knew Jordan was looking at him. He pretended to sleep for a little, loving the feeling. Finally, he had laughed and said, "I'm awake. Quit staring at me!"
Jordan had giggled and replied, "You're so beautiful when you sleep. I'll never ever get tired of looking at you."
This had, of course, led right into some more love and lot more kisses. 'If only they could just live in bed,' Danny sighed. 'It was everything else that was complicated'.
"Hello, Daniel."
Danny jerked, startled out of his daydream by the familiar voice. Looking up, he watched as Mr. Lawrence stared down at him.
"Hey," he answered quietly. "Jordan just went into the Science Building," he gestured toward the stairs.
"I was finalizing Jordan's tuition bills and saw you all walking across the quad."
"Oh."
"Daniel, I'd like to talk to you if I may?"
'No!' Danny pleaded inside. 'Please no!' "Sure, Mr. Lawrence."
David looked down at the young man sitting in the wheelchair and tried to find words that wouldn't hurt.....but there were none. He sat down on the stone bench by Danny's right arm and spoke:
"Daniel, your father loves you, yes?"
"Of course," Danny answered.
"Well, I love Jordan. He's my son. The only one I have left."
"Then why do you keep hurting him?" Danny asked, his eyes angry.
"Because he's hurting me."
"Jordy's only being himself, Mr. Lawrence. He can't be any other way."
"I think," David said softly, "He could if he had the chance."
"What way is it you want him to be?"
"You know the answer to that already, Daniel."
"He's gay, Mr. Lawrence. He can't change that."
"He has a chance to, right now, he has a chance. Have you looked at that baby? He needs a father. He needs a father he can be proud of, not one he's ashamed to talk about."
"Josh would never be ashamed of Jordy."
"In school, they'll say, you're daddy is a fag, a fairy. They'll tease him. You don't want that for that baby, do you?"
"No, but they won't say that. He has a mom and a dad. No one needs to know. No one will tease Josh."
"They will. You know they will, " David breathed quickly, "If you stay with Jordan."
Danny stared at his lap, his thoughts crashing together. "But, I love............"
"Of course you do. But there are other people. You don't even live here now. Jordan will forget you if you just let him. You have to let him have a chance at a normal life. He has a family now. He can put all this behind him. I know he cares about you. Do you care enough about him to let him go?"
David stood up and looked down at the boy his son was ruining his life over. "You have to think about Jordan. Don't be selfish enough that you strap him down to you for the rest of his life. Live a life of sin against God if you must, but don't drag Jordan down with you."
Danny watched as Jordan's father strode across the quad, disappearing into the shadows of the tall maple trees and into the tears that were streaming down his face.
"Well, hell," Danny thought, "Let's just line up all the reasons to stay and all the reasons to go. Shit! I love him is the only reason to stay. I can't hang like an anchor around his neck. Maybe he can love Markie. Maybe if I was gone, they could find each other."
He wheeled over to the water fountain and shoved the bubbling water in his face to wash away the tears.
"Dan, you've been quiet all day," Jordan whispered, as they sat cuddled on the sofa. It was almost time to take Dan and Easy to the airport and Jordan was feeling uneasy. Something was wrong but all that was different was that Danny was quieter than usual. All through lunch, Jordan had watched him, seeming to struggle with something but when he asked, Dan had said it was nothing.
"Baby, what is it?"
"It's okay, really, Jordy. It's just me being weird."
"Well, stop, please," he said softly as he nuzzled Danny's neck.
"Jordan?"
"Daniel?" Jordan teased, but then looked at Danny's face and panicked. "What?"
"Jordy, I'm not coming back."
"You mean this summer?" Jordan asked, confused.
"No, Jordy." Danny felt the tears burning his eyelids. "I mean, I'm....I'm saying goodbye."
"Goodbye? Goodbye to what?' What the hell are you saying?"
"Don't yell. My mind is made up. I'm going to stay out in San Diego. It's for the best."
"Whose best? Who have you been talking to? We were fine last night."
Markie picked up Josh and motioned to Easy. They quietly walked out the front door to sit on the steps. "What's this, Ez?"
"I think it's been coming but I don't know what happened today to kick it off," Easy answered, his eyes wet. He reached over and took the baby and Markie held herself tight. "They can't do this."
" 'They' aren't," Easy relplied, "Danny is."
"This is gonna kill Jordan."
"Danny too, believe me, Danny too."
"Dan........don't do this. After all we've been through. You're just gonna walk away?"
"That's just the point, Jordy. I couldn't walk away if I wanted to. I can't do anything."
"I can't let you go. I won't."
"Jordan, look at me." Danny raised his liquid eyes and made Jordan look into his eyes. "Trust me that I know what's right. I may never be any better than I am now. I may never get back on my braces, much less do without them. I can't let you go all your life without knowing what it's like to be with someone ........someone whole."
Jordan didn't know what else to say; didn't know where to turn. He'd done and said all he knew to do. "Dan, I love you. I told you we don't have to........"
"I know what you said. I believe you. But I want you to have more. It's what I want you to have. It's what you will have."
"If you're gone?"
"Yes."
"All our plans? Our dreams? The house? What about all that, Dan?" Jordan couldn't keep the tears from blinding him.
"You can still have dreams. You can still have the house. Find someone to share them with, Jordy. I can't be that person."
Easy knocked softly on the door. "We gotta go if we're gonna make that flight, Dan."
Duffel bags and wheelchair in the back, Markie hugged Easy. "Watch over him for Jordan. For me."
She reached up to Danny in the front seat. "Dan, you know just because you leave doesn't mean his heart doesn't go with you, don't you?"
Danny was trying his best to hold it together. "Markie," he whispered. "I love him so much. Keep him safe."
"I know, angel. I know."
She stood quietly at the curb as the Jeep rounded the corner. "Josh, you know what, Little Sugar? Your daddy's gonna hurt really bad when he gets home."
The trip to the airport was silent, Easy's few attempts at conversation fell on deaf ears. Jordan pulled up to the SouthWest terminal and got out to help Danny into his chair.
Kneeling down, he said one last thing. "You belong with me Danny Trainor, you stubborn little shit. I'm never going to let you go. One day, you'll know it and you'll come home. Just don't wait too long." He leaned in and kissed the pouty bottom lip one last time. "You'll always be my beautiful blue eyed boy."
He reached for Danny's left hand and raised the silver ring to his lips, "Always, Danny. Always."
Hugging Easy hard, Jordan said softly, "Keep him close, Ez."
"Will do, Jord. He's gonna hurt bad over this."
Jordan rested his hand on Danny's black curls one last time, ruffling them gently. "Later, Dan." He turned, climbed in the Jeep and drove off without looking back.
Danny held the ring to his cheek. "Always, Jordan."
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